Is this normal behaviour at NA? I need advice.

[Marla1976]

I need advice. Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it.I have a very strange situation to handle. I am not addict. Five months ago i got a dui because of my own irresponsible decision making, and have been labeled a drug addict by a drug and alcohol counselor. I am required to go to 2 NA meetings a week for a year......i have went to 26 of them. It is all female NA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work.


I am considered by most of other women NA group members to be very serious, arrogant, and stuck up.One woman group member has described me as a snob on about half a dozen occasions for the past26 meetings . I still don't really know why. I know on one of those occasions it was because I turned down the offer to go to a coffee with her after the meeting. How not wanting to go somewhere makes me a snob, I don't know. Also this woman group member is always commenting on my clothing saying that i am always overdressed in satin and silk. Alot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. Also most of other women group members think that i am stuck up and arrogant upper middle class snob. I feel like these women don't really like me. they are all women in their 40s and 50s. The whole time I'm there I feel like I'm being disrespectful and rude because I didn't choose to be there. I'm not actively looking for help, although I have the utmost respect for people who realize there is a problem and are fixing it.


Within my region this is the only all female NA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings because of my husband. He is extremely jealous. I am a 42year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette.I I like dressing well, and looking presentable. I don't dress slutty at all. My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have a 14year old daughter! I have very large breasts and I do have a big butt. I don't intend to dress in any particular 'way' for anyone. I just wear what I like. I don't 'ask' for anything. I wear clothes that fit me properly. Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses. I am always on high heels and full make up on. If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot. I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks - something I have no control over. I can't help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get.


My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was 'too short' or 'too tight', or there was something wrong with my dress-sense. There's always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When I go out in public guys start talking to me and subtly try to ask me out. I mention I have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone.


This woman who is in charge (chair person) to sign my paper "card" is nice and friendly with me. But she is extremely touchy feely.She is a 55year old skinny really short like 5ft3 wrinkled face thin lips green eyes grayhaired masculine woman. She started touching me on my first day there. On my first day she came up behind me while I was sitting and started rubbing my shoulders. Since then during the meetings she always comes behind me while i am sitting and rubs my shoulders and back. Often during the meetings she sits next to me, usually with her arm around my waist and her head on my shoulder. Before and after the meetings she is always hugging me around my waist.Sometimes several hugs in a row.She also always place her hand on my butt when i stand beside her.She just touches my butt and leave her arm there.


Also because this woman(chair person) is really short and i am tall always when she is hugging me she is pressing her face on my breasts and she is "accidentally"coping a feel of my butt. She is always placing her hands on my breasts while facing me talking about the meetings .Any time I'm even within arm's reach of her, I feel her caressing me. She is always constantly patting my lower back and touching my hair. Often before the meetings on the parking lot this woman chairperson wraps her hands around my waist, tight from behind and hugs me in a way that I can't move. She always links arms with me and walks leaning into me. Often she talks to me while she is holding onto to me to reassure me. The other day she hugged me from behind when I was sitting down and stroked my breasts before moving to my shoulders. Is this woman sexually abusing me? She seems harmless to me because I am physically stronger than her i am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny.I am always on high heels she is always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a midget.


But all the touching has been getting creepy.She isn't a horrible woman she is really very pleasant but something about her and her need to hug or touch me makes me very uncomfortable.Now I don't want her to feel badly - but I want this touching,rubbing and hugging behaviour to stop.What can I say to her, or what can I do so this'll stop?How do I tell her off without causing tension. How can I discourage this woman chairperson from touching me/hugging me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her?


This touchy feely woman chair person thinks that i am on a well deserved probation. Also this woman chair person is respected and well liked in the NA community on a regional level. She does have power over me. She can muck things up for me with my probation officer. The pressure this woman chair person is putting on me is really starting to stress me. She says I am not showing the neccessary commitment. She is pressuring me to go to meetings every day. This touchy feely woman chair person tries to be friendly more and more, and this is stressful for me. This woman chair person signs my attendance sheets. Also my probation officer calls her(chair person) to verify my attendance? I am too scared to be dishonest about the attendance though.


The other day I complained to my caseworker probation officer about the situation with this woman chair person but she(my caseworker) got really mad and started yelling at me. Her exact words were "You arrogant snob. Are you feel there is inappropriate touching going on here? Or is this an opportunity to tell me how you feel uncomfortable "slumming" with women who aren't as sophisticated,rich, gorgeous and worldly as you? Ego and arrogance at its best. "My case worker probation officer is very condescending, aggressive and quite rude. She doesn't care what happens to me. She thinks that i deserve to go to jail. She says that i am stuck up, arrogant snob. r.


As i said within my region this is the only all female NA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. The only reason i attend meetings at all female NA group is my husband doesn?t want me round other guys. Also i go on these NA meetings straight from work and i am always exhausted. My question is how is the best way I can let this touchy feely woman chair person know this, that its nothing personal, but I would prefer not to be hugged. I have been trying this by extending my hand to do a handshake, but she do not get the hint and will hug me anyways.This woman is a squeeze hugger that lasts too long in a vice grip.I tell myself that "next time" I will say NO to her. Always "next time" but next time never comes. Usually when this short skinny woman chairperson who shouldn't be touching me try to...I just kinda... let her do the touching,rubbing and hugging , but I basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly. I know she means well but I'm honestly the kind of person who jumps if you accidentally brush knees with me, so it's all a little weird for me.
The biggest thing that is holding me back are worries of offending this woman chair person or getting rejected by the group or being looked at as a stuck up snob. "I mean its just a hug right, whats the harm in that", etc. The way I deal with it is just to give in and allow myself to be hugged and touched by this woman. There is no good way to decline a hug, especially when the hugger is totally bent on hugging the huggee. The risk is that i may end up being viewed as a "cold fish". Should I say something to her? I don't want to offend her. Maybe I should just continue to ignore it. How can I gracefully tell her to stop touching me? I could maybe add a little joke like "just looking, no touching!" Maybe I am overreacting? I am 100% straight. I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. In all honest just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes me cringe.


