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Thread: Why did you keep using when you weren't getting high anymore?

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    Why did you keep using when you weren't getting high anymore? 
    #1
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    The obvious answer is to prevent getting sick but in my experience i was chasing something that was no longer there. The euphoria was gone but the anticipation for the next dose was still there, so i just got attached to that feeling.

    How did you feel in this state? Did you feel defeated, desperate, etc?
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    #2
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    I did it for the same reasons you state. The primary reason, at first, was because I was conditioned to anticipate the next dose, because of how it used to make me feel. The same reason I use nicotine these days... it's something to do, to break up my day. Something to look forward to. The ritual of preparing it and ingesting it and anticipating the "high" becomes better than the high itself, once you stop really getting high. Then, eventually, I started feeling SO bad without it (it was also kratom, and then harder opiates, for me) that I was using it to prevent myself from feeling absolutely terrible, even though at best, it just made me feel only slightly terrible.
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    #3
    With Adderall, I was chasing euphoria at times, but it became deeper than that. I convinced myself it had become my identity. I convinced myself it was the only way I could maintain my relationship. The drug lies to you. It was a vicious cycle. I would get my script, feel like life is good and right again for maybe a day or two, then this intense guilt and self-hatred set in. I knew it was backfiring and changing my personality for the worst. Then comes the irritability, isolation and being completely disconnected from the world even while on it. At first, Adderall is the best ever.

    I broke free though because I couldn't stand turning into a person I didn't want to be, all angry and guilty because I was still using and knew it wasn't working anymore.

    I'm just grateful I decided to cancel scripts BEFORE I broke up with my boyfriend. If I had broken up with him while using, it would have kept the vicious cycle going. When you break up, you feel the drugs are all you have left. Deciding to quit before a break up, could have saved my life. Of course it wasn't planned that way, it just happened thank God.

    Once you realize the drug isn't working or that your use has gotten out of control, it's best to quit while you're ahead before you end up with psychosis, in a hospital or dead.

    I have ADHD, major depression and anxiety so it was a legit reason to take it, but addiction sneaks up on a majority of people. It fools you into thinking you still have control over it somehow until you get completely honest and realize you don't.
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    #4
    Its complete nonsensical to keep smoking crack after half a dozen rocks for me as i get nothing off it but its almost like I keep going just incase I catch the feeling that I am after makes no sense and at the same time is perfectly logical considering just how addictive the drug is.
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    #5
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    A lot of people report using in attempts to just feel normal. Sometimes people don't even start using drugs for the good feelings so much as to escape negative feelings. Like struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one, difficult situations, mental illness, chronic pain and illness, and so on. The drug often becomes the means by which the person copes with all of life. Feeling like they "have to" use in order to keep up with their responsibilities is another big one. At the time, drugs were the only way I knew how to handle my problems.
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    #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mafioso View Post
    A lot of people report using in attempts to just feel normal. Sometimes people don't even start using drugs for the good feelings so much as to escape negative feelings. Like struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one, difficult situations, mental illness, chronic pain and illness, and so on. The drug often becomes the means by which the person copes with all of life. Feeling like they "have to" use in order to keep up with their responsibilities is another big one. At the time, drugs were the only way I knew how to handle my problems.
    This. And the relief of withdrawal is almost a high in itself
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    #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mafioso View Post
    A lot of people report using in attempts to just feel normal. Sometimes people don't even start using drugs for the good feelings so much as to escape negative feelings. Like struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one, difficult situations, mental illness, chronic pain and illness, and so on. The drug often becomes the means by which the person copes with all of life. Feeling like they "have to" use in order to keep up with their responsibilities is another big one. At the time, drugs were the only way I knew how to handle my problems.
    Yep, the high was usually just a plus for me... I was using to feel numb, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
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    #8
    The first couple of years it was just FUN! Living a real rock-n-roll lifestyle. Then reality set in and it became a JOB. Now, 15 years later, I continue because I am avoiding feelings. Predominantly, grief.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Mafioso View Post
    A lot of people report using in attempts to just feel normal. Sometimes people don't even start using drugs for the good feelings so much as to escape negative feelings. Like struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one, difficult situations, mental illness, chronic pain and illness, and so on. The drug often becomes the means by which the person copes with all of life. Feeling like they "have to" use in order to keep up with their responsibilities is another big one. At the time, drugs were the only way I knew how to handle my problems.
    Absolutely! At the start, I felt functional for the first time and finally saw a future for myself. It becomes your identity.

    Being off of the drug for 2 months is hard. I'm questioning my existence and purpose every day. It's like the ultimate controlling partner who tells you "You're nothing without me."

    Adderall is prescribed for depression and ADHD. That's why I'm upset too because it's nothing but a lie! It makes you feel like you finally have a shot at life. It all comes crashing down at the end.

    Dependency/tolerance always sets in and no one can keep going with it unless they have a death wish.
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    #10
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    I feel like Mafioso's description is the cause for most drug addictions, there's so much illness in the world. I know that's certainly why i started.
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    #11
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    well according to my drug counsellor, cos crack rewires your brain and overrides everything.

    but Mafioso told the human side. what you never see is how much more pain there could be, and how much you're about to cause.
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    #12
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    Everything in life rewires your brain, drugs just do so in a more accelerated and twisted sense.
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    #13
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    Sounds just like my relationship with cigarettes. After heavy, daily use it doesn't really get me high anymore. But for example waiting for the cigarette break at work will make me feel great when it comes due to the relief of satisfying the craving. Was similar with weed when I abused the shit out of it in my younger years. Addiction is a crazy thing.
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    #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by chinup View Post
    well according to my drug counsellor, cos crack rewires your brain and overrides everything.

    but Mafioso told the human side. what you never see is how much more pain there could be, and how much you're about to cause.
    In a way it does, addictive drugs stimulate the same part of the brain as pleasureable/rewarding behavior does. The brain is essentially designed to reinforce behavior that promotes survival. It does so primarily through neurotransmitters that feel good, largely dopamine, but also serotonin, epinephrine, GABA, and others. Part of the reason you crave cocaine/crack is because it stimulates the reward centers in the brain, and the more you do cocaine there becomes more connections forged in the brain between the thought of doing cocaine and the reward center. You perceive cocaine use as more pleasurable than rewarding activities because you get a higher dopamine boost essentially. Also, other things start to stimulate you less as you become less sensitive(for a number of reasons, receptor down-regulation being one).

    This is an oversimplification of the neurological process, but can offer one explanation as to why the mind still craves drugs even after it understands the harm and consequences. I've heard addiction explained as a bottom up disease and recovery as being top down. Meaning the subconscious part of the brain is largely what craves the stimulation but can't comprehend the cost, and the cognitive/conscious part of the brain that sees the cost and need for change.

    Getting sober is essentially about learning and relearning healthy ways to stimulate your brain. This is confusing and unrelatable for most because most do not think in terms of neurobiology. We don't think "oh I need a little serotonin boost, I should go spend time with someone I love" we think "I feel lonely, I need someone to love". It's good information without a practical application for most, which is why I agree that the explanation lacks the human element.
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