jasperkent
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 19, 2015
- Messages
- 4,980
Good Luck!
Peace&Love,
jasper
Peace&Love,
jasper
The Kick begins in earnest tomorrow....but have questions and a shi*t ton of anxiety!
- Thread starter lovemissile66
- Start date
Hi lovemissile,
Don't be too hard on yourself, at least you're noticing that things need to change. I'm proud of you. Try and be extra kind and patient with yourself.
You have a great attitude and I just know you're going to rock the hell out of your quit.
You can do it and we will all be here to help you!!!
Keep us updated,
love and support, and feel free to pm me if you'd like,
your friend,
Ash.
Don't be too hard on yourself, at least you're noticing that things need to change. I'm proud of you. Try and be extra kind and patient with yourself.
You have a great attitude and I just know you're going to rock the hell out of your quit.
You can do it and we will all be here to help you!!!
Keep us updated,
love and support, and feel free to pm me if you'd like,
your friend,
Ash.
lovemissile66
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2018
- Messages
- 679
thanks, I totally needed the encouragement and support!! You are all awesome and I'm so glad I finally came out from the dark and started posting. Even if I haven't made any progress toward my kick, I am so relieved to know I am not walking alone here. The struggle is universal and REAL!Have a good night all
Prescottdave
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2014
- Messages
- 530
My advice would be to taper the dope down to around something that would equate with 60 mg of oxycodone. Wait 24 hours and take 0.5 mg-1mg of bupe. If you get precipitated WD's you can take a small dose of a full agonist after waiting 45 min.
If not take another 1-2 mg of sub after a few hours. If PWD occur try and induct the next day with with the same method. Honestly in my opinion the best way is to taper down really low then wait 24-36 hours before inducting onto 1mg of bupe.
If not take another 1-2 mg of sub after a few hours. If PWD occur try and induct the next day with with the same method. Honestly in my opinion the best way is to taper down really low then wait 24-36 hours before inducting onto 1mg of bupe.
lovemissile66
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2018
- Messages
- 679
Hello Prescottdave! Thanks for the advice. Not sure what 60mg of Oxycodone would look like in comparison to heroin, guess I could find a chart somewhere. My issue is the waiting period before the induction. Its the anxiety and the restlessness and g.i. issues etc., that do me in. I have never waited 24 hours before dosing with bupe. I have a fast metabolism and I start feeling super shitty at about the 12-14 hour mark. This coming weekend is a 3-day for me, as I am off for Columbus Day. So the goal, once again, is to have the dope tapered by Friday and do my last bit of it Friday night. Wake up Saturday and ride out the day as long as possible before I take the bupe. I'm actually taking Zubsolv and its the 5.7-1.4mg tablets. Should I halve them? If all goes relatively well, then I at least have a couple days to stabilize somewhat before heading back to work.
Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
Half the half.
U can do it!! Good luck dude!! I’m right here with you! I am goin for it in the morning.
U can do it!! Good luck dude!! I’m right here with you! I am goin for it in the morning.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
Lovemissile- Believe me (us) when we say you aren't alone!!
Far from it sister!.
This stuff is really nerve-wracking. From what I've read in your posts, it sounds like the Bernese method would be a good option for you.
BUT, also from reading your posts, you'd need someone to give you your heroin doses. I'm not saying that in judgement. I'm saying it with empathy.
It's difficult not to over take/do the dope part. And it is HUGE, and I mean HUGE, that you gave up the needle!! Honestly, if you accomplished that, you got this! You have my total admiration. I don't know how you managed to switch. That's unbelievable in my book. Great work.
You are going to get there. It's a very hard-won thing- this recovery thing. Don't I know it!
My most recent re-induction, was one of the, if not the worst inductions I've had. It's really staying imprinted on my brain. I've slipped twice, but only for a day at a time, rather than a week or two. No, it's not perfect by any standard. But, it is still progress.
You are going to get this. I know it. Keep on keeping your eye on the prize. Keep on thinking about getting clean, and it will happen.
You aren't alone. We're all here for you and with you. ???
Far from it sister!
. This stuff is really nerve-wracking. From what I've read in your posts, it sounds like the Bernese method would be a good option for you.
BUT, also from reading your posts, you'd need someone to give you your heroin doses. I'm not saying that in judgement. I'm saying it with empathy.
