How can I get my son off drugs?

[Klonoa]

Hi I am a single mum working 7 days most weeks I have no family no support and have probably had one of the worst lives out of anyone but hey ho anyway I don't care about that I just want my son to grow up and be a happy man but he has always played me up every fucking school every teacher says the same thing "he's no good he's just like his good for nothing dad" and as if he hasn't been hard enough to deal with now he's coming home smelling of weed?! Oh and I should mention his 'father's used to beat me black and blue everyday until I coughed up enough money for his smack and he knows the horrible horrible life I've had so what does my darling son do? Starts taking drugs he lies to my face he won't say what drugs he does but I know for certain he has been taking weed I just don't know what to do anymore he just takes and takes and I give and I give and on and on some days I think it if all be better to just end it all so I don't have to see him and up like his dad I don't know why I am posting here but he uses this website I believe the way he treat me his mother is not cool I don't know how we are going to get through the last year or school every teacher every pupil he has problems with what can I do to make him see sense??

Maybe if I gave you his username you guys could tell him I'm not just having a go at him I love and care about me and what he is doing to his own mother I just not on.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

Wow.
I certainly do not have an answer for this.
People do drugs for many a reason and sometimes many drugs for many reasons.
That being said: I was your son at an early age and there was nothing anyone could say or do to convince me that the path I was taking was detrimental... just wanted to escape my (perceived) sorry-ass life situation(s) and anyone trying to get me to deal with them and become something better just made it worse.
Only the unconditional love from another over decades had the effect of giving me the insight, courage and strength to "get a grip" on my own self destruction. Shame, regret and the disappointment of taking a beautiful soul down with me sank in and made me start on a path of setting things aright as I would not do this for my own benefit.
Although I still use it is with a determined effort that I do not let this usage get to the point of negatively affecting my partner.
They say that love conquers all but damn, there were/are many demons I had/have to slay just to stay afloat daily. Digging down to the pits of hell to identify these demons is a major/painful undertaking in itself: To gain control of the demons is a story all in itself and brought many a dread outcome.
Not sure what to suggest but maybe he reads your lament and something "clicks"... I hope so as it would seem your torment over this is pushing you to an edge that is not uncommon but hopefully can be avoided.
Much love and looking for a less agonizing post in the near future (which is [regretfully]) probably not going to be anytime soon.

 

[Painful One]

I agree that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is the only thing to help!

I have to tell you that YOUR attitude struck me as hateful and bitter! No wonder he is having problems with drugs!
You have put him through an abusive and traumatic childhood! And I tell you what Lady, if any school teacher said that to me about my child I would rip them a new one! How is it that you would let others speak of your son this way and do it yourself?

YOU need some help as well as him. Counseling and for god sakes get some love in you!
Support your son! A person cannot be constantly ripped apart and be expected to be just fine in life!

Yeah, give me his name so I can give him some love and support.

Your post made me sick!!

 

[T. Calderone]

I've been in your shoes since my son did all that and worse. Started out with smoking weed and other drugs later. Lying, stealing, getting arrested and thrown out of school. I couldn't handle him and he ended up going to live with his dad. Eventually, he did grow into a responsible young man.

I don't know your family dynamic but maybe you could try counseling to work out a strategy. Or an impartial third party who can help you both. Lots of teenagers get into drugs and get it out of their system. Others struggle. It can't be easy for him being told he's no good like his dad. I imagine that would be detrimental to his self image.

Please don't post his Bluelight name here because shaming him wouldn't be a good thing either.

Wish you lots of luck from one mom to another.

 

[xekc]

Get off your son's back. Live your life, if you have one. Be an example, be the strong person you want your son to be. Get a life, if you don't have one. Friends, interests, good time - take good care of yourself, be happy to show how to be happy to your son. Don't be another problem in his life, weed is a good painkiller and life can be dark.

 

[NorthernGirl]

Her attitude struck you as bitter and hateful Painful One? And it makes you sick? Wow. I took from the post a mother who is struggling with her son and is alone and was seeking help and advice from this forum - only to get shut down by what I consider to be a very rude reply on your part... In fact, to use your own words - I found your reply to be both hateful and bitter. Do you have children? Have you been in her position? Your post offers nothing but negativity. I mean why bother to say anything at all?

