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Thread: IV FENTANYL DETOX(long post)

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    #51
    PO,

    No worries, Trips a big boy and I'm sure he won't mind a little extra attention on his thread. ; )

    Love to you all, Trip, Catlady, PO, aihfl, 10, ladyh, jdfisse, save, cj and fatstep and anyone else who needs a little love and support.

    I hope every one of you is having a good day and know that none of you are struggling alone.

    here for you all anytime,
    your friend,
    Ash.
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    #52
    Haha, "Trip is trying to be a big boy," is more like it. And Ash is right PO, I definitely do not mind... the attention. But seriously, the back and forth and exchange of ideas, suggestions, and stories is only helping. One thing I've noticed from being in the hospital, outpatient, BL, and NA, is that it shows you how common these circumstances are, regardless of how severe the addiction, mental/emotional issues, or physical pain. The patterns are the same as well.
    So after all of these years of thinking how unique I was and feeling that no one would understand why I'd want to hurt myself or how I could feel so trapped that I'd ram a needle in my vein, I'm finding it's just another rewrite of the same story.
    Of course this only makes me feel sad that countless others are struggling similarly, but it is relieving to discover I'm not as much of an alien as I thought.

    PO, there has to be something to be done to improve quality of life, if only a little. You're clearly no junkhead like me lol. I'm shocked you even made it to Bluelight in the first place. I started here years ago when my recreational drug use first started. Never imagined being on this side of it (there's that pattern again).
    Your family sounds really over the top and completely backwards when it comes to prescribed narcotics. You're not disappearing for 30 hours at a time, broke even though you're constantly working, or have a history of drug abuse, from what I gather.

    I don't know them so I wouldn't know how to approach it. How can they think that removing 75mgs of e.r. Oxycodone will improve your situation? Maybe show one of them you trust this thread? And maybe black out most of my posts as if it's a classified CIA document, if you decide to do that haha.

    Once again, I highly recommend ordering some Kratom in the meantime. It could give you enough energy and relief to get to the next step. I swear I have no stake in it, and if did, I would have already traded it all for dope. PM if interested and I can give you all the info on it.

    Cat, yes I'm all in here. I never even considered being committed to being off opiates, let alone being sober. I do have almost complete shit days, today being one of them, so it's not like I'm on cloud nine 24/7, but the thought of using just isn't there, and I hope it doesn't return

    And might seem a little hypocritical that I talk about using Kratom down the line after I finish my program and my receptors are normalish, but it's not a full blown opiate. Technically it's an opioid from the coffee family with a bunch more active alkaloids in it. It also doesn't have the "pull" or "high" that natural and synthetic opiates derived from the poppy have. I have years of experience with it, and it's only helped me out of addiction. Sounds like addict it denial haha.
    Thanks everyone. Appreciate you all.
    Trip
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    #53
    Haha, you're doing great Trip, it's a process and a journey and you are well on your way.

    Quote Originally Posted by TripMcnealy View Post
    Haha, "Trip is trying to be a big boy," is more like it.

    And might seem a little hypocritical that I talk about using Kratom down the line after I finish my program and my receptors are normalish, but it's not a full blown opiate. Technically it's an opioid from the coffee family with a bunch more active alkaloids in it. It also doesn't have the "pull" or "high" that natural and synthetic opiates derived from the poppy have. I have years of experience with it, and it's only helped me out of addiction. Sounds like addict it denial haha.
    Thanks everyone. Appreciate you all.
    Trip

    Not hypocritical AT ALL!!! You do what's best for YOU. No one should be judging anyone else, if something is helping them. I am glad Kratom works for you, I have heard about it but I don't know a lot re: it.

    Sometime it sounds like you can be a little hard on yourself, so I just wanted you to know how amazing you are, and that you don't have to have things all figured out, but you've already done one helluva job!!!

    Very proud of you!!

    Have a good day my friend.

    your friend,
    Ash.
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    #54
    Bluelighter Painful One's Avatar
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    Thanks Trip. I appreciate your generosity and I agree that the sharing of stories and ideas only helps! We have come up with some actual solutions in this thread! That helps ALL of us!

    Yes. I noticed that too, the patterns are the same. I am a person who has no history of drug or alcohol abuse or even use really and look how similar the actions and behaviors are of a person seeking pain relief in comparison to an addict.
    (Sorry, I hate to even use that word. I just don't like that word. As if that is what anyone IS! )

    I have always thought that people who say themselves that they are addicts are maybe just people seeking relief from mental, emotional, or otherwise pain. Apparently, I may be wrong about that as I have been told by some that- no I just like to get high. Lol!