This may seem odd, but any type of physical contact with another person and especially with a stranger makes me extremely uncomfortable. At the same time, I am able to "fake it till you make it" and go along with this gesture out of a desire to not appear like a stuck up arrogant snob. And at the end of the day I know that a simple hug will not cause me any great harm. But it is still extremely uncomfortable for me, and I feel that I have to subject myself to unwanted physical contact by this woman chairperson. Most of other women NA members think i am stuck up arrogant and a bit of a snob. I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. I work for a good company. I am good and competent at my job. Yes these women NA group members think I am arrogant or a snob but I do not have good people skills .Although I'd prefer that they think I'm arrogant to thinking that I'm afraid. I am uncomfortable in social settings and it takes me a while to feel comfortable around other people. I've been asked soooo many times 'why are you so serious' when I'm not feeling serious at that moment. I unintentionally tend to give off an unfriendly aura which has led people to ask if I dislike them. When I feel nervous I try to compensate by being really confident. I guess other people take that as me being arrogant. I've been told I come across as stuck up/snobby full of myself, narcissistic, stuck up etc., and also very unwelcoming to new people. Technically the second part is true as new people terrify me, but the first bit is very untrue.And the truth is, i just can't talk to everyone... not that i don't want to. I just need time to open myself to people. To relax and open up. I hate that I come off like that. When I do speak with people, I tend to be overly nice to compensate and I guess that comes off as fake which definitely doesn't help the situation. People around me (except for the ones who truly know me) have always said that I come across as snobby, stuck on myself, and unfriendly..


I have been told that I seem snobby and it is because I don't speak up in groups where I am not comfortable. I have had people ask me if I thought I was better than others. This explains why I am having such a difficult time with this situation with this touchy feely "friendly" woman chair person. I thought I was doing a good job at appearing pleasant and likable. Even when I talk to other women NA group members I try to watch my tone of voice and sound cheerful. I am known as the biggest snob at work. Everyone always gets that first impression of me, and many keep that impression. The vast majority of people think I'm a "snob" or a upper middle class overdressed arrogant b*tch I know since the friends I've had over the years told me that after some time. People simply assume I must be a snob because I'm quiet. That doesn't even seem logical to me, but when being quiet is something that simply wouldn't occur to most people perhaps that's the next most logical conclusion.


I have been told that i look stuck up and arrogant.I have had the experience of women being jealous of me.I like satin and silk clothes and I wear them well.I should not have to suffer for what I like because other women have low self esteem and don't see the gifts they have within themselves.I have a more stylish sense of fashion. I never wear anything trashy, I keep myself well covered and strive for professionalism and class. I always like to dress on my best, because I also feel great when I am dressed pretty. Once, i'd been to the hairdressers and was off to do a little shopping afterwards and the girl at the salon asked where i was going looking so glamorous ? i said i was going shopping and she was like "really" You look so glammed up to be going shopping!" I don't mind though, i'd rather be wearing something i feel good in than look like i just rolled out of bed.I wear high heels every day too.All the time. I like dressing well, and looking presentable.

 

[Mycophile]

Hi. Ok, let me very quickly say that I'm very sorry for your situation and I probably don't have a very good answer as I'm a guy so I can't quite relate to your situation, as men don't really deal with that sort of thing.

And I'll also quickly say that I'm someone who often types far too much, and has people tell them that, and so no offense, but if you want people to respond to you you shouldn't write so much because most people will think "that's too long, I'm not reading it". So look not to repeat yourself or say things that are necessary, just for your own sake.

Well, it seems like you are in a really sucky situation. You've been labeled a drug addict for no reason other than one DUI and forced to go to NA, and while driving intoxicated is a serious deal because you risk lives, I do not believe you are an addict, and just like many people in our society, you are being labeled one and mistreated.

On top of that, since you sound attractive, and attractive women have a difficult time in our society for a number of reasons, you are dealing with what I would DEFINITELY call sexual abuse from this chair person who is in your NA group, and who sounds like she is a lesbian, which, in of itself, is of course fine, so long as she keeps her hands to herself.

It doesn't matter if she's not doing more, touching your butt and breasts and all that stuff is sexual abuse, yet women tend to get away with that kind of thing FAR more often than men, and while it's good men don't get away with it, it's bad that women are sometimes able to, and she has power over you, so I don't really know how to approach the situation.

You also DON'T sound like a snob, and women tend to have these issues which men like me don't have or really understand, where they are judged by other women for what they wear, so I would just ignore all of those people cause they are not important and who cares what they think.

But how to stop the chair woman from touching you and not getting in trouble with the group and the parole officer??

That's a tough question, and I really feel you need an answer from a woman on this one and not a man like me, but since your post is so long, I'm not sure anyone else is going to respond haha (really, I'm not making fun of you, it's just you wrote a REAL lot and repeated what you were wearing about 4 times and that's not necessary...)....

But, if a woman on here reads my post could you please respond to the poster above??

You can understand most of her situation from reading my shorter post.

As for what I would do??

I dont' know...hard to say being a man and never being in these positions, and certainly this chair person is taking advantage of you because she knows she is in a position of power.

I would like to tell you to stand up for yourself, to tell her straight up no bullshit that you are NOT ok with her touching you all the time and that it is sexual abuse and that if she doesn't stop you are going to report her to the authorities.

You DO have that right you know??

BUT...it's tough I guess cause of the power she has over you in your situation.

Maybe just tell her that you decided the other day that you don't like to hug people anymore??

Yes, it sounds odd..but so what??

What if you just tell her that you only hug very close friends now, that you are uncomfortable hugging people you don't know really well, and that you have always felt that way your whole life but never really felt confident enough to say it??

I would probably say something like that, but try to say it politely.

She will, no doubt, be annoyed or angry, as she is clearly enjoying being able to take advantage of you and thinks you won't call her on it, but I don't know...you need to stand up for yourself, and it seems like maybe you have a problem with that.

Don't take shit from people, and don't just think you have to be quiet and let people do whatever they want.

I don't know if my advice will work, but I would not put up with that treatment, and as for them women who tell you you are stuck up, tell them to go fuck themselves.

Seriously, you don't deserve this shit.

Those are my thoughts.

Hope your situation improves.

 

[freesolo123]

Shoren the question down and you will get more responses its too much to read, what is the main issue here?

With the women who hugs you, what is the problem with telling her you don't feel comfortable with hugging?

 

[Marla1976]

Hi. Ok, let me very quickly say that I'm very sorry for your situation and I probably don't have a very good answer as I'm a guy so I can't quite relate to your situation, as men don't really deal with that sort of thing.

And I'll also quickly say that I'm someone who often types far too much, and has people tell them that, and so no offense, but if you want people to respond to you you shouldn't write so much because most people will think "that's too long, I'm not reading it". So look not to repeat yourself or say things that are necessary, just for your own sake.

Well, it seems like you are in a really sucky situation. You've been labeled a drug addict for no reason other than one DUI and forced to go to NA, and while driving intoxicated is a serious deal because you risk lives, I do not believe you are an addict, and just like many people in our society, you are being labeled one and mistreated.

