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Thread: my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drug use. how can i get him back?

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    my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drug use. how can i get him back? 
    #1
    Greenlighter
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    my boyfriend broke up with me because i lied about using a couple of times. i stopped and havent used coke (my d.o.c.) for a long time but i used some molly and acid and he confronted me about it. at first i lied but then i told the truth. i dont know how to convince him that molly and acid are not the same thing as coke and me drinking all day everyday because thats what he thinks.
    i think he was right he break up with me because i lied but i still want him back and i dont know what to do.
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    #2
    Administrator spacejunk's Avatar
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    first things first - tell him how you feel.

    how long have you been together?
    has your relationship with him been mostly a happy one, or has the relationship been difficult lately?
    do you think he freaked out and ended it because of trust issues, or is it something else?

    drugs (especially alcohol) can put a huge strain on a lot of people's relationships - but the fear and stigma of "drugs" for people who aren't familiar with them, or users themselves can make it hard to discuss rationally with people sometimes.

    i agree with you that mdma and acid are not in the same (in terms of problematic use) to coke - especially if you've stayed away from that.

    one thing i would say at this point is that if it's been an effort for you to stop using coke and drinking excessively - it's probably going to be tempting to want to drown your sorrows, but i'm sure you're aware of what a bad idea that would be.
    perhaps if you give him a little time to think before speaking to him, you can reassure him that you are in control of your substance use, because despite being sad and upset about what happened, you're still committed to keeping your life on track, and you're still committed to being with him.

    to give you any more solid advice, i would need to know a bit more of the context - but either way - i hope you guys can work it out.

    my substance use has challenged my relationship and made things horrible for my girl at times - but we've always managed to work things out, and we're still together after many years - i'm a really lucky person, because i've had some pretty deep lows which....yeah, worse than a bit of acid and molly without telling him.

    i hope you guys can work things out, because it sounds like you really miss him.

    it's bloody hard, but i think the most important thing is for you to try to repair some of the trust that he's lost in you.
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    #3
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    Basic Drug Discussion
    falsifiedhypothesi's Avatar
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    Do you have a history of lying to him about drug use? If so it might be difficult to convince him that you are committed to staying clean, i agree with spacejunk, give him a little time before you talk to him. Was the MDMA and acid just a one off experience? If it was did you explain that to him?

    Those two can be pretty addicting too so he may think you are just moving onto another drug.
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    #4
    Bluelighter Lobsterbutch's Avatar
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    It might be tough to convince him, and I don't know your situation all that well. I have addiction issues, and I've had a somewhat similar experience, girlfriend dumped me because she found out I was doing drugs. I tried to convince her the drugs werent more important, and that i could stop and that I was ok, but I didnt really believe myself, so she didnt believe me.

    In recovery at the place I work, they say women are evil (for recovery). to clarify, new relationships for people in recovery almost always lead to relapses (early recovery), and the turmoil from relationships can be enough to kick off some new use if the relationship isnt healthy.

    What I'm saying is it may be the best thing to work on yourself and address why you were so deep into coke for that period, and look at the rest of your drug use and the relationship itself to see if there are things you need to de to make yourself healthier, and maybe even consider if the relationship is something thats worth saving. It could be something that feeds something negative inside you.

    Almost all relationships are bummers to end. Each and every relationship I've been in that has ended (so far 100% of mine have) has been painful and I've wanted nothing more than to get it going again. BUT now, having had time to get clarity, I see how each one fed into my negativity and awfulness and has contributed to who I am today, and being single has given me a buffer to get sober and work at it hard, because a relationship can be nurturing and helpful, but it can also be resentful at you for needing so much help or time, upset at your setbacks, might not understand why you have to do things a certain way, and may unintentionally do the exact things that trigger you. Being single might be what you need, even though the thought of it royally sucks
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    #5
    your ex sounds like a very anti drug guy. what about you leave him alone for awhile and let him be. at the same time you can do whatever drug you want without having a bad concious about it and on that way you may even find someone else who is more compatible to you?

    maybe months or years later he or you will change their ways regarding drug use or their toleration and you will find to each other having changed for the better as a couple.

    know that break ups are hard but they get better.
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    #6
    Greenlighter
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    update: we got back together ))) on "very very thin ice." i love him a lot and i said i would stop doing drugs for him.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by squirrel_girl View Post
    update: we got back together ))) on "very very thin ice." i love him a lot and i said i would stop doing drugs for him.
    Good for you, I am happy that you are happy he has given you another chance. However, please be cautious making promises like that "I would stop doing drugs for him"...I have been on the other side and have been told that from my significant other, and have been beyond crushed to find he used. Of course not saying things will go the same for you, just wanted to give you something to consider from the other side. Congrats and best wishes to you both, xo
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    #8
    You can't really fault a anti drug person for not wanting to be a relationship with someone who takes drugs.
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    #9
    look either you love him or you love the drugs - if you really love him move on ... or dont use / i put my girl threw years of shit because i didnt want to be without her but i didnt ever want to stop using ever... he obviously cares about you and weather its coke or molly its still drugs . and if you are trying to win an argument instead or trying to figure out how to stay clean ... im not saying your wrong or hes right, im saying you are missing the bigger picture .... cut him lose for his own sake .... there is nothing you can do at this point to fix it ... ive been you before girl . for about ten years .... dont drag him down with you ... if its ment to be it will.. but im glad my ex moved on because i didnt sober up for years anyway.... and as it turns out im gay and almost lost the love of my life to drugs and depression ..... finally sober and happy but he helped me stop .. so again either move on or stop using either way it will work out ....
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    #10
    look thats the thing tho- you gotta quit only for you- thats often why forced rehad dont work you cant stop for some one else its gotta be for you and you alone .... but good luck
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    #11
    I know its only recreational and MDMA is not as bad a heroin. I would never put my drug use onto another person's happiness its not right, i;m all for ruining my own life but not someone else's.
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