stepfather
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2018
- Messages
- 3
Hey guys,
and before let I start let me preface this with, yes, I UTFSE, I've been doing that for days now and nothing I've read fits exactly to my unique situation..though, if there is a post that did, let me apologize for I did not find it.
Let me start by giving you a brief history...I'm a recovering opiate addict. I had 3 years clean recently, did a 5 month relapse, and am now at about ~2 weeks clean + on 8mg suboxone (again).
This time around, a friend of mine that I was hanging out with during the time, ordered some alpraz powder and mixed it with propylene gylcol..he gave me a squirt bottle full of it and said it equaled about 10 bars.
According to him, and the math he claims he did when creating said liquid, 10 drops from the dropper 'SHOULD' equal 2mg. (now think like those TINY contact re-wettener bottles like 10mL total, and think a literal water droplet coming out of one..I'm talking small, probably about an inch tall.)
Soon though, I was taking up to 20 droplets (supposedly 4mg) at a time just to feel anything and I began to worry. This tolerance came on within the first 3-4 days, honestly.
Well, being as I was going through opiate withdrawal and have to make it to university and accomplish major assignments, commute, present, etc, and this was offered free.. and of course I've always loved benzos, I gladly accepted and used it about anywhere from 15-20 drops a day for the following couple of days. About 4 or 5 days.
Naturally, when I had run out, I called him up for another refill of my bottle. I continued this for another week or so, estimating that I was using at the most 5mg of alpraz a day some days, and as little as 3mg on others.
Cue the third refill. That has been this past week.
This time he takes the time to mention to me, "dude, as your friend, I'm concerned you might develop a dependency for this and it's worse than kicking dope."
I knew this, and I've seen first hand as another buddy of mine has been trying to wean off for about 3 years now to no avail.
However, in my past, and at my worst, I was at a point where I was taking up to 12mg of Xanax DAILY for the period of an entire summer (high school ~2-3 months)
This was combined with heroin, though. So, when it came time for me to withdrawal, I was never quite sure what I was withdrawaling from and just always assumed it was dope. Never had any seizures or anything, but it was hell mind you. I made it through that scenario just fine, IMO. So, I just assumed I was one of the lucky ones when it came to benzos.
Now the issue for me is, this kid is pretty absent-minded, not to mention strung out on tweak/benzos/dope, and terrible at math (as am I). A lot of combinations that have me worried that I really don't know how much I've been taking at all. To make matters worse (or possibly better?), he told me he spoke to the vendor and the drops were measuring with an eye dropper, not a bottle like I'm using. So he says, "You've either been taking WAAAY less than you think, or way more I don't know"
Rad. Awesome. Idiot.
Now, I know this is all spotty information and really nothing anyone can give me a definite answer from. But, I also know from the past I've taken a SHIT TON of benzos on a regular basis with little, if any, problems upon stopping. I was naive at the time to benzo withdrawal and just never even thought it was a thing, so nothing happened I guess.
But, now, with the fear at the forefront of my damn mind. I keep giving myself, what I assume, are psychologically induced symptoms. Or, just a regular ass xanax hangover. I don't know at all. I feel extremely sensitive to cold, yet I'm sweating in some places. I get dizzy (but this is pretty normal, about everytime I stand up I get dizzy even without drugs), and at times I'm irrationally irritable. This was only after attempting to go 1 day without it (I failed)
Benzos aren't new to me by any means, but benzo withdrawal is. My friend tells me I wouldn't even know until 3-4 days after stopping though, which is another consensus I've seen around.
Problem being, that doesn't work for me. I just missed a week to kick dope and my classes are nearly done. I don't have enough to make it until December 14th, nor do I necessarily want to.
My family situation is such that I'd prefer to not let them know or ask for doctor's help unless it becomes medically serious.
THE REAL MEAT AND POTATOES OF MY PROBLEM/QUESTION
I've been taking approx anywhere between ~2-5(+/-1)MG of alpraz liquid for about 15 days straight now.
My intention was to try to wean off that, but of course, I only have enough left to last me about another week (~half of the 10mL bottle) if I go down to say, 5 drops a day (~1mg)
Questions, am I overreacting? My buddy says I am, but I can't afford this issue, especially right now.
Do you guys think I could just go CT and be medically okay? Maybe just some increased anxiety/mild WD or something? Or have I gone off the deep end already?
I know a major issue is i'm not fucking sure exactly just WHAT dosages I've been taking, and neither is he frankly, but he's so far gone he doesn't even care, whereas I am just trying to get my life back again..
I am 5'8 140lbs if that helps.
I feel like I wouldn't even be having an issue if he didn't bring it up to me, but now, I am freaking the fuck out and dreading what could possibly happen when I stop.
TL;DR
Been taking ~2-5MG of Xanax daily for 15 days.
Should I be concerned about physical dependency?..
If so, please help me.
I'm sorry if this is the wrong thread guys, I'm a longtime lurker and a recent active user.
I consider myself pretty knowledgeable about my DOC(s), but this is kind of new territory for me.
