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Thread: The December Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread V. Merry Chrismukkah

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    The December Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread V. Merry Chrismukkah 
    #1
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    #2
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    I'm dropping my sub dose from 6mg to 4mg. I started yesterday. I got 26mg of Ativan but hopefully I won't need more then 10mg over 5 days. I'm going to take 1mg of sub when I wake up 1mg at 4pm then 2mg at 10pm. Hoping to minimize the insomnia. I get 30 more milligrams of Ativan on the 20th. Doing this without becoming dependent on Ativan is preferred but I got to get it done asap. The scary thing is I know this is the "easy" part. Getting down to 2mg and below is going to be brutal.
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    #3
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    My hopes are blighted, my heart is broken, my life a burden, everything around me is sad and mournful; earth has become distasteful to me, and human voices distract me. It is mercy to let me die, for if I live I shall lose my reason and become mad.
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    good luck man

    I'm still not doing too well myself either.
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    #4
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    CH i read your reply in the November thread- yes it has been bad enough for me to have sustained suicidal impulses. the us suicide rate is higher than ours cos its easier to impulsively do yourself in.

    like my mums taken all my pharms now but i used to have multiple LD50s of a number of drugs to make extra extra sure. its a lot of pills and sometimes i've lost heart part way through. with a gun you don't get that time.

    still clean and just been in tears for a long time but didn't want to do myself in or use so that's a plus.

    cj - good luck. hope its not too painful. i guess it must be a bit headfucking going further into doses you can use on top of (iirc that's 8mg i'm pretty sure i've used just fine on 4 but only ever took subs when i had no gear not a regular script so wouldn't have any built up)
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    #5
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    Sorry for those of you in emotional pain. I've certainly been there; you have my empathy and sympathy. I'm in a lot of bodily hurt right now but my emotions are okay. I'll take physical pain over psychological pain any day.

    (I've always thought this would make a great Xmas carol: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Psychosis)

    Anyway, I hope everyone has a happy -- or at least tolerable -- Chrismakwanzukkah.

    Peace&Love,
    jasper


    "No one should be ashamed to admit they were wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that they are wiser today than they were yesterday." -- Alexander Pope



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    #6
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    I'm so sorry for the ones of you struggling. This is a tough time of year for a lot of people (myself included, I'm a major grinch and can't wait till January!).

    I've been ok. Work situation is rough and had to go back to bartending after my company shut down unexpectedly. I've got some interviews next week that seem promising, but having to go back to an industry I swore I had outgrown and was done with kinda sucks. I am, however, extremely thankful to have a job and am trying to not to act like a spoiled brat for it not being exactly what I want. I'm a little nervous my methadone prescription might be an issue if there's a drug test involved with hiring. I'm not sure if most tests include that, though, so maybe all my worrying is for nothing.

    "Maybe this year will be better than the last" -Long December, Counting Crows
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    #7
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    The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has successfully sued/settled with companies on behalf of people who were denied employment after testing positive on a pre-employment drug screen for methadone, so I wouldn't worry about it unless you're trying to get a CDL (the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration considers it disqualifying).

    So I found out two of my closest friends in the recovery community (my old AA sponsor and one of the founders of Refuge Recovery in Orlando) are both moving in January. Another moved to Miami a few months ago. I know life goes on, probably not that much will change, and I'll probably be ok, but to have lost the three people I was closest to in the recovery community here not just sucks, it's kinda making me uneasy. I'm not an outgoing and garrulous person to begin with, so I'm not the type of person who has tons of close friends.
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    #8
    Bluelighter ladyhlove's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that, A. The older i get, the less new friends I want to make as well, so I hear you there. Do you still have others you are close (or closeish) with in the community?

    And I'm pretty sure my 2 DUIs from my 20's would disqualify me for that CDL long before a drug test was administered. lol. Thanks for the info, though. Good to know! Still just not something I want to discuss with a potential employer though...but lots of people have assured me that most companies won't shell out enough money for the tests that show methadone
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    #9
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    No, unfortunately, I'll be down to only one person that I'm really close to in the recovery community. With my generalized anxiety, panic disorder, autism spectrum and OCD, I don't handle disruptions to my world very well.
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    #10
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    Sorry your recovery buddies are all moving A.

    I know that must be tough, I don't know if it gives you any comfort, but we love you here and we are and will always be here for you.

    your friend,
    Ash.
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    #11
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    Well, I've been snapped out of my funk. I went to see Jane Lynch's "A Swingin' Little Christmas" last night and that was the most fun I've had in a long, long time. I couldn't stop smiling the entire show and I'm hoarse and my throat is a little scratchy from all the cheering. Definitely brought Christmas cheer to my life. She also did the show with Kate Flannery who played Meredith on the American remake of "The Office" and Tim Davis who did all the vocal arranging on Glee, and they were backed up by the fantastic Tony Guerrero Quintet. They sold CDs afterwards (I bought 3 - one for myself and two as gifts) and they were kind enough to autograph them and let us snap a quick photo with them. You can tell Jane is exhausted.

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    #12
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    My hopes are blighted, my heart is broken, my life a burden, everything around me is sad and mournful; earth has become distasteful to me, and human voices distract me. It is mercy to let me die, for if I live I shall lose my reason and become mad.
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    oh wow!
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