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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Wanted to mention that people shouldn't get discouraged about their "recovery frame", and how much they've improved. It's happening so slowly, and that makes it very hard to compare with the state you had let's say an year ago...
 
@Needhelp123

Not really still having cognitive difficulties, sleep is still terrible, and the overall depression/anxiety has robbed me of enjoying life. Dont get me wrong I still do things, but I no longer feel excited for anything anymore.
 
I’m sorry to hear that. I’m at the 7 month mark and have many issues. Did you ever vision issues or derealization? I can’t even begin to tackle the depression or anxiety until the physical stuff is under control. My head is constantly buzzing, consumed and in pain. It’s like I have a horrible flu for the past 7 months.
 
Yeah my vision stayed real blurry and I still have palinopsia. Pretty much my quality of life is gone but suicide is not really an answer for me atm.
 
Stay strong man. You’re not the only one. The head pressure is literally crushing me along with not being able to connect with anything around me. Hopefully we see some improvement at the 2 year mark. The good thing is very few people on here seem to have been here for 5 plus years. I guess that’s good.
 
@Rory did you find the ssri helped all the physical symptoms as well? I'm 2 weeks away from hitting the 1 year mark now and the majority of my symptoms are physical symptoms. I'm losing hope so ssri was probably the next step for me as I've tried the exercise supplements diet etc etc and it makes me feel better short term but doesn't cure anything. I have some xanax I bought off someone as doctors won't prescribe any more sleep tablets but I'm not sure whether to take them or not. I had 5 pints of lager 2 weeks ago and my symptoms seem to have doubled in level since then too
 
Danny, was wondering if you're planning to make longer fast, like 6-10 days or something similar.


From today I'll start rating how I feel overall from 0-10.

Lately I feel 3-4 and have very unhealthy lifestyle. From tomorrow I'll start drinking green smoothies and eat clean with omad.
 
@Brucey85 the chance of you reacting positively to an ssri especially being one with physical symptoms who experienced a clear setback from booze is very low. I'm curious, how well have you followed the recovery tips I've mentioned before in this thread?

@Zeroluck I'm planning to stick to one meal a day. Some of the benefits like increased hgh start to go down with more prolonged fasting.. not to mention I'm a 6' 0" guy whose only 150 lbs so keeping a high fat intake daily is a must. By eat clean I hope you're suggesting keto. I upped my total carb intake the past several days to 30g total carbs per day and noticed a slightly negative difference in my symptoms. Brought it back down to 15ish total grams and it's improved again to where it was. Not to say that I wasn't making progress! The symptoms were just a little more 'frozen' in place as opposed to the speed thats been in my recovery with less than 20g carbs. I'm so glad that I'm aware enough that I caught this quickly. You really have to stick to your eating plan man! We don't get the option to have the occasional cheat days like someone doing this for muscle building.
 
Using MDMA in crystal form without a scale, just eating copious amounts until anhedonia was the only effect. My brain melted and with it my mind dissolved into sadness and tears. I also induced a kind of psychosis with delusions disturbing my peace of mind.

With daily meditation my brain has healed and mind has reintegrated itself into a sane, whole, and healthy state. It took a while to snap out of the delusions which were scarier than the lack of feel good neurochemical activity. I had no idea MDMA could bring such things about. It split reality at the seams, by using it way too much. It was gradual but split it did.

I was using it at work that is how frequent the use became. The friend found out who supplied me it and we had a discussion in which it was agreed he would no longer do that. He has since moved. Long time ago actually now.
 
@brucey, you should definitely move forward with the SSRI. There is a good chance it will do a world of good for you, maybe even break the cycle of depression and anxiety. And tbh I cant even see any possible negative side effects. I have no clue why dany would suggest that it's not a good idea to take it. Plus hes not a doctor, so yeah def. don't let that guys opinion sway your decision. Honestly you have so much to lose and everything to gain from trying an ssri, you really should give it a try and keep trying until you find one that matches well with your body. It took me 4-5 tries before I found the right ssri for myself.

@all others - Just an update, its been 1 year and 3 days for me. I'd say I'm 99% recovered, I feel modest and normal almost all of the time, I laugh deeply and feel love and pleasure. I've noticed there are some lingering issues like a very low grade depression in the form of low motivation and a little bit of anxiety. I've always had depression and anxiety issues though, so I'm basically back to where I was before the LTC started. I say 99% recovered because I basically feel like my old self, but I can sense there is a small something missing. It's so small I can't really tell what it is but I feel there is something missing.

