speedygirl12
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2018
- Messages
- 7
Hi , I hope everyone reading is doing great . I wanted to share my personal experience and how I nearly lost my life and as I was reading the case studies DJslim posted I wished I would have used bluelight before I got sick and all the great information that the site in general has to offer . I have struggled with my addiction for many years and looking back I can see how it progressed and how I just kept pretending it wasn?t a problem until it was a BIG problem . I?m not going to go into the details of my whole addiction because that would take days but I?m going to start with when I got into treatment and started suboxone films and the start of my addiction to crystal meth .Like many addicts I thought because I did not share needles with anyone , I was clean with it so I thought and it was very rare that I used around anyone for the fear of my family finding out and I live in a small town we?re re people get mad and report you to child welfare and I have a child we live with my mom I have never put him in harms way in my addiction nor have I ever used in front of him .I started injecting my suboxone about a year into treatment and that continued for 4 years . I would justify that it wasn?t t a big deal I was only using what I was prescribed. In this small shit town there is no needle exchange and you either have to order your syringes online or go to a pharmacy and buy insulin at $25 and then buy a box of rigs and that?s what I would do and when I ran low I would make the trip 30-45 mins to the pharmacy get a new box of rigs ,4 years into my addiction to suboxone I make a horrible choice of using crystal meth daily and by this point I don?t want to do a drug that I can?t t shoot . I?m just as much as addicted to that damn needle as I am the drugs I?m using. There was a few times I ran out of new rigs so I thought no big deal I will clean them with bleach and disinfect them and kill the germs and that a couple days between getting new ones wouldn?t t hurt . By this time I was spending hours in my bathroom trying to hit and at times would result in missing very little I would always pull out if it would burn or hurt . Not thinking at all that each time I pulled that needle out and stuck in a different place sometimes countless times , that I was in fact putting germs and bacteria in my body please listen to harm reduction and only poke yourself once and never use it more than one time if possible although I know it?s s not always that simple but if you have to use it more than once find the right technique to properly clean it with being a human pin cushion and injecting myself with suboxone 3 times a day and meth as often as 6 or 7 times a day I had became a full time junkie by now those days of pretending I wasn?t t was long gone. My mother and husband we?re re constantly finding my rigs and throwing them away and I would run to my grandpa and lie about needing to go get refills and pick up more rigs. I was about to find out what true horror was . I woke up I have the flu I take some OTC meds and I think well maybe after I do my dope I?ll start to feel better and I managed to hit but I still felt awful . The days to come we?re absolutely horrible I have never hurt that bad in my entire life . I was barley able to stand and my sister and mom had to help me to use the bathroom and bath me I?m 29 years old I was always healthy , I still didn?t t want to blame my habit I do not blame the drugs , all I wanted to do was sleep and I could not eat and my legs felt like they was falling off . I wake up the next day and I scream for my sister to come help me and I?m m in real fear now that fear you think your about to die you know something is wrong with you it was that fear . Intense chest pain and I couldn?t t even stand up st all by this point and my fever was 103.1. I finally decided I was going to the ER and once there I was admitted and transferred to a larger hospital that was equipped to handle my situation. The doctor arrived and what he said next was something I will never forget. Mam? it shows you admitted to being an Iv drug user and what?s happened is you?ve got an infection and it spread through your bloodstream and your now septic and the infection has created MRSA and that i have endocarditis never heard of it at the time an infection around the longing of my heart and I have vegetation growth on one of the heart valves along with tiny embolisms in my lungs and things were not looking good although he would do his best he couldn?t t promise me that I would make it and told my mom she may want to stay and spend time with me . The look on my mothers face as the heartache and worry consumed her she was trying to act strong simply for me . All I could think is I?m going to die and leave my child and family because of this !! I was angry st myself for being so stupid and uneducated about how serious things could be when your injecting . I spent the next 6 weeks in the hospital on IV antibiotics and a small pharmacy of other medication but I walked out alive and I swore I?d d never use a needle again and was taking my bupe right and it always has worked very well for me as long as I use it correctly and things seemed to be improving dramatically in my life . For me to say I have not used a needle since that day 7 months ago would be a lie because recently I have been struggling with my old ways and it seems that people always want to throw in my face . My only advice i can give and will not lecture anyone because I know the hold that addiction can have but please respect your body and always use a clean one that means don?t t keep poking yourself with the same one because once you stick it in and pull it back out it?s s no longer clean and can cause bacteria to enter your bloodstream and it then can cause you to become very ill like I was . Use fresh sterile water ,never lick your rig as it will do the same with bacteria and the obvious dknt share or use needles after others. The misconception of people thinking you have be nasty for it to happen is very wrong because something as simple has touching your tip of your rig and it getting germs on it can cause it and licking it can cause you to as well it?s the fastest way you mouth contains more germs and bacteria than anywhere else . I hope that if it?s just one person that takes away from this and it can spare them from having to go through something like I did because it was truly a living hell and I still have problems do to the infection and may have to have my valve replaced . if you not read please read the case studies that DJslim has on here there is all kinds of different ones but it is truly eye opening in many ways and also if you?ve not they have great harm reduction on here as well it?s those little things that your to just to do that can make a huge difference. I wished I had saw all of this before and I may have not ended up on the verge of death . I hope this is the right thread I have never posted before I usually just read but I wanted to share my story and experience in hopes of bringing awareness and importance of the things that can go wrong and it can happen very quickly .
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