• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Fuck this world.

the pain we feel is real - but opiets are the worst thing you can do for chronic pain , those roxies help for a few hours they do they really do ..but will cause the nervs to be over sencitive for weeks .... i already know the types of agree responces im fixing to get saying i have no idea what you are going threw .... i literaly was you a few years ago -- my back still hurts but not like it did on the meds ... i have sceleital and musicel pain along with uc . everything got better over the two years i was of my meds and only using medical cannibus eddibals for pain --- like i said a ate a ton of acid that kinda helped my depression and pain - was the dambdest thing . but thats a differnt story-


i didnt want to stop taking meds but i thought it was worth a shot .... so love me or hate me those drs. are right
 
obveosly i cant spell - but six of my virtabre are fused together - im telling you get off the pain meds - evry thing else will fallow
 
i know it seems stupid but those drs. are right ... cronic pain gets worsts from pain meds ... i had surgery in my back at 16 and have been on meds for roughly ten years , it wasnt untill i was sober for a couple years ( smoked some weed or used cbd for pain) that i noticed the pain and stress started to subside ... belive me i was cussing my drs. along with you but im telling you it will get better .... but you gotta try to keep away from those meds ... my pain is managable now my depression is gone and im calm --- i was on xanax 1 or 2 mg a day for 9 years and hydro,perk,oxy,morph, for 7 years .... i had more pain and depression on those meds than i do now .......

belevie me or not its sience opeiets cause pain during withdraw... benzos cause hyperactiveity and axiety over time


its not easy but ultamently you will be happier without those meds so suffer now and in a year youll say holy fuck that dr. was right

look up my old posts if you dont belive me .... im 30 now and in the best shape and mood of my life .... opiets are the worst for cronic pain ....

but im not going to fight you over it ... you wanna keep doing the same thing and expecting different resulst -then it was nice knowing you--- whats the harm in trying something different -

i took a lot of lsd during my detox- i dont recomend it for everyone but i was in a better mindset after--- if you are serious about ending your life --- i know i put a glock 17 to my temple in 2016 ..... and i cant tell you how thankful i am i didnt pull that triggar .... im sorry you are hurting im sorry your upset but thats not how you wanna go out g .... you have a long road ahead but its fucking worth it

Hey man, i appreciate the reply, and the honest opinions, but I'm in too much pain to just stop taking my pain meds. i haven't really up-ed my tolerance in 2 years or so. I understand the theory of taking opioids for too long will have negative effects for treating chronic pain, but at the moment they are a necessity for me. It makes sense and i understand what the doctors are saying, but trying to treat pain with antidepressants are simply not the answer, at least not for me. Not only has it not done literally anything for pain, but it has slowly destroyed my mental psyche. I have honestly never felt worse or lower in my entire life. I do smoke a lot of weed which helps a little, not nearly enough for my pain, and i have tried cbd which also doesn't help my pain enough. I have only done lsd one time and that was before all this traumatic shit happened. Im not opposed too trying it again, but i am a little nervous about having a bad trip on it. I have a bunch of klonopin and valium just in case i start to freak out i guess.

I have seriously never been this depressed and emotionally wrecked before i started taking those fucking poisonous antidepressants. My friend flew out from northern cali and a couple other friends took me out tonight to try and cheer me up but all i wanted to do was put a shotgun in my mouth. We went to a couple bars and then to a strip club but I just felt like complete shit all night. Its so fucked up because i don't want to be a downer or anything but jesus christ, I can't fucking shake it. If this is the future for me, forget the pain, but this crippling depression and anxiety than i don't want to be around for much longer. Its ridiculous to be a prisoner in your own head.

Idk... I guess ill try to stick it out til after my surgery, and until I'm completely off these antidepressants, but i want too say if shit doesn't change in 6 months then I'm out.
 
I have seriously never been this depressed and emotionally wrecked before i started taking those fucking poisonous antidepressants. My friend flew out from northern cali and a couple other friends took me out tonight to try and cheer me up but all i wanted to do was put a shotgun in my mouth. We went to a couple bars and then to a strip club but I just felt like complete shit all night. Its so fucked up because i don't want to be a downer or anything but jesus christ, I can't fucking shake it. If this is the future for me, forget the pain, but this crippling depression and anxiety than i don't want to be around for much longer. Its ridiculous to be a prisoner in your own head.