On top of that, since you sound attractive, and attractive women have a difficult time in our society for a number of reasons, you are dealing with what I would DEFINITELY call sexual abuse from this chair person who is in your NA group, and who sounds like she is a lesbian, which, in of itself, is of course fine, so long as she keeps her hands to herself.

It doesn't matter if she's not doing more, touching your butt and breasts and all that stuff is sexual abuse, yet women tend to get away with that kind of thing FAR more often than men, and while it's good men don't get away with it, it's bad that women are sometimes able to, and she has power over you, so I don't really know how to approach the situation.

You also DON'T sound like a snob, and women tend to have these issues which men like me don't have or really understand, where they are judged by other women for what they wear, so I would just ignore all of those people cause they are not important and who cares what they think.

But how to stop the chair woman from touching you and not getting in trouble with the group and the parole officer??

That's a tough question, and I really feel you need an answer from a woman on this one and not a man like me, but since your post is so long, I'm not sure anyone else is going to respond haha (really, I'm not making fun of you, it's just you wrote a REAL lot and repeated what you were wearing about 4 times and that's not necessary...)....

But, if a woman on here reads my post could you please respond to the poster above??

You can understand most of her situation from reading my shorter post.

As for what I would do??

I dont' know...hard to say being a man and never being in these positions, and certainly this chair person is taking advantage of you because she knows she is in a position of power.

I would like to tell you to stand up for yourself, to tell her straight up no bullshit that you are NOT ok with her touching you all the time and that it is sexual abuse and that if she doesn't stop you are going to report her to the authorities.

You DO have that right you know??

BUT...it's tough I guess cause of the power she has over you in your situation.

Maybe just tell her that you decided the other day that you don't like to hug people anymore??

Yes, it sounds odd..but so what??

What if you just tell her that you only hug very close friends now, that you are uncomfortable hugging people you don't know really well, and that you have always felt that way your whole life but never really felt confident enough to say it??

I would probably say something like that, but try to say it politely.

She will, no doubt, be annoyed or angry, as she is clearly enjoying being able to take advantage of you and thinks you won't call her on it, but I don't know...you need to stand up for yourself, and it seems like maybe you have a problem with that.

Don't take shit from people, and don't just think you have to be quiet and let people do whatever they want.

I don't know if my advice will work, but I would not put up with that treatment, and as for them women who tell you you are stuck up, tell them to go fuck themselves.

Seriously, you don't deserve this shit.

Those are my thoughts.

Hope your situation improves.

This touchy feely woman chair person greeted me on my first meeting. Made sure I had her number and some other women's numbers.She suggested
I volunteer to make coffee. Chair person woman is very polite and serious. She is well regarded and known in NA around here. Generally she is well liked by everyone in the meetings. This friendly touchy feely woman chair person calls me 3 times a day, if I don't answer she emails. She says that court ordered NA opens the eyes of a lot of people who would otherwise not consider themselves addict. How can I discourage this woman chairperson from touching me/hugging me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her?

I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just "man up", but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person.I don't know her very well and don't want to push any sensitive buttons. Me being spineless is due to my intense fear of conflict with this short skinny old woman chairperson. I just automatically want to do everything possible to keep conflict down with her. I need to get through this. I mean what's the worst that could happen? What am I supposed to do? .

This woman chair person signs my attendance sheets. Also my probation officer calls her(chair person) to verify my attendance? Either i take it the way it is, or i just tell her to stop , which of course involves the risk that it messes up everything. And probably it will no matter what i say.How do I tell her off without causing tension? She is extremely touchy and feely with me. Often she talks to me while she is holding onto to me to reassure me. She is important to me as a woman who is in charge to sign my paper "card" also she is nice and friendly with me ,so I'm willing to sit/stand out the awkward touching and hugging and just think of something else while it's happening.She is being unnecessarily touchy-feely. She tends to stand really close – it’s like she doesn’t seem to respect my personal space. She is not very aware of personal space, she tends to stand very close and walk so close that she can trip me, she also always puts her face very close to my breasts. This woman chair person is really short. Her head is exactly the level of my breasts.

I respect everyone who has found sobriety in the NA program. i can understand why these women members don't like court ordered NA. It can really screw up the environment in these meetings for people who actually use them for help. Five months ago I was pulled over because I swerved. I admitted I swerved because I was texting. No ticket for txt. They gave me all the tests and I passed, but they said my eyes looked strange. i had taken 2mg of xanax an hour before (unprescribed) for anxiety. They took a blood test and arrested me. I don’t do illegal drugs and I rarely drink and I can’t believe that I got a DUI. The cop actually charged me with a DUI because he said I was on drugs. But I thought you could only get a DUI from illegal drugs like pot, meth, cocaine, or heroin. Within my region this is the only all female NA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings because of my husband. He is extremely jealous.

5 years ago I had an affair on my husband which I regret terribly. It has been a difficult journey for my husband, he can't seem to forgive me. My husband loses it at times and says some really crappy things about me in front of our daughter and I am afraid of what she may think of me. I don't want this to ruin her future,which I feel it could. I try to remain calm with my husband and answer all his pesky questions that he has about my affair but eventually I get irratated and lose it. He will begin to call me names (horrible I might add). Which eventually makes me sick to think I even told him about the affair. My husband and I where going through some sex issues at the time. I'm not making excuses just giving a bit of insight into what lead me into this affair.

This other man can't compare to my husband as far as having character (just because I fell prey to this situation doesn't mean I've lost my ability to recognize character and integrity - I realized I've comprised mine BIG time). My husband is a WONDERFUL man that any woman would LOVE to have. After all these years I STILL don't have anything negative to say about him. I just made an extremely poor decision (not a mistake - I own my dirt completely). The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me at least. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again. He is soooo angry still, I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened.

 

[Mycophile]

This touchy feely woman chair person greeted me on my first meeting. Made sure I had her number and some other women's numbers.She suggested
I volunteer to make coffee. Chair person woman is very polite and serious. She is well regarded and known in NA around here. Generally she is well liked by everyone in the meetings. This friendly touchy feely woman chair person calls me 3 times a day, if I don't answer she emails. She says that court ordered NA opens the eyes of a lot of people who would otherwise not consider themselves addict. How can I discourage this woman chairperson from touching me/hugging me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her?

I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just "man up", but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person.I don't know her very well and don't want to push any sensitive buttons. Me being spineless is due to my intense fear of conflict with this short skinny old woman chairperson. I just automatically want to do everything possible to keep conflict down with her. I need to get through this. I mean what's the worst that could happen? What am I supposed to do? .

