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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]
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lionheart90
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- Mar 24, 2018
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Hello all, Just felt like posting an update about how things are going for me.
I'm at 11.5 months now and I've felt almost back to normal since around 9.5 months.
I also have only quit smoking weed 30 days ago and I still drink at least a few times a week, so it's not like I can say I'm still messed up from the LTC. It could be, but it could just as easily be lingering issues from smoking weed for 10 years and in general not taking care of my health.
Overall things seem to be getting better slowly. Like I'm still dealing with some kind of low mood/motivation thing but it's very managable. I don't feel happy as much as I'd like and I often don't feel overwhelmed with joy but I do feel joy from time to time. Big improvement over my first 9.5 months of anhedonia.
The main things I've done different now are just quitting drugs and in general trying to take care of my health. I focus on not worrying and just taking things one day at a time. I have long term goals and short term goals, I work towards them and when problems and obstacles arise I sort them out and get back to the goals.
On top of the physical side of things (eating better, quitting drugs, etc) I have also been working on my mind a lot too. Trying to understand the recurring thought patterns that have plagued me for years and decades and change them when they arise.
Overall I've just accepted things as they are and taken steps to do what I can to improve them. I also have taken up video games again since it seems like I can finally enjoy them, and I fucking love how they pass the time. Time is still the #1 healer for me even with all these other habits it seems like nothing is really the silver bullet. They all add a little bit of health but overall I'd still say I feel like 48/100, but in terms of recovery from the LTC i'd say I'm 95/100. Its just unfortunate I was pretty fucked up before this whole thing, so returning to a pre-ltc state isnt much help. At the same time, I'm more focused on getting to a new place of health that I've never experienced before. I feel like I've had my fill of hells and now I'm working on trying to create a heaven for myself.
I'm at 11.5 months now and I've felt almost back to normal since around 9.5 months.
I also have only quit smoking weed 30 days ago and I still drink at least a few times a week, so it's not like I can say I'm still messed up from the LTC. It could be, but it could just as easily be lingering issues from smoking weed for 10 years and in general not taking care of my health.
Overall things seem to be getting better slowly. Like I'm still dealing with some kind of low mood/motivation thing but it's very managable. I don't feel happy as much as I'd like and I often don't feel overwhelmed with joy but I do feel joy from time to time. Big improvement over my first 9.5 months of anhedonia.
The main things I've done different now are just quitting drugs and in general trying to take care of my health. I focus on not worrying and just taking things one day at a time. I have long term goals and short term goals, I work towards them and when problems and obstacles arise I sort them out and get back to the goals.
On top of the physical side of things (eating better, quitting drugs, etc) I have also been working on my mind a lot too. Trying to understand the recurring thought patterns that have plagued me for years and decades and change them when they arise.
Overall I've just accepted things as they are and taken steps to do what I can to improve them. I also have taken up video games again since it seems like I can finally enjoy them, and I fucking love how they pass the time. Time is still the #1 healer for me even with all these other habits it seems like nothing is really the silver bullet. They all add a little bit of health but overall I'd still say I feel like 48/100, but in terms of recovery from the LTC i'd say I'm 95/100. Its just unfortunate I was pretty fucked up before this whole thing, so returning to a pre-ltc state isnt much help. At the same time, I'm more focused on getting to a new place of health that I've never experienced before. I feel like I've had my fill of hells and now I'm working on trying to create a heaven for myself.
@Zeroluck my symptoms are usually worse after beer and caffeine. I haven't drank much the past 11 months for that reason. Can't say whether the tight chest is still there after a beer cos I've only drank once since it started and I don't really recall as it seems to come and go. Just getting a bit tired of the whole thing now. From what I've read it seems most people who make full recoveries seem to do so in 6 months or less. For those of us who are longer than that it's really worrying I'm not sure we ever will fully.
Needhelp123
Bluelighter
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- Jul 25, 2018
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lion said it took 9.5 months, so six months may not be the right marker. Maybe there will be a cure one day
lionheart90
Bluelighter
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- Mar 24, 2018
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I'm also 28. I have a 21 year old friend who went through 3 LTC and each one of his was 6-7 months. also he did way more than I did, higher doses, closer frequency, more overall doses.