Idk... I guess ill try to stick it out til after my surgery, and until I'm completely off these antidepressants, but i want too say if shit doesn't change in 6 months then I'm out.

Friends will always try to cheer you up but when a person is experiencing depression, trauma, loss, grief and any other severe emotional state it is actually the worst thing they can do. All it does is reinforce the gap between how you would like to feel and how you actually do feel. Take it as a sweet but misguided gesture from your friends. Our society doesn't teach us how to support a person in emotional pain. Look at psychiatry--they just throw drugs at you hoping one will do something. Don't get me wrong--they do help some people but the vast majority have your experience--especially younger people.

You are dealing with so much at once that it is hard for me to even comprehend. As a mother, I cannot imagine seeing my son go through this much trauma. I can tell you this much: I am about to turn 65 and there were times in my younger life when I was also a "prisoner in my own head" but this does not have to be your future. The brain and the mind are way more controllable than we believe. It takes patience and it takes courage and it take cultivating faith but you can create a different way of being/thinking/feeling and therein lies your freedom. You will always have grief over the loss of your friends and you may well have to deal with some physical pain forever but believing that the level of both of these you are living with currently is something I would try my best to throw out the window. I have suffered a lot of loss in my life and I can tell you that the hurt becomes one strand in the tapestry of you--there really is no way to ever truly leave it behind. But why should we not honor those we loved by carrying the hurt of their loss through our lives? And the physical pain I hope can be addressed by medical options that continue to improve.

It is a great balancing act to admit and face the reality of where we are and yet to cultivate faith in a future that is different. While I am a big believer in the power of psychedelics to open the doors to faith and positivity, I think your gut instinct to stay away from that right now is probably a very good one. Someday, psychedelic therapy will be available to all that could benefit from it--guided, supported and with the correct dosages and guaranteed purity. Right now that is far from reality.

I hope you find moments of peace today. I've been spotty here on Bluelight lately as I have just lost my husband and am going through my own solo ride on the waves of grief but I did want you to know that I read your words and that they really tug at my heart. I have faith for you and I hope you can kindle some for yourself. I often tell people to pretend you are outside of yourself and see yourself as a friend in need--what would you say and do for that friend? You would no doubt offer encouragement, compassion and acceptance. That is what you must give yourself.<3
 
Why don't you guys go have a look at people who are having "lyrica withdrawal" - saying it is worse than opiate, benzodiazepine, and alcohol withdrawal put together! Look at the people talking about Cymbalta withdrawal and Effexor withdrawal. Holy shit!
And you want us to take these things instead of something like morphine that is made for PHYSICAL pain and is natural, does not harm the body and numbs the physical pain so we don't have all these other psychiatric symptoms due to suffering our asses off?

No thanks. Glad they worked for you but I recognize what this person Trev26 is going through! I recognize what his words are saying. He caught my attention with his very first post here long ago!
No Trev don't take some LSD for fuck sakes people!
He is already fucked right now from anti depressants!
 
Why don't the people on Lyrica and Effexor, Xanax etc. drugs WORSE than opiates get treated like we do?
Why are they not considered huge drug addicts?
Because the pharmaceutical companies are making huge money off this poison!
There are people who never recover from the withdrawal of some of these medications!
One person right on this very forum says they are still hallucinating two years later after being off Lyrica and takes no other drugs!

I was not a person who ever even smoked more than a few joints of weed in my younger days. I don't want to be on any medication but there is no choice with actual pain! I understand grief and emotional pain very well but this is different!

Trev26 has shown that even with having access to street drugs, he has not upped his tolerance because why? He just needs it to cover the physical pain! He is not truly an addict! Just as I have managed to be on the same dosage of morphine for ten years!
We are not looking for a high or to escape reality from emotional turmoil. Our lives have been shredded by physical pain and the resulting disability!
 
Why don't you guys go have a look at people who are having "lyrica withdrawal" - saying it is worse than opiate, benzodiazepine, and alcohol withdrawal put together! Look at the people talking about Cymbalta withdrawal and Effexor withdrawal. Holy shit!
And you want us to take these things instead of something like morphine that is made for PHYSICAL pain and is natural, does not harm the body and numbs the physical pain so we don't have all these other psychiatric symptoms due to suffering our asses off?

