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Thread: Are These Red Flags?

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    Are These Red Flags? 
    #1
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    Met a girl. She's 36. She has never had a serious relationship. She lives alone, and has 3 cats. Her hobbies are reading, writing, and doing volunteer work at a animal shelter. She's also an avid traveler. However, she ALWAYS has traveled alone. Every pic on her on Facebook is a selfie with only her -- and her cats -- in it. She doesn't appear to have any friends, either.

    Would this raise alarm bells to you guys? She's fairly attractive, too. By the way, I'm 34 and never had a true relationship.
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    #2
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    Well, it would tell me that she likes cats and is pretty independent and doesn't feel the need to overshare. Or maybe she just deleted any pictures of her and her previous partners? Either way, I'd personally want to get to know her better before trying to determine who or what she is and what she's about
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    #3
    Bluelighter zephyr's Avatar
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    You gotta start somewhere so cant start with red flags, if she seems not a good idea at first then disengage.

    Red flags pop up along the way.
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    #4
    Bluelighter atara's Avatar
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    ^this

    Actual red flags are more directly related to someone's "partnership qualities". Cats, traveling, etc are just not enough information to make a decision about.
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    #5
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    being independent and not having your friends in photos of yourself means little. some pople dont overshare all their info.

    facebook is a poor way to express friendship anyway

    many people are not on it cos its boring, full of ads and old co-workers you share nothing in common with
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    #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by pofacedhoe View Post
    being independent and not having your friends in photos of yourself means little. some pople dont overshare all their info.

    facebook is a poor way to express friendship anyway

    many people are not on it cos its boring, full of ads and old co-workers you share nothing in common with
    Well, on her FB she usually has only 2 or 3 likes per a photo, usually by the same people.
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    #7
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    Forget her FB mate. You need to get to know her as a person. Social media is not a proxy for getting to know a person or their personality.

    And fwiw, I'd be lucky to get 2-3 likes for posting a photo on FB. I have like 30-40 actual family/friends on there, and do not appreciate people who like everything as it means nothing at all. I'd rather engagement or recognition when it actually means something to them. Those who cultivate social media 'likes' are generally seeking validation and insecure ime.
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    #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by CFC View Post
    Forget her FB mate. You need to get to know her as a person. Social media is not a proxy for getting to know a person or their personality.

    And fwiw, I'd be lucky to get 2-3 likes for posting a photo on FB. I have like 30-40 actual family/friends on there, and do not appreciate people who like everything as it means nothing at all. I'd rather engagement or recognition when it actually means something to them. Those who cultivate social media 'likes' are generally seeking validation and insecure ime.
    Okay. Disregard her social media. However, I have met her, and she's very quiet. And I have not even heard any mention of friends. She does not go out on weekends. She said she reads book or watches a DVD ALONE on Friday and Saturday nights. She is introverted, no doubt about that. But most 36 -year-old women are MARRIED. She is still single, and she has never mentioned a word about past partners. In fact, I'm inclined to think that she has never had a boyfriend. She has talked to me about wanting kids, but said she is not so sure that it is in her destiny. In likelihood, she is probably a virgin, given what I know about he so far.
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    #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michael_25 View Post
    But most 36 -year-old women are MARRIED.
    That's a swooping generalization. Not every woman at that age has found Mr. Right. Some never do and that's okay too. It sounds like this lady is making a way for herself just fine, content with vacationing alone and watching films with her kitties alone.

    How much time have you spent with her in person? I agree with CFC man. You can't judge a person that well by what's on their face book page. It seems like you're looking for reasons to think there is something defective about her. Give her a chance.
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    #10
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    ^ as T says, it's like you're trying to find fault with her before you've even bothered asking her about any of the issues you just raised with us. Talk to her.
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    #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michael_25 View Post
    Okay. Disregard her social media. However, I have met her, and she's very quiet. And I have not even heard any mention of friends. She does not go out on weekends. She said she reads book or watches a DVD ALONE on Friday and Saturday nights. She is introverted, no doubt about that. But most 36 -year-old women are MARRIED. She is still single, and she has never mentioned a word about past partners. In fact, I'm inclined to think that she has never had a boyfriend. She has talked to me about wanting kids, but said she is not so sure that it is in her destiny. In likelihood, she is probably a virgin, given what I know about he so far.
    She sounds very intriguing to me. Perhaps she's just very shy - but you know what they say, "the quiet ones are the worst" (or the best, whichever way you want to look at it). You say she's attractive, well what more do you want? The fact you've never had a serious relationship either immediately gives you something in common with her. Go for it mate...
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    #12
    Bluelighter Bagseed's Avatar
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    Michael, how many friends do you have? Why do you care so much about how many she has? Pretty weird to be uncomfortable about her being shy an insecure, when you are obviously insecure as fuck as well...
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    #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Michael_25 View Post
    Okay. Disregard her social media. However, I have met her, and she's very quiet. And I have not even heard any mention of friends. She does not go out on weekends. She said she reads book or watches a DVD ALONE on Friday and Saturday nights. She is introverted, no doubt about that. But most 36 -year-old women are MARRIED. She is still single, and she has never mentioned a word about past partners. In fact, I'm inclined to think that she has never had a boyfriend. She has talked to me about wanting kids, but said she is not so sure that it is in her destiny. In likelihood, she is probably a virgin, given what I know about he so far.
    You don't really know anything about her. Talk to her and ask her questions about herself. But keep in mind someone who you are new at dating asking about your ex's, and past sexual experiences are red flags to people.

    You cannot go by social media. A lot of people, myself included do not share a lot on social media or the internet.

    Also, absolutely nothing you have written about her are red flags at all.
    Last edited by PriestTheyCalledHim; 27-11-2018 at 19:24.
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    #14
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    It doesn't seem like a red flag to me... get to know her... see how things go.
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    #15
    Bluelighter atara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michael_25 View Post
    Okay. Disregard her social media. However, I have met her, and she's very quiet. And I have not even heard any mention of friends. She does not go out on weekends. She said she reads book or watches a DVD ALONE on Friday and Saturday nights. She is introverted, no doubt about that. But most 36 -year-old women are MARRIED. She is still single, and she has never mentioned a word about past partners. In fact, I'm inclined to think that she has never had a boyfriend. She has talked to me about wanting kids, but said she is not so sure that it is in her destiny. In likelihood, she is probably a virgin, given what I know about he so far.
    I mean I wouldn't consider it a "red flag" but you have to keep in mind she's probably not going to change very much for you.

    Frankly the weirdest thing is that she still rents DVDs.
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    #16
    Bluelighter Tonberry King's Avatar
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    I can't call that red flags unless you're allergic to cats or something like that. Some one as introverted as you make this one seem might be a tough nut to crack, might not, idk.. Take it slow and get to know each other. Don't just dive in and don't be afraid of what might come.

    Just take it easy and when you really want to know her better and you feel comfortable enough, invite yourself on one of her travels. I know first hand that you don't really know someone until you've traveled with them. Good luck!
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