Anyways yeah, definitely not 100% recovered but I'm pretty much back to normal.

and btw, whoever is thinking its mercurial poisoning is most likely just unaware of how anxiety functions. Like anxiety isn't always super clear and obvious like when you were 15 and talking to a cute girl, sometimes anxiety seems invisible. ESPECIALLY the LTC anxiety, which in my experience has 9/10 times been the stealth assassin kind of anxiety, not the 15 and talking to a cute girl/shaking in your boots and sweating profusely kind of anxiety. Like you may think its mercurial poisoning or whatever and feel very certain about it but that is how anxiety works. It takes something that is very low odds, and convinces you that it's almost a guaranteed thing.

oh and yeah maybe mercury toxicity has something to do with it, like has something to do with your overall health. Like maybe you ate tuna every day for 2 years and had some fillings fall out, not saying that you shouldn't get a heavy metals test done to see if thats an issue but I urge you to see it as a stand-alone issue from mdma. still important for your overall health to get it checked out if you suspect you have it. I just don't think you should associate the two, like mercury didnt cause the LTC and I highly doubt anybody has ever gotten mercury poisoning from mdma.
 
@Brucey85 An ssri is like a bandaid except you're worse off than before you started using it when you discontinue, this is the case for the majority of normal ppl who take it. When you're someone with acrylamide/mercury neurotoxicity to the point that you can't even enjoy a beer without an all around setback in your symptoms, an ssri will almost surely have the same effect since it leaves you with less and less serotonin the more you use it. It's for this reason you should stay the hell away from ssri's. I'm not a doctor, and almost no doctor that anybody on this website has sought out has been of much if any help. The only positive stories I've seen involving a medical professional(apart from articles on hcg, trt, etc) have been from some(definitely not all) people without physical symptoms who seek out a psychiatrist for meds along with cbt therapy. Therefore the research and experiences of other LTC sufferers are your best bet are comparing symptoms and identifying treatment plans. I'm going to remind you of the healthy lifestyle tips I've been praising as helpful for our LTC's. You should be doing exercise daily(cardio esp,) strict keto <20g total carbs per day(this is a lot less stimulating on your serotonin and will provide neuroprotection, along with OMAD, & preferably 20-30 minutes in the sauna daily so you sweat out the toxins
lionheart90 said:
oh and yeah maybe mercury toxicity has something to do with it, like has something to do with your overall health. Like maybe you ate tuna every day for 2 years and had some fillings fall out, not saying that you shouldn't get a heavy metals test done to see if thats an issue but I urge you to see it as a stand-alone issue from mdma. still important for your overall health to get it checked out if you suspect you have it. I just don't think you should associate the two, like mercury didnt cause the LTC and I highly doubt anybody has ever gotten mercury poisoning from mdma.
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Firstly no tests for mercury are considered that reliable unless they were done where there was very recent exposure. It then can be stored in the brain along with other organs, tissues, etc even though the tests would indicate your mercury is 'below a level considered dangerous.' Second and more importantly, you clearly are uneducated on the history of LTC! If it was the mdma alone that caused these then LTC's would be documented all throughout the existence of mdma. They are not! In fact LTC's were barely if at all even heard of until the past decade when safrole(a precursor) got banned and manufacturers(esp. Dutch) turned to PMK-Glycidate which is likely sourced from China by most chemists which is very likely contaminated by acrylamide or mercury. Everyone I've seen on here who has an LTC got it from Dutch sourced product. Clearly there is at least one very dangerous impurity lurking in PMK-Glycidate that's causing this horror so many of us now are experiencing! And to think, as someone whose had an LTC that you're attempting to inappropriately demonize mdma and tell people that this suffering is all anxiety and thus in our heads like just about every doctor or psychiatrist does.. It's beyond deceitful and sickening!
 
Brucey85 said:
@Rory did you find the ssri helped all the physical symptoms as well? I'm 2 weeks away from hitting the 1 year mark now and the majority of my symptoms are physical symptoms. I'm losing hope so ssri was probably the next step for me as I've tried the exercise supplements diet etc etc and it makes me feel better short term but doesn't cure anything. I have some xanaxI I bought off someone as doctors won't prescribe any more sleep tablets but I'm not sure whether to take them or not. I had 5 pints of lager 2 weeks ago and my symptoms seem to have doubled in level since then too
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I expect your worsening symptoms are due to you expecting them to worsen. Your focusing on them, which is heightening your anxiety and making them appear worse. Stay away from the alcohol for a bit, but it's excellent that your getting out and socializing. Keep that up. That was the big turnaround point for me both times, when I started to live my life again and not obsess on this forum or 'researching' how I have screwed myself for life. Socialising and exersising mixed with self reflection where the most useful tools to move on with my life, as well as following the advice of my Dr.