No thanks. Glad they worked for you but I recognize what this person Trev26 is going through! I recognize what his words are saying. He caught my attention with his very first post here long ago!
No Trev don't take some LSD for fuck sakes people!
He is already fucked right now from anti depressants!

I don't know if it was my post that you are referring to Painful One but if so, my advice was NOT to take LSD. Just to set the record straight in case there was confusion. I probably made it confusing by saying in general I support the use of entheogens in therapeutic settings so apologies for that.

I agree with you 100% about the stigma associated with physical pain meds and the wanton prescription of psychiatric drugs. Particularly for young people these drugs can cause far more harm than help.
 
No, not your post I was referring to sweet herbavore.
The post(s) above yours and I was just venting. Sorry.

So sorry to hear you are going through so much grief and everything. My sincere condolences.
* Hugs you
 
Thanks back and no need to apologise.

@Trev--how are you doing today?
 
Why don't you guys go have a look at people who are having "lyrica withdrawal" - saying it is worse than opiate, benzodiazepine, and alcohol withdrawal put together! Look at the people talking about Cymbalta withdrawal and Effexor withdrawal. Holy shit!
And you want us to take these things instead of something like morphine that is made for PHYSICAL pain and is natural, does not harm the body and numbs the physical pain so we don't have all these other psychiatric symptoms due to suffering our asses off?

No thanks. Glad they worked for you but I recognize what this person Trev26 is going through! I recognize what his words are saying. He caught my attention with his very first post here long ago!
No Trev don't take some LSD for fuck sakes people!
He is already fucked right now from anti depressants!

Yeah, I was mulling it over and think taking taking lsd cant possibly be a good idea lol. I was however considering picking up some ecstasy or mdma because I hear they are making advancements on it treating PTSD or anxiety or something. I have done it a couple times over the years, but they were all festivals and stuff.

As for the antidepressants, I am trying to taper off cymbalta at the moment, I think somebody asked which one I was taking but I forgot to respond. It is literally the worst drugs I have ever taken. It blows my mind that they willingly prescribe them. I cant even explain how horrible I feel while tapering off. People who have never taken these drugs truly are oblivious to how bad they make you feel. I tell people when they ask how do you feel. And always say you go take them for 3 months and try to stop.

I'm writing this on my phone and it has taken me so long to write this because my brain is on fire. I'm scared that I will never feel normal again aside from the horrific pain. People who say opioids are worse for pain make me laugh because there is no other alternative they suggest. Maybe yoga I guess but you cant honestly believe yoga helps the excruciating pain enough not to take a pill. Or they say try to exercise but I cant fucking move so how the hell am I supposed to exercise??

Thanks to all the other chronic pain patients who understand what I'm going through. Do I want to take opioids for the rest of my life? Of course not, but are they the only thing that gives me some quality of life? ABSOLUTELY
 
Yeah, I was mulling it over and think taking taking lsd cant possibly be a good idea lol. I was however considering picking up some ecstasy or mdma because I hear they are making advancements on it treating PTSD or anxiety or something. I have done it a couple times over the years, but they were all festivals and stuff.

As for the antidepressants, I am trying to taper off cymbalta at the moment, I think somebody asked which one I was taking but I forgot to respond. It is literally the worst drugs I have ever taken. It blows my mind that they willingly prescribe them. I cant even explain how horrible I feel while tapering off. People who have never taken these drugs truly are oblivious to how bad they make you feel. I tell people when they ask how do you feel. And always say you go take them for 3 months and try to stop.

I'm writing this on my phone and it has taken me so long to write this because my brain is on fire. I'm scared that I will never feel normal again aside from the horrific pain. People who say opioids are worse for pain make me laugh because there is no other alternative they suggest. Maybe yoga I guess but you cant honestly believe yoga helps the excruciating pain enough not to take a pill. Or they say try to exercise but I cant fucking move so how the hell am I supposed to exercise??

