Advice for the sibling of a heroin addict

[siblingadv]

Hello, I'm not a member and I don't post here, but this forum and erowid are my first places I look to whenever I have questions about substances.

Long story short, one of my siblings is an active IV heroin addict. I have hard (I recently found part of their gear in a guest room they were staying in), and circumstantial evidence of their recent use. It's at the point that said sibling is committing crimes to support their habit, and it's having an extreme negative effect on one of my disabled parents, and generally making the people caring for said parent (myself included) lives' more difficult. My parent's condition is terminal, and hospice has provided us with a "comfort box" of powerful drugs including morphine and benzodiazepines for managing their pain and anxiety. I'm pretty libertarian when it comes to drug use, but it has gotten to a point where dealing with the fallout from this addiction is making our already harrowing workload much more difficult to manage. I also obviously have concerns with theft of my parent's drugs, and identity theft/bank fraud, which is how my sibling has made money in the past.

As a sibling, what can I do to address this situation? I'd especially appreciate input from current/former heroin addicts. The other caretaker and I have taken steps to secure the drugs and any personal documents whenever they are staying at the house. In my opinion, the sibling should not be staying at the house at all under the circumstances. They seem to only drop by to do laundry or when they need a place to sleep anyway. My parent is in denial of the situation and refuses to take any action. I've tried to be supportive and non-judgemental, but my sibling seems to have little interest in changing their lifestyle. I'm really at a loss.

I'm sorry this entire thing seems swimmy and impersonal. I actually have great affection for the person I'm talking about, and I'm trying really hard not to make moral judgements about them. I'm just a bit paranoid, and I feel like if they ever found out about my knowledge of their entire situation I'd have fewer options to address it. That may be the wrong approach, but this is uncharted territory for me.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation - talk about 'caught between a rock and a hard place'. I think you really need to talk to this person to make it clear you know what's going on, but you need a softly softly approach. Be sympathetic and non judgemental otherwise they'll just clam up on you. You have to try and appeal to whatever may be left of their better nature. If they are under the impression they've been hiding it well and getting away with stealing drugs and money, they'll just keep doing it. At the same time, you will need to set boundaries. Addicts are like children - impulsive, manipulative and selfish. You need to make it clear their behaviour will not be tolerated in your house, but you will support them if they choose to seek help with their addiction. Be aware though that an addict will NOT seek help unless they are ready - if they feel like they're being coerced, they will go the other way. It's going to be extremely difficult, but leaving things unsaid is just enabling the addict.

Best of luck...

 

[Mafioso]

I don't think you should be afraid of doing something that might seem extreme, like kicking him out of the house or calling the cops. If the parents are in denial, you could so something like set up hidden cameras in the house to catch him in the act and prove to your parents and possibly also use as evidence. It may be difficult to actually press charges if he is stealing from your parents, so a more direct approach of confrontation then removing all possible access to valuables might be a more simple route. It is completely within your right to protect yourself and your possessions even if it means he spends some time in jail. Ultimately, he is sick and needs to get help but he might need some consequences before he is truly motivated to change. It might help to convey all this to him, and to tell him that you'd rather help him that fight him but you can't allow him to keep hurting the family. Maybe change all the locks and only allow him supervised visits to do laundry, and if he is taking advantage of your parent's illness, possibly get a restraining order?

I'm sure it's a very sad thing to watch another family member go down hill like that. I know I caused my family a lot of grief. It's a difficult time. His disease is running his life and is starting to spill into those closest as well. At this point, it's sort of damage control and making sure your own lives are taken care of so you can be supportive when he is ready to get help(if you choose to do so, you are not obligated).

 

[Jabberwocky]

until he wants to, he won't change, you can't make him, so you need to limit damage to yourself and your family. if you can, and can be bothered, you can try and limit the damage they can to do to themselves by securing any assets and getting them a basic health check up- not to try and get them into recovery, just t check there's nothing else.

don't be judgemental. my sister is very judgemental of me and i find it difficult. i know she's right, that i could have just not taken every drug i've taken, and i should have more respect for my family. but inducing guilt and shame creates a good excuse for your sibling to use.

stop everything that is facilitating his addiction. get professional advice about codependency if necessary, because you may not be aware of some of the ways you are unwittingly supporting his destructive behaviour. you will feel harsh but in the long term you're helping.

i'm so sorry you have to cope with that and your parent dying at the same time. though you've given me motivation to recover- my dad had cancer recently, my parents aren't getting any younger. i don't want to be that sibling.