a message from my sister

[bomber]

Hi people, my sister sent me a message yesterday and I answered her today. I'll tranlate the dialog here, as it kinda sums up my current condition.

-It's not about the money. I always find ways to work and respond to my responsibilities. The thing is I would like you to be like that. To live with some dignity, taking care of your self, your needs and responsibilities. Working to get money for ur work and study to enrich your knowledge and skils. Beeing your 21 years old little sister it feels wrong to scold you like that but I needa tell you ur life is in a complete pause. You live in shitty conditions, not taking care of your home, your health, and not even your food. Ι wont even talk much about your lifehood and the fact that you live with a small alowance that gives you some cheap food and ur cigarets.
Instead Im gonna tell you that I hope one day I will see you standing on your feet. Not expecting you to be a scientist or having a great job, but at least living with some dignity, that's all. You are 23 years old and you hardly know what a responsibility is. If you did, you would have given me the money for my rent already.
You need to take care of your home and pay your bills on time, and then you can come out and say "Ill leave as I want" dirty, with bad clothes, drinking and smoking...
You will propably not even read my entire text, as you are used in covering ur ears about stuff like this.Of course you can keep the money. Good luck anyway.

- First of all, you know I'll give you the money so cut the crap. I never close my ears to anything and you know it.
About my way of life you are absolutely right. Nothing completes me and I enjoy nothing, I basicaly feel dead inside and that is mirrored in my way of life. It's a good thing you see that and it bothers you, as it means you are not near this situation.
About you, Im trying to always be in your side and help you as much as I can, so dont even thing again about talking about money to me like this"




Some notes: The way she describes my situation is completely right, and the way I explain this situation is as right.
Recentely I asked my father for money, and he sent me 500 euros to share with my sister. I gave her already 180 so I own her 70, cause I needed some money until I got my alowance, but since my alowance got delayed I also delayed giving her the money, which is what she's talking about.
Generaly even if I live with very few money and often spent money on drugs/booze/cigarets, I also try to help her financialy, amap.
Anyone can relate or understand my situation? To sum it up, I don't like anything around me, which kills any kind of motivation to do anything, which drops my quality of life even more, which drives me in a realy shitty situation.

 

[Mafioso]

Yeah, that situation is very relatable for a lot of people I would think. It's a similar situation that eventually led to me to drug induced psychosis and seizures because I left it unaddressed. And it's a difficult thing to address... don't get me wrong, I don't say that to make it sound easy but to stress the importance.

A fairly common phenomenon is someone in your situation trying to address their feelings with a substance/drug, initially get relief from the substance but then is left feeling worse. This is a downhill cycle that feeds into itself and makes it harder to stop because when you stop you feel even shittier(for a while) and the only way you are used to addressing the problem is with drinking/drugs. It gives you momentary relief or escape but does not do anything to better your situation.

Have you tried to quit, or thought about quitting?

 

[bomber]

^ I understand what you are talking about, but that's not my case, at least not anymore. I do use drugs here and there, but more in order to get some pleasant feelings for a change, not as a coping mechanism. Most of the time I deal with my feelings sober, accepting that I just feel bad and it is what it is.
I used to use daily to hide my shitty feelings behind the temporar pleasure drugs give us but it's long now I stopped. I even almost consider my self "clean" now, because not only I use rarerly, but I aso don't even count on drugs for anything.
So to sum it up, drugs are not the problem for me atm. I know how forbiding ur self bad feelings counting on drugs can put you in a dangerous cycle, been there and snaped out of it realy painfully, but the things that drived me into using in the first plays are still around, I don't know how to deal with them and I end up ruining my own life by not willing to take care of my self and improve my life quality.

 

[Mafioso]

I guess I don't really understand what you're saying then. I don't get why you both mention drugs and alcohol if its not a problem. Even if it is sparingly, it doesn't really seem to be beneficial and it's not like you have extra money to be wasting on "booze/drugs/cigarettes". And "to get some pleasant feelings for a change" is basically the definition of coping mechanism... it's just a way of coping with your feelings.

Honestly, sounds like your sister is somewhat justified in being annoyed/frustrated with you, which you seemed to admit as well in your first response, saying "About my way of life you are absolutely right". You know you're not fulfilling your responsibilities but you also want her to understand and make exceptions for your situation, saying "Nothing completes me and I enjoy nothing, I basicaly feel dead inside and that is mirrored in my way of life." Makes sense, I want the people close to me to understand and accept me for where I am as well.

So if drugs aren't the problem, what do you think it is? What does your daily routine look like- do you have one?

 

[Mafioso]

hey I just wanted to clarify... I'm not trying to badger you about your drinking problem, or say that drinking or drugs is the cause of all your problems. From your original post, it does sound like it may be causing more problems or making things worse. At the very least, I don't think it is helping your beyond providing temporary relief that comes with consequences.

I may have mistakenly assumed alcohol to be playing a bigger role as well. I just want to make it clear that I don't think drugs and alcohol are the devil. HOnestly I don't even thing alcohol and drugs are bad in and of themselves, although they can be extremely problematic.

My point that alcohol and drugs are not really going to help you overcome depression still stands however.

If you are willing to open up more about what is going on in your life, and what your normal day and routines look like, we can have a better idea of how to help. Other people can people weigh in as well, but idk if you are going to get a huge response based on the first post.