It's difficult not to over take/do the dope part. And it is HUGE, and I mean HUGE, that you gave up the needle!! Honestly, if you accomplished that, you got this! You have my total admiration. I don't know how you managed to switch. That's unbelievable in my book. Great work.
You are going to get there. It's a very hard-won thing- this recovery thing. Don't I know it!
My most recent re-induction, was one of the, if not the worst inductions I've had. It's really staying imprinted on my brain. I've slipped twice, but only for a day at a time, rather than a week or two. No, it's not perfect by any standard. But, it is still progress.
You are going to get this. I know it. Keep on keeping your eye on the prize. Keep on thinking about getting clean, and it will happen.
You aren't alone. We're all here for you and with you. ??
?lovemissile66
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2018
- Messages
- 679
Good Morning Ten! I have to rush off to work, but I intend to reply in depth later this afternoon. This site is what's keeping what little sanity I have left, together. Take care
lovemissile66
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2018
- Messages
- 679
So, to elaborate a bit about my needle situation....Putting down the sharps was not MY idea!! If I coulda, I woulda kept right on shooting. My body turned on me. For starters I have really small veins. Man, I can remember some days it took hours to find a suitable vein. I used to get so friggin pissed at my boyfriend, he had veins like Angelina Jolie has on her skinny-ass arms. You know what I'm talking about? Those nice fat ropey veins. He could hit so easily and then slide right into that nice euphoria. Meanwhile, I'm digging away, searching in vain for a vein (hahaha), so I can feel right too. Eventually, I just gave up. The last 3 years of my needle use, I ended up getting two abscesses-one on the inside of my knee and the other on the top of my foot. The foot put me in the hospital, the doc thought I might get sepsis so they kept me overnight to monitor it. So, getting those was the beginning of the end. It was just so much work. I was destroying my body. And any area that might have had a proper vein, like my arms, I couldn't use because of my job. I've shot in places I never thought would work, but they did. Until they didn't. I ran out of real estate, plain and simple. It took me about a month to get over the urge to shoot. I haven't used one in 15 months. I miss that rush, but not the battle. I'm hoping its to my advantage when I detox, that I am no longer IVing. Thank you 10Years for the kind words! I can do the Bernese method, I have in the past, I just didn't know at the time there was a name for it! As far as someone giving me my doses of heroin.....the only person that could have done that is now deceased. And quite honestly, my boyfriend was an addict also and would have sucked at that job!
Beenbetter- Good luck to you man! I hope you post how its all going for you, good or bad. I am rooting for you!! You can do this!! And if you can't, its ok. But YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Beenbetter- Good luck to you man! I hope you post how its all going for you, good or bad. I am rooting for you!! You can do this!! And if you can't, its ok. But YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
How are you lovemissile?
I totally understand flipping out, and having difficulty hitting. Uuggh. Horrible!
I also understand being pissed off because your significant other hit and you're sitting there, blood everywhere, sticking yourself 100 times. I've been there w my husband. It really is awful and stressful when that happens.
No matter how you got away from the needle, it's a great thing. I think it was a blessing in disguise. Though I'm sure it wasn't easy to cope with initially.
I'm currently stable on subs. I messed up twice this month. But, it was only for one day each time. So it wasn't the nightmare it was last time. Thank God.
How are you doing? No matter what, I hope you're well.
I totally understand flipping out, and having difficulty hitting. Uuggh. Horrible!
I also understand being pissed off because your significant other hit and you're sitting there, blood everywhere, sticking yourself 100 times. I've been there w my husband. It really is awful and stressful when that happens.
No matter how you got away from the needle, it's a great thing. I think it was a blessing in disguise. Though I'm sure it wasn't easy to cope with initially.
I'm currently stable on subs. I messed up twice this month. But, it was only for one day each time. So it wasn't the nightmare it was last time. Thank God.