Thank you.
and before let I start let me preface this with, yes, I UTFSE, I've been doing that for days now and nothing I've read fits exactly to my unique situation..though, if there is a post that did, let me apologize for I did not find it.
Let me start by giving you a brief history...I'm a recovering opiate addict. I had 3 years clean recently, did a 5 month relapse, and am now at about ~2 weeks clean + on 8mg suboxone (again).
This time around, a friend of mine that I was hanging out with during the time, ordered some alpraz powder and mixed it with propylene gylcol..he gave me a squirt bottle full of it and said it equaled about 10 bars.
According to him, and the math he claims he did when creating said liquid, 10 drops from the dropper 'SHOULD' equal 2mg. (now think like those TINY contact re-wettener bottles like 10mL total, and think a literal water droplet coming out of one..I'm talking small, probably about an inch tall.)
Soon though, I was taking up to 20 droplets (supposedly 4mg) at a time just to feel anything and I began to worry. This tolerance came on within the first 3-4 days, honestly.
Well, being as I was going through opiate withdrawal and have to make it to university and accomplish major assignments, commute, present, etc, and this was offered free.. and of course I've always loved benzos, I gladly accepted and used it about anywhere from 15-20 drops a day for the following couple of days. About 4 or 5 days.
Naturally, when I had run out, I called him up for another refill of my bottle. I continued this for another week or so, estimating that I was using at the most 5mg of alpraz a day some days, and as little as 3mg on others.
Cue the third refill. That has been this past week.
This time he takes the time to mention to me, "dude, as your friend, I'm concerned you might develop a dependency for this and it's worse than kicking dope."
I knew this, and I've seen first hand as another buddy of mine has been trying to wean off for about 3 years now to no avail.
However, in my past, and at my worst, I was at a point where I was taking up to 12mg of Xanax DAILY for the period of an entire summer (high school ~2-3 months)
This was combined with heroin, though. So, when it came time for me to withdrawal, I was never quite sure what I was withdrawaling from and just always assumed it was dope. Never had any seizures or anything, but it was hell mind you. I made it through that scenario just fine, IMO. So, I just assumed I was one of the lucky ones when it came to benzos.
Now the issue for me is, this kid is pretty absent-minded, not to mention strung out on tweak/benzos/dope, and terrible at math (as am I). A lot of combinations that have me worried that I really don't know how much I've been taking at all. To make matters worse (or possibly better?), he told me he spoke to the vendor and the drops were measuring with an eye dropper, not a bottle like I'm using. So he says, "You've either been taking WAAAY less than you think, or way more I don't know"
Rad. Awesome. Idiot.
Now, I know this is all spotty information and really nothing anyone can give me a definite answer from. But, I also know from the past I've taken a SHIT TON of benzos on a regular basis with little, if any, problems upon stopping. I was naive at the time to benzo withdrawal and just never even thought it was a thing, so nothing happened I guess.
But, now, with the fear at the forefront of my damn mind. I keep giving myself, what I assume, are psychologically induced symptoms. Or, just a regular ass xanax hangover. I don't know at all. I feel extremely sensitive to cold, yet I'm sweating in some places. I get dizzy (but this is pretty normal, about everytime I stand up I get dizzy even without drugs), and at times I'm irrationally irritable. This was only after attempting to go 1 day without it (I failed)
Benzos aren't new to me by any means, but benzo withdrawal is. My friend tells me I wouldn't even know until 3-4 days after stopping though, which is another consensus I've seen around.
Problem being, that doesn't work for me. I just missed a week to kick dope and my classes are nearly done. I don't have enough to make it until December 14th, nor do I necessarily want to.
My family situation is such that I'd prefer to not let them know or ask for doctor's help unless it becomes medically serious.
THE REAL MEAT AND POTATOES OF MY PROBLEM/QUESTION
I've been taking approx anywhere between ~2-5(+/-1)MG of alpraz liquid for about 15 days straight now.
My intention was to try to wean off that, but of course, I only have enough left to last me about another week (~half of the 10mL bottle) if I go down to say, 5 drops a day (~1mg)
Questions, am I overreacting? My buddy says I am, but I can't afford this issue, especially right now.
Do you guys think I could just go CT and be medically okay? Maybe just some increased anxiety/mild WD or something? Or have I gone off the deep end already?
I know a major issue is i'm not fucking sure exactly just WHAT dosages I've been taking, and neither is he frankly, but he's so far gone he doesn't even care, whereas I am just trying to get my life back again..
I am 5'8 140lbs if that helps.
I feel like I wouldn't even be having an issue if he didn't bring it up to me, but now, I am freaking the fuck out and dreading what could possibly happen when I stop.
TL;DR
Been taking ~2-5MG of Xanax daily for 15 days.
Should I be concerned about physical dependency?..
If so, please help me.
I'm sorry if this is the wrong thread guys, I'm a longtime lurker and a recent active user.
I consider myself pretty knowledgeable about my DOC(s), but this is kind of new territory for me.
Thank you.
