Looking for feedback

[john10960]

Really on the edge here of confessing. I?m not sure if the positives outweigh the negatives. Don?t know if there?s a way of doing without outing these other two friends. I just don?t know.

I just feel so horrible mentally, neurochemically and the guilt. Been off the stuff for 2 days. Was doing so damn well. This is killing me.

Maybe I should give it a couple days and see how I feel?

 

[cj]

You can end the phychiatrist release you signed. Then tell him about the situation and see how advice on proceeding. Or you could go to a new phychiatrist and explain the situation.

I'm just afraid if you confess the fallout isn't going to help your mental health. But it's your life and you understand the consequences. We will support you no matter what. I guess the thing that would worry me is if you get kicked out of sober living causing your parents to cut you off financially which would make you unable to pay for your therapist or phychiatrist. That would be a very bad situation. Only you know the likelihood of that happening.

If you think you can get it off your chest in a way which minimizes the fallout. Then that might be the best course.

 

[john10960]

Im just not sure how my parents would react. I?ve been doing really well. So they might forgive me here. The sober house just has a policy where if you relapse you have to leave the house for a day and they let you come back.

Seeing another psych isn?t really an option. He?s holistic and I really like him. He?s an integral part of my team. I don?t know how much anther psych could help me. I?ve been to other ones during my last relapse and they didn?t really have much good insight. Just throwing all kinds of meds at me. Also would be hard for me to swing seeing a new psych, just so low functioning right now and might be hard to keep under the radar seeing a new one. Maybe I could discuss with him as well as my therapist about ending the disclosure agreements. But I feel eventually in some way these kids will be implicated because once I spill the beans it?s like an inevitability that it comes out. Because it?s also this kind of guilt associated with feeling like a fraud at the sober house that I feel live gotta tell my sponsor and the main guy in charge.I?ve also been pondering discussing with these kids as well how the bronkaid has really messed with me and saying I?m gunna admit to me using and I?ll keep them out of it but that doesn?t work because we were all testing false positives for meth at the same time. Again one of these kids admitted to using for workout reasons and the other denied anything. I don?t know if discussing with them would be a good idea.

Uhg i Just have no idea what to do. I feel like once I say something it?s all gunna come out. I just wanna feel better though

 

[john10960]

I?m totally destroyed by this and what or what not to do. Why does this guilt have to be so prominent now when it wasn?t before. The guilt is wrecking me internally and destroying my affect/mood.

Please god help me.

 

[john10960]

So this guilt is corrosive and eating me from the inside out. I?m going to tell me therapist as it feels like the right thing to do and makes me feel better even thinking about unloading this.

My main trepidation is not implicating my friends. I?m going to ask her to keep this confidential. I really hope she honors it.

Any recommendations on how I go about solving the friends problem? I mean I will say I did it on my own but if she ends up telling the sober house the other kids will inevitably be questioned and it might become something big.