How are you doing? No matter what, I hope you're well.
lovemissile66
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2018
- Messages
- 679
Good Morning 10! Well, today is the eve before my next attempt at induction. I am trying to mentally psyche myself up about it, while simultaneously avoiding the anxiety that is due to arrive soon. This is my long
weekend, and I am DOING THIS!! YEAH! WOO-HOO! Yup, that's all I got in the "psyche myself up" department, lol. How are you?? I just read something you posted that really rang true with myself. And I seem to find myself typing right as I should be getting ready to go to work. Anyway, you mentioned something about using opiates to mask your anxiety and I totally believe its the main reason I stayed using so long. Why do I think this is common with women?? The first few years, the heroin was doing its job. Toward the end here, not so much. When my partner died, I just knew I couldn't give up the drugs yet. I needed them to grieve. But the grief is so profound that the dope barely touches my pain. So, this is the main reason I want to quit. I am spending sick amounts of money on a drug that stopped doing what I wanted/needed it to do. Wish I had more time to write Hope you have a wonderful day. I'll keep you in the loop with my impending kick!
weekend, and I am DOING THIS!! YEAH! WOO-HOO! Yup, that's all I got in the "psyche myself up" department, lol. How are you?? I just read something you posted that really rang true with myself. And I seem to find myself typing right as I should be getting ready to go to work. Anyway, you mentioned something about using opiates to mask your anxiety and I totally believe its the main reason I stayed using so long. Why do I think this is common with women?? The first few years, the heroin was doing its job. Toward the end here, not so much. When my partner died, I just knew I couldn't give up the drugs yet. I needed them to grieve. But the grief is so profound that the dope barely touches my pain. So, this is the main reason I want to quit. I am spending sick amounts of money on a drug that stopped doing what I wanted/needed it to do. Wish I had more time to write
Hope you have a wonderful day. I'll keep you in the loop with my impending kick!
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
I wish I could give you a hug LM. I so get the crippling anxiety. When it hits, it's like you can't cope w it for even a minute.
What I find myself doing, when I get overwhelmed and anxious is injecting my subs. Very stupid I know.
It's like the act helps to calm me down a little. What that is telling me, I think, is I need to get a plan in place to do something healthier to manage anxiety. At this time, I'm at a loss as to what that plan could be.
I really hope you manage to induct yourself. I know how much this is weighing on you. You've been through alot. It's understandable as to why you're stuggling. It's understandable to be terrified of "feeling", after the loss of your boyfriend.
I lost a boyfriend. He had Hodgeskins disease. But, died from a heroin overdose. I wasn't addicted or using opiates at that time. It took.me about 2yrs to get through severe anxiety and panic attacks daily. Well, actually it took 2yrs to get back to my normal anxiety and panic attacks.
I had a difficult time functioning during that time. I wish I would've gotten some help. Can you go to a therapist or psych? Maybe to get on some meds to help w the anxiety, etc.
I'm sure you've tried many things. It's just that you have valid reasons to need help.
Pleased keep me in the loop w your progress. If you need to talk or whatever, I'm here. Pm me anytime.
What I find myself doing, when I get overwhelmed and anxious is injecting my subs. Very stupid I know.
It's like the act helps to calm me down a little. What that is telling me, I think, is I need to get a plan in place to do something healthier to manage anxiety. At this time, I'm at a loss as to what that plan could be.
I really hope you manage to induct yourself. I know how much this is weighing on you. You've been through alot. It's understandable as to why you're stuggling. It's understandable to be terrified of "feeling", after the loss of your boyfriend.
I lost a boyfriend. He had Hodgeskins disease. But, died from a heroin overdose. I wasn't addicted or using opiates at that time. It took.me about 2yrs to get through severe anxiety and panic attacks daily. Well, actually it took 2yrs to get back to my normal anxiety and panic attacks.
I had a difficult time functioning during that time. I wish I would've gotten some help. Can you go to a therapist or psych? Maybe to get on some meds to help w the anxiety, etc.
I'm sure you've tried many things. It's just that you have valid reasons to need help.
Pleased keep me in the loop w your progress. If you need to talk or whatever, I'm here. Pm me anytime.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
LM-
I mentioned this in another thread, I just wanted to make sure you also knew.
There's a good video on YouTube, about Elizabeth Vargas' struggle w alcoholism and anxiety.
I think you would really enjoy it and find comfort from it.
The video is called "The Making of an Alcoholic + Barely Surviving Alcoholism...".
We're not alone in this.
I mentioned this in another thread, I just wanted to make sure you also knew.
There's a good video on YouTube, about Elizabeth Vargas' struggle w alcoholism and anxiety.
I think you would really enjoy it and find comfort from it.
The video is called "The Making of an Alcoholic + Barely Surviving Alcoholism...".
We're not alone in this.