Thanks to all the other chronic pain patients who understand what I'm going through. Do I want to take opioids for the rest of my life? Of course not, but are they the only thing that gives me some quality of life? ABSOLUTELY

Just want to start off by saying that mdma and antidepressants is a dangerous combo and highly recommended against. MDMA in general is overhyped IMHO. The "advancements" are probably just referring to new studies. The drug is still the same so the interaction you will have will be the same. People have been saying the same type of stuff about mdma, lsd, psilocybin, ketamine, and so one for decades. I always hear about a new study coming out but rarely hear about the results of said studies. Always "new studies" with words like "suggest" and "possibly" and other carefully chosen words. Even if the study was conclusive, that doesn't mean the study was trustworthy or of any quality. Based on what we know about MDMA, you will have a period of elation(stimulation) followed by a much longer period of depression(lack of stimulation).

How this is theorized to help someone overcome anxiety or ptsd is beyond me. To me, it seems uncomfortably similar to the mindset of taking a drug to fix a problem. Antidepressants used in conjunction with a holistic and humanistic approach may help, but used on it's own I do not believe it will help. Most drugs are similar but doctors and other professionals are trained to hand them out when a problem becomes too difficult. For example, someone has high cholesterol. The obvious solution is to change once's diet and habits. However, this is simple solution in theory is often extremely difficult in practice and patients are likely going to be resistant to things like "stop eating red meat, stop drinking alcohol, exercise every day". Much easier to just take a pill for cholesterol and continue on with the bad habits. Likely, the doctor prescribed the pill ALONG side changes in behavior(holistic approach). I find this example parallels most prescriptions.

And as hard as it may be to believe, many agree that opioids make chronic pain worse by reducing your pain tolerance over time. I'm not an expert in this area but have heard a number of doctors who do specialize in this area make the same claims that long term use of opioids can make chronic pain worse. And the idea behind yoga and other exercises is that by strengthening and stretching you can reduce the stress/strain/inflammation causing the chronic pain. This concept is the basic concept behind physical therapy. It will be extremely painful and difficult, but the idea is similar to that of body builders- pay with pain now for gain/reward later.

Check out this video of a disable veteran that uses yoga and exercise to gain the ability to walk again. I personally was a big time doubter as well until seeing things like this. The change that takes place is amazing and is not an isolated event. Often times there are a combination of factors that make everything worse and create a vicious cycle. Like poor mood being "treated" with poor diet and lack of exercise which leads to inflammation and pain, which leads to worse mood and even less motivation


Also, stuntman Phil Smage(@smagical on Instagram) posts daily updates of his recovery journey after breaking his neck. He was initially a paraplegic, told by doctors he would never walk or ride a dirtbike again. It's been less than 6 months and he is walking. Everyday is painful for him though, and if you watch his journey you can see it's far from easy. The progress he has made is nothing short of inspiring though. Makes me question how much progress I've put off because it was too painful.

There is also another "mental" aspect to pain. People can actually experience physical pain as the result of mental pain/stress. This is called "somatization", where a person might feel their depression through physical manifestations like back pain. It's very real and is not something that is "just all inside your head". The mind is very powerful and can produce real physical changes(i.e. stress response to perceived stress).
 
^^^ Thank you Mafioso!

This is true. I have been putting myself through the exercise for a almost two years now and it helps a lot.
I rely on my dance (ballet, tap, jazz) background to help me to keep moving and improve movement.
I'm now just getting to the point where I don't have to whimper through it. I was at the point where I could not move also.

I was able to heal some internal injuries through meditation too.

I would not have been able to do either one of those things without the 75 mg MS Contin daily. That is not a high dosage though.
I have been able to keep the same dosage for ten years now. I think the reason I started needing/ using a few extra pain pills each month is because of the extra pain the exercise caused. I am getting to a point where the pain is going down on some days though.
I have large spikes back into severe pain but I am having times of getting down to a 4 on the pain scale and feel like myself again!

Diet is also so important. I lov healthy foods and always have so eating healthy is natural for me. Even if you don't like eating healthy, you will when you get used to it and will get sick at the very thought of junk food.