This woman chair person signs my attendance sheets. Also my probation officer calls her(chair person) to verify my attendance? Either i take it the way it is, or i just tell her to stop , which of course involves the risk that it messes up everything. And probably it will no matter what i say.How do I tell her off without causing tension? She is extremely touchy and feely with me. Often she talks to me while she is holding onto to me to reassure me. She is important to me as a woman who is in charge to sign my paper "card" also she is nice and friendly with me ,so I'm willing to sit/stand out the awkward touching and hugging and just think of something else while it's happening.She is being unnecessarily touchy-feely. She tends to stand really close – it’s like she doesn’t seem to respect my personal space. She is not very aware of personal space, she tends to stand very close and walk so close that she can trip me, she also always puts her face very close to my breasts. This woman chair person is really short. Her head is exactly the level of my breasts.

I respect everyone who has found sobriety in the NA program. i can understand why these women members don't like court ordered NA. It can really screw up the environment in these meetings for people who actually use them for help. Five months ago I was pulled over because I swerved. I admitted I swerved because I was texting. No ticket for txt. They gave me all the tests and I passed, but they said my eyes looked strange. i had taken 2mg of xanax an hour before (unprescribed) for anxiety. They took a blood test and arrested me. I don’t do illegal drugs and I rarely drink and I can’t believe that I got a DUI. The cop actually charged me with a DUI because he said I was on drugs. But I thought you could only get a DUI from illegal drugs like pot, meth, cocaine, or heroin. Within my region this is the only all female NA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings because of my husband. He is extremely jealous.

5 years ago I had an affair on my husband which I regret terribly. It has been a difficult journey for my husband, he can't seem to forgive me. My husband loses it at times and says some really crappy things about me in front of our daughter and I am afraid of what she may think of me. I don't want this to ruin her future,which I feel it could. I try to remain calm with my husband and answer all his pesky questions that he has about my affair but eventually I get irratated and lose it. He will begin to call me names (horrible I might add). Which eventually makes me sick to think I even told him about the affair. My husband and I where going through some sex issues at the time. I'm not making excuses just giving a bit of insight into what lead me into this affair.

This other man can't compare to my husband as far as having character (just because I fell prey to this situation doesn't mean I've lost my ability to recognize character and integrity - I realized I've comprised mine BIG time). My husband is a WONDERFUL man that any woman would LOVE to have. After all these years I STILL don't have anything negative to say about him. I just made an extremely poor decision (not a mistake - I own my dirt completely). The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me at least. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again. He is soooo angry still, I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened.

Well, I'm really sorry for what you are going through, and I really don't have any kind of good answer, sorry about that, I wish I did.

Maybe someone else has better advice than me.

You have a very complicated situation it sounds like.

You shouldn't put yourself down and call yourself things like "spineless". You don't like conflict and want to avoid it. I'm like that also but I get very angry when taken advantage of, which is rare, and try to find a way to defend myself, but I'm a man and not a woman, and I've never been in any situation remotely close to yours.

If you are nice to your daughter then I wouldn't worry about what she thinks of you because your husband yells at you in front of her. I don't know how old she is, but if anything, she'd probably think worse of her father for saying those things if you've always been nice to her.

It also REALLY pisses me off you got given a DUI for Xanax.

Is it prescription Xanax???

Did a doctor give it to you??

Cause if so, I am pretty sure you can't be given a DUI for it, but I don't know, it might be a grey area, and as someone who takes Klonopin as prescribed I could potentially be in your shoes, but I tell you I'd hire a lawyer and make a HARD case against those asshole cops, and I bet I'd win.

I don't think it's illegal to drive while under the influence of prescription medication, but I just don't know.

That might be an answer someone else here has.

I was going to say, before you got to the point about how your husband mistreats you, that maybe he'd be wiling to stick up to this chair woman for you in your defense if you can't do it, but from the sounds of it, he either might not be willing to, or that might make it worse.

I really don't know.

If it were a man who was touching you I think your situation would be very cut and dry as men are thankfully not allowed often to get away with that stuff...but it being a woman touching another woman who she has some amount of authority over just really makes the entire situation very strange and difficult and I'm sorry about that.

I really don't have any idea what to do.

I mean obviously you either deal with it and decide that the consequences of trying to stop her are worse than what she's doing, or you try to figure out how to deal with it and deal with it.

It sounds clearly like you DO want her to stop, but can't figure out a way to do it properly and I'm really not sure what to say.

Do you have any female friends you can talk to about this??

This is really much more of a woman's issue I feel, or at least a legal one maybe a lawyer could answer, but certainly something another woman could probably give better advice for.

Not that maybe some guys couldn't, but I just feel I can't imagine being in your shoes.

Maybe I'll notify one of the female mods of your situation and your post if you want, and maybe they can give you a better answer.

I hope you don't mind I'm just going to assume that this is ok with you?

You really might get a better answer from them, so I'll PM one and see what they say.

 

[herbavore]

You have every right to ask someone not to touch you in any way that makes you uncomfortable. I know you are afraid of further alienating someone in a group in which you already feel uncomfortable but you have the right to stand up for yourself in this situation and you should.

As far as the other women go...are you sure it is everyone or just a few loud and dominant voices? Is there even one woman there you have been able to relate to? If so I would reach out to that woman in some small way and see if you cannot carve out at least a more comfortable space for yourself as you fulfill this legal requirement. It is ridiculous that you are having to go to a year's worth of meetings for a DUI but then the law is frequently ridiculous.

A breach of trust in a marriage can be pretty damaging, but your husband's behavior is abusive and over the top. He should not be calling you names and certainly not in front of your daughter. Any chance you could attend counseling together?

 

[Marla1976]

Well, I'm really sorry for what you are going through, and I really don't have any kind of good answer, sorry about that, I wish I did.

Maybe someone else has better advice than me.

You have a very complicated situation it sounds like.

You shouldn't put yourself down and call yourself things like "spineless". You don't like conflict and want to avoid it. I'm like that also but I get very angry when taken advantage of, which is rare, and try to find a way to defend myself, but I'm a man and not a woman, and I've never been in any situation remotely close to yours.

If you are nice to your daughter then I wouldn't worry about what she thinks of you because your husband yells at you in front of her. I don't know how old she is, but if anything, she'd probably think worse of her father for saying those things if you've always been nice to her.

It also REALLY pisses me off you got given a DUI for Xanax.

Is it prescription Xanax???

Did a doctor give it to you??

Cause if so, I am pretty sure you can't be given a DUI for it, but I don't know, it might be a grey area, and as someone who takes Klonopin as prescribed I could potentially be in your shoes, but I tell you I'd hire a lawyer and make a HARD case against those asshole cops, and I bet I'd win.