    I just want this pain to stop and my life back! If the pain did not disable me so badly I would still be working and carrying on through it but it has disabled me. I hate it and I don't even like to admit that! One person hitting me from behind on the freeway has completely devastated my life!

    My family are Mormon. That might explain to you about their strange ways. Extremely religious. Brain washed!
    They are over the top and backwards. You got it!
    I guess that pretty much gives my location away. Lol!
    I have never been Mormon and so they have always looked upon me as the bad one or something. I don't know.
    I don't understand why they act the way they do either.

    I am not sure if the Kratom would be something I could use as I have had Liver Failure. I walk am extremely thin line and have to keep a fine balance. I do appreciate the suggestion and trying to think of ways to help me.

    I do have a good doctor who is a pain specialist. I have been fighting it but I think the time has come for me to ask him for a bit of a dosage increase. I think I have done extremely well with the narcotic medication and keeping the dosage as low as is possible.
    I have been pretty comfortable on that dosage up until about a year ago. I just need to have a talk with him next time I see him.
    I have done so well with the medication that I only have to see him every 60 days!

    I think my family should be giving me some credit where credit is due! But they did not understand about my dads illness either.
    That was such an obvious thing and they still got offended as if he was in control.

    Maybe one has to experience having a chronic health issue to understand. I certainly was much more understanding of others without the experience. I don't know what to say about them. They are sure making this harder on me is about all I can say!

    Hopefully disability benefits will come through for me as I have worked very hard my entire life. I have even been an employer of others. I have paid into this system. I honestly miss working so much!

    I hope you have a good day today. I am so proud of you. You are doing a fine job with a very difficult situation.
    I hope to see us all successful in having the best quality of life as is possible for our situations and enjoying life again!

    Love you guys!!
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    #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by EPL1 View Post
    Haha, you're doing great Trip, it's a process and a journey and you are well on your way.




    Not hypocritical AT ALL!!! You do what's best for YOU. No one should be judging anyone else, if something is helping them. I am glad Kratom works for you, I have heard about it but I don't know a lot re: it.

    Sometime it sounds like you can be a little hard on yourself, so I just wanted you to know how amazing you are, and that you don't have to have things all figured out, but you've already done one helluva job!!!

    Very proud of you!!

    Have a good day my friend.

    your friend,
    Ash.
    I whole heartedly agree!
    Ash is so great with words!
    She says it best!

    Love you my dear friend Ash!
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    #56
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    Trip, not to burst bubbles..but Kratom is incredibly addicting. If you have made it through a good amount of time clean, I highly recommend not using kratom...it would be a major step backwards. It does the same thing to your brain that a full fledged opiate would do..it's milder but if you don't have any sort of tolerance, you will feel it. I had a decent pill tolerance after a few months of steady use a couple years ago, then lost my steady connection. I quit all opiates, since I didn't know where to get them at all, for three of four months and was doing fine without them, and then a friend of mine introduced me to kratom. I thought I had found my miracle drug. It made me feel like an opiate did AND it was legal? Get outta town! Well, I loved it for a little while and, as these things do, I developed a tolerance and started spending more and more money on kratom. Eventually, the amount of kratom I needed to feel anything made me want to vomit. It made me miss "real "opiates and I started searching for them. I found some and the rest is history.

    This is just my story, though. I know a lot of people have had luck with it and if you think it'll keep you from going back to harder drugs, then I say go for it. I'm all about choosing the lesser of two evils and I'm def. not someone who's over here preaching complete abstinence. Keep in mind I'm on 80mg of methadone a day, so I have zero room to talk. I would just hate to see you doing so well and then go to using kratom, thinking you'll be fine, and then jumping right back into that pool of addiction..not the deep end, but slowly swimming closer and closer. I'm full of metaphors today lol
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    #57
    Try not to take the sheer lack of stupidity and total lack of education on THEIR part as some sort of slight against you personally Painful One.

    It's THEIR issues, not yours. I have just got it through my head after almost a decade of suffering in chronic pain, trying to get treated better. I have found, that only those that have chronic pain themselves truly get the level of pain that we're dealing with, and are smart enough to know the difference between physical dependence and addiction. There are exceptions of course, like the people here.

    Don't waste your breath trying to make people that don't really want to understand get it. They're the dumbasses. ; )


    Love you Painful One.

