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    Tinder 
    #1
    Bluelighter MikeOekiM's Avatar
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    Question
    I install tinder for the first time and see this girl I went to high school with 10 years ago. We both matched, so I send her a message and I get no response for 4 days now.

    We never got the chance to get to know each other, but I remember her staring at me a lot.

    She's changed her pictures, so she's been online.

    I really don't want to send a desperate second message, but I thought she was really into me.

    im confused af and don't know what to do



    any guesses what is happening?
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    #2
    Bluelight Crew alasdairm's Avatar
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    the simplest explanation is probably right?

    she doesn't want a date with you.

    alasdair
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    #3
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    I don't know how these fuckin dating apps/sites works I never did online dating and never will, I am guessing cuz I searched online before writing this, you can't really make posts just a profile. Taking this, there are no such things as followers or any other bullshit, aye. What's her name? How did you write it? Do you two got any weird antecedents? Think in your mind, why do you plan to see her again?

    Don't overthink over a simple situation like this, there are a lot more beautiful leaves in this world to fly to. This is what happens, you overthink, you fail, it's the notion that events spin on.
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    #4
    Bluelighter MikeOekiM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alasdairm View Post
    the simplest explanation is probably right?

    she doesn't want a date with you.

    alasdair
    i cry errytim


    i would prefer being rejected than no response
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    #5
    Bluelighter MikeOekiM's Avatar
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    i agree but im rly confused why she swiped right on me. like did she just wanna see if i thought she was attractive all these years? i dont get it
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    #6
    Bluelight Crew alasdairm's Avatar
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    yeah, it must be frustrating but you may need to make peace with the idea that you're never going to get an answer to the question. also, it may not be about you per se (although i admit it's hard to see that when you don't know).

    alasdair
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    #7
    Don't those apps make you pay if you want to contact someone on them? Maybe she's not paying for the app? Or she's not interested in dating you? Look her up on Facebook and just say hi, and see what happens. Good luck.

    Also, a lot of people just use tinder, Instagram, and Facebook just for self validation, attention. or an ego boost.
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    #8
    Judging by the way you're talking about her and how you're hung up on a response from this girl, I'm guessing you have had a bit of an attachment to the "what if" aspect of knowing her all those years ago... I'm willing to bet you probably mentioned something about it in your message to her that probably turned her off or creeper her out (sorry)

    Best thing you can do is leave it alone. If she really wanted to reconnect with you she would have. You just have to understand that just because she wasn't interested, doesn't mean no one will be.


    If you have trouble meeting and talking to women I would suggest a YouTuber "coach Corey Wayne" who specializes in teaching men how to behave in order to successfully gain the attention of desirable women.

    Really good stuff, helped me a lot with understanding why women do and say what they do.
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    #9
    Bluelighter atara's Avatar
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    I really don't want to send a desperate second message, but I thought she was really into me.
    Fact is, the vast majority of Tinder messages receive no reply. Even among men in the upper quintile of attractiveness, most messages go unanswered. The worst thing you can do is take it personally.

    I work for an academic journal where we constantly invite scientists to review other scientists' papers. We send a maximum of three emails (invite + 2x remind) in the invitation process; any longer and we assume no interest. And we are doing this to ensure the progress of humanity.

    So I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to send two messages, but your sex life is clearly less important than our peer-review process. If you find yourself on the third message, it's over.
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    #10
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    I don't think she's interested mate, or else she would reply. No one wants to hear the obvious is the truth, but you know it is.

    If it helps, I stopped using crApps like tinder years ago, as the response rate I got was so pointlessly low it was just a waste of my time.
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    #11
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    Last time I was standing in line at the grocery store deli there was a girl waiting in the same line swiping on Tinder. Which leads me to me people are just swiping to pass the time and aren't really serious about it. Plus, a lot of men on these online sites are creeps. Don't be one of them.
    Struggling with addiction? Join us at Sober Living. We can help.
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    #12
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    tindr for me i find inneffective

    as a gay- i'm on grindr cos you get responses

    but honestly u should send another message- this time u got nothing to lose- you can put something in it to trigger a reaction but honestly i would move on

    if you are gonna get upset every time you get no answer it shows that you are not realitic about the world

    no answer is an answer and its a no by the way

    move on and try it on with the next

    for success with these apps you need to send like 20 people a day messages, then maybe 2 will reply then out of those 2 a day 1-2 a week will keep the conversation going beyond hi and the key part is to get their phone number.

    when you get the phone number- bingo

    but it takes a constant hard faced slog to get to that point so you have to keep at it

    and dont take it personally its tindernet
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    #13
    Bluelighter MikeOekiM's Avatar
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    i think people are reading this the wrong way.

    basically i was just curious why she liked me then didnt respond, especially since we knew each other awhile back.

    ill be fine getting over it lol

    ty everyone for the responses
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    #14
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    Ive seen people use tinder by just rapidly swiping right on everyone and sorting through the ones who respond later. I've never used it myself but if you have been on there for any amount of time you should be a little use to the no response thing.

    You could try messaging her back with a more casual message. The worst thing that happens is she doesn't respond again and you have your answer, unless you really don't want to know for sure.
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    #15
    Bluelight Crew alasdairm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeOekiM View Post
    basically i was just curious why she liked me then didnt respond...
    there's only one person who can answer that...

    alasdair
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    #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeOekiM View Post
    i agree but im rly confused why she swiped right on me. like did she just wanna see if i thought she was attractive all these years? i dont get it
    She's a woman mate. IME, many women get left and right confused (that's not a sexist comment, purely an observation). Don't get hung up on it, just go and swipe right on as many fit birds as you can find...
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    #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikeOekiM View Post
    i cry errytim i would prefer being rejected than no response
    I never used a site but am considering it. Could it be the sight just sucking. Women must get mega messages.
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    #18
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    Send her another message. If she's attractive there's a chance your message got buried beneath a bunch of others. Or she hasn't logged on. Tinder automatically changes your profile pic on occasion (you can turn the feature off in settings). She hasn't unmatched you, so it's not a hard "no".
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    #19
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    I was told by a female friend that because men outnumber women on tinder and also because most men practically swipe right on anyone, the majority of the times a woman will swipe right, she will get a match. imagine the logistic of actually talking to all those dudes...
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    #20
    Quote Originally Posted by alasdairm View Post
    the simplest explanation is probably right?

    she doesn't want a date with you.

    alasdair
    I would say so...
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    #21
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    I'd say just send a second message; why not?
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    #22
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    Yup.
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