 

[reflection1988]

There are 2 kinds of kinds that do drugs: kids that come from perfect families and kids that come from troubled families, with the latter being more difficult to deal with. I think your son in a way is just being a teenager but also if he grew up watching his dad beat the shit out of you and abuse drugs then it is probably a learned behavior he picked up at a young age. That's how I was anyway. After my terrible childhood, by the time I was 13 there wasn't anything my mom could do to stop me from doing whatever the hell I wanted. She even nailed my windows shut and put a deadbolt on the inside of the house so you would have to have a key to get out of the house. I still did whatever the F I wanted. And by 15 she realized that perhaps I was acting this way because I was traumatized from my childhood and there was nothing she could do about that. I had to do what I was going to do- live and learn. And I did. I do think that you sound a little unstable and quite selfish when you said "on some days I think it if all be better to just end it all." That sounds very selfish and how do you think your son would feel if you ended it all? Also, yes he knows what you have been through but you should not expect him to understand that or to be a "good" kid because of that. It would've been better if he didn't know. Do you really think he is happy about what happened to you? What happened to you damaged him as a child and you have to just accept that. I think you are being irrational and you have to look at the big picture here: he is a kid smoking weed coming from an unstable upbringing. Be happy he's not riding with the mexican mafia, because that's what I was doing at 13.

 

[Xorkoth]

Painful One, you know I love you, but I agree that was a little harsh, though I understand your intention as well.

To the OP, you're obviously terrified and I can understand why! But I think the most important thing you can do is swallow that and be strong for your son. Show him unconditional love, do not alienate him or it will make it worse for him. Try to be a good example for your son in the way you live your life. Be understanding and compassionate. Whatever you do, do NOT communicate to him that you are thinking of "ending it all" because of him! That is not the kind of pressure he needs. Smoking weed really isn't so bad so if he sticks to that I would consider it a win.

Being a parent is hard but you have to be the stronger one here and deal with it all while keeping yourself above the drama. Honestly I think you could use some counseling, it sounds like you've been very traumatized by life and by a past abusive relationship with your son's father. You should get counseling to help you with that, it will help you in every area of your life, not just with your son. Counseling would probably benefit your son, too. And once you've gained some insight and strength, maybe it would benefit you guys to get some family counseling to help you through this time.

You can always stick around here for support, too.

 

[Painful One]

Alright, I am sorry for being harsh. I apologize.

I'm struggling with a lot of pain myself and it certainly effects me. Forgive me.

The wording of this post struck me as harsh towards the son and taking no responsibility for the trauma the parent had brought upon her child. That being said, I want to see both of you healed and successful in life.
You both need to get some counseling and work together and form a close relationship.

Throwing out insults helps no one. I was a single parent also. I do understand. The best way I found was to always, always tell my daughter about her good qualities and to build her self esteem high. There was a time where she went through teenage drinking and experimentation but because of my close relationship with her she felt comfortable enough to call me when one of her friends overdosed. They were in real danger and if I had not been called, we would have lost a neighbor's child. She also called me when she should not have been driving.

I hope that both of you get some therapy and love one another. Support each other!!!!

 

[Painful One]

Her attitude struck you as bitter and hateful Painful One? And it makes you sick? Wow. I took from the post a mother who is struggling with her son and is alone and was seeking help and advice from this forum - only to get shut down by what I consider to be a very rude reply on your part... In fact, to use your own words - I found your reply to be both hateful and bitter. Do you have children? Have you been in her position? Your post offers nothing but negativity. I mean why bother to say anything at all?

Turns out we are dealing with a "troll" on this post!

My reaction was correct!

 

[NorthernGirl]

Lol. A troll?
I assure you I am no troll.. But justifying that to you is not important to me... I simply found your first post on this thread to be insensitive, rude and unnecessary. It appears I wasn't the only one who felt that way.. have a nice day.

 

[Xorkoth]

She's not saying you're a troll, it turns out the OP was a troll, an alt of someone who was permanently banned who was trying to mess with another poster.

 

[NorthernGirl]

Oh, I see. Thanks for clarifying..
I was not aware of those details about the OP until now..

 

[Painful One]

Lol. A troll?
I assure you I am no troll.. But justifying that to you is not important to me... I simply found your first post on this thread to be insensitive, rude and unnecessary. It appears I wasn't the only one who felt that way.. have a nice day.

No I was not saying you were a troll!
I honestly like you a lot and respect your opinion.
I quoted that post made by you because it was the post that made me re- think my initial reaction.

Lets not give this O.P what they want...to divide us! To cause hard feelings, anger, etc.
it shall not pass!!!