    Quote Originally Posted by Painful One View Post

    Maybe one has to experience having a chronic health issue to understand. I certainly was much more understanding of others without the experience. I don't know what to say about them. They are sure making this harder on me is about all I can say!


    Love you guys!!
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    #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by EPL1 View Post
    Try not to take the sheer lack of stupidity and total lack of education on THEIR part as some sort of slight against you personally Painful One.

    It's THEIR issues, not yours. I have just got it through my head after almost a decade of suffering in chronic pain, trying to get treated better. I have found, that only those that have chronic pain themselves truly get the level of pain that we're dealing with, and are smart enough to know the difference between physical dependence and addiction. There are exceptions of course, like the people here.

    Don't waste your breath trying to make people that don't really want to understand get it. They're the dumbasses. ; )


    Love you Painful One.
    You are right Ash. Thank you! And I love you too!

    You see that I was also questioning whether I am an addict also.

    I'm done letting them give me anymore grief.
    I don't even have the energy to waste on their uneducated and wrong opinions.
    I just wish they would remain silent.

    I'm doing well..considering. I need to focus on taking any steps forward that are possible for me that I have already not taken.
    I keep racking my brain for anything else I can do to improve myself.

    How is everyone else doing today?
    Trip? Hope all is well and you have a good day today.

    It is a NEW DAY!
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    #59
    Trip! Hey! I also have a penchant for the kratom also! I have realized recently though (thanks friends!) that chronic pain doesn't an addict make!! There can be a balance! I do believe it may be harder at times but I also believe that it CAN happen. I have to....
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    #60
    Bluelighter Painful One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catlady45 View Post
    Trip! Hey! I also have a penchant for the kratom also! I have realized recently though (thanks friends!) that chronic pain doesn't an addict make!! There can be a balance! I do believe it may be harder at times but I also believe that it CAN happen. I have to....
    Good motto! I like it!!

    It is true. There is middle ground. There can be a balance. I have managed to strike a balance for nine years with not even one hour short on medication. This last year has been the problem and I now realize I need to ask my doctor for an increase in dosage.
    I tried to stick it out and ended up taking Loperamide to fill in a few gaps in medication from running myself short and I suffered 8 long weeks of ACUTE withdrawal from loperamide! That stuff almost killed me!

    Gotta keep to the medication we know works for us and does not harm us more.

    It CAN happen I assure you my dear friend! Believe it!
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    #61
    Yes Painful One!!! You go to that Doctor and you tell him!! After 9 years it's time!! You certainly deserve some peace and quality of life! I'll be thinking of you sweetie! ❤
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    #62
    Ugh that was a rough one. Last day and half was tough. Methinks I didn't realize how much I was masking the pain/symptoms this whole time. The Lyrica is definitely working though. After rolling around in pain all day, night, and morning like a pyschopath, I began to stretch out automatically and yawn. I get a few bouts of that and out of the blue the pain and muscle tightness is down from a 6 to a 2 (i consider 10 being set on fire lol).

    At a 6 or so, I can't walk properly because of muscle tightness, so it's bizarre that it loosened me up almost entirely over 30 minutes. I've noticed this yawn/stretch since my first dose of Lyrica, but not everyday and not as severe of a contrast. I just hope it keeps up.

    Thanks Ash. Yea I'm pretty certain about it, so much so that I'm waiting to use the Kratom in my room until I finish the outpatient program at the very least (90days?). I'm exploring all options though, so maybe Lyrica and something else, combined with my lifestyle change will do the trick. And as far as being hard.on myself, this junky boy needs a little toughening up, fast haha.

    10 years, I started laughing when you said "keep in mind I'm on 80 mgs of methadone..." At 60 mgs doesn't Methadone start to block the effects from even IV'ng opiates?? Anyway I get what you're saying and appreciate it. I think this is one of those "everybody's different," type of things.

    I have a few years of experience and research with Kratom. I used it to get off of Oxy, Sub tapers, prolonged use, and to manage pain in between scripts. I've found it extremely manageable and have only decreased daily dosage from whenever I started, eventually leveling off (within a gram or two) depending on strain, time of day, and how I feel; it's the complete opposite for me with traditional opiates. There's just something about Kratom that makes me doesn't pull on my "more" strings.

    For me it's very subtle and there is a specific dose for that pain relief, energy, or anxiolytic effect, any more causes nausea, dysphoria, and the "eye wobbles." So it's basically a built in anti abuse mechanism, for me. And I'm not trying to make my case, just showing how it has worked for me in the past, and how I believe and hope it will work for me in the future. Oh yea, and plain leaf only! Tinctures and all those Kratkom extracts do not have all of the above and act more like vicodin/percocet, addiction wise.