I don't think it's illegal to drive while under the influence of prescription medication, but I just don't know.

That might be an answer someone else here has.

I was going to say, before you got to the point about how your husband mistreats you, that maybe he'd be wiling to stick up to this chair woman for you in your defense if you can't do it, but from the sounds of it, he either might not be willing to, or that might make it worse.

I really don't know.

If it were a man who was touching you I think your situation would be very cut and dry as men are thankfully not allowed often to get away with that stuff...but it being a woman touching another woman who she has some amount of authority over just really makes the entire situation very strange and difficult and I'm sorry about that.

I really don't have any idea what to do.

I mean obviously you either deal with it and decide that the consequences of trying to stop her are worse than what she's doing, or you try to figure out how to deal with it and deal with it.

It sounds clearly like you DO want her to stop, but can't figure out a way to do it properly and I'm really not sure what to say.

Do you have any female friends you can talk to about this??

This is really much more of a woman's issue I feel, or at least a legal one maybe a lawyer could answer, but certainly something another woman could probably give better advice for.

Not that maybe some guys couldn't, but I just feel I can't imagine being in your shoes.

Maybe I'll notify one of the female mods of your situation and your post if you want, and maybe they can give you a better answer.

I hope you don't mind I'm just going to assume that this is ok with you?

You really might get a better answer from them, so I'll PM one and see what they say.

Because of my affair my husband has lost trust in me. I feel like he can fully trust me but at the same time, having to regain his trust, however long that takes, at the end of the day I'm not entirely sure if it's worth doing. Since my affair i try to just keep quiet and not annoy him but I feel as if I have lost my husband and our previously close relationship will never be the same. My husband cannot forgive me.

We can have a great day, or a great week, or we can be just okay and getting along and then.... suddenly, out of the blue in my opinion, he's depressed, which causes or turns into anger, and he's lashing out at me, or snide remarks etc. When all I have been doing is being me, living our life, working, being mom, etc, meaning I haven't done anything wrong that day he lashes out on me, or even that week, etc. I just don't think it is fair that if he chose to stay in this relationship and if I am not doing anything wrong, I am being honest and a good wife and mom, I don't think it's fair that he can just be mean over something that happened 5 years ago that I cannot erase! I can never take it back, we can only move forward or really on be in today. I so desperately want to be able to help my husband heal but I am not sure how best to go about it. Am I doing the right things? I know I did wrong and people are right to judge me. He says he does still love me and wants to be with me. I do blame myself, I am the root of the cause and the problem. I am fully aware of that. It hurts and it sucks, it hurts him the most. My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have a 14year old daughter! It was an four month affair from March 2013 until July 2013, and my husband and I were already talking about divorce, but he didn’t know I was having an affair.

I realized one day that I wanted to stay with my husband and that I did love him more than anything. I told the other guy that it was over.I told him that my family is too precious to lose and that I can't sleep with him anymore. I told the other guy that it was over and that I was going to confess all to my husband. I confessed to my husband. This guy, my affair partner, moved to another state in December 2013.

My husband wants to know all the details about everything, how many times we had sex, what other acts we did, where did we go, how big the other guy was, did I like it, did I orgasm, etc. Five years later he still asks all these things.

That was a very shameful time of my life, and I have blocked a lot of things, things I said to my husband, and feelings that I had toward the guy I cheated with, my feelings at the time. All I want to do is forget all of it but I can’t because my husband still has not moved past it.

I feel that I have done everything I can to try and rebuild his trust in me, to show not just say that I regret and will never do anything like that again, to show him that I love him and he is the most important person in my life. He still has hurt feelings and brings the affair up every few weeks, for the last 5 years.

I respond to him when he talks about it and asks questions, and I do my best to empathize with his feelings and reassure him that I love him and will be here for him even though there was a period when I was not. Nothing helps. I don’t know what I can do to help him through this. It has been 5 years, and this is still a massive wall in between us that I want to tear down, but he doesn’t seem to be able to allow it. He still cannot stop bringing it up. The only reason i still attend meetings at the same NA all female group is my husband doesn’t want me round other guys. Because of my affair my husband has lost trust in me. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings. Within my region this is the only all female NA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. So my husband is quite possessive and gets jealous very easily - if I look at another guy on he gets angry and says that I'm staring at other guys. I might look which is only natural but I don't look at anyone else 'like that' if you get me. I have an overwhelming amount of attention from men. As long as I remember….I've attracted men like crazy. Usually, it's always lust is why they are so drawn to me.

I love my husband so much but feel like he is slipping further away from me everyday. I am constantly accused of not giving him enough support and compassion. I confess I find it hard to feel compassion for someone who is always putting me down. He resents me because i had an affair.

Because he is always moody he blames me for my affair and says I'm a 'b*tch'. 5 years ago I cheated. I have never cheated before. My husband and I struggled with communication. We had sex like once every 2 months for years. I felt like my life was passing me by. The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me atleast. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again.He is soooo angry still,I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened.

I feel like my husband moods tend to make the whole atmosphere change to his mood. I feel if he's in a bad mood I have to tip toe around him and worry my daughter is going to wind him up and cause him to be worse ( he has never physically harmed us), but I do feel like I live on egg shells. If I have ever been funny with him he makes me say sorry (in a slightly over the top belittling way).

I feel so nervous that even if nothing wrong but he ask me a question for example "Do you love me?" or something similar. He even tends to hold my hand or stay close when he's asking questions like this. My husband is always angry, he complains constantly, and makes me feel as though anything I do is inadequate. When he gets upset with me, he leaves the house. Not just for a few minutes, or to walk around, but for several hours. It upsets me like you wouldn't believe! The whole time I'm worried that something happened to him & worried if he'll come home. My husband can be incredibly moody. I often feel like he treats me disrespectfully, he doesn't listen to what I have to say as he always thinks his opinions/ideas/concerns are far more valid than mine. He gets really angry really quickly and talks down to me, swears at me, points his finger at me and basically just shrugs off anything I am trying to tell him that I am feeling. He takes exception if I try to tell him what is making me feel the way I do and takes EVERYTHING as a personal attack. Then he shuts off from the entire 'conversation' and gives me the silent treatment for however long it takes him to calm down. He NEVER apologises. He always wants to be in control, in charge, the boss. I don't fee that he ever takes my thoughts or feelings into consideration. He just pushes to do what he wants.

Of late I have noticed that I feel anxious most of the time...I feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him so we don't have another argument about something..