I hope you are doing alright today Trev26! Get through those anti depressant horror taper off and withdrawal. It will go away.
It just takes some time. I would keep taking your Roxi's and stay stable on those for pain control. Then before the surgery, talk to them about needing to be on a pain management dosage. A therapeutic dosage is extremely helpful. You need to be able to move in order to even start exercising. Bath soaks, hot shower steams really loosen things up and relieve pain also. Epsom salt bath soaks are wonderful! Aromatherapy helps me a lot too. Pamper yourself through this.

Sending you lots of love and support!
 
^^^ Thank you Mafioso!

This is true. I have been putting myself through the exercise for a almost two years now and it helps a lot.
I rely on my dance (ballet, tap, jazz) background to help me to keep moving and improve movement.
I'm now just getting to the point where I don't have to whimper through it. I was at the point where I could not move also.

I was able to heal some internal injuries through meditation too.

I would not have been able to do either one of those things without the 75 mg MS Contin daily. That is not a high dosage though.
I have been able to keep the same dosage for ten years now. I think the reason I started needing/ using a few extra pain pills each month is because of the extra pain the exercise caused. I am getting to a point where the pain is going down on some days though.
I have large spikes back into severe pain but I am having times of getting down to a 4 on the pain scale and feel like myself again!

Diet is also so important. I lov healthy foods and always have so eating healthy is natural for me. Even if you don't like eating healthy, you will when you get used to it and will get sick at the very thought of junk food.

I hope you are doing alright today Trev26! Get through those anti depressant horror taper off and withdrawal. It will go away.
It just takes some time. I would keep taking your Roxi's and stay stable on those for pain control. Then before the surgery, talk to them about needing to be on a pain management dosage. A therapeutic dosage is extremely helpful. You need to be able to move in order to even start exercising. Bath soaks, hot shower steams really loosen things up and relieve pain also. Epsom salt bath soaks are wonderful! Aromatherapy helps me a lot too. Pamper yourself through this.

Sending you lots of love and support!

Im not disagreeing with you as far as exercise improving pain, but at the current moment i am unable to move without some sort of pain medication. the roxies help for now, but I'm also trying not to increase the dose because i don't want to break one habit and have to deal with another. Ive been doing PT up until my surgery but after every session, i am in twice the pain when i get home so thats when the pain meds come in handy

I picked up some ms contins awhile ago from my dealer and they didn't really do it for me. So far the roxy is the best pain meds that control my pain. I still plan to address the pain advocates thing when the opportunity presents itself, and ill let the professionals decide what medicine is most suitable for my pain. The ultimate goal of course would to not be on any medication in hopes the surgery helps me get back to a semi pain free life.

Im not going to lie, my diet isn't the greatest, but i blame that on the marijuana lol. It is hard to eat healthy when you have the munchies. I just eat junk food, but i rarely touch sweets or deserts.

Im currently going on day 4 of NO antidepressants at all, but it has been very rough. I started tapering about 2 weeks ago and then i finally said fuck it, I'm just going to get this over with and go cold turkey. It has been extremely tough with some withdrawals including insomnia, waking up covered in sweat, throwing up like 4 times a day from the constant nausea, and not to mention the mental agony day in and day out. This has been some of the hardest withdrawals I've had to deal with it, and i went through benzo withdrawals in 2016 which ended in 4 seizures.

Ive been taking my valium for the last week on a daily basis which has really helped a lot. The only good thing about this ordeal is if I'm able to get past the antidepressants bs, than hopefully my pain will be way more manageable but thats a big IF...

anyways, i appreciate you guys helping me get through this and i will keep you all updated about my progress.

PS, mafioso- i will get around to watching the video as it looks very inspiring at some point, and you made some good points about the mind altering drugs so i think ill stay away from those for awhile as well.

Thanks for all your advise and positive thoughts guys! Have a good day everyone.
 
Hey trev. What about your nutrition? Please hear me out. Do you eat lots of sugars, processed foods, caffeine, alcohol?

Check this site out if you are seriously looking to feel better

Kellybroganmd.com

You just need to change your diet. Nothing else. Can be hard. But once you start to feel better you will voluntarily keep doing it.
 
Hey guys, so this last week has really been difficult. I've been out of my mind from the withdrawals of the antidepressants and simply just been feeling like crap.