I see you're new around here. In the future, please do not post lengthy walls of text with no paragraph or sentence breaks. If your posts are difficult to read, they're likely not going to get read. Editing this as a one-time courtesy. Also, if you want to add text, edit your post instead of creating a new one. --aihfl
hey just saying you got this i went to sub after a 10 year addiction, i was doing about 2grams a day of good H when i went to subs i was on subs 16MG 2 8mg stripsin the morning i first off will say this dope withdrawl sucksbut its not a sub WD. i would recomend staying off the subs or only using them for like 2 weeks tops they are a bitch to get off of. after 3 years of sub use and klonapin 2mg a day i walked off everything one dayi said nomore. long story short i ended up in a hospital and then after i got out they gave me bad medications that interacteded negativly with eachother and made my body stifffen up. i was stuck all my muscles, my moulth was even stuck it looked like i had a stroke or some shit, after i went to another hospital they helped me stop that interaction the WD was still so intense this was like 6 days in i got nitrous oxide and did accuple whippets from what i rememeber. i was later told i did over 200 that night laying there in agony and i slipping intoa full blown phycosis, not fun at all. i thought i stabed someone i was going to jail i broke up with my girlfrfiend i tried letting some random person into the car, while we were driving still mind you i was crazy and i thought everyone else was insane when i was addmitted into the phycward. i remeber being like i dont need to be here wtf is going on like why am i here, i remember laying down in the bed they gave me and trying to sleep i was still kicking hard obvusly fromthe subs next thing i know i woke up in yet another hospital bed with tubes down my throat and a cathitor in....... not my best moment lol i know but i was with it. i pointed to the tubes like get these out of here. i went manic so they had to intubate me or put me under they told my perents at this point to not expect me to ever recover and be prepared for me to be a vegatable for the rest of my life. they said it was over a 99% chance i would NOT recover and would be a veg but they said nothing is impossible.
when they tryed to put me unbder my opiate tolorance was so high that they tried morphine 3 times finally they used propafol and fyntenal. i have no memory ofthem strapping me to the bed and i was pulling the nurses across the roomapparently trying to restrrain me. i was lifting my arms and they were slidding across the floor they could not hold the straps down. i am a small guy very small lol but it took 5 nurses apparently one on each arm one on each leg and one sitting on my chest holding me down apparently it was some heavy shit. i was latter told by my parents to have to watch this as i did not want to be restrained apparently.....
it has been one year sence i walked and i am doing so much better i still dont really sleepfor shit but im not living in a bath tub and bugging out 24/7 they say it takes time to get back to :normal: whatever that is. i used at such a young agei dont think my brain really rememebrs what that is, or i dont remember what that is like, i rememebr sitting on my couch and i jjust started cryingg one day it was like color came back and i didnt even know it had left but i damn sure knew when it was back it was beutifull, you can get through this and you will be so happy you did. opiates are grate if you can take like an oxy once in a blue moon but we all know thats not how it works atleast for me. its not like its the weekend i can have a beer or two or whatever. cant do that with opiates i know this and i will never make that mistake again.
i have a beautiful girlfriend that is soon to by my fiance we are moving within the up comming weeks out of my home town and getting a fresh start she was not from my home town i met her back when i was in college but we are planning on having kids andi can tell you for sure i will not be addicteddd to nor abusing drugs when i have a kid. i have sceen first hand what happens when paretns party/do drugs with there kids. i could nevereven imagine if i had a stash or a bag of h someone and my child got into it i wouild never live that down. i want my kid to be prud ofme and i dont want to explain that daddy is sick cuz of this or that or he needs hismedication for whatever cuz asmy child grows up i know they eventually will just in there heads be like yeah my dad is a dope head or have there friends saying shitthat there dad is a dope head. kids are mean we all know this. atleast they can be either way my future kids are a very big thing to my recovery. i realized the life i wanted, needed,can have , and do have is only goinhg to last if i dont use opiates.
my GF has never done dope she is not an addict at all actually, my whole familyis like how did YOU get HER? and i now thats messed up but i ask myself sometimes that question too and the answer is because i stopped fucking up and did the right thing insteadof doing what i wanted to do like always i did what i needed to do for once and the pay offf actually was amazing so much more than i ever thought. it really does open your life up everything is possible again and its not that way cuz i am high and just feeeling good. i am sobor as we speak and i have so much happiness in my heart everyday i wake up and can say my name is .... and i am ....... and i am with it not lost in a phycosis.