I am mocked by these women NA group members for taking pride in wanting to look nice. I have received many comments from women group members such as, “You must have 5 closets at home,” etc. Most of these women NA group members think that i am arrogant, stuck up, upper middle class, overdressed snob. I'm often thought of as stuck up because I don't usually talk unless I have to. I get nervous just walking into a room and saying hello to everyone. I think that maybe I have a certain look on my face when people see me; I mean, to me it's my "I'm seriously nervous and uncomfortable" face, but to others I think it makes them feel like I think that I'm better than everyone. So everyone just thinks I'm stand-offish and an overall rude person who thinks way too highly of themselves.

I hate that I come off like that. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. I'm confident that I look good in my clothes my style is "sexy but classy" I don't believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe.I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way. I have noticed, that at times I apologize for the size of my boobs.

 

[Xorkoth]

It sounds like your husband has some serious issues with jealousy and anger. I didn't catch at first that you had an affair 5 years ago. At this point it is past time to have forgiven you, or forgotten you. It's not fair of him to hold you emotionally hostage like this. On the other hand I do understand why he would be insecure, since you did have an affair (not just cheat but an actual affair). I would have a hard time with that, too, but he's had more than enough time to move on. It sounds like you guys really need some marriage counseling badly.

As for the other women, fuck 'em, you gotta just get to the point that you aren't affected by their opinions, because who are they? Of course, that's easier said than done.

It sounds to me like the problems in your marriage are the problem for you and are affecting your life dramatically. Some of the things you describe your husband doing sound quite controlling. I was married to a woman who did a lot of that stuff for a long time, and it was horrible. I can relate very much to the "walking on eggshells" comment. That's not healthy for you, there needs to be some resolution to that or it will continue to wear on you. It's not sustainable to live in constant fear of upsetting someone.

Was he like that before you had the affair? Even to a lesser degree?

 

[aihfl]

I don't blame you for not wanting to go to mixed gender meetings, husband issues or no. 12 step meetings are full of scumbag men trying to "13th step" new women. You sound attractive and poised and you would probably get even worse attention from men in meetings. That's why even though I'm straight, I tend to stick to LGBTQ meetings.

Any chance your PO would approve your going to an all women's AA meeting? IME I've found AA to be generally less sketchy than NA meetings and a lot of people there were poly-drug users anyway.

I don't think it's illegal to drive while under the influence of prescription medication, but I just don't know.

It absolutely is illegal. Google "Ambien DUI." And cops are given wide latitude. They only have to think you're driving hazardously to have probable cause to arrest you for DUI. You could have a BAC of .04 and if a cop says you were driving erratically, you can be arrested. Not saying it's right or wrong, it is what it is.

 

[Marla1976]

I don't blame you for not wanting to go to mixed gender meetings, husband issues or no. 12 step meetings are full of scumbag men trying to "13th step" new women. You sound attractive and poised and you would probably get even worse attention from men in meetings. That's why even though I'm straight, I tend to stick to LGBTQ meetings.

Any chance your PO would approve your going to an all women's AA meeting? IME I've found AA to be generally less sketchy than NA meetings and a lot of people there were poly-drug users anyway.


It absolutely is illegal. Google "Ambien DUI." And cops are given wide latitude. They only have to think you're driving hazardously to have probable cause to arrest you for DUI. You could have a BAC of .04 and if a cop says you were driving erratically, you can be arrested. Not saying it's right or wrong, it is what it is.

My husband refuses marriage counseling. He does not believe in telling a stranger our problems, let alone paying a stranger to "fix" them. My husband won't go to marriage counseling. I feel like he watches everything I do. It's like he watching over my shoulders. I can't breathe without feeling like I owe him an explanation. I don't think he understands what he's doing is slowly killing my love for him. .

My husband has always been insecure and jealous but because of my affair he has lost trust in me. He still has hurt feelings and brings the affair up every few weeks, for the last 5 years. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do to reassure him of my love for him, and it's killing our marriage.

This woman chair person always hugs me in full frontal hug pressing her face on my breasts. When I walk in the parking lot she puts her arm around my waist which also makes me uncomfortable. I don't know how to tell her I don't really like physical touch without offending her. She doesn't look threatening. She is masculine and creepish but she is tiny, short and skinny old woman. I didn't speak for my first 3 NA meetings and had trouble speaking for a bit after that. When I finally started talking, I had the feeling that everything coming out of my mouth was stupid. I was reassured time and again by this touchy feely huggy woman chair person that this was not the case. This touchy feely woman was the first to say Hi. I'm a very private person and had a hard time fitting in with the women in my group.

This friendly short skinny woman chair person has to have her hands on me. It's just the obsessive touching me. Like she can't keep away from me. And I find it weird she behaves so touchy. I need to find a way to make her truly understand that this needs to stop. It seems as though she targeted me from the very beginning. I am just so confused. I can't even say no or push her away.I know it's really weird and probably sounds ridiculous.I can't even tell her to stop hugging me touching me rubbing me.I can’t verbalize a succinct “NO” to this woman chair person. I can't just punch her in the face.I am physically stronger than her,she is short and skinny,but i have never been in a fight my whole life.I am afraid of any kind of physical altercation.Sometimes I really want to yell at this woman to get her hands off my body but I can’t get angry. I just can’t. Not in the moment–I shut down like a security camera with a miswired motion detector, and it’s only later that I realize what I should have done. By then, it’s too late to confront her, and it’s turned into a pattern and what am I supposed to do then?What am I supposed to do? I feel confused by all of this and I'm not sure what to do.She is short skinny tiny 55year old woman.I am tall curvy well built and well endowed always on high heels she is always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a midget but she is not intimidated by me.Why?

 

[aihfl]

OP, I apologize if this comes off as rude or obnoxious but you're talking in circles. We get it, ok? You're attractive, you dress well, you have marital problems, you're being sexually harassed at NA and people think you're a snob at NA. The BL community has reached out to you and dispensed support and advice. How about actually engaging with us from here on out?

 

[EPL1]

Hi Marla,

With your husband, you need to tell him what you're telling us. That what he's doing is killing your marriage, really make it hit home, Let him know that things need to change. He has had 5 years to work on forgiving you. He hasn't, at all, by the way he humiliates you. Really not good for your daughter to pick up on his animosity either. And maybe she doesn't yet, but she will.


You asked why the groper in your class isn't intimidated by you. It's because she see's that you aren't saying anything about stopping. You're her mark if you will. You are going to have to tell her you don't care for physical contact. Or try to get into a different group. Aihfl mentioned the LGBTQ group. Maybe you could switch and go there.


Feel free to pm, I do understand, I am not judging you in any way. What you're going through sounds awful, and if you'd like you can pm me anytime Marla.

here for you,
your friend,
Ash.