Here's where shit gets really crazy. I'm not even diagnosed with epilepsy or anything. I have only had 4 seizures and that was from cold Turkey from benzos.

So I was driving back from whole foods when suddenly I start to get tunnel vision and I instantly start to have extreme difficulty driving. Next think I know I'm being pulled out of my car and put on a stretcher. As this is happening I'm beyond dazed and confused and have no idea what's going on, but I could see my car is wrapped around a pole and is completely mangled and totaled.

When I get to the hospital they tell me I had a grand mal seizure and I drove off the road and hit a light pole.

Thankfully nobody else was involved in the crash and I just did some damage to myself. I had to get 60 stitches in my face and have some bruises and my back pain is now of course more intense, neck is pretty sore to but all in all, I am very fortunate I didnt hurt anybody else. It's one thing if i hurt myself but if i took out a child, or husband or wife... then christ i don't know what i would have done.

Now my liscense is suspended for awhile until i get medically cleared from my neurologist, but I mean that's fine. This was pretty fucking scary to be behind a car blacked out and have no idea what was going on.

I have no history of epilepsy so why do you guys think this happened?

I've been taking valium like 4 or 5 times a week to help with the withdrawals, but no absurd amounts. Anywhere from 10 - 30 mg depending on how bad the withdrawals were.
 
I believe seizures are listed as a side effect possible from SSRI withdrawal. Wow, I'm glad you're okay. <3 That's definitely really scary...
 
That is not good news Trev. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I am glad to hear you are not hurt any worse than you are and that no one else was hurt.

What medications are you on? When did you stop the anti depressants?
I think you should start there and look into other people's experiences.
Also look up drug interactions between all the medications you are taking or have taken recently.

I have very limited but horrific experience with anti depressants. My body reacted horribly to them and I stopped taking them immediately so I never had a "withdrawal" from them. They just caused me to go psychotic is all.
Everything cleared up within a few days of not taking them for me but that was because I had a bad reaction right from the start of trying them for chronic pain relief so I don't really have any experience with the withdrawal they give.

I think you better find a good pain specialist and have a real medical specialist sort out what is happening.
You need a proper treatment plan.

Let us know how you are doing.
God bless
 
That is not good news Trev. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I am glad to hear you are not hurt any worse than you are and that no one else was hurt.

What medications are you on? When did you stop the anti depressants?
I think you should start there and look into other people's experiences.
Also look up drug interactions between all the medications you are taking or have taken recently.

I have very limited but horrific experience with anti depressants. My body reacted horribly to them and I stopped taking them immediately so I never had a "withdrawal" from them. They just caused me to go psychotic is all.
Everything cleared up within a few days of not taking them for me but that was because I had a bad reaction right from the start of trying them for chronic pain relief so I don't really have any experience with the withdrawal they give.

I think you better find a good pain specialist and have a real medical specialist sort out what is happening.
You need a proper treatment plan.

Let us know how you are doing.
God bless

Thanks for the positive thoughts. It was definitely a scary thing and I hope it never happens to me or anybody else again.

I do feel very fortunate to walk away with some bruises and some stitches in my head. Probably the worse part is the concussion. I already feel like shit from the withdrawals, and get nauseous quite frequently and throw up a couple times a day. Now, I constantly have a splitting migraine nonstop and loud noises, and light trigger the nausea a lot more.

Like you said, thank God nobody else was hurt so I'm very grateful for that.

Current drugs I take at the moment are
Valium, 10mg, 4 or 5 times a week.
I smoke weed daily.
About 15 -30 Roxy daily
10 mg percocet 3 days a week ( I only get 7, 5 mg a week so it usually goes like first day, I take 3, then next 2 days I take 2.)
Been cold Turkey off cymbalta for about a week now. That's was the antidepressants I was prescribed for my pain that I was taking for almost 4 months.

I'm obviously going to try to get a good and understanding pain specialist doc now, given the circumstances. I've been lucky enough to get the roxy from my friend but they aren't cheap so it would be nice if I could just get a fucking script from a doctor whose not scared of losing their liscense to practice.

I appreciate the support and keep you'll updated as I get closer to my surgery.
 
Fuck this world but fuck Africa in particular. We got it rough out here. Lions everywhere and dirt cheap drugs.
 
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