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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

Hey guys 2 weeks away from a year of my LTC now and I'm really starting to enjoy certain aspects of life again. I haven't been checking this thread nearly as much as I used to and I think its useful to remember theres a reason that people don't tend to stick around here for longer than a couple years... its because they get better and stop thinking about their LTC. Wish you all the best luck in your recoveries and remember ITS NOT PERMANENT and that YOU WILL GET BETTER <3
 
Benjaha said:
Hey guys 2 weeks away from a year of my LTC now and I'm really starting to enjoy certain aspects of life again. I haven't been checking this thread nearly as much as I used to and I think its useful to remember theres a reason that people don't tend to stick around here for longer than a couple years... its because they get better and stop thinking about their LTC. Wish you all the best luck in your recoveries and remember ITS NOT PERMANENT and that YOU WILL GET BETTER


thanks so much for coming back! I am worried I have hppd, and over on that forum it seems like people don’t get better. Would you describing your symptoms, which resolved, which remain, and if you’ve taken any supplements/protocols to get better?

Thanks a ton in advance
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Needhelp123 said:
Benjaha said:
Hey guys 2 weeks away from a year of my LTC now and I'm really starting to enjoy certain aspects of life again. I haven't been checking this thread nearly as much as I used to and I think its useful to remember theres a reason that people don't tend to stick around here for longer than a couple years... its because they get better and stop thinking about their LTC. Wish you all the best luck in your recoveries and remember ITS NOT PERMANENT and that YOU WILL GET BETTER


thanks so much for coming back! I am worried I have hppd, and over on that forum it seems like people don’t get better. Would you describing your symptoms, which resolved, which remain, and if you’ve taken any supplements/protocols to get better?

Thanks a ton in advance
Click to expand...

Hey man! My symptoms has fluctuated massively during my LTC in terms of severity but I've always had the same ones. Severe anxiety, anhedonia, depression, floaters, low cognition and concentration, photosensitivity, fatigue, tinnitus, insomnia and a few more things. Notably though, and what might interest you, is I had severe depersonalisation and visual hallucinations for a long period at the start of my LTC. Everything I looked at seemed to be wrapped in clingfilm and it felt like rooms and the objects in them we're always moving. I have absolutely no symptoms relating to this anymore thought, they faded slowly through the 6th month. Maybe I was lucky but honestly I really think that (even if it takes a bit more time) you will recover, the plasticity of the brain is remarkable.

Relating to supplements I took 5-HTP for a while at the beginning which really helped for a while but maybe that was placebo. Daily vitamins and fish oil just to ensure I'm getting everything basic I need. For the past 3 months I've been using ashwagandha and I can absolutely vouch for this!! I'm still dealing with my anxiety and depression but I'm positive its the ashwagandha that has helped eliminate day to day residual anxiety so if thats a problem you deal with I'd definitely try it out. Apart from that I just try and stay healthy, eat reasonably well when the motivation is there and make sure to do exercise. Exercise is definitely important I can tell the difference between weeks where I go on runs and weeks where I come up with excuses not to.

If you have any more questions please ask! I feel like I've been to hell and back and want to do anything I can to help people still struggling!!
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Benjaha said:
Needhelp123 said:
Hey man! My symptoms has fluctuated massively during my LTC in terms of severity but I've always had the same ones. Severe anxiety, anhedonia, depression, floaters, low cognition and concentration, photosensitivity, fatigue, tinnitus, insomnia and a few more things. Notably though, and what might interest you, is I had severe depersonalisation and visual hallucinations for a long period at the start of my LTC. Everything I looked at seemed to be wrapped in clingfilm and it felt like rooms and the objects in them we're always moving. I have absolutely no symptoms relating to this anymore thought, they faded slowly through the 6th month. Maybe I was lucky but honestly I really think that (even if it takes a bit more time) you will recover, the plasticity of the brain is remarkable.

Relating to supplements I took 5-HTP for a while at the beginning which really helped for a while but maybe that was placebo. Daily vitamins and fish oil just to ensure I'm getting everything basic I need. For the past 3 months I've been using ashwagandha and I can absolutely vouch for this!! I'm still dealing with my anxiety and depression but I'm positive its the ashwagandha that has helped eliminate day to day residual anxiety so if thats a problem you deal with I'd definitely try it out. Apart from that I just try and stay healthy, eat reasonably well when the motivation is there and make sure to do exercise. Exercise is definitely important I can tell the difference between weeks where I go on runs and weeks where I come up with excuses not to.