So yeah the 6 month marker seems like if you are young. I'd say if you are under 25 because that is when a lot of your youthful regeneration stops. metabolism slows, growth slows, hormones drop, etc. So yeah I'd say your recovery is also speeded up if you are under that 25 age marker. I only started to feel really slowed down this year at 28. at 25 I was fine, 26 I felt a little bit, 27 i was starting to really feel it, now at 28 I just cannot deny it. Im getting older and fater and uglier hahahaha.
Also I felt a huge jump in my recovery every 3 months. At month 3 I felt a huge boost, like going from hell to just kind of hellish. then at 6 months, again another jump in recovery, I began to feel almost normal but still a little off. hazy and anxious and depressed a little bit still. then at 9.5 months it was like I just snapped out of it over the course of 2 weeks. Each day for those 2 weeks I felt better than before and at the end of it I was basically back to normal.
you'll know you have recovered when you find it very hard to remember the experience. your brain chemistry changes so much that its like your memory of the experience is locked. all I really remember is that it was bad, very very bad. I dont really remember much of what it felt like.
So yeah the 6 month marker seems like if you are young. I'd say if you are under 25 because that is when a lot of your youthful regeneration stops. metabolism slows, growth slows, hormones drop, etc. So yeah I'd say your recovery is also speeded up if you are under that 25 age marker. I only started to feel really slowed down this year at 28. at 25 I was fine, 26 I felt a little bit, 27 i was starting to really feel it, now at 28 I just cannot deny it. Im getting older and fater and uglier hahahaha.
Also I felt a huge jump in my recovery every 3 months. At month 3 I felt a huge boost, like going from hell to just kind of hellish. then at 6 months, again another jump in recovery, I began to feel almost normal but still a little off. hazy and anxious and depressed a little bit still. then at 9.5 months it was like I just snapped out of it over the course of 2 weeks. Each day for those 2 weeks I felt better than before and at the end of it I was basically back to normal.
you'll know you have recovered when you find it very hard to remember the experience. your brain chemistry changes so much that its like your memory of the experience is locked. all I really remember is that it was bad, very very bad. I dont really remember much of what it felt like.
Hey all. Created an account to post in this thread.
My LTC started almost 7 months ago when I stupidly took an unknown amount of what I believe to be MDMA at a drunken party (best guess would be between 400-600mg). I also had a line of cocaine, alcohol and copious amounts of nicotine.
I had a panic attack during the comeup. Believed I was dying and constantly feeling for my pulse. I was absolutely drenched in sweat while throwing up. Once it finally kicked it I felt amazing and had a fairly good nights sleep. Woke up the next day, went home and slept most of the day in front of the tv. Went to bed that night and slept fine. This continued into the next night, but on the third night I had a panic attack during my sleep and that?s when this all started.
Since that night, I have dealt with intense anxiety, although I am not sure about depression. Month 1 - 3 was probably the most frightening period of my life. About month 4 I started to feel back to normal and started to get back to my life. Everything was going great until month 5 when the anxiety came back with a vengeance. I feel like it?s a different form of anxiety but it could be my brain forgetting what I felt like before. I also experience hypogogic hallucinations since the LTC kicked in. Kind of like hearing noises when on the brink of falling asleep?
Has anyone else experience a kind of rebound during their LTC? FYI I always had very low level anxiety but it never stopped me doing anything with my life and I never dwelled on anything or lost sleep.
Anyway, just wanted to jot this all down somewhere. Kind of like a therapy of sorts. More than welcome questions, advice or moral support
My LTC started almost 7 months ago when I stupidly took an unknown amount of what I believe to be MDMA at a drunken party (best guess would be between 400-600mg). I also had a line of cocaine, alcohol and copious amounts of nicotine.
I had a panic attack during the comeup. Believed I was dying and constantly feeling for my pulse. I was absolutely drenched in sweat while throwing up. Once it finally kicked it I felt amazing and had a fairly good nights sleep. Woke up the next day, went home and slept most of the day in front of the tv. Went to bed that night and slept fine. This continued into the next night, but on the third night I had a panic attack during my sleep and that?s when this all started.
