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Thread: rehab- how to choose

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    #76
    Yay I'm so happy that today was better for you hon!!! That makes me really happy for you, I was thinking of you and wondering how you were.

    Sounds like you're doing really well there and you have a good attitude, that will carry you far in life.



    Quote Originally Posted by chinup View Post

    thanks so much for your support. sometimes some kind words of encouragement are just what's needed. and today was better. we went to reformer pilates, and endorphins are the only high i get now i've left the opiates and my dopamine receptors are still fucked. then got juice after, but cos 2 people have left and not been replaced yet, and our package is for drinks for everyone, there were 2 spare so i got a cup of real tea!!!

    i really never knew what a raging tea addiction i have. i know its partly cos its literally the only thing i'm allowed now.




    22 days clean today. its been fucking awful but not as bad as i thought. no crack cravings at all. dark is a different matter. last night i was back to my default stance, heroin or suicide (to steal a leftover crack song title). i just can't believe someone can go through what i have and not hurt without strong painkillers.
    And 22 days is awesome!! Congratulations, keep posting too, I love to hear how you're doing!

    Here for you anytime,
    your friend,
    Ash.
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    #77
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    thanks!! i'm feeling much much more positive today. I had my first session of EMDR and it was amazing. I cried a lot but now I feel really refreshed, and it made some stuff make sense to me. Its weird cos your brain goes to seemingly random places, and you're like 'what on earth do my friends from manchester have to do with my scared still at 4 years old' and then BAM, it clicks.

    its comforting to hear you think i have a good attitude. cos i've been really worried cos i'm here essentially here to avoid being homeless, i'm not sure if not wanting the life i had is enough to want to get better. but i'm starting to occasionally believe in recovery and think that i do want it.
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    #78
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    25 days clean and after a long time of thinking i was making no progress, its started again. i’ve realised i’m resisting recovery because it means i have to let go of pain, and i don’t really know what’s left of me without it.

    i’ve had more EMDR and its been really like too good to be true amazing. i think they should offer it in all rehabs cos the therapists here believe all addiction has roots in trauma (not necessarily really obvious awful stuff though, it can be an accumulation of small stuff). i’m the only person here who’s had it and i feel that that’s a bit unfair because its obvious that other people here would hugely benefit.

    drugs are receding. they almost seem irrelevant and incidental now, really a symptom not a cause. i’ve gone from craving heroin badly cos i’m so used to it, to just generally being upset about not being able to get off my tits on anything anymore, to being upset about what i’m actually upset about- that i don’t know how not to be hurting. that feels like monumental progress.

    i’m actually going to get my NA 30 day clean keyring next Tuesday and deserve it. i never ever thought that was possible in a million years. it doesn’t feel like much of an achievement cos i’ll have been in rehab for 29 of those days but the fact is its been no where near as difficult as i thought. i could never have done it alone though.
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    #79
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    EMDR was a good therapy for me. I was violently abused as a young child, and my rehab psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD from that. The rehab therapist was fucking useless, but I did EMDR therapy with the therapist at my psychiatrist's office post-rehab. When I had the neuro-psych testing done earlier this year, I was told there were no markers for PTSD.

    I'm happy to hear that you'll be picking up your 30 day orange keytag next week! Keep it up, I know you got this!
    Struggling with addiction? Join us at Sober Living. We can help.
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    #80
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    I'm glad things are going well. What are your plans for after treatment? Sober living? Outpatient?

    I really think it's important for people coming out not to go right back to your old life. A new place to live is pretty crucial imo
    Addicted? Want to stop? We can help! Come to the sober living forum!
    http://www.bluelight.org/vb/forums/269-Sober-Living
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    #81
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    Way to go, chinup! 30 days is a big deal, whether it's done at home, in jail, hospital, or rehab. Give yourself a pat on the back.

    And I promise you it gets better. I'm only about 5 months clean&sober and I feel much better than I did at 30 days.

    Also, cj is correct. What you do after rehab is way more crucial than the rehab itself. Not that rehab isn't important-- you gotta crawl before you can walk.

    Best wishes to you.

    Peace&Love,
    jasper

    ​"All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data." -- Sheldon Kopp
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    #82
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    Finally had the chance to read through, keep going Chinup. As I've said before, if it was easy, it wouldn't be worth doing.

    That G&T still awaits!
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    #83
    Hey Dr. Chinup!

