I didn't write a goodbye letter to alcohol per se, but I did write something called "Lies Alcohol Told Me." Basically I explore the three lies alcohol "told" me: 1. a party isn't a party unless you're sloppy drunk, 2. alcohol will help my anxiety and 3. alcohol will help my insomnia.i got advised tonight to write a letter to heroin. i felt totally up for that. later on the guy specified a good bye letter. i'm going to do it but it makes me want to cry. i don't want to use now but i feel like my brain is an open wound and i can't be like this forever. how can i say good bye to the thing that helped me so much?
That sounds like a great idea. It's important to find enjoyable ways of spending the time you would have otherwise spent high.tomorrow i'm going to my friends so i can play his bass and we're gonna play zelda too so hoping to actually have fun cos that's fucking lacking majorly right now.
I would recommend you not fixate on this. Get out of it what you need to keep you clean for the day. I've met a number of atheists and agnostics in AA.chinup said:having problems with this higher power business. how can i put my trust into something to protect me when it didn't protect me as an extremely vulnerable 15 year old, before drugs, let alone all the shit after. feel a massive emptiness and honestly like i'll just want to use til i do. i'm as trapped now as i was before just in a much less seedy grimy dangerous place, which at least i genuinely am grateful for.
chinup said:heroin makes you evil
Pancreatitis is a horrible way to go. I ended up in the hospital with it about a year ago. I had been drinking about two liters of vodka a day for about a week and had been drinking heavily the past month before that. My pancreas were just inflamed, but I've read of cases (Duff McKagan from Guns n' Roses is an example) where the pancreas actually ruptured, spilling corrosive digestive enzymes all over the abdominal cavity. McKagan said in his book at the time he had switched from liquor to wine in an attempt to "slow down" but ended up drinking around 10 bottles of wine/day. I can't imagine. Well, yes, I can. Two liters of 80-proof vodka is pretty extreme, toosomeone at a meeting was talking about their friend committing suicide and not using on it. it made me remember about a good friend of mine dying of alcoholism, pancreatitis is a painful way to go. i didn’t suggest to him to get help cos admitting he had a big problem would have meant admitting i had a big problem. when he died i just thought about how i didn’t need to try and limit my gear consumption for a bit. it meant nothing to me but an excuse to use. i’ve been romanticising heroin so i needed that.
Been there. When my father's cancer became serious, I was drunk pretty much 24/7, and when he would be in the hospital, I would raid his prescription medications at home. When I actually made it to the hospital, I would always slip away into a mens room stall to take a few gulps of vodka.chinup said:my dad got cancer about 4 months into my massive crack problem and i was actively glad it gave me a great excuse to use. i knew that was wrong from the start and i was happy to admit crack had turned me into a scumbag pretty quick but i’d never acknowledged the same for dark.
87 days clean and had the best evening i've had in fucking ages!!
was the only representative of the fairer sex in the pit at a gig and fuck it obviously got some endorphins flowing. as a not remotely hard female i have to choose my pits wisely i wouldn't stand a chance at sick of it all but so glad to know that i can rock out and have just as good a time completely sober.
thanks ash!! sounds like you've got a nice christmasyy atmosphere already. i love christmas but its one of the only days of the year since i quit bentos that i'd allow myself bentos in the morning so a bit nervous about this year.
obviously fucked it with my mum by having an argument with on Sunday morning but i got out a lot of stuff that's been bugging me without lashing out or being overly hurtful. going to my friend from rehab's tomorrow which'll be a nice break.
my parents are going to get some stuff from my house tomorrow cos its too risky for me to do it myself and i'm petrified there's sharps lying about.