My husband refuses marriage counseling. He does not believe in telling a stranger our problems, let alone paying a stranger to "fix" them. My husband won't go to marriage counseling. I feel like he watches everything I do. It's like he watching over my shoulders. I can't breathe without feeling like I owe him an explanation. I don't think he understands what he's doing is slowly killing my love for him. .



My husband has always been insecure and jealous but because of my affair he has lost trust in me. He still has hurt feelings and brings the affair up every few weeks, for the last 5 years. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do to reassure him of my love for him, and it's killing our marriage.

This woman chair person always hugs me in full frontal hug pressing her face on my breasts. When I walk in the parking lot she puts her arm around my waist which also makes me uncomfortable. I don't know how to tell her I don't really like physical touch without offending her. She doesn't look threatening. She is masculine and creepish but she is tiny, short and skinny old woman. I didn't speak for my first 3 NA meetings and had trouble speaking for a bit after that. When I finally started talking, I had the feeling that everything coming out of my mouth was stupid. I was reassured time and again by this touchy feely huggy woman chair person that this was not the case. This touchy feely woman was the first to say Hi. I'm a very private person and had a hard time fitting in with the women in my group.

This friendly short skinny woman chair person has to have her hands on me. It's just the obsessive touching me. Like she can't keep away from me. And I find it weird she behaves so touchy. I need to find a way to make her truly understand that this needs to stop. It seems as though she targeted me from the very beginning. I am just so confused. I can't even say no or push her away.I know it's really weird and probably sounds ridiculous.I can't even tell her to stop hugging me touching me rubbing me.I can?t verbalize a succinct ?NO? to this woman chair person. I can't just punch her in the face.I am physically stronger than her,she is short and skinny,but i have never been in a fight my whole life.I am afraid of any kind of physical altercation.Sometimes I really want to yell at this woman to get her hands off my body but I can?t get angry. I just can?t. Not in the moment?I shut down like a security camera with a miswired motion detector, and it?s only later that I realize what I should have done. By then, it?s too late to confront her, and it?s turned into a pattern and what am I supposed to do then?What am I supposed to do? I feel confused by all of this and I'm not sure what to do.She is short skinny tiny 55year old woman.I am tall curvy well built and well endowed always on high heels she is always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a midget but she is not intimidated by me.Why?

 

[Mycophile]

I don't blame you for not wanting to go to mixed gender meetings, husband issues or no. 12 step meetings are full of scumbag men trying to "13th step" new women. You sound attractive and poised and you would probably get even worse attention from men in meetings. That's why even though I'm straight, I tend to stick to LGBTQ meetings.

Any chance your PO would approve your going to an all women's AA meeting? IME I've found AA to be generally less sketchy than NA meetings and a lot of people there were poly-drug users anyway.


It absolutely is illegal. Google "Ambien DUI." And cops are given wide latitude. They only have to think you're driving hazardously to have probable cause to arrest you for DUI. You could have a BAC of .04 and if a cop says you were driving erratically, you can be arrested. Not saying it's right or wrong, it is what it is.

That's beyond fucked up.

I almost always have Klonopin in my bloodstream so if I get in an accident that has nothing to do with it but they find out I take Klonopin, then what can I do to legally defend myself?

Would I have any legal defense?

Would I be better off lying if a cop asks if I'm on meds and would they necessarily have a way of finding out I am on them?

I mean once an asshole cop asked if I was on meds and I lied and told him I wasn't cause I figured he'd fuck with me (which he would have, and as I remember I hadn't even been doing anything wrong, nor do I even know why he pulled me over.)

I mean that's not fair right??

It's one thing to take Ambien and drive, but a prescribed amount of a benzo like Klonopin that you take on a regular or semi-regular basis is not likely to be the cause of an accident, and for someone like myself with chronic anxiety who obviously NEEDS to drive, I have no possible recourse other than driving on my medication.

I nearly always have Klonopin in my system, and I need to fucking drive a car.

So does that mean they can just do whatever they want to me, strip my license and fuck me over??!!!

If so, I'm lying like a mother fucker and denying I'm ever on any medication if pulled over, but if they DID find out I was on one, I have no fucking idea what I'd do.

If you ask me, if a doctor says you are safe to drive on a low-moderate dose of benzo then there should be no legal way to prosecute you for it.

I don't lose any coordination from driving on my 1.5mgs of Klonopin, I have a tolerance, and I operate a car just fine.

That's complete tyranny IMO.

 

[cduggles]

Hi Maria,

First of all, I sympathize with your situation a great deal. I've read all the posts and it seems like you feel alone. We'll try to help as much as we can.

I tend to be very practical, so please understand that I just want to help you.

Let's tackle one situation at a time.

NA meetings: The woman who is touching you is being incredibly inappropriate and because it's unwanted, it's legally classified as sexual assault. However, I understand this woman signs your attendance sheets and the NA meeting is all-women one and convenient for you.

I think you have already gotten excellent advice, but I'm going to give you a few other options. (I think going to AA or an LGBTQ meetings are great options, btw).

If you really don't want to change meetings, I would try to talk to this woman in the following way: Tell her in front of other women that you need to speak with her privately. Take her just enough aside so that you can talk to her. Make sure you are facing her and she isn't touching you. Tell her it's important. If she tries to touch you, gently stop her or back away. This is important: look directly at her facing her straight on and down on her physically. Tell her you appreciate her leadership, but that you were abused and don't like to be touched physically. Tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable and you need for her to stop immediately.

The reason I'm being specific is because physically you are being dominant while you are verbally saying something else. She will either back off or get angry. If she backs off, she'll test you again.

Regardless of how convenient it is, I would also have a backup plan with another meeting with AA being my first choice.

This woman is a predator, and predators prefer easy prey. If you let her know you aren't without being aggressive verbally, she might back off. Letting her do this to you is so damaging. Imagine if someone was doing this to your daughter. You would stop it.

What I'm suggesting is manipulative, but sometimes that's the way you get what you need without being exploited. I realize this is probably not the straightforward, ethical way everyone wants you to do this, but the issues that have led to this situation aren't easy to fix.

Send me a private messsage if you want, and I'll try to help with your other situations too. For now, let's get you through your original problem. Okay?

Best, CD

 

[aihfl]

That's beyond fucked up.

I almost always have Klonopin in my bloodstream so if I get in an accident that has nothing to do with it but they find out I take Klonopin, then what can I do to legally defend myself?

Would I have any legal defense?

Would I be better off lying if a cop asks if I'm on meds and would they necessarily have a way of finding out I am on them?

I mean once an asshole cop asked if I was on meds and I lied and told him I wasn't cause I figured he'd fuck with me (which he would have, and as I remember I hadn't even been doing anything wrong, nor do I even know why he pulled me over.)