Since that night, I have dealt with intense anxiety, although I am not sure about depression. Month 1 - 3 was probably the most frightening period of my life. About month 4 I started to feel back to normal and started to get back to my life. Everything was going great until month 5 when the anxiety came back with a vengeance. I feel like it?s a different form of anxiety but it could be my brain forgetting what I felt like before. I also experience hypogogic hallucinations since the LTC kicked in. Kind of like hearing noises when on the brink of falling asleep?
Has anyone else experience a kind of rebound during their LTC? FYI I always had very low level anxiety but it never stopped me doing anything with my life and I never dwelled on anything or lost sleep.
Anyway, just wanted to jot this all down somewhere. Kind of like a therapy of sorts. More than welcome questions, advice or moral support
lionheart90
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2018
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- 249
@asx
yeah something similar happened to me too. I was in hell for the first few months but I was feeling so amazing around month 6-7 then I started to get panic attacks and paranoia (severe anxiety) again around like months 7-9 and was miserable.
also yeah it seemed like the anxiety had transformed too. In the beginning it was very persistent and felt different, then later on it was much more muted and harder to distinguish. A lot of the times I was just so sure I had no anxiety at all and I was perfectly rational, but then like I'd chill later in the day and look back at my thoughts and be like "holy shit I Was so anxious then, I can't believe I was thinking XX and XX".
yeah something similar happened to me too. I was in hell for the first few months but I was feeling so amazing around month 6-7 then I started to get panic attacks and paranoia (severe anxiety) again around like months 7-9 and was miserable.
also yeah it seemed like the anxiety had transformed too. In the beginning it was very persistent and felt different, then later on it was much more muted and harder to distinguish. A lot of the times I was just so sure I had no anxiety at all and I was perfectly rational, but then like I'd chill later in the day and look back at my thoughts and be like "holy shit I Was so anxious then, I can't believe I was thinking XX and XX".
Thank you for this, this has reassured me slightly in the fact someone else has been through the same thing. Over the last two months my short term memory has taken a decline but I think that?s due to the anxiety.
The problem I find is that everyone seems to have wildly different experiences with LTC so it can be difficult to find reassurance in others. I have followed this thread for months, but you are the first person to talk about a rebound after a presumed recovery.
ZeroLuck
Bluelighter
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- Feb 18, 2017
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- 372
Yesterday I've drank around 1.5 - 2L beer, today I feel great, just 100% recovered. What the hell, can't draw any conclusions. Also, I've found out when I eat junk food my cognition and mind state are the worst. Only eating once a day and non-processed foods makes me feel better as well.
hey y'all
Some background - I used to use MDMA regularly, pretty high doses, fairly often (way too often), along with a range of other stimulants, for a period of 5 years. During the last two years have only used MDMA sporadically, maybe once or twice. and I have in that period recovered from cocaine addiction. prior to my latest experience with MDMA though, I was five months free of any drug other than weed or alcohol, and free of all negative symptoms.
also - not sure if relevant, but I take the supplements Magnesium L-Threonate, and Ashwagandha, daily. I have stopped taking them for a few days as I was worried that the issues i'm having may be related to some kind of interaction between them and the MDMA - i've read that Ashwagandha has some effect on neurotransmitters but I don't fully understand what that is.
this brings me to my latest experience - ingesting two (and a half) bombs of MDMA, insufflating a small amount (un-crushed, not sure if that's relevant) probably 0.3-0.6g in total over the course of 6-7 hours. A lot, but not extreme in comparison, to what I would previously take years ago. Fast forward to Monday morning.
Have experienced the usual comedown symptoms, which I am fully acquainted with and not surprised by - depression, fatigue etc. But on top of these, I have felt extremely disoriented and overheated, with a head-swimming type feeling i've not experienced before. I've felt subtly nauseous, not enough to fully throw up, and my stomach has felt 'off', with an odd metallic taste in my mouth. And worst of all, I've been having intense headaches, the likes of which I have not felt before. From online research it seems that they are 'tension headaches' - it feels as if the skin on my scalp is stretched super tight, with pain radiating around my head, from my temples to the top of my skull. It's an odd pain, not like anything I've felt before, and it's making me feel extremely disoriented and somewhat nauseous. It's not sharp and disabling like a migraine, but is quite intense, very uncomfortable and almost constant.
also experiencing pretty bad depersonalization, depression, mild anxiety. feeling like i'm in a different world. i have been very familiar with these feelings in the past but up until my recent experience with MDMA i had managed to almost completely move past them. but now it seems they're back, and i don't know how long for. though they are shitty, it's the physical symptoms that worry me more, because i've never had experience with them before even after using MDMA tens or hundreds of times in the past. not sure what's different this time. my friends who took some of the same batch seem to be okay.
