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Thread: Groundscores and Long Term Recovery

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    Groundscores and Long Term Recovery 
    #1
    So today on my way to work I stopped by 7-11 and lo and behold, there was a baggy of what was clearly around a half g of crushed up meth right next to the front door. I kind of kicked it to the side but on the way out it was still there. I couldn't just leave it there so I took it and quickly put it in the trash, where it belongs. Fucking garbage...

    I've been going through mad anxiety all day. Mad cravings. Just touching the bag has fucked up my mind to the point of massive stress and anxiety. I know it's all in my head but I've got over a year clean and just knowing how close I was to using today is really fucking with me. Like, something I have 0 control over, just due to someone's stupidity and lack of attention, sent my day sideways.

    I was actually doing quite well for a long time and actually doing even better lately (working through anxiety, agoraphobia, stuff like that). Sober from every thing except weed and coffee and the occasional nightcap. It's time for me to get drunk. Don't worry guys I won't do anything stupid like go and pick up. Wouldn't know where to even if I wanted to. I've cut all those people and places out of my life long ago.

    Just had to share this with someone as there's noone close to me that knows the extent to which I used to get high, nor would they understand.
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    #2
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    I would say you excersized complete control over that situation. You did great and it shows how much work you've done in recovery. You had a chance to use and you didn't. That's an achievement worth celebrating
    Addicted? Want to stop? We can help! Come to the sober living forum!
    http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/269-Sober-Living
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    #3
    Bluelighter psy997's Avatar
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    Yea it sounds to me like you really weren't that close to using. Yes, you were physically very close to the drug. And, you didn't choose to do so. And on top of that, you threw it away. Great work!
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    #4
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    g0to - Thank you for posting this. I truly believe the ultimate state for an "addict" or someone with a substance use disorder is to seek a state of neutrality when it comes to substances. In this moment (forever and for always may very well not exist) I am at a state of neutrality with substances. I don't crave them (think obsessively about using them) nor do I fear them (think obsessively about not using them). Either of those states is a potentially dangerous spot for me to visit as they are both obsessive mind states which limit my ability to connect with reality. "I can't use" is a dangerous lie that I will internally tell myself or overtly tell others. My history shows that I absolutely CAN use. I can use at a level that would dumbfound most people. I get the gift on a daily basis of having the ability to choose not to use today. You chose not to use. That is powerful. I guess it is lucky for you that the baggy wasn't the legendary Mexican Jumping Meth. That stuff will just right into your mouth!
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    #5
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    Way to go, g0to! Ditto to what everyone else has said.

    Peace&Love,
    jasper

    "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." -- Lily Tomlin
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    #6
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    My hopes are blighted, my heart is broken, my life a burden, everything around me is sad and mournful; earth has become distasteful to me, and human voices distract me. It is mercy to let me die, for if I live I shall lose my reason and become mad.
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    You’re strong


    I am 100% convinced I would have used it.

    Congrats on your will power and strength
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    #7
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    Same thing happened to me a last year . It looked like meth ,but I didnt look too hard . I had a bad experience with that stuff almost 20 years ago and now with a wife,child and career I knew better . I will tell you that I thought about it for a few days afterwards. At my age now, me and the shadow people wouldn't get along to well ,lol.
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    #8
    I'd call that a win gOto!! You did Aaamaaazzing!!

    Honestly, if I found a bundle of dope on the ground I'm not sure I could've handled it with the strength you did.

    I know how that fucks with your head and how sucky that feeling is. It will pass. And much faster than if you had picked up that bag, and decided to use it.

    I'm glad to hear you've been making such great progress. Well done. 🌝♥️🌄🌈
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    #9
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    I don't think I could say no if I found it either. Luckily finding drugs is pretty damn rare normally
    Addicted? Want to stop? We can help! Come to the sober living forum!
    http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/269-Sober-Living
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    #10
    Lol cj

    I only found drugs in public once. It was on the steps at a hotel. It was crack in the though. Probably about $800-$1,000.00.

    Some guy always had dealers coming to his room- they obviously dropped it. Probably we're ready to blow their head off when they realized it. It's not my thing, but I definitely smoked some that particular night 😉😎
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    #11
    ^*it was crack though, and alot.
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    #12
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    If I found some dope I'm sure I would keep it "to give away to somebody who needs it" but if that person didn't pop up really soon I'd probably use.

    The only thing I ever found was about a quarter oz. of weed, but it was a really cool find. I was walking across a pedestrian bridge, broke, thinking "I sure could use a joint right now" when I spotted a film canister sitting on the balustrade. Of course I picked it up, thinking "it's probably empty," but it turned out to be pretty good weed. Made my day! This happened over 30 years ago in Knoxville and I'll never forget it.

    Peace&Love,
    jasper

    All absolute statements are false, including this one.
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    #13
    Wow Jasper. I bet that made your day alright lol.

    God, please never let me find a bundle on the ground.

    If I were able to throw it out as gOto so admirably did, I'd probably quietly cry all day. I can under the anger he felt about it.

    You done good gOto. How are you doing today? I hope your head is in a good place ❤️🌝
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