Moonlitskies09
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2016
- Messages
- 43
I ended up finding my ex wife on the streets. When I knew her she was a school teacher and just so lovely. Now she's hit bedrock in her life, superficially reduced to a stereotype. I won't give details. She might in some ways be lucky. Quite a few people I knew are dead.
I want to fix what damages I've caused introducing friends and lovers to drugs and it kills me to know that I have no power to reverse the suffering. People say I'm only responsible for myself which doesn't help. I was responsible for being a good influence and I let them all down.
I don't feel any better than a murderer and I try to shake it off and to focus on doing better but it's very painful to see so many people I've hurt. If there was a higher power, it would have taken me or destroyed my life and spared so many good friends.
I'm ok but I wanted to talk about it all. The guilt eats me alive and honestly I think I deserve that.
I want to fix what damages I've caused introducing friends and lovers to drugs and it kills me to know that I have no power to reverse the suffering. People say I'm only responsible for myself which doesn't help. I was responsible for being a good influence and I let them all down.
I don't feel any better than a murderer and I try to shake it off and to focus on doing better but it's very painful to see so many people I've hurt. If there was a higher power, it would have taken me or destroyed my life and spared so many good friends.
I'm ok but I wanted to talk about it all. The guilt eats me alive and honestly I think I deserve that.
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