If you have any more questions please ask! I feel like I've been to hell and back and want to do anything I can to help people still struggling!!
Click to expand...

thanks man! I’m on month 7 and my derealization has gotten a bit better, but it’s still strange. The second I step outside it’s like I’m in a bubble. I look around me and everything feels distant like my senses are turned down. Almost like I’m in a movie and someone freezes time but I am still in motion. It’s very strange. I also have a weird feeling in my head that’s indescribable but it stops me from relaxing. It’s like a confused/fuzzy feeling and it’s very annoying. Grocery stores are bad too. I can’t focus on all the detail.

anyways thanks for coming back!!! I hope you enjoy and cherish every second of your good health.
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Hi ya,guys!Just a little update.
I?m on month 12 and feeling much better than before!I think (not 100% sure) my derealization fade away few days ago.My mood is good, even sometimes forget about the LTC.Still have these floaters in the front of the eyes,but they are not too noticeable.I havent had brain fog since derealization gone.I hope my mood will be the same for the future.
Hope you are well too! Have fun!
 
@Brucey85 I know one meal a day can be painful along with ditching carbs. It's definitely not an easy task but it IS doable! Before my LTC I was recklessly eating junk food and even more recklessly abusing drugs so I understand the difficulty switching to a drug free life with an eating plan that requires more discipline than almost everyone else on the planet has with their diet. If I can do it, I believe you can do it! Strict keto <15-20g carbs a day, moderate protein, & high fat only once a day. I feel very confident saying you'll notice some improvement within the first month which you can hold onto as motivation to keep pushing forward. As a bonus, I've also found this dietary change has enabled me to be less obsessive about the LTC in addition to expediting the ongoing recovery process. It's all around worth it!

It's great to that some of the recent posts here have been about actual progress in our recoveries! :)
 
12.5 months here and yesterday I just hit a big milestone. While meditating I finally experienced peace and clarity of mind. The anxiety cleared and the mental chaos stopped. Today I feel very good, very normal. Yes there are still some lingering side effects but I feel as if I've turned another corner in my recovery.

keep at it guys, it does get better.
 
To those that say LTC's were always around.. They were, but a rarity in comparison to the reports we see these days. I've looked hard and have only found a few reports from people online pre-2010. I'd love to see these reports from the 80's, I'd be willing to bet your speaking of one maybe two case studies.. A drop in the bucket compared to the amounts seen since the re-emergence of MDMA after the drought.

I still believe this is a more recent phenomenon. The only thing that intrigues me however and makes me think it's not impurities related is the fact that this DP/DR phenomenon has been occurring more often with other drugs as well. (Granted less often than MDMA still.)

Im also wondering if this is an issue that is caused by a combination of factors.. Like environmental pollutants that are getting worse by the day in combination with a heavy MDMA load on the body. Europe is known for having somewhat lax laws regarding vehicle emissions and overall pollution.

-GC
 
checking in here after five weeks.
have started to accept the fact that i'm in this for the long haul. i could say i'm lucky as i'm not having some of the more extreme symptoms described here, and i am still able to go about my daily life and function. it just sucks on the inside.

the extreme tension over my neck and scalp still hasn't faded. it ebbs and flows but it's always there. when i raise my eyebrows or move any muscles in temples, it's like they're being resisted. i'm intrigued that i haven't really seen anyone else mention this symptom. i think technically its a tension headache, though the initial serious pain has somewhat faded and now it's a constant nagging discomfort and tightness over almost my whole head, down the sides of my head, and neck. i'm concerned about whether it will ever disappear. still getting bruxism too and i'm guessing the two may be related. i'm still waking up fatigued, still have discomfort in my stomach.

and the worst part is the change in emotional state. before taking the MDMA, i was at probably my emotional peak in the past five years - had finally found peace of mind, was content, happy to be alone, happy when i woke up in the morning, to start the day.. now there's a constant feeling of doubt, uncertainty, subtle anxiety. definite depression. nothing is as enjoyable, i don't like to be alone because that's when i can notice it the most without distraction. feelings of depression that i thought i had finally escaped are back in full force and i don't know for how long. it's a real blow, mostly because i'd spent so long trying, living clean and healthy before this happened, just to go back to how i used to feel once more.

i've been trying not to obsess, and to see this all in a more positive perspective. and it works some days. but there's no getting around how objectively gutting it is. my quality of life went from a 9/10 to a 4 overnight. and i really have no clue how long it'll take to return.

i've been supplementing, sleeping well, socializing.. i am planning to quit drinking in the new year but often it's one of the only escapes from my thoughts. i tried 5HTP, and it gave me an evening of feeling great followed by two days of the most foul depression i'd experienced in years. not sure if it's a good idea to continue with it or let my brain heal by itself. any other suggestions?
 
