I?ve decided I?m not going to do MDMA or dexamphetamine for quite a while. There was a period of 3 months frim October till New Years in 2017 when I was on mandy or garrys approximately once every 1.8 days on average. A lot of the time I would binge for 3 or 4 days which I assume is worse for serotonin depletion. At that time I did the same thing with dexamphetamine, 3 or 4 day binges but I also had periods of staying off them for a week or two until I got my prescription again. I last took dexamphetamine about 11 hours ago, and before that 2 days ago, and before that a few weeks. I didn?t do it much over the summer, either, and I got on MD more than usual over the summer but more than usual now means more than once a month. I?m not sure if it?s been a month since I last got on it.

I realized today while I was coming down that the reason I?ve started to become so socially unresponsive and just unmotivated to interact with other people is because taking pretty much any stimulant changes my behavior in a very negative way. Beak makes me so aggy that most people would think I was a cunt if I were to make any first impression on them, speed spaces me out and it becomes hard(er) to interact with people, and MDMA does the same but in a more psychotic way. I?m really really worried that my ability to form and maintain relationships is under threat. There are times when I feel normal but not often. I?m 16, just finished school and starting A levels, and I feel like this is a time when I?m going to be meeting a lot of new people, and I need to feel normal when I do or I?m just going to be written off as mental.

How long do these changes in behavior last after continuous amphetamine use? I don?t think I?m addicted to MD anymore and I?ve stopped getting cravings. I had 15 10mg dexamphetamine pills in my room for 3 weeks and didn?t take them so I can?t be addicted to speed anymore either. I?m definitely addicted to codeine but other than making me depressed I don?t know if that would change my behavior.