    Good job! I'm glad you're feeling well. You're putting in the work. It's well worth it.

    I have to echo CJ. Aftercare is crucial. You've spent alot of time using - doing something different than what you're accustomed to makes all the difference.

    Emotions, boredom, anxiety, etc. are part of our normal, everyday life. Those things can seem overwhelming in early recovery. Having a plan in place for when these things occur can be the difference between relapsing or not. They are definitely going to happen, so prepare yourself.

    I wish you the best chinup!
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    #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by aihfl View Post
    I was told there were no markers for PTSD.
    that truly is amazing given what you've been through, i'm sorry you had that experience but glad you've made progress with it through therapy.


    Quote Originally Posted by cj View Post
    I'm glad things are going well. What are your plans for after treatment? Sober living? Outpatient?
    i'm not going back to my old house. if its not too awful i'll stay with my parents, and i have back up plans if that fails, possibly sober living. my rehab has aftercare once a week, so i'll do that, and plan to get a local therapist, at least once a week, plus 12 step meetings, i'll try the 90 in 90, staying fit, eating healthy. then when i'm able to work and live independently i'm gonna stay close to my parents for at least a few years.

    Quote Originally Posted by jasperkent View Post
    Way to go, chinup! 30 days is a big deal, whether it's done at home, in jail, hospital, or rehab. Give yourself a pat on the back.

    And I promise you it gets better. I'm only about 5 months clean&sober and I feel much better than I did at 30 days.
    thanks!!! and well done you!! its good to know it gets better too.

    Quote Originally Posted by LoginNotSecure View Post
    As I've said before, if it was easy, it wouldn't be worth doing.
    that's basically my motto 'nothing worth doing is ever easy.' it has got much easier, thankfully. i know the real challenge still awaits when i leave, but i feel like i' should be able to do it. i'm glad i've taken extra time though. the therapy i've been doing is going to the fundamentals of why i use. and is remarkable- but i started another thread for that....

    Quote Originally Posted by 10YearsGone View Post
    You're putting in the work. It's well worth it.
    it really is, and i'm starting to feel like it is too.

    i feel absolutely elated right now. i didn't think in my therapy i'd have time to get to the really awful stuff, but today i made amazing progress, and now i feel like it will. so i'll leave with much much smaller demons than when i arrived.

    i'm getting my 30 day keyring today, and cos i'll still be in rehab, i'll get my 60 day one, and i hope that then i'll have enough inertia to keep going by my own steam.

    i was so worried i wasn't ready for this. but i think i was. i feel like i'm in recovery. but not in a complacent way cos i keep getting pulled up on my bullshit and there's loads of it.
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    #85
    Congratulations on your 30 day key tag! Those things mean so much.

    I'm thrilled (chuffed lol) for you. I felt the same way as you while in rehab. It really was one of the happiest times of my life.

    My group was small too. I became close to everyone. A few weeks ago, I found out the person I was closest too passed away. I'm devastated.

    I call my rehab now and then to say hello to my counselor. I expressed to her that I was worried about my friend because I hadn't heard from him and when I called his phone, it was turned off. We don't know the cause of his death. But, I'm deeply saddened about it. Sorry for bringing that up! It's the first time I've talked about it.

    I'm very happy for you chinup. I hope your journey of self-discovery gets better and better! Well done.
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    #86
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    ^ thank you!! i'm so sorry to hear your loss, i really want all the guys i've been with to go on and live the lives they deserve, cos i guess we get to see the potential in people not their bad habits. i can;t imagine how it'd feel to lose one.

    well done for sharing it, i guess it feels less real when its text on a screen but you still did it and that still makes it more real than it floating in your head, and that push towards acceptance must be hard.

    i'm in the secondary care facility now, which is a lot like primary till i'm actually ready to have some freedom.

    i've got my first night out, back at my parents tomorrow and i'm shitting it. i use on my parents to a massive extent, and i've got a load of benzos and antipsychotics and i wish wish wish i'd thrown them away before i came in. i don't even want to use them. but the thought of throwing them away is difficult. i've always had a least 50 decently dosed pills on my person for the last 12 years. rarely taken for the last 5. but i need them. they're my security blanket.

    i didn't even really think i had a problem with benzos, but i'm a textbook addict, i can't cope with any drug. how will i ever feel ready to give them up?
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