NorwegianElkhound
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2018
- Messages
- 202
So I went to a treatment center in Cali not long ago and they put me in an IOP for about two weeks. I got kicked out of IOP for what they think was a 3 day binge - the binge really lasted about a week. I'm also on DOC probation too and I met with my PO today, told her I was using, and she let me easy but now my PO is entwined in this recovery thing and she has the power to lock me up for a long time if it fails.
I'm just so sick. Once I start, I can't stop. I binge on it everyday until I don't have anymore. I'll come up with justifications to why I continue to use, but it always ends badly. Sometimes I feel like there needs to be another tragedy for me to be completely ready, but I'm really fucking close. I think it's finally time to get involved in recovery. I just have too much to lose right now. I'll still stick around BL to help others out in the name of harm reduction. I feel like even though I'm in a way helping people lose drugs, I'm doing more help then harm by potentially saving lives. I'm not ready to die.
Is anyone else here in recovery?
I'm just so sick. Once I start, I can't stop. I binge on it everyday until I don't have anymore. I'll come up with justifications to why I continue to use, but it always ends badly. Sometimes I feel like there needs to be another tragedy for me to be completely ready, but I'm really fucking close. I think it's finally time to get involved in recovery. I just have too much to lose right now. I'll still stick around BL to help others out in the name of harm reduction. I feel like even though I'm in a way helping people lose drugs, I'm doing more help then harm by potentially saving lives. I'm not ready to die.
Is anyone else here in recovery?