    PainfulOne you had me laughing as well. Hmm I wonder where... one of the most beautiful states to drive through (next rest stop 150 miles!!!Texas wasn't even that cruel). As far as people understanding, my theory is: I don't need to be skinned alive to know that it is an absolutely awful experience, putting it lightly. So I don't need empathy or complete understanding to have sympathy for something someone is going through. I don't get the lack of insight people have sometimes, but you're definitely not alone PO, although it seems your engulfed by these types.

    My father and sister, who have no idea about what's been going on with me, as well as my mother who does know a decent amount (she's the one who's been taking me to doctors as a teenager) have been arguing with me about everything related to whatever it is that I have from day one. Last night my sister witnessed me during a flare up and had to leave and go to her apartment. She messaged my mother confused and scared I guess. After 15 years she finally saw what she only heard a little bit about.

    So I can only imagine how stubborn your family is, since you have visible pathological injuries. It's definitely time for the next step. Just be cautious with narcotics. It seems you're the only one on Bluelight who is too cautious with drugs. Have to get some life back, no?

    Catlady, yes absolutely. I just have to be extra cautious since I have crossed the line and the 17 lines after that lol. I'm definitely not falling back into addiction, I'll commit Sepuku before that happens. I know millions have said it before me, well maybe not the Sepuku part haha, but addiction only compounds more symptoms on top of pre.existing conditions. I'm done with all that nonesense.

    Thank you all again for the therapy session.
    Trip

    Jeez Painful. Loperamide is dangerous to use since such high doses are needed to get any relief. I've eaten many a box, and drank many a bottle in gas station parking lots to make it through a few hours. Makes you feel awful and is toxic at those doses. It's an ugly state of affairs I say!
    But seriously, when you do go, you may have to be firm or even pushy with your doctor. Because of the opiate epidemic, legitimate scripts are being withheld. Most likely, he won't have an issue given your history, but just be prepared to not back down. Remember it is your life we're talking about.
    Last edited by aihfl; 19-10-2018 at 04:38. Reason: consolidated posts
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    #63
    Hi Trip! How's your day going?

    I'm not on methadone - that was someone else's comment. Nada me.

    I'm on Subutex. It seriously was a big step going on Subs. I put alot of thought into it I managed to get myself re-addicted by chipping. Never a good idea. So, here we are. For now anyways.


    As far as Kratom, it sounds like you're experienced with it, know your limits, ideal dose, etc. If it works for you, great. I would use it if it helped.

    I tried Kratom for w/d a couple times. I probably ingested 15-20 grams, and it was not a good experience for me. It caused anxiety and nausea, and didn't help w withdrawal.

    Not to mention choking on it lol - and coughing out a greenish brown cloud. My God does that stuff taste awful! I was so bummed out that it didn't help me. After frequently reading about it on BL, I ordered it. So yeah, I'm in the percentage of people it doesn't help. Dammit.

    I'm hanging in there. Today, I ran into a friend I haven't seen for a couple of years. He had a friend w him...that is a dope dealer. Really?! I'm too low on money, even if I wanted to use, I can't afford to. It was triggering. I felt a feeling of regret (that I can't afford it), and sadness. Gee-Zus! It's unbelievable that these strong feelings accompany meeting a dealer.

    I hope you had a pain-free, great day!
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    #64
    That's it... i'm triggered and going back to Mother O. Just lost my entire post, and you know my posts are long AF. Lol i'll give it a go again after outpatient and gym.
    Hope everyone's not in too much pain.
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    #65
    Yeah- Fucking Hate that!! 2 days ago, I wrote a mega long post. A detailed post about detoxing in jail, etc.

    It was hella long. I don't even know what my finger touched, but it zapped my post into Oblivion. I lost my shit for a couple of minutes.

    Or when you get "timed out" because your post is long. Ok. O.M.G.

    Today is just a slow Saturday. I'm doing little things I've been procrastinating about. Hanging lights, hot gluing things - you know, being "normal". And I use that word loosely.

    Boredom and anger are my biggest triggers. I'm feeling a little bored, such is life.

    Hope you're having a great day.
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    #66
    Haven't chatted with you in a few, you good trip?

    Thinking of you and I hope you're doing really well!!!!


    Hugs,
    your friend,
    Ash.
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    #67
    Wassabi Trip?

    Hope you're having a pain-free day.

    Thinking of you and sending lots of positive vibes.
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