anyway i have wanted to share that story for so long but not many people want to hear that story or they dont know i was an addict cuz when people find out they treat you differently and persevere you differently anyway thanks to anyone who actually felt like readding this whole thing, and just know that if you are struggling to get off i promise i really is worth it actually even though it most deffinatly does not seem like it would be worth it at the time. i remeber saying fuvk this its not worth it i rather just take some sub everyday thge rest of my life.... thandeal with the lack of quality of life i was experiancing but it finally got to a point where i did start to get bettter, after 1 month i said to myself well i made it this far im not slipping up now to just have to re do everything ive just done, my GF was one of the best most insperatinol person/thing that helped me to get clean. i know you arent supposed to do that or whatever but she inspired me too get myself clean for real no matter what this time but as inspiring as she was/is, it still came down to me and me not doing something stupid everyday thats what and who it comes down to its not her job to make sure i am clean. dont get me wrong i love that she cares enought that if something weird was going on with me or i was acting strange she would/will ask if imok and i know if i relapes i can tell her right away she knows that too and knows that it is 100% a real possibility even though i told her its been a year. ive done all this for our future family for you and for me i am personally not going through a withdrawl like that again no matter what even ifnshe was to leave me jusst hell no that WD legit kicked my asss so hard i wouldnt even think about it, ever again
hey so as someone that had a 10 year addiction and then went to subs i can tell you right now tapering the dope down and quitting that will be so much easier than going on subs than getting off them. maybe try and get some weaker opiates tho maybe say viks just so you dont get sick is all. kratom extracts OPMS liquid or gold ones would most likely help you get through the wd. just dont keep taking them the Kratom tho. i used kratom a but wwhen i walked from subs at about 14MG..... it was hell thats why i think what your doing is a better idea. i kknow most would say not to use anyting anymore but in honesty i think even weaning of straight h is better than taking a sub, i said for so long why didnt i just cold turky the H or get percs ween down for 2-3 weeks and than walk would have been so much esier, anyway good luck and you got this just watch out and make sure you do keep lowering your doss. i know how hard it is to not do that little bit extra to feel nice just this time and then you will go back to tappering. i know how it goes poersonally been there you can do this though and you will be so happy/proud when you finally hit the point where your over the hump, and then it just gets better and better. i have faith cuz i know for a fact you can do this 100000000000% i wish you well and i hope it is as light on your body it can be that is. YOU GOT THIS KEEP IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey just saying you got this i went to sub after a 10 year addiction, i was doing about 2grams a day of good H when i went to subs i was on subs 16MG 2 8mg stripsin the morning i first off will say this dope withdrawl sucksbut its not a sub WD. i would recomend staying off the subs or only using them for like 2 weeks tops they are a bitch to get off of. after 3 years of sub use and klonapin 2mg a day i walked off everything one dayi said nomore. long story short i ended up in a hospital and then after i got out they gave me bad medications that interacteded negativly with eachother and made my body stifffen up. i was stuck all my muscles, my moulth was even stuck it looked like i had a stroke or some shit, after i went to another hospital they helped me stop that interaction the WD was still so intense this was like 6 days in i got nitrous oxide and did accuple whippets from what i rememeber. i was later told i did over 200 that night laying there in agony and i slipping intoa full blown phycosis, not fun at all. i thought i stabed someone i was going to jail i broke up with my girlfrfiend i tried letting some random person into the car, while we were driving still mind you i was crazy and i thought everyone else was insane when i was addmitted into the phycward. i remeber being like i dont need to be here wtf is going on like why am i here, i remember laying down in the bed they gave me and trying to sleep i was still kicking hard obvusly fromthe subs next thing i know i woke up in yet another hospital bed with tubes down my throat and a cathitor in....... not my best moment lol i know but i was with it. i pointed to the tubes like get these out of here. i went manic so they had to intubate me or put me under they told my perents at this point to not expect me to ever recover and be prepared for me to be a vegatable for the rest of my life. they said it was over a 99% chance i would NOT recover and would be a veg but they said nothing is impossible.
when they tryed to put me unbder my opiate tolorance was so high that they tried morphine 3 times finally they used propafol and fyntenal. i have no memory ofthem strapping me to the bed and i was pulling the nurses across the roomapparently trying to restrrain me. i was lifting my arms and they were slidding across the floor they could not hold the straps down. i am a small guy very small lol but it took 5 nurses apparently one on each arm one on each leg and one sitting on my chest holding me down apparently it was some heavy shit. i was latter told by my parents to have to watch this as i did not want to be restrained apparently.....