Update: Feeling pretty normal, concentration is okay when I don't have brain fog, but memory is horrible all the time. Can't remember if a friend returned me money I've borrowed him. Can't remember where my keys, phone, wallets are left all the time. Scarier thing is that I think my memory is getting worse with time. :(
 
ZeroLuck said:
Update: Feeling pretty normal, concentration is okay when I don't have brain fog, but memory is horrible all the time. Can't remember if a friend returned me money I've borrowed him. Can't remember where my keys, phone, wallets are left all the time. Scarier thing is that I think my memory is getting worse with time. :(
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glad to hear you?re feeling normal.
how long has it been for you? How long did it take for your anxiety/dp/depression to subside?
 
Almost 2 years, anxiety is still there, but managed to fight with it and overcome it.

Dpdr went away in 2-3 months, depression wasn't much of an issues, never felt overwhelming or much present.
 
G_Chem said:
To those that say LTC's were always around.. They were, but a rarity in comparison to the reports we see these days. I've looked hard and have only found a few reports from people online pre-2010. I'd love to see these reports from the 80's, I'd be willing to bet your speaking of one maybe two case studies.. A drop in the bucket compared to the amounts seen since the re-emergence of MDMA after the drought.

I still believe this is a more recent phenomenon. The only thing that intrigues me however and makes me think it's not impurities related is the fact that this DP/DR phenomenon has been occurring more often with other drugs as well. (Granted less often than MDMA still.)

Im also wondering if this is an issue that is caused by a combination of factors.. Like environmental pollutants that are getting worse by the day in combination with a heavy MDMA load on the body. Europe is known for having somewhat lax laws regarding vehicle emissions and overall pollution.

-GC
Click to expand...


I think you are forgetting that just because we had the internet back in 1980 doesn't mean many people were on it, and it doesnt mean that people were using the internet to share and connect with like minds.

If there are reports from people pre-2000 it's probably hand-written in a journal somewhere under a different name than LTC.

I think it's more likely that we are seeing a higher number of reports now a days because the youth are used to going online and looking for information about issues they are having, and also used to going online to seek out similar people to talk about issues with.

They go online for everything now, and because of social media they know it's easy to use the web for connecting with others. So naturally when they have an issue as big as the LTC they are going to seek out information about it and share their experiences with others.

Before the social media boom in the last 15 or so years the web was mostly used for porn, video games, or work. Not that many people used it to connect with others in a meaningful way.

so yeah I think the appearance of the LTC on the web is just that, the appearance of it on the web. It doesn't mean that it only started recently just because it became more visible recently. TBH it would be kind of weird if people who had a LTC 20 years ago sought out this forum or a similar one just to share their story. Most people want to forget the experence all together.
 
@zeroluck did you have anxiety before?

the anxiety and depression is what's still an issue for me atm. Kind of expected it though since I had issues with both before drugs. It's different now though, i used to be able to get rid of the anxiety or depression before drugs, but now its just persistent as fuck and even with the most herculian of efforts it only goes away for a few minutes or hours.
 
adumbral said:
checking in here after five weeks.
have started to accept the fact that i'm in this for the long haul. i could say i'm lucky as i'm not having some of the more extreme symptoms described here, and i am still able to go about my daily life and function. it just sucks on the inside.

the extreme tension over my neck and scalp still hasn't faded. it ebbs and flows but it's always there. when i raise my eyebrows or move any muscles in temples, it's like they're being resisted. i'm intrigued that i haven't really seen anyone else mention this symptom. i think technically its a tension headache, though the initial serious pain has somewhat faded and now it's a constant nagging discomfort and tightness over almost my whole head, down the sides of my head, and neck. i'm concerned about whether it will ever disappear. still getting bruxism too and i'm guessing the two may be related. i'm still waking up fatigued, still have discomfort in my stomach.

and the worst part is the change in emotional state. before taking the MDMA, i was at probably my emotional peak in the past five years - had finally found peace of mind, was content, happy to be alone, happy when i woke up in the morning, to start the day.. now there's a constant feeling of doubt, uncertainty, subtle anxiety. definite depression. nothing is as enjoyable, i don't like to be alone because that's when i can notice it the most without distraction. feelings of depression that i thought i had finally escaped are back in full force and i don't know for how long. it's a real blow, mostly because i'd spent so long trying, living clean and healthy before this happened, just to go back to how i used to feel once more.

i've been trying not to obsess, and to see this all in a more positive perspective. and it works some days. but there's no getting around how objectively gutting it is. my quality of life went from a 9/10 to a 4 overnight. and i really have no clue how long it'll take to return.

i've been supplementing, sleeping well, socializing.. i am planning to quit drinking in the new year but often it's one of the only escapes from my thoughts. i tried 5HTP, and it gave me an evening of feeling great followed by two days of the most foul depression i'd experienced in years. not sure if it's a good idea to continue with it or let my brain heal by itself. any other suggestions?
Click to expand...