I took 120mg of MDMA with good effect, the mercury content if present at all would have been minimal. Countless people have 'solved' the LTC, and countless have also come back and stated that it was anxiety after recovery. This is almost impossible to belive at the height of a LTC, but I stand by it.

It has nothing to do with the new synth, my original LTC was from a tested pill back in 2005. Long before the new synth. There are reports of LTC dating back to the late 80s in literature, I'd drag them up but am not quite as obsessive to dwell into it as I was during the LTC. I haven't done MDMA outside of these two times, I won't touch it again. Since recovering I've done countless 2cb, Ketamine and coke with no bad effect. Stupid and risky I know, but that's who I was before and who I am again. I've always been a thrill seeker. I can smoke weed again. In my LTC a single beer or toke of a joint would send me into a week long panic attack. I expected them to make me worse, therefore they did.

Stick to the advice of your doctor. My physical symptoms where the last to fade, perhaps completely at the 2-year point for me, but in a very dulled non-disruptive tingling which was just part of my heightened anxiety. I'm glad I stuck to my Dr's advice rather than the advice of people who had solved it on here. Hormone therapy was the big talking point of my LTC time. I had my hormone levels tested, they were normal. The SSRI worked for me, and it appears it worked for lionheart below. I think you should go for it.

I won't post again as this is a part of my past I'm leaving behind me. As much as it sucked, it didn't hurt me, and didn't change me. I bounced back to the happy person I was before, and have had some great relationships, parties and a good sex life post LTC. Best of luck to all and happy recovery.

I swear to god I feel a fate tingling just by being here and posting again. It's a feeling I haven't felt in a while.
 
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@rorymullan

Thanks for the sacrifice and bringing back the bad memories to give hope of the people in your situation right now. It's too bad it's your last post, but if you decide to write, let me know if you had bad brain fog, and messed short-term memory/concentration. I just don't understand why no one cares about this horrible issues as much as the physical ones.
 
rorymullan said:
It has nothing to do with the new synth, my original LTC was from a tested pill back in 2005. Long before the new synth. There are reports of LTC dating back to the late 80s in literature, I'd drag them up but am not quite as obsessive to dwell into it as I was during the LTC.
.
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I'd be very interested in reading these 80's LTC's. This thread explains well the change in precursor and how LTC has 'changed' over the past decade --> http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...g-term-MDMA-related-symptoms)-A-Few-Questions
 
I also suffer with short term memory and concentration but for me I think that's a knock on effect of the insomnia.
My pills were Dutch made (3 x 200mg pills consumed) I don't know enough about mercury but these pills were Mda and I know it's hard to tell the difference between mdma and mda until higher doses when it's probably too late. Mda is a lot more neurotoxic so I think that mda and its natural evil chemistry has played a part in my case. Whether mercury forms part of that as well, probably. I have been doing drugs a while as well so might be the final straw that broke the camels back. I have followed some of the tips on here but the only ones I've found to work are exercise and clean diet really although I couldn't strip back to one meal a day that would hurt.
Ssri was i guess a last resort but a year in with little to no improvement I think I'm close to that point now. It was mentioned earlier in the thread but I too have hardly any interest or excitement in anything anymore. Although I think if the other symptoms fucked off my depression would virtually go with them too. Kind of hoping 2 years max but I think setting targets is probably bad cos getting to there and still suffering would be soul destroying.
 
I'm sleeping like a baby, not really helpful for my cognition tho. :/ Let's find somewhere where we can test the pills? We should really organize ourselves and start looking for a solution as a team.

We need to have to-do list and fill it.

- find a way to test in details the Dutch pills, someone from the Netherlands will be the best for the task. There was some kids on YouTube from there posting how they take various drugs. I think if we can contact them, they'll have connection.

- make a list with effectiveness of reducing LTC. Like from 1 to 10, magnesium 4, aerobic exercise 8... Etc

- write down all recovery stories in one post.

And so on
 
Dany657 said:
If it was the mdma alone that caused these then LTC's would be documented all throughout the existence of mdma
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Man, people who suffer from LTC might have genetic predisposition.
Humans with genetic predisposition for the slow metabolism of MDMA, the so-called "poor metabolizers" of debrisoquin are at higher risk. Five- 9% of the Caucasian population is considered to carry this phenotype.
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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20962361

Also, you can find research papers that proves that primates can suffer long lasting damage from pure mdma.
 
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