it has been one year sence i walked and i am doing so much better i still dont really sleepfor shit but im not living in a bath tub and bugging out 24/7 they say it takes time to get back to :normal: whatever that is. i used at such a young agei dont think my brain really rememebrs what that is, or i dont remember what that is like, i rememebr sitting on my couch and i jjust started cryingg one day it was like color came back and i didnt even know it had left but i damn sure knew when it was back it was beutifull, you can get through this and you will be so happy you did. opiates are grate if you can take like an oxy once in a blue moon but we all know thats not how it works atleast for me. its not like its the weekend i can have a beer or two or whatever. cant do that with opiates i know this and i will never make that mistake again.
i have a beautiful girlfriend that is soon to by my fiance we are moving within the up comming weeks out of my home town and getting a fresh start she was not from my home town i met her back when i was in college but we are planning on having kids andi can tell you for sure i will not be addicteddd to nor abusing drugs when i have a kid. i have sceen first hand what happens when paretns party/do drugs with there kids. i could nevereven imagine if i had a stash or a bag of h someone and my child got into it i wouild never live that down. i want my kid to be prud ofme and i dont want to explain that daddy is sick cuz of this or that or he needs hismedication for whatever cuz asmy child grows up i know they eventually will just in there heads be like yeah my dad is a dope head or have there friends saying shitthat there dad is a dope head. kids are mean we all know this. atleast they can be either way my future kids are a very big thing to my recovery. i realized the life i wanted, needed,can have , and do have is only goinhg to last if i dont use opiates.
my GF has never done dope she is not an addict at all actually, my whole familyis like how did YOU get HER? and i now thats messed up but i ask myself sometimes that question too and the answer is because i stopped fucking up and did the right thing insteadof doing what i wanted to do like always i did what i needed to do for once and the pay offf actually was amazing so much more than i ever thought. it really does open your life up everything is possible again and its not that way cuz i am high and just feeeling good. i am sobor as we speak and i have so much happiness in my heart everyday i wake up and can say my name is .... and i am ....... and i am with it not lost in a phycosis.
anyway i have wanted to share that story for so long but not many people want to hear that story or they dont know i was an addict cuz when people find out they treat you differently and persevere you differently anyway thanks to anyone who actually felt like readding this whole thing, and just know that if you are struggling to get off i promise i really is worth it actually even though it most deffinatly does not seem like it would be worth it at the time. i remeber saying fuvk this its not worth it i rather just take some sub everyday thge rest of my life.... thandeal with the lack of quality of life i was experiancing but it finally got to a point where i did start to get bettter, after 1 month i said to myself well i made it this far im not slipping up now to just have to re do everything ive just done, my GF was one of the best most insperatinol person/thing that helped me to get clean. i know you arent supposed to do that or whatever but she inspired me too get myself clean for real no matter what this time but as inspiring as she was/is, it still came down to me and me not doing something stupid everyday thats what and who it comes down to its not her job to make sure i am clean. dont get me wrong i love that she cares enought that if something weird was going on with me or i was acting strange she would/will ask if imok and i know if i relapes i can tell her right away she knows that too and knows that it is 100% a real possibility even though i told her its been a year. ive done all this for our future family for you and for me i am personally not going through a withdrawl like that again no matter what even ifnshe was to leave me jusst hell no that WD legit kicked my asss so hard i wouldnt even think about it, ever again
hey so as someone that had a 10 year addiction and then went to subs i can tell you right now tapering the dope down and quitting that will be so much easier than going on subs than getting off them. maybe try and get some weaker opiates tho maybe say viks just so you dont get sick is all. kratom extracts OPMS liquid or gold ones would most likely help you get through the wd. just dont keep taking them the Kratom tho. i used kratom a but wwhen i walked from subs at about 14MG..... it was hell thats why i think what your doing is a better idea. i kknow most would say not to use anyting anymore but in honesty i think even weaning of straight h is better than taking a sub, i said for so long why didnt i just cold turky the H or get percs ween down for 2-3 weeks and than walk would have been so much esier, anyway good luck and you got this just watch out and make sure you do keep lowering your doss. i know how hard it is to not do that little bit extra to feel nice just this time and then you will go back to tappering. i know how it goes poersonally been there you can do this though and you will be so happy/proud when you finally hit the point where your over the hump, and then it just gets better and better. i have faith cuz i know for a fact you can do this 100000000000% i wish you well and i hope it is as light on your body it can be that is. YOU GOT THIS KEEP IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
Ploppie88-
I'm so glad you came back from all of that. And no, you can't ever casually take opiates. Ever. It's not worth it.