The head tension is a physical biomarker of anxiety. It's a pretty common symptom though and most people have it to some degree.

I feel you on the dread of having built your life up to be so amazing, only to have it crash down. My life was going pretty well too and yeah basically this last year I've been in a hell that is very persistent. I used to be really happy for the most part, very optimistic and felt good emotionally. not all the time but at least a lot of the time. This last year though I've had very persistent emotional numbness and anhedonia or lack of happiness/pleasure. There have been times when I felt like I was a gutted fish, gutted of all the things in life that made life meaningful. It sucks but it goes away with time.

If it's been 4 weeks since the MDMA then you can quit the 5htp because you're not low in that chemical. supplementing with it when you're not low is doing more harm than helping. If you want to supplement do it with a multi vitamin and some adaptogenic herbs like ashwaghanda, ginseng, lions mane, etc.

also trying to be positive when you're in a shitty situation can often backfire. Acceptance of how things are is a good strategy, maybe save optimism for the future like this. "yeah I'm in the shit now, but I won't be forever".

and yeah it seems like time is the main healer for this situation. The supplements don't do much at all. The only things I've noticed that really help are exercise, preferably some kind of walking in nature. socializing with close friends. and a daily routine that includes lots of relaxation and very little responsibility.
 
I've always had social anxiety pre-ltc, and maybe worry a little extra over stuff, but nothing like after the LTC. Anxiety and Depression even stripping you from happiness aren't as such concern as cognitive decline, what's in my case, because they put me in competitive disadvantage in the world. :/

https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms/memory-loss.shtml

Is anxietycentral legit? According to this article anxiety can be the reason for my bad memory. :/
 
lionheart90 said:
The head tension is a physical biomarker of anxiety. It's a pretty common symptom though and most people have it to some degree.

I feel you on the dread of having built your life up to be so amazing, only to have it crash down. My life was going pretty well too and yeah basically this last year I've been in a hell that is very persistent. I used to be really happy for the most part, very optimistic and felt good emotionally. not all the time but at least a lot of the time. This last year though I've had very persistent emotional numbness and anhedonia or lack of happiness/pleasure. There have been times when I felt like I was a gutted fish, gutted of all the things in life that made life meaningful. It sucks but it goes away with time.

If it's been 4 weeks since the MDMA then you can quit the 5htp because you're not low in that chemical. supplementing with it when you're not low is doing more harm than helping. If you want to supplement do it with a multi vitamin and some adaptogenic herbs like ashwaghanda, ginseng, lions mane, etc.

also trying to be positive when you're in a shitty situation can often backfire. Acceptance of how things are is a good strategy, maybe save optimism for the future like this. "yeah I'm in the shit now, but I won't be forever".

and yeah it seems like time is the main healer for this situation. The supplements don't do much at all. The only things I've noticed that really help are exercise, preferably some kind of walking in nature. socializing with close friends. and a daily routine that includes lots of relaxation and very little responsibility.
Click to expand...

a walk outside makes my head spin because my vision is all wonky
 
I believe so. Anxiety can cause memory problems, probably from the fact you aren?t focused on what you are doing, rather focusing on the anxiety and that prevents your memories from being logged. I wouldn?t worry about it too much.

I saw a therapist recently for my anxiety and she stated that anxiety can cause all the problems of LTC, including visual disturbances.

Everyone?s symptoms here could be an after effect of an anxious state the drug has put your mind into. Once you get passed he anxiety all the other symptoms will pass.

CBD oil has helped me tenfold. Pretty much anxiety free 80% of the day. Miracle stuff.
 
ASX said:
I believe so. Anxiety can cause memory problems, probably from the fact you aren?t focused on what you are doing, rather focusing on the anxiety and that prevents your memories from being logged. I wouldn?t worry about it too much.

I saw a therapist recently for my anxiety and she stated that anxiety can cause all the problems of LTC, including visual disturbances.

Everyone?s symptoms here could be an after effect of an anxious state the drug has put your mind into. Once you get passed he anxiety all the other symptoms will pass.

CBD oil has helped me tenfold. Pretty much anxiety free 80% of the day. Miracle stuff.
Click to expand...

Personally I don’t think it’s anxiety. I have no anexious feeling st all and both my heart rate and BP have dropped significantly since all this. Not to mention the physical symtoms (head pressure, visual, etc.) some even report sexual symtoms like genitial numbing, ED, and lower quality orgasim. How can this all be anxiety?
 
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