I mean that's not fair right??

I agree that it's not fair. But I was in an outpatient program with a guy prescribed Klonopin who got a DUI. He was pulling out of a gas station on a Friday night and hadn't yet switched his lights on (the place was lit up like the surface of the sun anyway) and a cop thought that was probable cause, arrested him and took him to a hospital for a blood drug screen. If you have a good lawyer, I'd say your chances of getting out of it are 50/50 unless you were obviously fucked up or have a history of alcohol and/or drug related arrests. The guy I knew pleaded out, but he had a prior history of drug and alcohol induced run-ins with law enforcement. IME telling the truth rarely works to your benefit with cops.

 

[AMPHETAMINEGOD]

Ya in my younger years i tried to stop my dexedrine in high school...my tolerance was building bad and they woudn't increase my dose past 20 mg..i would always come down hard at lunch and basically any classes after lunch would be a total waste of time.....i almost got sent to jail when i tried to refuse it..then i've had to fight for it..then i've gotten in trouble for not being on it..then fighting for it..then mastered daily dispense and got that taken because of government spending problems...i dunno..then i hear that desoxyn is the best adult adhd med but i get in so much shit from friends and family and the gov when i do a bit of jib...i can die of 450mg of adderall but nothing on meth...and now my antipsycotics have given me diabetes....while this whole time cigarettes are legal at the corner store...out of all addictions nicotine is the most evil......such a bizarre world psychiatry, big pharma, the gov...fucking cops too....problem is al lthose god damn tweakers give me a bad name and adhd...people that steal for it, hurt people...i wish no one ever knew.....my son was kidnapped by the gov becase of the same fucking chemical i'm prescribed....bullshit anyone has to fight for their adhd meds once they have been prescribed...and i was analyzed for a year and a half in a maximum security adolecent psychward...so tried to get off it, tried to get on it....at 14 they say "trust your meds, it is ok to be dependent" then on e time i see this shrink and she says i have addcition problems..no shit dicks, you were the assholes that gave it too me in the first place..tbh wish i didn' tneed meds....this world is fucked..

 

[aihfl]

^ Please explain how this is relevant to this thread.

 

[Mycophile]

I agree that it's not fair. But I was in an outpatient program with a guy prescribed Klonopin who got a DUI. He was pulling out of a gas station on a Friday night and hadn't yet switched his lights on (the place was lit up like the surface of the sun anyway) and a cop thought that was probable cause, arrested him and took him to a hospital for a blood drug screen. If you have a good lawyer, I'd say your chances of getting out of it are 50/50 unless you were obviously fucked up or have a history of alcohol and/or drug related arrests. The guy I knew pleaded out, but he had a prior history of drug and alcohol induced run-ins with law enforcement. IME telling the truth rarely works to your benefit with cops.

Well that is super fucked up.

I guess it's good to know that is possible so I can be as careful as possible, cause I always thought it would be ok to tell a cop I take benzos (not that I would), but now that I know it's not I'll deny it, and I have a spare bottle of Klonopin in my trunk thinking it would actually be GOOD if I was ever caught to prove I have it legally, but now I realize it's actually bad and will take it out of there. I mean if I ever was caught I could at least prove I have legal access if necessary by calling my doctor as at least then I wouldn't also be charged with illegal possession which would be even worse.

Well, I'm not going to worry about getting in trouble for this cause it's pretty unlikely IMO.

I drive pretty careful and never drive on any substance other than my prescribed Klonopin or maybe a little Kratom, and I've never once been arrested, so a cop will probably need a good reason to haul me down to the station and drug test me.

That's not to say that they don't make up reasons, but I honestly think that that guy getting arrested for not immediately turning his lights on is rare and that that isn't the kind of thing that happens often.

I mean that is SUPER fucked up. Guy just didn't immediately turn his headlights on and that's a cause for arrest?!?!!

I swear, the cops who do that kind of thing are just doing it for the power trip. That's completely unnecessary. I mean sure, if he was driving for A WHILE without his lights that makes sense, but just doesn't immediately turn them on?!?!

I HATE these kinds of pigs.

There are good cops out there, but there's so many bad ones too.

Well, I guess if I'm ever pulled over like that one time and asked if I'm on psychiatric meds again I will deny deny deny, and they would literally have to give me a blood test to find out, and I think that's unlikely, seeing as I've never even been arrested at all, and then I'd hire the best lawyer I can find.

My guess is it will never happen to me as I am compliant with police and don't break many laws and have no record, but that's beyond fucked up, and I'll be wary from now on.

 

[Mycophile]

Yeah, cduggles advise of playing the card of telling her you were sexually abused growing up could really work.

It doesn't matter if it's a lie, what she is doing is wrong, and even with her being a woman, our society is getting less and less tolerant of ANYONE who abuses anyone in that way, and if you say you were abused as a kid then you are really putting her into a situation where she knows she needs to watch out with her behavior.

Then it isn't just like "I don't like being hugged", it's "I have a history of trauma and this is psychologically effecting me"...and she would probably start to think about her job and how she could get in trouble if you tell anyone, and that's what you want: you want to make this woman afraid that you might tell someone else that you were abused (true or not) and that she is still touching you, and trust me, she's not going to want that to get out.

But you have to have the courage to take her aside, look straight at her and tell her that, and you have to have the courage to lie.

I think it has a good chance of working, but if you can't get up the courage to do it then she's going to keep doing it.

And please, stop talking in circles and repeating yourself. No offense, but you are typing as if you aren't really talking to other people, as if you are just writing things out because you are thinking them.

There are people actually RESPONDING to you now, so you should listen to what they are saying and specifically respond to their advice.

Good luck.

 

[Mycophile]

@aihfl: What is the worst penalty generally speaking (not sure if it differs state by state cause I'm in N.Y.) for driving while on a benzo like Klonopin but if you have no alcohol or anything else in your system and didn't actually get in an accident or commit any other crime?

Would they call that a DUI or a DWI? (also which is worse and what's the difference anyway?)

Can you be stripped of your license, or would it only be like an arrest, points on your license and/or a fine and forced NA/AA or whatever??

I just want to know for sure now, and thanks for letting me know.


I took the Klonopin bottle out of my car, and no cop is ever getting me to tell him I take ANY drugs for psychiatric purposes, he's gonna have to give me a blood test to find out for sure and I very much doubt that'll ever happen to me.

I don't think I'm ever going to end up in this situation, but it's good to know that it's possible, because that will actually decrease my chances of getting in trouble for it cause I know what precautions I need to take.

Thanks