Some background - I used to use MDMA regularly, pretty high doses, fairly often (way too often), along with a range of other stimulants, for a period of 5 years. During the last two years have only used MDMA sporadically, maybe once or twice. and I have in that period recovered from cocaine addiction. prior to my latest experience with MDMA though, I was five months free of any drug other than weed or alcohol, and free of all negative symptoms.
also - not sure if relevant, but I take the supplements Magnesium L-Threonate, and Ashwagandha, daily. I have stopped taking them for a few days as I was worried that the issues i'm having may be related to some kind of interaction between them and the MDMA - i've read that Ashwagandha has some effect on neurotransmitters but I don't fully understand what that is.
this brings me to my latest experience - ingesting two (and a half) bombs of MDMA, insufflating a small amount (un-crushed, not sure if that's relevant) probably 0.3-0.6g in total over the course of 6-7 hours. A lot, but not extreme in comparison, to what I would previously take years ago. Fast forward to Monday morning.
Have experienced the usual comedown symptoms, which I am fully acquainted with and not surprised by - depression, fatigue etc. But on top of these, I have felt extremely disoriented and overheated, with a head-swimming type feeling i've not experienced before. I've felt subtly nauseous, not enough to fully throw up, and my stomach has felt 'off', with an odd metallic taste in my mouth. And worst of all, I've been having intense headaches, the likes of which I have not felt before. From online research it seems that they are 'tension headaches' - it feels as if the skin on my scalp is stretched super tight, with pain radiating around my head, from my temples to the top of my skull. It's an odd pain, not like anything I've felt before, and it's making me feel extremely disoriented and somewhat nauseous. It's not sharp and disabling like a migraine, but is quite intense, very uncomfortable and almost constant.
also experiencing pretty bad depersonalization, depression, mild anxiety. feeling like i'm in a different world. i have been very familiar with these feelings in the past but up until my recent experience with MDMA i had managed to almost completely move past them. but now it seems they're back, and i don't know how long for. though they are shitty, it's the physical symptoms that worry me more, because i've never had experience with them before even after using MDMA tens or hundreds of times in the past. not sure what's different this time. my friends who took some of the same batch seem to be okay.
ZeroLuck
Bluelighter
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- Feb 18, 2017
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Yeah depersonalization is horrible, but for my case even your emotions being dulled your biggest strength is being optimistic. If you convince yourself that, I believe it will go away
On the anxiety front things are more complicated. It's very hard to tell yourself anything.
About the depression, healthy diet plus b complex, magnetism and zinc made my day pretty okay. The next step was stress-reducton practices. Sauna is just unbelievable good for this. Jacuzzis too!
Hope my remedies for dp/dr and depression help you.
For me anxiety and cognitive decline is left to handle before I can move on with my life.
Cheers.
On the anxiety front things are more complicated. It's very hard to tell yourself anything.
About the depression, healthy diet plus b complex, magnetism and zinc made my day pretty okay. The next step was stress-reducton practices. Sauna is just unbelievable good for this. Jacuzzis too!
Hope my remedies for dp/dr and depression help you.
For me anxiety and cognitive decline is left to handle before I can move on with my life.
