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Thread: Keep messing up every few days

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    Keep messing up every few days 
    #1
    Hi I've been really struggling lately. Bout five years ago I went into rehab for a few months( for meth heroin and crack. i have been in and out of rehab countless times) but this time it really seemed to work. Anyway about a year ago I started dabbling again and a few months ago I got myself a codeine habbit (400mg a day) I went to drs and got a week's worth of diazepam (which I swallowed the lot when I got home) and then spent just over a week feeling like shit but managed to do a home detox. The thing is after that I can't go two days without snorting tex or doing codeine. I live in a rural area and the nearest meeting is too far away from me to get to. Anyway I thought I'd try get involved in this forum as I've been lurking in the background for a while and hopefully chatting to like minded people will help.
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    #2
    Bluelighter ladyhlove's Avatar
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    Welcome, Metalic

    I had a hard time with "dabbling" as well when I first started my recovery, which led me back into active use. It's rough. I used to be able to dabble here and there for years while maintaining a normal life, but I had to basically tell myself that I can't do that anymore, my relationship with opiates has changed since then.

    Like I said, welcome!
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    #3
    Hi lady thanks for the welcome i keep telling myself no more and then keep going back to it I'm just afraid I'm going to end up in the dark mess that I usually end up in
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    #4
    Bluelighter ladyhlove's Avatar
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    I have a really hard time listening to that voice that says "no more". My self control sucks.

    i do find, however, that saying no gets easier and easier the longer you stay away from the drugs. Sure, you'll still have those craving moments here and there, but they become weaker and fewer as time goes on without drugs.

    One thing that helps me is knowing that one more use could mean death for me. Fentanyl is killing people left and right down here (and pretty much everywhere in the US right now) and I've known quite a few folks who have died just from one bad batch. I might intend to only use one more time, but that could be the time that does me in for good. Something to keep in mind.
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    #5
    Yeah I hear you. Also whilst dwelling of what was different to my life whilst I had my clean period was that I was going to the gym so tomorrow I am going to sign back up to my local one again instead of "just a little dabble"
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    #6
    Bluelighter
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    There are certain things with which I absolutely cannot safely "dabble": alcohol, amphetamines, cocaine, opiates/opioids. I've tried moderate use of these things again and again and again but sooner or later I always end up a mess. I can smoke a little weed, but that's all. Probably because I can take it or leave it.

    Peace&Love,
    jasper


    If I get run over by a train, it's not the caboose that kills me.
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    #7
    Did you have a rough childhood? did people in your family kill themselves? do you have trauma or otherwise experienced physical or psychological abuse?

    have you tried some real therapy and/or prescribed medication?

    why do you use drugs? when do you use meth, when crack, when heroin?

    do you mix them or take them seperately?

    I'm asking all of this (not expecting you to answer me but rather yourself honestly), because obviously something is going on with you that maybe should be looked at or dealt with first. then afterwards staying off drugs could get easier. just a suggestion. much love to you.
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    #8
    Cheers dipitch. Today I joined the gym and haven't picked up (which I'm quite proud of mysekf) i think I just need more in my life I'm thinking about doing some sort of evening class and try and get out of this rut.
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    #9
    Well I'm on day two and am craving so bad I've just got home from work and being Saturday night I would redo be reaching for a fix but I'm going to get a shower a head out to the gym. Work was ok but felt like the minutes were hours and hours were days because I've been obsessing all day. But I'm not going to give in today.
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    #10
    Bluelighter
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    What's up and welcome... Just curious but have you looked into suboxone? Might be a little much for a codeine habit though. I'm on 80mg of methadone but I had a major opioid/opiate habit. Methadone would be WAY to much for a codeine habit so I would stick to Suboxone if you went that route. Good luck and keep your head up. Relapse is a part of recovery so don't beat yourself down too much... cool?
    Last edited by DrewDogBaby209; 22-09-2018 at 23:57.
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    #11
    Thanks drewdog i have had methadone and subs many times in the past for h. I believe I need to find fulfilment else where and filling up my spare time after work ie, gym, classes etc. I did a home detox not long ago for the codeine so I'm not physically dependent on it I just snorting subdued and mabey doing some codeine if I can't get subs every few days
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    #12
    Not subdued in ment subutex
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    #13
    Bluelighter
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    My bad didn't know you did H... Just keep trying and if you fail get right back up and don't be ashamed to look into subs or methadone. The goal is to get off of street drugs and become stable and happy without withdrawal. Good luck and God bless your journey.
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