Anyway to battle pain manegment release when you asked for a letter and it haunts you

[Bipolarsoldier]

Hey there new tto the site grammer and punctuation are horriblr ill get that out right from the the rip.s suffer from depression and was on oxicodone and morphinefor about 3 years threw the same pain manegment place only one bad urine my first which was positive for what ever kratom comes up for it was the only thing I was taking .anyway after speaking to a neroligist he suggested my films were not that bad and thought if I got off pain meds I would feel better he gave it some scientific name .at this point I was suicidal so I was game my PM thought it was a silly idea and were only going to take me off a pill a month I wass on 11omg oxy 4 times a day and 2 morphine sulfate 15mg twice a day I would snort my oxys they were the little 10mgs but the depression was killing me I was sober 13 years from crack prior to going on these meds which weren't a problem in the start anyway I wanted to get off them faster so I called a detox or somewhere that said we could get you off them in 2 weeks but we need a letter from you pain manegment that when you leave you wont go back on opiates ..plus a letter from my shrink because I was on klonopins and xanix from my primary for panix attacks so I only got the one letter from pain manegment and come to find out the place was pretty far from me in nj so I said fuck it I withdrew and used kratom the depression worsened I went back to PM and they said I have a letter in my chart that i'm not to receive opiates I tried to explain that I asked for the letter but the dr wouldn't budge I didn't attend the facility they have no record of me being there my primary dr even wrote a letter saying I didn't go and still need pain manegment but he said as long as his signature is on that paper he cant help me and it seems it stays in my chart and follows me to the next place I tried .they had know idea of my drug history I never came up short and thinking about it I was trying to treat depression by getting off pain meds but now im screwed I'm left to kratom my primary wrote me for a weed card which I dont care for and has even given me suboxone which does nothing for my pain is there anyway to do anything about this or did I screw myself I even went back to coke cause it killed pain and depression for a bit but the parinoia was to much but I find myself turning to it more often which for me is bad cause I gets to be a dangerous individual ..while on opiates I had no urges to use coke maybe I was substituting but at lest I wasn't an animal kratom is fucking with my circulation and im just toss and washing and drinking tea threw the day and the effects are not as good and with my nerve pain skipping doses is hard has anyone ever got there rights back I mean even though im an addict my dr dosent know nor does the PM and even though I snorted my pills I did so as pescribed sorta as far as I wouldn't run out is there any hope my condition is only gonna get worse and I just cant believe that I cant get pain pills now on account of a letter I asked for and went and talked to them about coming off them im not the kinda person whos gonna just suffer and live this shit life i'll only take so much and then call it a wrap exspecially before I turn back to a crack feind and put my family threw hell ...will suboxone handle pain if I take it regularly I was much happier on my pain meds at least then I am now . I could smack the nero who gave me that information if anybody has any thought id be greatful sorry again for this big long run on sentence im not a bright guy fried a few brain cells an have been in a room for 4 years without much contact and this is my first time ever talking on the web in this style so go easy hey

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Welcome to Bluelight Bipolarsoldier

Bipolar depression is a touch one to crack. I am often in the same boat as you, and my main weapon against it is staying in a positive state of mind. Easier said than done but baby steps work for me. I look at a negative event and say, "so what good came of this?". And often times it's a silly thing, but even then humor is good at getting through depression as well.

At least, that is in my case. What about you? What do you feel works aside from drugs for depression?

Peace.

 

[Bipolarsoldier]

hello madness thanks for thhe welcome ive no friends and to just here back helps I guess its hard to say when I lost interest in most thing I had a wife that was nice but she boogied when I started going downhill its funny im such a hypochondrac about my health I go to hearth drs lung drs but still insist on pumping myself full of stimulants then having to take downers when I feel as heart attack is coming I gave in and got high last night parting with my subz and klonopins so im just seting my self up to be bed ridden I feel my mind is far to gone for conventonail treatments anymore im considering shock treatment or something I dont wanna think anymore and to live as an addict agin is killing my poor mother I I tied to go back on seroquill to knock me down and not care so much but it now gives me insomnia I just feel I so many chemicals swirling in my body that I never know who I am anymore im just a chemist trying to make morning concoctions that's will get me threw the day life is boring I will see my shrink this week and if I have the balls will tell him I need to stop the rittalin cause I cant stop putting up my nose ..but part of me feels iil be giving up something that just might be curbing my terrible cocaine use it would be nice not to be in jail for the holidays last xmas I slept away and was in relay bad shape so I guess it could be worse I do find pleasure from my chihuahua who I love deaerly my my sick mind goes to the day she will be put down or always thinks shes sick so its hard to enjoy the moment with this brain I dont know the thought are starting now about a hit or some thing a beer which will leed to a hit and aggravation for my family so I suffer with a not in my stomach that dosent leave till I feed it or make plans y the depression goes away when drugs com into play but no med can help I dont understand so other then my dog and making music since im an ex dj not much takes me out of me soryy for the run on but thanks for the reply ,,,,​

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Chihuahuas and music is great. I always found pets to have a calming effect, and you can also look at their lives and say, "yeah, you know what, eating sleeping and shitting is all I need as well".

Hopefully this can be a place where you find a sense of community. Try checking out The Dark Side too if you'd like - there is a lot of support in addiction recovery and people simply telling their stories - you might like it.

Anyway I hope you find what you're looking for at Bluelight, and if you have any questions just ask.

madness00