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    My Daughter in law is having an affair ??? 
    #1
    Silenceisgolden
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    Shes been having a physical affair going on 3 years with a close friend of his since high school.
    My daughter in law (33) of 8 years admitted to me that she is having sex with his younger friend. Shes been unhappy with "certain things" in their marriage for sometime and has been having a physical affair . ( yes we have conversations like this as her OWN mother is absent from her life ) and whenever she would try to talk with my son (35) about it and "improve the situation" he gets irritated and changes the subject. She says she still loves him emotionally and as a person and dosent have any emotional feelings towards his friend. I know she dosent wanna break up their family just because of sex but just isnt satisfied to him sexually because if his lack of " intimacy " .

    Im a 60 year old divorced mother
    I know cheating is bad
    I hate her for doing this to my son ,
    Its not fair to him
    I love seeing my two grandkids ,
    It would kill him to find this out ,
    MY sons personality he'd lose confidence and go into a deep depression like stage.
    He gets embarassed easily.
    Can be flippant with and be a sassy at times
    Hard headed sometimes and immature.


    Normally I wouldn't get involved in adult kids relationships especially at THIS age but having sex with another guy ( especially a friend of his ) is still breaking the marriage vows.

    What should I do or not ??
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    #2
    So what. Leave people to their own. Everyone cheats, no exceptions. Everyone lies, no exceptions. Everyone gossips, no exceptions. Such is life. I don't know one man friend married or not that does'nt have pussy on the side. All guys know this unspoken way of how it is.......
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    #3
    Bluelighter madness00's Avatar
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    I think you should tell your son.

    Cheating is a nasty thing to do. Even if someone has an excellent reason to do so, you at least consult your partner before screwing around. Some guys let their girl have affairs, because they know they can't satisfy them sexually - they're called cuckolds. Maybe that could be your son.

    Or, they break up. It's up to him.. but i think the bottom line is there should be no secrets. Sure, some white lies, but who you're spending time with in bed should not be a secret don't you think?

    So what if he gets depressed.
    He will find out sooner or later, and the later it is the harder he will fall.
    She even said she is trying to tell him about her situation, so you know it's either going to come from her or he'll find out.

    I've cheated many times, and it was exciting.

    But if i found out i was being cheated on, i'd lose my mind.

    I guess my advice is coming from your son's point of view.
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    #4
    Don't tell him. Nothing good can come of it.
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    #5
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    Pretty_Diamonds's Avatar
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    Tell her that she needs to push for couples therapy. And tell your son to please do it too.

    Tell her that you'll give her a couple months to get into therapy before you tell him something. That way, at least they will work on their issues in therapy. Your son can't just get mad and not talk about things -- that's not a solution. They will divorce and she will leave him if they keep on this path.
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    #6
    Administrator spacejunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quiet roar View Post
    Don't tell him. Nothing good can come of it.
    agreed.

    if she confessed to you, speak to her about it. if you think your son needs to know, tell her that.
    ✺✹✺✹BLUA✺✹✺✹
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    #7
    Bluelighter w01fg4ng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Diamonds View Post
    Tell her that she needs to push for couples therapy. And tell your son to please do it too.

    Tell her that you'll give her a couple months to get into therapy before you tell him something. That way, at least they will work on their issues in therapy. Your son can't just get mad and not talk about things -- that's not a solution. They will divorce and she will leave him if they keep on this path.
    This.


    Communication is the most effective form of intimacy.
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    #8
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    F.U.B.A.R.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JK25 View Post
    So what. Leave people to their own. Everyone cheats, no exceptions. Everyone lies, no exceptions. Everyone gossips, no exceptions. Such is life. I don't know one man friend married or not that does'nt have pussy on the side. All guys know this unspoken way of how it is.......
    That's not actually true. Just because everyone you know are a bunch of desparate dawgs, doesn't mean that everyone is the same. Some of us have morals you know?
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    #9
    Bluelighter madness00's Avatar
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    Damn.

    Now i feel like i gave horrible advice.

    Agree with the couples therapy comment.

    Good luck.
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    #10
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    andyturbo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JK25 View Post
    So what. Leave people to their own. Everyone cheats, no exceptions. Everyone lies, no exceptions. Everyone gossips, no exceptions. Such is life. I don't know one man friend married or not that does'nt have pussy on the side. All guys know this unspoken way of how it is.......
    Ive never cheated on anyone (havnt got the heart too) and I know many faithful guys.
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    #11
    Bluelight Crew alasdairm's Avatar
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    he’s going to find out eventually. how’s he going to feel when he finds out his mother knew and he didn’t?

    alasdair
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    #12
    Bluelighter madness00's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alasdairm View Post
    he’s going to find out eventually. how’s he going to feel when he finds out his mother knew and he didn’t?
    Yeah this was my original point.

    But the more i think about it, instead of abruptly telling him and him suiciding, i'd encourage her to go for couples therapy.

    I don't think she'll have reason to say, "BTW i told your mom", unless she was purposely trying to piss him off.

    And in that worst case scenario, you can tell your son you didn't want to anger him and wanted the best for the relationship AKA therapy.
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    #13
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    I would be asking your daughter in law what she would like you to do with this information. Is it possible that she's told you so she won't have to tell him herself? I agree with you that her cheating is not fair to your son and her expecting you to keep quiet is not fair to you either.

    She's putting you in a difficult position and should come clean with him. I don't care what her rationale is for having this affair with his friend, but make it clear to your daughter in law that you don't feel comfortable knowing this and she ought to fess up.
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    #14
    Bluelighter SamanthaB's Avatar
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    Dear Silenceisgolden,

    What a terrible position for your daughter-in-law to have put you in, at least initially. I feel really badly for you. But, be that as it may, you now know and have since she confessed this to you the first time. However, you need to extricate yourself from any and all conversations with her about her marital problems with your son immediately. I would tell your daughter-in-law, nicely, that you will not discuss this situation with her again, other than to say she needs to seek therapy for herself to figure out what she is going to do about this, if anything. If she does or does not go, that is her decision, and there is nothing you can or should do. Hopefully, she will, and by going she will make some decisions that may include getting couples therapy for she and your son, but that is for her to deal with with him.

    By staying involved in this situation in any way, you will only be making things worse, not better, for everyone involved. You cannot fix this situation no matter what your feelings are about who is doing what, how your son may react, who he is, who she is, etc. As far as whether you should tell your son, absolutely NOT!!! Your son is a grown man, and at this point in life, he has to deal with his own life and marriage. In addition your staying "knee deep" in this situation does not, and will not, guarantee that your relationship with your grandchildren will stay intact.

    Will any of this be easy for you? Absolutely not. The cat is out of the bag as far as the information you have and need to keep to yourself, but I hope you will be thankful someday that you stayed out of it. One last point, if your son tells you he is having marital issues or you ask him how things are going at home and he volunteers that not so good at some point, you can certainly encourage him to seek help.

    Good luck with this and get back to us and let us know how things go.
    Last edited by SamanthaB; 01-10-2018 at 20:07.
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