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

And I fell for it, too. LOL
Hey... someone at sometime may find this helpful.
Not a total waste (don't believe in it).
Have a good one my fellow space-dust neighbors.

 

[NorthernGirl]

Agreed Painful One... I apologize for my part as well... I was a little too quick to reply last week I think... Im guessing it had something to do with the fact that I myself am a single mom to an 11-year-old boy& who also has little support in terms of family nearby. So I suppose I could relate personally in some ways. I feel sad for the OP- how lame and pathetic to make up such an elaborate lie. My son is a really good kid, he plays sports and has good friends, is happy and healthy and somehow manages to keep his grades in the A range in school. I'm very proud of him!! he is still a little boy in my mind really, but I know the teen years are coming fast and I'm trying to prepare myself for that! Especially since Canada has recently legalized pot! That's great for me and my friends, ����but it's a little scary for the younger ones/ parents etc. I know kids are going to experiment, I would just like my son to hold off as long as possible. Until that beautiful brain of his has had time to develop!. Talking very openly has been my method so far... so time will tell and all I can do is trust I'm doing the right thing. Being a parent sure is hard at times as you know...
(Painful One) I have always admired your ability to spread positivity and support to others & on many forums.. you have the gift of uplifting people and I respect that. I'm glad the OPs scheme was discovered& thanks for letting me know. Wishing you and everyone a good day!!

 

[Painful One]

No problem Northern Girl. I understand and I appreciate your reply. I'm glad we are still friends!
You are doing just great with your son and he is lucky to have you for a mom!
The teenage years are tough. Hang in there through them. Just keep loving and supporting your child and all will be well.
Being a parent sure is hard at times. It is also so awesome at times too!
Talking openly and keeping the lines of communication open is the best thing you can do. Encouragement goes a long way too!
He is healthy, happy, and managing A's in school (same as my daughter always did and that says ALOT about you as a parent!
Nice job!!

I feel sorry for this O.P too but also angry that someone would continually "troll" this kind of a website!
Maybe some honesty from the O.P would be more helpful to them.

I agree with Ptah Tek- someone at sometime WILL find this useful! I believe that also!

Enjoy your day friends! May our struggles be lightened!

 

[fatstep]

Help him get to the point where he hates everything about his life and wants change. A lot of times that means going further into addiction before having a real chance to get out

 

[bomber]

How to convince him to stop drugs? I sadly can't help with that, I wish I was doing drugs right now.
What I can tell you for sure is that your boy doesn't owe you sobiety. If he get's his self high, that's something he does on his self. I mean I get you are his mother and you have the right to try stop as him as long as he ain't an adult and I hope people here help you with that, but you don't have the right to be angry on him. Your sad story with his asshole dad is heartbreaking, but not something that has to do with the boy.

edit: I just realised that the post was fake but I'll leave the answer here in case someone reading this can relate. Remember parents, your kids don't owe you being good at their own selves, it's something you wanna teach them (not sure how) but if they don't, you should still try to help them do, not feel betrayed or angry.

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

Hi I am a single mum working 7 days most weeks I have no family no support and have probably had one of the worst lives out of anyone but hey ho anyway I don't care about that I just want my son to grow up and be a happy man but he has always played me up every fucking school every teacher says the same thing "he's no good he's just like his good for nothing dad" and as if he hasn't been hard enough to deal with now he's coming home smelling of weed?! Oh and I should mention his 'father's used to beat me black and blue everyday until I coughed up enough money for his smack and he knows the horrible horrible life I've had so what does my darling son do? Starts taking drugs he lies to my face he won't say what drugs he does but I know for certain he has been taking weed I just don't know what to do anymore he just takes and takes and I give and I give and on and on some days I think it if all be better to just end it all so I don't have to see him and up like his dad I don't know why I am posting here but he uses this website I believe the way he treat me his mother is not cool I don't know how we are going to get through the last year or school every teacher every pupil he has problems with what can I do to make him see sense??

Maybe if I gave you his username you guys could tell him I'm not just having a go at him I love and care about me and what he is doing to his own mother I just not on.

To be blunt my advice would be to stay out of his life. I think you've done enough to him. If he has to go somewhere else to find life and money maybe he'll find his way. If you think I'm coming down on you and blaming you I'm not actually. You became the type of parent you did because of how you were raised and you were too young to know that having a child would just lead to misery for you and especially your child. I'm just being practical and doing my best without hardly any information. This unfortunate boy needs to find somewhere else to live where he can see people living in healthier ways.