running on fumes

[user name1]

can't seem to remember myself at all - childhood is a blank, teenage years just a few blurred images and now for like 37 years it's all looks the same like a prison meal or something. it's like i don't know myself. i guess what i mean is apart of like 5 or 6 special moments (which also are not remembered quite vividly) my life seems like one long and boring rerun of a painful day. i have no idea what happend or why i'm wired this way. had all kinds of neurological tests and nothing abnormal was found. psychologically i was diagnosed with all kinds of shit - every doc found something else and if i am to believe them so i got the entire dsm-5 written about me. i don't care what's my diagnose or what led me to this miserable life all i want is for the situation to get a tiny bit better, to not contemplate suicide every fucking day with the sad understanding that i probably won't ever be able to pull it off would be like winning the goddamn lottery. all my life i've been running on hope and now i'm all out. don't believe in redemption or happily ever after. i've been this way for too fucking long. nothing works in my case and i tried hard. i really did. there's nothing good out there for me. what a fucking waste i guess.

i think that if H was like it used to be 20 years ago (don't i know i sound old) and not stepped on with god knows what in my corner of earth i would gladly return to using as subutex is not working for me , obviously. a sense of false purpose (getting a fix, "9to5", whatever) in my book at least is better than just waiting to dear ol' death (preferably gentle) knock on the door...

 

[JK25]

can't seem to remember myself at all - childhood is a blank, teenage years just a few blurred images and now for like 37 years it's all looks the same like a prison meal or something. it's like i don't know myself. i guess what i mean is apart of like 5 or 6 special moments (which also are not remembered quite vividly) my life seems like one long and boring rerun of a painful day. i have no idea what happend or why i'm wired this way. had all kinds of neurological tests and nothing abnormal was found. psychologically i was diagnosed with all kinds of shit - every doc found something else and if i am to believe them so i got the entire dsm-5 written about me. i don't care what's my diagnose or what led me to this miserable life all i want is for the situation to get a tiny bit better, to not contemplate suicide every fucking day with the sad understanding that i probably won't ever be able to pull it off would be like winning the goddamn lottery. all my life i've been running on hope and now i'm all out. don't believe in redemption or happily ever after. i've been this way for too fucking long. nothing works in my case and i tried hard. i really did. there's nothing good out there for me. what a fucking waste i guess.

i think that if H was like it used to be 20 years ago (don't i know i sound old) and not stepped on with god knows what in my corner of earth i would gladly return to using as subutex is not working for me , obviously. a sense of false purpose (getting a fix, "9to5", whatever) in my book at least is better than just waiting to dear ol' death (preferably gentle) knock on the door...

You are special because you are a human on a spiritual journey and every life is different to every person as nobody walks on the same path in life. Even if is seems like only a few, but you should treasure those special memories as they will last forever. I don't know you at all but please remember that you too are very special and unique. I can only show love to you as this is the person I am. Let's be friends if you want I'm sending you a request then we can talk about shit all night long.

I hope you are well. Have a wonderful day further.

 

[Legerity]

No matter how long things have been difficult, there is always the possibility of change. Having mental health symptoms can make things more difficult for some people but even these can improve over time in many cases. Don't be too hard on yourself and try to be patient.

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

can't seem to remember myself at all - childhood is a blank, teenage years just a few blurred images and now for like 37 years it's all looks the same like a prison meal or something. it's like i don't know myself. i guess what i mean is apart of like 5 or 6 special moments (which also are not remembered quite vividly) my life seems like one long and boring rerun of a painful day. i have no idea what happend or why i'm wired this way. had all kinds of neurological tests and nothing abnormal was found. psychologically i was diagnosed with all kinds of shit - every doc found something else and if i am to believe them so i got the entire dsm-5 written about me. i don't care what's my diagnose or what led me to this miserable life all i want is for the situation to get a tiny bit better, to not contemplate suicide every fucking day with the sad understanding that i probably won't ever be able to pull it off would be like winning the goddamn lottery. all my life i've been running on hope and now i'm all out. don't believe in redemption or happily ever after. i've been this way for too fucking long. nothing works in my case and i tried hard. i really did. there's nothing good out there for me. what a fucking waste i guess.

i think that if H was like it used to be 20 years ago (don't i know i sound old) and not stepped on with god knows what in my corner of earth i would gladly return to using as subutex is not working for me , obviously. a sense of false purpose (getting a fix, "9to5", whatever) in my book at least is better than just waiting to dear ol' death (preferably gentle) knock on the door...

I don't know if you go in for Philosophy or not but Schopenhauer had a lot to say about your condition, which btw is also mine. I find great comfort in his words and maybe you will too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t9HaH7Iiic