Is there some way you can edit your post into paragraphs? You'll have a better chance of people reading it.
Good luck w your girlfriend and your upcoming move!!
I'm so glad you came back from all of that. And no, you can't ever casually take opiates. Ever. It's not worth it.
Is there some way you can edit your post into paragraphs? You'll have a better chance of people reading it.
Good luck w your girlfriend and your upcoming move!!
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
Lovemissile-
You're in my thoughts. No matter what's going on, I hope you check in.
I get how you feel. The reason I haven't started a recovery thread is because I think it will be post after post of me screwing up.
Everyone's recovery is different. Rarely does anyone get better the first time.
The fact that you are trying, that you have the desire to stop - means something. There was a time, I had no desire at all to stop. And go to the Sober Living forum?! Why? Why would anyone want to be sober??? That's really how I felt at one time. Now SL is my 2nd home.
I feel like I know people here on SL. They help me to keep trying. And trying again. Because they do. You don't have to be sober to post here.
Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. No matter what.
You're in my thoughts. No matter what's going on, I hope you check in.
I get how you feel. The reason I haven't started a recovery thread is because I think it will be post after post of me screwing up.
Everyone's recovery is different. Rarely does anyone get better the first time.
The fact that you are trying, that you have the desire to stop - means something. There was a time, I had no desire at all to stop. And go to the Sober Living forum?! Why? Why would anyone want to be sober??? That's really how I felt at one time. Now SL is my 2nd home.
I feel like I know people here on SL. They help me to keep trying. And trying again. Because they do. You don't have to be sober to post here.
Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. No matter what.
lovemissile66
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2018
- Messages
- 679
Thanks!! I am a complete luddite when it comes to technology. I honestly have no idea what went wrong with the posts. I only know that after two false starts, I was too tired to try posting again!! No worries.
No worries.lovemissile66
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2018
- Messages
- 679
10-You are the best! From the bottom of my restless heart. I am absolutely discouraged at the moment. All my glorious plans, failed. It is hard coming here and admitting constant defeat. But it is the only place I can be accountable for my actions and honest. Nobody else in my life has a clue. I just finished reading Dopesick, by Beth Macy. If you are into reading, especially anything dealing with our drug epidemic, I highly
recommend it. It was not a fun read and very sobering (no pun intended). The statistics, if I am to believe them, mean I will probably be dealing with my addiction for the rest of my life. The odds are stacked against. And rehabs are a big fat lie!! The whole stinking system is set up for failure. 'sigh'. Anyway, here I am. Monday. Holiday. Still addicted. Getting broke by the day. Broken. This is just not a fun time anymore. It hasn't been for years. That fear of dopesickness is so outsized in my mind, it renders me useless. I am truly stuck. But I am so grateful for this community. And you and your kind posts. I will check out the Vargas video for sure. I hope you continue to post, no matter what, because I look forward to reading them. Not just in response to my own, but any. Tomorrow is another day to fight the good fight, right?
. I am absolutely discouraged at the moment. All my glorious plans, failed. It is hard coming here and admitting constant defeat. But it is the only place I can be accountable for my actions and honest. Nobody else in my life has a clue. I just finished reading Dopesick, by Beth Macy. If you are into reading, especially anything dealing with our drug epidemic, I highlyrecommend it. It was not a fun read and very sobering (no pun intended). The statistics, if I am to believe them, mean I will probably be dealing with my addiction for the rest of my life. The odds are stacked against. And rehabs are a big fat lie!! The whole stinking system is set up for failure. 'sigh'. Anyway, here I am. Monday. Holiday. Still addicted. Getting broke by the day. Broken. This is just not a fun time anymore. It hasn't been for years. That fear of dopesickness is so outsized in my mind, it renders me useless. I am truly stuck. But I am so grateful for this community. And you and your kind posts. I will check out the Vargas video for sure. I hope you continue to post, no matter what, because I look forward to reading them. Not just in response to my own, but any. Tomorrow is another day to fight the good fight, right?