Bluelight

Thread: I have a psychological addiction to escaping sobriety

Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. Collapse Details
    I have a psychological addiction to escaping sobriety 
    #1
    Greenlighter
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    6
    Hey guys. I need some encouragement, or advice, or a kick in the rear. I don?t know.
    I hope this is the right place to put this?I?m sorta new here.

    Here?s the deal: currently a sophomore in college. I was a heavy cannabis user (recreationally, not medicinally) for the spring semester of senior year of high-school through my freshman year of college. I love(d) the stuff. Too much. Smoked every day I could, taking breaks only when I?d go on vacations or spend time with my family?but even then, still smoked if I could manage. Often multiple times a day. Occasionally going to class high. Unfortunately, however, I developed Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome (look it up: it?s real, it?s not anti-weed propaganda). Very rare, with only 0.5% of chronic smokers developing it, most of whom have smoked 7+ years. I?m the unlucky one I guess, developed it very fast compared to most, and it is pure hell. I?d choose a bad flu over it any day. Last time it hit, I couldn?t keep down any substantial amount of food from Sunday to Thursday. Lost 10 pounds. Pure hell. Truly and without exaggeration the sickest I?ve ever been.

    So I had to quit smoking weed. In its stead, I started using Kratom, which is pretty nice, but I developed a tolerance after using it 2-4 times a day in varying dosages for approximately 1.5 months. Ran out and went through a very mild but certainly noticeable withdrawals for about 3-4 days. Wasn?t debilitating, just annoying.

    So I started fucking around with harder opiates. Mostly oxy, and I made sure to space it out such that I don?t develop a dependence because REAL addiction scares the hell out of me. I try to be responsible w my drug use.

    Also benzos. I don?t get much out of them and feel like, perhaps, I have a naturally high tolerance to them. Idk, they?re nice and all but better with weed or booze. Just relaxing.


    Here?s my issue: while I used weed I developed not a physical addiction, but a psychological addiction to it. After having quit the stuff, the psychological addiction remains. I don?t feel right, or happy, or calm at the end of the day if I don?t have at least a buzz off something. I?m not currently addicted to anything?well, nicotine (I have a juul, quit cigarettes), maybe caffeine?but I find myself addicted to escaping sobriety. I?ve always thought the concept of escapism was just fascinating, as it seems to be such a crucial part to so many peoples lives (in the form of drugs or alcohol, but also TV, masturbation or sex, you name it) since highschool, and now I?ve found myself addicted to escaping the sober world. I?m a happy person, I don?t struggle with anxiety or depression anymore (I got on Lexapro 5mg and it?s been really life changing), I have great friends and a wonderful girlfriend: frankly, I don?t have much to escape from. Even still, I feel addicted not to a certain substance, but to the feeling of leaving sobriety to unwind at the end of the day. It?s not like i want to get fucked up, just obliterated and senseless; but a day that doesn?t end with some kind of buzz doesn?t feel right. I have a hard time sleeping sober, even if I just take Benadryl or Clonidine.


    TL;DR I?m not addicted to any hard substances in particular but feel like I have a psychological addiction to escaping sobriety. Need some advice/encouragement/shared experience on how to deal with this.
    Last edited by Kelterne; 31-10-2018 at 03:09. Reason: Edit: not sure what?s with all the question marks... just ignore those. I made almost an identical post on reddit.com/r/drugs but got little response, so I wanted to hear you guy?s thoughts. I?m guess
    Reply With Quote
     

  2. Collapse Details
     
    #2
    I have the same problem, its called polysubstance addiction, I alternate from several substances for examples one day I might do weed, then alcohol, then 2 days sober, then LSD, then oxycodone, etc etc... sometimes I do take breaks as long as a month and im really health conscious so for example if I do an hepatotoxic substance like alcohol I will avoid doing another liver toxic drug for several days, or I avoid using opiates several days in a row due to addiction, etc etc... I pretty much avoid all stimulants since I dont like them except the very rare MDMA. Basically I drink maybe once or twice a month, psychedelics 2 times a month maybe, opiates 3 times a month, benzos maybe 2 times a month, weed 2 times a month, MDMA once every 4 months, but I constantly have a craving for substances to escape reality, I find sobriety boring and I have been thinking about the same thing these days since its not the healthiest mindset.
    Reply With Quote
     

