Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
- Joined
- Nov 3, 1999
- Messages
- 84,999
thanks ash!! and you're right, but i feel like i came close to losing it. i honestly feel like when i went into treatment i was like a caged abused animal that is petrified of everything, but the therapy has been amazing, i've worked on a lot of trauma, and feel more like a human.
and thanks jasper too, i've heard people having them years after too so i know i gotta get used to them. i just couldn't believe what a shitty, and completely out of control, person i was in that dream and it threw me.
i've decided to leave rehab on Thursday. I think I'm more likely to get what I need- the confidence I can actually do this- on the outside, not inside. I would go mad if i stayed longer than another 2 weeks and i just can't see what progress I can make in that time that I can't make outside.
another thing i've learned:
- drugs really do fuck your memory.
my short term memory is still shot. however, this has a nasty implication, when you stop using and i guess your brain starts healing, loads of awful stuff you've done and forgotten comes back to haunt you. i never thought i was a 'phone an ambulance and run' junkie but i was and just couldn't remember. protecting myself and my drugs was more important.
and thanks jasper too, i've heard people having them years after too so i know i gotta get used to them. i just couldn't believe what a shitty, and completely out of control, person i was in that dream and it threw me.
i've decided to leave rehab on Thursday. I think I'm more likely to get what I need- the confidence I can actually do this- on the outside, not inside. I would go mad if i stayed longer than another 2 weeks and i just can't see what progress I can make in that time that I can't make outside.
another thing i've learned:
- drugs really do fuck your memory.
my short term memory is still shot. however, this has a nasty implication, when you stop using and i guess your brain starts healing, loads of awful stuff you've done and forgotten comes back to haunt you. i never thought i was a 'phone an ambulance and run' junkie but i was and just couldn't remember. protecting myself and my drugs was more important.