Well everyone, I think I'm on my last run.

[NorwegianElkhound]

So I went to a treatment center in Cali not long ago and they put me in an IOP for about two weeks. I got kicked out of IOP for what they think was a 3 day binge - the binge really lasted about a week. I'm also on DOC probation too and I met with my PO today, told her I was using, and she let me easy but now my PO is entwined in this recovery thing and she has the power to lock me up for a long time if it fails.
I'm just so sick. Once I start, I can't stop. I binge on it everyday until I don't have anymore. I'll come up with justifications to why I continue to use, but it always ends badly. Sometimes I feel like there needs to be another tragedy for me to be completely ready, but I'm really fucking close. I think it's finally time to get involved in recovery. I just have too much to lose right now. I'll still stick around BL to help others out in the name of harm reduction. I feel like even though I'm in a way helping people lose drugs, I'm doing more help then harm by potentially saving lives. I'm not ready to die.

Is anyone else here in recovery?

 

[NorwegianElkhound]

Some typos in there I've been smoking good weed

 

[JK25]

I smoked some dank bud out of my grannies glass pipe douche once. Spitting out curly wurlies and the lot.

 

[VerbalTruist]

I've got 7 years an change free of opiates. The best thing you can do is make a clean break from everyone who supports you in your use. Lose your phone. Move somewhere new (which I understand might not be possible), but you could move somewhere that isn't where you are. Be free of all the things holding you in your addiction and it makes it easier to quit.

It sounds like you've got opiate use going on. Quitting is hard, but not impossible. You have to have people in your life who can be supportive. Support groups can be found in meetings too. Everything you need is out there you just have to go and get it. And that's hard right now, but do you want to get locked up where you'll have to detox anyways? And that detox will be fucking hard.

Edit: Take a break from Bluelight. Being there for other people and harm reduction is great, but this place is a HUGE trigger to use. Browse Reddit, get involved in some non-drug communities there.