  3. Collapse Details
     
    #3
    Greenlighter
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    6
    How do you plan on getting better? Do you feel like you should?
    Reply With Quote
     

  4. Collapse Details
     
    #4
    Right now I am trying to get sober... 2 days clean today, I dont really want to stop using drugs, I feel that I do need to cut back since im doing it way to frequently, I would tell you to think if you really want to stop using drugs, for me, they are not negatively impacting my physical health, but my mental health suffers to be honest alternating so frequently being high and being sober, I just know that I need to cut back, and ill be golden. If you think its affecting your physical or mental health try to cut back, one step at a time, its normal to want to escape reality with substances, especially during stressful times, we all as humans escape reality with different things, be it exercise, food, drugs, work, etc... something that works for me to get sober some months is trying to focus on another escape that isnt drugs.
    Reply With Quote
     

  5. Collapse Details
     
    #5
    Senior Moderator
    Current Events and Politics
    Music Discussion
    swilow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Shielding off the weakening beams of salvation shining upon the mournful gloom of Earth
    Posts
    28,666
    Honestly, with this sort of stuff- you are sort of talking pre-physical addiction and I urge you to keep it right there; stepping over from wanting to NEEDING a drug is a difficult thing to undo. You will be surprised at how intense and all consuming a physical and psychological drug dependancy can get. You've had a taste with kratom; imagine that feeling but on serveral orders of magnitude more intense. The distress of addiction is WAY more intense than the stress of sobriety.

    I think you should try to avoid drugs as much as possiblee, especially ones which have the addictive side effect and speak to a therapist about your feelings. Objectively, outside of medical circumstances, nobody NEEDS to get high- its sort of a delusion of the mind to think this. Nothing bad will happen if you are sober; you might be bored, but that's just part of being human. Its worth examining what you think the consequences of being sober are; for some people, it involves a lot of anxiety and depression, but I've yet to see anyone really self-medicate effectively and in a way that doesn't make their problems worse.

    Ultimately, you've gotten into the state of thinking in a sort of maladaptive manner and cognitive-behavioural therapy might help you to reassess the validity of your thoughts.

    In terms of 'curing' oneself of cravings and the like. In most cases, time away from the substance is the key. The brain habitually thinks and feels certain things, knowing that the conscious self will respond in predictable ways. So, you may need to firmly deny yourself drugs initially, and this may be very very difficult. But, the longer you avoid giving into cravings, the less intense the cravings get- this gets easier over time.

    Anyway, I'm going to shift this over to The Dark Side, which is our principal recovery forum. You will get more replies there

    All the best
    Reply With Quote
     

  6. Collapse Details
     
    #6
    Bluelighter
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    who
    Posts
    2,771
    I'd disagree about cannabis addiction being purely psychological. There are definitely observable physiological changes that occur from cannasbis sessation/withdrawal. Although they are relatively mild in comparison to "harder" drugs like coke or opioids- they are there. Same with even more benign drugs like nicotine and caffeine. It all alters your body's chemistry and in reaction your body increases/decreases natural chemicals in attempts to compensate.

    Anywayss… I think what you are describing is pretty relateable for a lot of us. I don't exactly crave the drug or the high most the time anymore, it's usually the craving to escape or change my current feelings and/or thoughts. For me, I believe it is a matter of focusing what it is I am afraid of and avoiding and running from. While on a walk through a rough part of town the thoughts kept going thought me head "Make the fear the familiar, Make the fear the Familiar." It's like ecposure therapy.. what was once frightening or scary to me because my obstacle to over come and to overcome my own fears.
    Reply With Quote
     

  7. Collapse Details
     
    #7
    ESCAPING SOBRIETY. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I don't like the implication.
    Reply With Quote
     

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •