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    Living with a long-term opiate addict; possible drug-induced psychosis; any/all help! 
    #1
    Hey ya'll,

    First, I just want to say how grateful I am that a forum like this exists. After reading what seems like the same 10 bullet points listed on advertisements for rehabs and governmental websites, stumbling onto this forum feels a little like stumbling onto the only well in a long and dry desert. Thank you all for that.

    I'm hoping for any/all advice anyone can offer on the below situation. I ran a bunch of searches on this before posting, which did help slightly. These searches didn't bring up info all that context-specific, though. If I'm wrong, and there's a LOT of information already on this, please don't hesitate to tell me, Mods -- that kind of thing can be just as helpful.

    A little while ago I took a family member to a different state to help her relocate. Up until this time, my only real memory of her was during her methadone years when she'd nod off into a plate of sliced oranges or into a bowl of cereal in the mornings. I later learned she'd been in a serious bicycle accident, which damaged vertebrae in her spine/neck, along with a slew of other injuries. This meant opiates and lots of booze when she'd run out and eventually a physical and neurological dependency, all colored by the very real pain brought on by her accident. Pretty standard.

    Fast forward dozens of years: She'd burned every other familial bridge via her opiate addiction and supplemental drinking. She was about to be on the street, so I agreed to help get her situated. No one in my family would talk to me about her, where she was mentally/physically/emotionally, with her addiction(s), so I was flying blind up until very recently.

    We are staying together in an extremely small, one-room rental until some gov assistance comes through, meaning I'm seeing a lot more of her than I, or anyone really, has before. I'm also now doling out her medication, at her request. It's a little hairy to say the least.

    She's currently on 40 mgs / day of oxycodone (four tens a day), which is a HUGE drop from the 90s or from the 00s where she was on at least 100 -120 mgs. I don't have that exact info in front of me. What seems important to me here is that she's been on some kind of opiate daily -- MS Contin, Methadone, Oxy -- non-stop, for 30 years. If she's taken a break, it's because she's out and doesn't have the physical ability to score on the street (thankfully). In the past, this is when she drinks.

    Alongside this there are a few hours each day, generally into the third and fourth hours of her pill, where she becomes apocalyptically sad, hopeless, almost catatonic in her movements. Her speech becomes slower, slurry, and she expresses her inability to say what she means to say. 45 minutes into her next dose, she finds her footing again in a renewed world. She's social and articulate and rational (!). She's totally functional in a way that one hour before I wouldn't have believed.

    I'm assuming this is (at least partially) withdrawal?

    What sometimes occurs is what's concerning me more: She appears to be having delusions for small amounts of the day, or she's only comfortable articulating them to me for small amounts of the day.

    At first, she was absolutely CERTAIN I was only helping her to spy on her and eventually have her committed. Next it was that the local authorities had been watching her because she thought she did something wrong (she hadn't). Later, she could feel the presence of an extremely abusive ex-boyfriend literally all around her. While she told me this, her eyes shifted to my left, widening as if she were seeing something. I started walking away before she realized she'd done it in front of me. She seemed embarrassed and instantly tried to explain that she just had a lot going on in her head.

    I didn't make a big deal about it with her, and I won't. I'm trying to show her that whatever it is, I won't buck. But I'm also at a loss here. I can't make her talk about these things to gauge how seriously she means them. I'm worried about undoing the trust we've built up by breaking all of this down with her doctor(s). I'm also worried about rationalizing it to the point that I'll ignore more potential warning signs. There's really no one to bounce ideas off of except for her, which won't work for obvious reasons. Based on her organizational issues and her speech patterns, I'd like to say she might have had some undiagnosed head trauma, but I have no idea.
    She's also on an anti-depressant and adderall, and up until pretty recently she was taking Lyrca.


    In the back of my head there's a kind of gnawing feeling that the more attention I give her, the more I'm giving her to potentially manipulate. I'm not necessarily new to addiction -- my brother and a lot of my close friends fell out from dope, and I've struggled in the past with alcohol -- but none of that has really prepared me for dealing with this part of it.

    To make it even hairier, we're on a sort of "countdown to withdrawal" because she doubled up earlier on. We'll be bone dry for almost a week, so I'm worried shit will hit the fan, and I won't be prepared.

    9/10s of the day she is totally okay. It's the 1/10 that's frightening.

    Thank you all so much in advance. Any/all advice would be so very helpful.
    Last edited by Depotts11; 06-10-2018 at 06:24. Reason: Turned the ?s back into commas/ polished
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    #2
    Bluelighter Painful One's Avatar
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    Unconditional love is the answer.

    No judgement, always forgive, she is suffering. Do the best you can.

    You are a good family member.

    Don't ever let her see you flinch. Go in another room and cry into a pillow if you need to. But do not let her see.

    It is amazing what just a calm hand on the back can do and a few words such as - " our boat is being rocked right now but we are alright. The waters will calm again." Just small calm reassurances.

    I'm truly sorry to hear you are bone dry on medications for a week. That is going to be bad. She will be in horrific withdrawal.
    You need to just keep offering unconditional love and reassure her that it is only a few days and we will get you comfortable and stable again. Remind her that she is feeling so bad from the withdrawal and relief is coming.

    If it gets too bad, you can give her some loperamide (Imodium) sold over the counter. It is actually an opioid that when taken in higher dosages such as 30-40 mg can take away a lot of withdrawal symptoms. It hits opiate receptors in the stomach and intestines.
    Just be careful. Not too much and only for a few days as the loperamide can cause a horrific withdrawal of its own if used for more than a day or two. It is extremely long acting. One good dose will hold withdrawal at bay for 48 hours.

    You could also try an Instacare (walk in clinic) and tell them the situation and they should at least give some comfort medications to get through this withdrawal. I would let her have a few drinks of alcohol if that helps and she doesn't have a problem with alcohol.

    She is definitely living with a condition called "chronic pain". She has underlying injuries and has been self medicating and is doing her best to "keep it together". She needs regular medication and medical help.

    Prayers going up for you both! Hang in there!
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    #3
    Bluelight Crew Kaden_Nite's Avatar
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    I would never do this for anyone. Helping someone with housing is one thing, but planning your month around her oxycodone withdrawals and taking charge of rationing and dispensing her drugs? That is not your responsibility.

    If she is experiencing paranoid delusional thoughts bordering on hallucination, she certainly should not be taking amphetamine. You say that you don't want to diminish this trust that you've established, so be honest with her.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Painful One View Post
    Unconditional love is the answer.

    No judgement, always forgive, she is suffering. Do the best you can.

    You are a good family member.

    Don't ever let her see you flinch. Go in another room and cry into a pillow if you need to. But do not let her see.

    It is amazing what just a calm hand on the back can do and a few words such as - " our boat is being rocked right now but we are alright. The waters will calm again." Just small calm reassurances.

    I'm truly sorry to hear you are bone dry on medications for a week. That is going to be bad. She will be in horrific withdrawal.
    You need to just keep offering unconditional love and reassure her that it is only a few days and we will get you comfortable and stable again. Remind her that she is feeling so bad from the withdrawal and relief is coming.

    If it gets too bad, you can give her some loperamide (Imodium) sold over the counter. It is actually an opioid that when taken in higher dosages such as 30-40 mg can take away a lot of withdrawal symptoms. It hits opiate receptors in the stomach and intestines.
    Just be careful. Not too much and only for a few days as the loperamide can cause a horrific withdrawal of its own if used for more than a day or two. It is extremely long acting. One good dose will hold withdrawal at bay for 48 hours.

    You could also try an Instacare (walk in clinic) and tell them the situation and they should at least give some comfort medications to get through this withdrawal. I would let her have a few drinks of alcohol if that helps and she doesn't have a problem with alcohol.

    She is definitely living with a condition called "chronic pain". She has underlying injuries and has been self medicating and is doing her best to "keep it together". She needs regular medication and medical help.

    Prayers going up for you both! Hang in there!
    Thank you so much for the reassurance. A part of me ends up questioning what I think to be right because I don't really know what I'm doing. I'll make damn sure she knows that I'm not going anywhere, that we'll get through this, and I'll save any of my anxieties or worries about this whole situation for this forum or for someone other than her.

    Roger on the Imodium. I'll start researching dosages/general information. I think that's a really good idea -- anything to help with the physical part of her withdrawal, esp. since alcohol isn't really an option. She becomes fairly aggressive after even a small amount (she is a very TINY woman), and I can't have her like that in such a small space.

    Thanks, also, for confirming her chronic pain. Sometimes my past experiences with my brother and his heroin addiction cloud what's ahead of me. I will try to continue separating them. I believe her pain is very real, which makes supporting her a little easier. It would be impossible if I were to constantly lay skepticism at her feet at the same time she's trying to survive/make it though this.

    Would it be alright if I were to PM you? I know I'm going to have a lot of questions while she's WDing, and having someone to ask directly would be great. No worries if not. Thanks again!
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Kaden_Nite View Post
    I would never do this for anyone. Helping someone with housing is one thing, but planning your month around her oxycodone withdrawals and taking charge of rationing and dispensing her drugs? That is not your responsibility.

    If she is experiencing paranoid delusional thoughts bordering on hallucination, she certainly should not be taking amphetamine. You say that you don't want to diminish this trust that you've established, so be honest with her.
    Intellectually speaking, I'm 100% with you. A big part of my belief system revolves around doing what you want, but also dealing with the consequences of that freedom. I'm going against that belief system every time I manage her medication for her -- I get that, and it sucks.

    My reasoning goes a little like this: If I can make sure she doesn't abuse medication while I'm with her, and if not abusing that medication means she won't experience withdrawal, and if not experiencing withdrawal means she can function a little better for interviews with gov't agencies, and if those interviews might help get her assistance/housing/food, then I'm going to offer that assistance for now. Helping her with housing and helping with her scripts, I think, are directly related.

    All of this does point out that me doling out medication is not going to help long-term. I'm enabling her, I know.

    For now, though, I just need to get her in a place to exist before I can help with anything else. Does that make sense?

    Thank you SO much for pointing out the adderall usage. I didn't even think of it. It sort of just slipped into the salad of pharmaceuticals she's already taking.
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    #6
    A few other questions I have. If any of these questions shows a large gap in my research, or if I'm misinterpreting a fairly important notion, could I ask that you kind folks let me know? I don't at all want to offend anyone. I really want to get all of this right. I've never been opiate dependent, so I really don't know.

    1) If Oxy mimics dopamine and changes the pain signals she receives, and if she's been on it for 30 years, how does she understand what the pain from her accident is vs. the pain from withdrawal? On the flip side, if oxy withdrawal causes muscular aches/pains, could it be at all possible that she misinterprets chronic pain with withdrawal pain? Are the two types of pain so different that only someone who hasn't experienced them could confuse the two?

    2) Are there any clear warning signs that some kind of hospital intervention is required OTHER than a direct willingness to hurt oneself or someone else? In all of my conversations with her, I've never once felt that she would harm someone else or herself via her delusional thoughts. This is probably a good sign?

    3) Can we say that it's "delusional thought" if she is at some level aware that it's a bad/negative thought. She may have trouble differentiating between what is actually happening vs. what is not, though it seems like she's at least aware that whatever it is is BAD, and maybe wrong. What do we think, Bluelight?

    Thanks for the help so far, ya'll. Keep it coming if you can!
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    #7
    Bluelighter Painful One's Avatar
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    Yes please feel free to p.m me. I will help the best I can.

    I have to agree about the adderall. I was like, where did he say she was using meth? Now I see it. The adderall needs to go!
    She is probably having meth psychosis! Damn I would not touch that drug with a ten foot pole!
    I know nothing of meth withdrawal.

    That being said, I believe she is truly a chronic pain patient but there are a few ways to tell- if the aches and pains (listen closely to her main complaints during withdrawl, is there like one symptom that stands out and what is it?) that she has start to improve after 2 weeks or even within 5-7 days, if she improves, it is from withdrawal. If she gets more sick, more in pain, the pain will be localized.more withdrawn.
    Chronic pain, not withdrawal! She may even beg you to kill her.

    For example, I am a true chronic pain patient. Car accident, visible injuries, no question. When I let the morphine wear off completely, I only did for one day and I just about jumped out of the car on my way to get my prescriptions. A chronic pain person thinks hardly nothing of withdrawal, except it sucks, but it is minor compared to "OMG the pain underneath this medication, might kill me and I am scared of that horrific pain. Withdrawal is kinda no big deal for me if not for that. But I am only on 75 mg a day of slow time released MS Contin (morphine). Yeah the withdrawal pain is totally distinguishable to someone who has experienced it and other, way more severe pain.

    The slurred speech- I have that too. Head injury. Mine is constant though. It gets worse when I am tired and it gets better when well rested and comfortable on my medication. People think I am from Australia apparently. Lol! I claim it! It is better than them thinking anything else. I try to look, appear as normal as possible. A chronic pain person doesn't want attention. They want to handle this huge horrific problem with style and grace. I try really hard to appear normal and I can, but not for too long. At least this is how I handle it.

    I think it will be clear if you need to take her to the e.r. I don't know of any warning signs really except with pain there is constant moaning and can be screaming. Crying, whimpering. Heartbeat goes erratic. Trouble breathing. Blood pressure. All are indicators of major pain as well as facial expression. I say when I need to go to the hospital.

    I think the meth is a problem with this delusion thought thing. She definitely can have confusion from severe pain and irritability.
    It is good she recognizes a bad thought, good thought, or even a wrong thought. Yes!
    Encourage her to Learn how to meditate and watch her thoughts and determine what needs to go and throw those thoughts out of your mind until they do not return!

    I think we need to be careful with the difference between "addict" and "seriously injured, living in severe chronic pain patient"!

    Sending you love, support, and prayers.
    Last edited by Painful One; 07-10-2018 at 00:29.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Painful One View Post

    I think we need to be careful with the difference between "addict" and "seriously injured, living in severe chronic pain patient"!

    Sending you love, support, and prayers.
    You are absolutely right, and I apologize for being insensitive. This small distinction made a big difference in the way I was thinking about her, which really opened up our ability to communicate.

    This morning we were able to have a lengthy and nuanced discussion about this very misinterpretation, and she really lit up the second I apologized for essentially doing the same thing that everyone else -- the rest of our family, the police, other 'drug/alcohol specialists' -- has been doing to her for 30 years (or so).

    Once I mentioned talking to another chronic pain survivor, you, Painful One, she really opened up about her experiences with her pain. She doubled down on the idea that the only people who confuse withdrawal for chronic pain are those who have never experienced either (me, and most of mainstream society). "Often times," she said. "I don't even try to make someone else understand. I don't have the words. Don't have the time. The energy."

    From this point, we were able to have a defenseless and intimate conversation about how the Adderall might be affecting her emotional/psychological state. We agreed that we should drop it from her list as quickly (and safely) as possible. I brought up exercise, mediation, and stretching, and she agreed. Rather than find NA chapters locally, we're also going to look into chronic pain support groups or NA programs with another focus. Do you have any experience with that?

    All in all, things are looking up. We still have a heavy week ahead of us. At least now, though, we're able to communicate about something.

    I spent the night reading as many of your posts as I could, Painful. Congrats on figuring out your correct meds/dosages. It sounds like you've really found the right place, too. This forum needs your compassion and your support. Keep it up, and thank you!
    Last edited by Depotts11; 07-10-2018 at 21:26. Reason: Deleted double quotation
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    #9
    Bluelighter Painful One's Avatar
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    Thank you my friend. ❤️

    It made my heart happy to read your post. Put a smile on my face.
    Isn't it amazing what "communication" can do and "listening" ??
    Leave all your pre-conceived notions at the door.

    I so relate to her saying that " often times, I don't even try to make someone else understand. Don't have the words. The time. The energy." I have often said that and thought, "who could possibly understand this except someone enduring this thing?" I get looked at as an addict from a lot of members of my own family. But those who have actually seen what has and does happen (my mom) she knows. At least she has some sort of an idea and has compassion.

    I'm afraid I can't write much today or tomorrow as I am also in opiate withdrawal and ALOT of pain.
    But Tuesday, I can help more.

    It sounds like you are really making progress between the two of you. Keep talking. Listen closely.

    That is great she agrees that the adderrall needs to go and has someone smart enough to help her safely taper off that.
    There are others here who could help with that. I'm so thankful she has you and I have high hopes for her! You tell her that it is possible to have a decent quality of life again with the CORRECT care.

    I see a Pain Specialist, not an addiction person! I don't attend anything AA or NA related as they made me feel worse. Telling me I was dirty because I need to use two and a half pain pills a day! Fuck them! That may be what some people need but I'm not in the category and neither is she! There are "support groups" at major hospitals for chronic pain patients. I found out about about them but have been yet too sick to go.

    I have been working out for the past two years at home. Whimpering and crying through workouts. But I have regained a lot of movement back. Meditation has allowed me to actually heal some internal injuries. I cannot recommend it enough.

    Yeah, she has been abused by others due to her condition and labeled and she just shut down. What is the use of speaking when no one hears what you are saying?

    Keep talking!! Listen!
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    #10
    hey just saying you got this i went to sub after a 10 year addiction, i was doing about 2grams a day of good H when i went to subs i was on subs 16MG 2 8mg stripsin the morning i first off will say this dope withdrawl sucksbut its not a sub WD i would recomend staying off the subs or only using them for like 2 weeks tops they are a bitch to get off of, after 3 years of sub use and klonapin 2mg a day i walked off everything one dayi said nomore long story short i ended up in a hospital and then after i got out they gave me bad medications that interacteded negativly with eachother and made my body stifffen up i was stuck all my musclesmy moulth was even stuck it looked like i had a stroke or some shit, after i went to another hospital they helped me stop that interaction the WD was still so intense this was like 6 days in i got nitrous oxide and did accuple whippets from what i rememeber. i was later told i did over 200 that night laying there in agony and i slipping intoa full blown phycosis, not fun at all. i thought i stabed someone i was going to jail i broke up with my girlfrfiend i tried letting some random person into the car, while we were driving still mind you i was crazy and i thought everyone else was insane when i was addmitted into the phycward i remeber being like i dont need to be here wtf is going on like why am i here, i remember laying down in the bed they gave me and trying to sleep i was still kicking hard obvusly fromthe subs next thing i know i woke up in yet another hospital bed with tubes down my throat and a cathitor in....... not my best moment lol i know but i was with it i pointed to the tubes like get these out of here. i went manic so they had to intubate me or put me under they told my perents at this point to not expect me to ever recover and be prepared for me to be a vegatable for the rest of my life they said it was over a 99% chance i would NOT recover and would be a veg but they said nothing is impossible, when they tryed to put me unbder my opiate tolorance was so high that they tried morphine 3 times finally they used propafol and fyntenal i have no memory ofthem strapping me to the bed and i was pulling the nurses across the roomapparently trying to restrrain me i was lifting my arms and they were slidding across the floor they could not hold the straps down i am a small guy very small lol but it took 5 nurses apparently one on each arm one on each leg and one sitting on my chest holding me down apparently it was some heavy shit i was latter told by my parents to have to watch this as i did not want to be restrained apparently..... it has been one year sence i walked and i am doing so much better i still dont really sleepfor shit but im not living in a bath tub and bugging out 24/7 they say it takes time to get back to :normal: whatever that is i used at such a young agei dont think my brain really rememebrs what that is, or i dont remember what that is like, i rememebr sitting on my couch and i jjust started cryingg one day it was like color came back and i didnt even know it had left but i damn sure knew when it was back it was beutifull, you can get through this and you will be so happy you did opiates are grate if you can take like an oxy once in a blue moon but we all know thats not how it works atleast for me its not like its the weekend i can have a beer or two or whatever cant do that with opiates i know this and i will never make that mistake again, i have a beautiful girlfriend that is soon to by my fiance we are moving within the up comming weeks out of my home town and getting a fresh start she was not from my home town i met her back when i was in college but we are planning on having kids andi can tell you for sure i will not be addicteddd to nor abusing drugs when i have a kid i have sceen first hand what happens when paretns party/do drugs with there kids i could nevereven imagine if i had a stash or a bag of h someone and my child got into it i wouild never live that down i want my kid to be prud ofme and i dont want to explain that daddy is sick cuz of this or that or he needs hismedication for whatever cuz asmy child grows up i know they eventually will just in there heads be like yeah my dad is a dope head or have there friends saying shitthat there dad is a dope head kids are mean we all know this atleast they can be either way my future kids are a very big thing to my recovery i realized the life i wanted, needed,can have , and do have is only goinhg to last if i dont use opiates my GF has never done dope she is not an addict at all actually, my whole familyis like how did YOU get HER and i now thats messed up but i ask myself sometimes that question too and the answer is because i stopped fucking up and did the right thing insteadof doing what i wanted to do like always i did what i needed to do for once and the pay offf actually was amazing so much more than i ever thought it really does open your life up everything is possible again and its not that way cuz i am high and just feeeling good i am sobor as we speak and i have so much happiness in my heart everyday i wake up and can say my name is .... and i am ....... and i am with it not lost in a phycosis anyway i have wanted to share that story for so long but not many people want to hear that story or they dont know i was an addict cuz when people find out they treat you differently and persevere you differently anyway thanks to anyone who actually felt like readding this whole thing, and just know that if you are struggling to get off i promise i really is worth it actually even though it most deffinatly does not seem like it would be worth it at the time i remeber saying fuvk this its not worth it i rather just take some sub everyday thge rest of my life.... thandeal with the lack of quality of life i was experiancing but it finally got to a point where i did start to get bettter, after 1 month i said to myself well i made it this far im not slipping up now to just have to re do everything ive just done, my GF was one of the best most insperatinol person/thing that helped me to get clean i know you arent supposed to do that or whatever but she inspired me too get myself clean for real no matter what this time but as inspiring as she was/is, it still came down to me and me not doing something stupid everyday thats what and who it comes down to its not her job to make sure i am clean dont get me wrong i love that she cares enought that if something weird was going on with me or i was acting strange she would/will ask if imok and i know if i relapes i can tell her right away she knows that too and knows that it is 100% a real possibility even though i told her its been a year ive done all this for our future family for you and for me i am personally not going through a withdrawl like that again no matter what even ifnshe was to leave me jusst hell no that WD legit kicked my asss so hard i wouldnt even think about it, ever again this was my atory and the phycosis started out ;like that i am told from my girlfriend like i would say something and she it would be out of left field but i thought i was just continuing out conversation it started out light like that my girlfiend ans her sister thought i wwas just fucking arounf at first the stims deff arent a good idea at the time for her though i agree with everyone saying that but just be there for her and if its to a point where you are worried for her safty or others saftey around her than you should admit her and i know she wont want to also if she goes intoa full blown phycosis do not tell her you are crazy also do not tell her that if she thinks she won the lotto for instance that she didnt dont break her reality if she slipsinto a full phycosis it can enrage someone in that state the doctors told me girlfriend just agree with me bassically and get me to a doctor. Also just wanted to say you are a great perosn for not giving up on her expecially at this time its the hardest time for any opiate user not saying addict(in her case i understand she really is in pain) still you are an amazing person and you should be proud of yourself for doing gthe right thing and not giving up on her, ASLO she should be so proud of herself that she has the motive to take care of this situation and manage it like she is but just watch out for the phycosis thing its scary being the one taking care of someone who slips intoone i have been toild and frompersonal experiance it can be very scary being the person in one its not an easy thing any of this for her or for you, just keep it up and keep strong and dont give up. never give up
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    #11
    Quote Originally Posted by plopie88 View Post
    i rememebr sitting on my couch and i jjust started cryingg one day it was like color came back and i didnt even know it had left but i damn sure knew when it was back it was beutifull, you can get through this and you will be so happy you did

    This a thousand times. I copy and pasted this into a word document and plan on going back to it with her later, after we've gotten through the worst of withdrawals. I'm damn grateful that you took all the time you did to tell us your story and to help us out. Good for you and your (soon-to-be) fianc? and all of your (soon-to-be) beautiful children. Keep telling people your story. If they don't want to hear it, fuck them -- they don't deserve to be around you anyway. Hopefully I can get my family member (eventually) posting on this forum, doing the same thing.

    I think it'd be a really wonderful outlet for her. I still can't believe how supportive this place is. God damn.

    Quote Originally Posted by plopie88 View Post
    The phycosis started out ;like that i am told from my girlfriend like i would say something and she it would be out of left field but i thought i was just continuing out conversation it started out light like that my girlfiend ans her sister thought i wwas just fucking arounf at first the stims deff arent a good idea at the time for her though i agree with everyone saying that but just be there for her and if its to a point where you are worried for her safty or others saftey around her than you should admit her and i know she wont want to also if she goes intoa full blown phycosis do not tell her you are crazy also do not tell her that if she thinks she won the lotto for instance that she didnt dont break her reality if she slipsinto a full phycosis it can enrage someone in that state the doctors told me girlfriend just agree with me bassically and get me to a doctor. Also just wanted to say you are a great perosn for not giving up on her expecially at this time its the hardest time for any opiate user not saying addict(in her case i understand she really is in pain) still you are an amazing person and you should be proud of yourself for doing gthe right thing and not giving up on her, ASLO she should be so proud of herself that she has the motive to take care of this situation and manage it like she is but just watch out for the phycosis thing its scary being the one taking care of someone who slips intoone i have been toild and frompersonal experiance it can be very scary being the person in one its not an easy thing any of this for her or for you, just keep it up and keep strong and dont give up. never give up
    The way you explained the early stages of psychosis is definitely what I've been seeing in her. We'll be having a relatively normal conversation about something like what she might like to eat for dinner, or what errands she has for the day, and as she half responds to my question, there will be a very sudden shift toward something that seems totally unrelated (to me), like how pasta might actually be [insert abusive ex boyfriend's name's] fault. I'll watch her sort of watch herself right then and bite down on that person's name instead of saying it fully.

    Last night, one of the bulbs burnt out in the light fixture above her bed, creating a half-shaded area in the shape of bull's horns (i.e., slightly demonic?). She wasn't able to process it on her own and asked me to make sure. She didn't specifically tell me what I should be looking for, and I didn't ask. She did bite down on the ex-boyfriend's name again as she pointed.

    I stood up on a chair. I looked down into it. I made sure to run my fingers through what I could, so she could see that nothing happened. Eventually, though, it got the best of her and we had to switch sleeping areas for the night (and likely for the rest of this week).

    Thank you for telling me what to do if she goes into a full state of psychosis. I've found some local, "just-in-case" places I can take her to, though I think if it turns to that (I fear) she will never forgive me. Maybe she wouldn't remember any of it after? I don't know. I'll do whatever keeps her alive at this point.

    We're on our last 10mgs of oxy today. She tapered down from 60-80 mgs (at the start of the month), to 40 mgs (her normal dose mid month), down to the 30, 20, and, today, 10. The interesting thing is I've yet to hear her ONCE complain of her back, neck, and shoulder pain. She might just be so good at eating the pain and not taking about it that she doesn't say anything. I don't know. I am seeing withdrawal symptoms more so than anything, but we'll see once the oxy is totally out.

    I'll keep everyone posted.

    Also, let's keep Painful One in our thoughts today. I hope you're getting through what you need to be getting through. I've got all the love in the world for all of you.

    Never giving up,

    Depotts11
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    #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Painful One View Post
    ❤️
    Let us know how you're doing today, Painful One. I've been thinking about you from my side of the planet.
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    #13
    I'll also say that it's getting harder to communicate without her breaking down emotionally. Any time we get into "it" a little, her first response is to start crying, followed by anger, followed by a little guilt, followed by blaming me, followed by some resolve. This cycle would continue for hours if I let it. I'm assuming withdrawal is fueling some of these very true and very raw emotions.

    If anything goes wrong, she blames me. She doesn't really say, "All of this is your fault!" It's more like she'll use something we talked about the day before as a way to say, "Well, you said [x], and if you hadn't said [x], I wouldn't have done [y], Depotts11."

    If I try to point out that, hey maybe we're just both misinterpreting each other, she'll shift focus again and change her line of reasoning. I'm trying really hard not to interpret everything she does, because at this point it seems unproductive. At the same time, I also don't want to dismiss her.

    We're hanging in, though!
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    #14
    Bluelighter Painful One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Depotts11 View Post
    Let us know how you're doing today, Painful One. I've been thinking about you from my side of the planet.
    Thank you sweetheart!
    I am well. No worries. I was able to make it on just a little bit of Morphine made into instant release. I was able to at least keep the leg pain somewhat numb. I made it and am comfortable and stable again. I needed to eat and sleep. Which I have done and I am going to be doing much more of now. yay! I'm grateful that I have the pain control I do. However, I want to keep it at therapeutic levels. I don't need medication making things worse either so I am trying to be very careful and wise about it.
    Using caution. I can't let myself suffer that badly either though. I'm getting things worked out and back under "management" again and I am comfortable. All is well.

    I tried a little bit of CBD oil and that really helped my leg pain and side pain. I have heard it helps for seizures too.
    I'm worried about that with your family member this week through withdrawal. Poor girl. I am so proud of you for being a good, kind human being. You have been in my thoughts also and I hope you are doing well. You are in my prayers. I know you are very strong and have a beautiful heart so that will see you through.

    Let us know how things are going when you can. Great job on having some places picked out just in case she needs medical attention.
    That is smart. The psychosis sounds like it is pretty bad then...I wish I knew what the best thing to do for her was. Is there anyway to talk to the doctor and get a refill a bit early? She is really having a rough time. My heart goes out to you both.

    Let me know if there is something I can do to help. I wish there was more I could do. Just know I am here for you. You got this.
    She is going to pull through! Just a little time.

    That boyfriend sounds like a real piece of work! He has traumatized her! She needs some counseling of some kind I would think?

    Thanks to plopie88 for the great advice! I really appreciated your help here my brother. Thank you for being so courageous and helping others. I'm really glad you made it through that and are doing well! You have a bright future!

    Love you guys!
    ❤️
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    #15
    Depotts,

    I wanted to commend you, you are a real sweetheart, not only for researching and coming on here to try to understand her, but also for really listening and believing her. That's huge.

    I am a good friend of painful one's and I am also a chronic pain patient, I have degenerative disc disease, several herniated discs and have had fusion surgeries.

    Like PO mentioned, those with chronic pain just want a little dignity and to not be treated like someone with an addiction. I think people in the general population confuse physical dependence to medication that's needed, with drug addiction. They are not the same thing.

    Please tell her there are others like her here, also in chronic pain and we would be happy to speak with her and be here for her to support her.

    Much love and support to you and your lovely family member,
    if you or she ever want to talk, feel free to pm me,
    your friend,
    Ash.
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    #16
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    Depotts,

    Please check in and let us know if you are okay.
    Really worried about you and your family member.

    Sending you lots of love, peace, and support!
    ❤️
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