Cheers.
lionheart90
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2018
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- 249
@adumbral - sounds like you have the infamous LTC. It sounds weird to hear "dont worry, everything is going to be Ok. nothing is broken or permanently damaged" but that is the truth. Your body has been destabilized, that's all. All these weird symptoms are just your bodies way of telling you that it's messed up and it needs time to recover. You just need to quit the drugs and focus on healing for a year or two and you'll be alright.
you can look up what everybody else does but yeah time seems to be the main healer for this whole thing. People say by 6-12 months they feel pretty good, and 2 years they feel 100% recovered. That is also the timeline for PAWS post accute withdrawal syndrome, or something like that.
so yeah, you did drugs for a long time, fucked your body up, now you have to avoid drugs for a few years or you may end up actually permanently fucking your body up. Key thing to remember, nothing is fucked yet and you shouldn't go back to drugs in an attempt to feel better. Just ride it out and you'll be fine with time.
you can look up what everybody else does but yeah time seems to be the main healer for this whole thing. People say by 6-12 months they feel pretty good, and 2 years they feel 100% recovered. That is also the timeline for PAWS post accute withdrawal syndrome, or something like that.
so yeah, you did drugs for a long time, fucked your body up, now you have to avoid drugs for a few years or you may end up actually permanently fucking your body up. Key thing to remember, nothing is fucked yet and you shouldn't go back to drugs in an attempt to feel better. Just ride it out and you'll be fine with time.
What does every one think about using CBD oil to aid the anxiety induced by LTC? I am seriously considering getting some ordered.
I have read many good things about it and it appears there are very mild or zero side effects.
There is a company in the U.K. which sells high quality CBD oil with very trace amounts of THC so it won?t be psychoactive.
Anyone had any experience with CBD?
Due to my anxiety it takes a lot for me to try something. I have flat out refused SSRI?s, Benzos and beta blockers.
EDIT - I have tried 5-htp, magnesium, creatine etc nothing seems to help.
I have read many good things about it and it appears there are very mild or zero side effects.
There is a company in the U.K. which sells high quality CBD oil with very trace amounts of THC so it won?t be psychoactive.
Anyone had any experience with CBD?
Due to my anxiety it takes a lot for me to try something. I have flat out refused SSRI?s, Benzos and beta blockers.
EDIT - I have tried 5-htp, magnesium, creatine etc nothing seems to help.
ZeroLuck
Bluelighter
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- Feb 18, 2017
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- 372
Have been thinking... Why we all come in this thread? Is it because the little hope we have that someone will shred more light on our condition and help us recover? This is very unlikely to happen if we don't take some action. Can we promote research into this direction? And if yes, how?
Needhelp123
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2018
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- 136
lots of ways, set up a foundation, collection donations, and find a study. Also, collect genetic data and see if there is anything that predisposes is to LTC. Publicly raise awareness so that other organizations take interest, etc.
Someone should start by finding a capable chemist who obtains samples from all over(esp Dutch md since most if not everyone with LTC seems to have used dutch product) and run a detailed analysis on them for impurities, acrylamide and mercury especially. We have a good idea as for the best attack plan for LTC: exercise, OMAD with keto, saunas, & certain supplements. We just need someone to be able to confirm our theory that acrylamide or mercury is the culprit causing our LTC's by finding them in multiple samples.
Needhelp123
Bluelighter
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- Jul 25, 2018
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Is there not a way to test for these toxins in the body? If so then it’s simple - we get the test done and see if we have toxic levels of mercury for example
@ZeroLuck Unfortunately I'm not aware of somewhere this could be sent that would do anymore than tell you it's mdma like ecstasydata. There are most likely laws in place regarding what it can be analyzed for.. still I'd look around.
@Needhelp123 Mercury would require recent exposure for it to be detectable in a blood test, I really don't know if that's doable with acrylamide. While this may have been poisoning in the beginning, I see LTC more as neurotoxicity so the main focus is more on boosting bdnf & combating adrenal fatigue especially by boosting hormones than detoxing. Now don't get me wrong, detoxing is a component of healing just not the main task for it.
@Needhelp123 Mercury would require recent exposure for it to be detectable in a blood test, I really don't know if that's doable with acrylamide. While this may have been poisoning in the beginning, I see LTC more as neurotoxicity so the main focus is more on boosting bdnf & combating adrenal fatigue especially by boosting hormones than detoxing. Now don't get me wrong, detoxing is a component of healing just not the main task for it.
ZeroLuck
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2017
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- 372
Your theory of mercury poisoning will explain my symptoms too? But only the cognitive deficits, no physical symptoms?
Also
http://www.talkinternational.com/mercury-poisoning-stories/amanda-just/
So if you're right, there's hope?
Also
http://www.talkinternational.com/mercury-poisoning-stories/amanda-just/
So if you're right, there's hope?