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Rest in peace Llama (lsdmdma&amp)

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xstayfadedx

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 7, 2011
Messages
20,566
So I just recieved a phone call from Andrew's mother confirming that he passed away on Monday. His cause of death is still currently being figured out, but we all believe it was due to his heart giving out. She called me because she knew that he would want me to know. She also said I greatly helped break him out of his shell, making him more social, and also helped him make changes... leading him to go to treatment.

I do not know what to say at this point... I had my ups and downs with him. I also had to push him away too because there was only so much I could do at times. I knew him off this website and was his girlfriend at one point in time. Later, I still chose to remain his friend despite the break up. I will always have love for him.

Regardless of the past and/or how he was percieved by others... in life and on bluelight... he was still a good soul, but lost. I just hope he found the peace that he was looking for. He had many goals and actually was quite intelligent (yeah his posts on here could be ridiculous at times, but it was just a persona).

I wish he could have got away from his toxic father sooner. I'm just happy his mother at least stayed by his side through it all. The situation they endured because of his father is horrific. I could say maybe this, or maybe this could have been different... yet, I won't. So I will end the post here.

Sorry if this is a little all over the place. I'm definitely still in shock. His funeral will be held on Monday and then Andrew will be cremated.

Rest in peace <3. I'll never forget all of our memories... even the crazy ones and as I typed that a smile peaked through... Llama straight out of the Brooklyn zoo escaping off to go find some kangaroos.
 
Rest in peace, mate :(

Really sorry that you were finding it hard to make it work at your job.. we were hardly on the same frequency of communicating but we've all been through shit together in PD as a family and you've been such a good and longstanding member mane <3 It doesn't matter that i didn't always understand your feelings, I feel you as legit family and I'm sorry for the great loss of those close to you llama, and the PD club.

You probably don't dig this music but I named this song after you when you quit h, the track was definitely not meant to make light of it - I've been there myself:

https://soundcloud.com/solipsis/ambit-herons-for-llama

<3
 
Wow, I didn't see this coming. :( I always hoped you'd get past your troubles and find happiness. You were probably the most ill-fitting member of PD, coming on to talk about your sherdz and paranoid ideations of persecution, and little else. Nevertheless, you were a part of the PD crew and we care about you. A longtime part of the crew. I'll miss your rants, and I hope you've found peace now. RIP brother man. <3
 
I never knew I liked any D&B until you posted some that was right up my alley in the social thread. I always cared about you since I joined the PD social group, always made an effort to reply when you posted so you knew there were those of us who read your streams of thought.

Shine on you crazy diamond <3
 
This was really shocking news to here, he was a really nice guy and we kept in touch over the years. Wish his family the best, they have my condolences. The best ones leave us fastest. May you R.I.P.
 
<3 stayfaded, i know we've butted heads, but my heart goes out to you. i'm sure you're even more torn up about this than you're showing here. llama was a very troubled soul, i think you did just about all you personally could for him.

i truly hope he's found peace on the on the other side, he deserves it after how obviously troubled his life has been.
 
Damn, I was really hoping to not see this thread. :(

LLama as a pretty one of a kind BLer. Incredibly distinct voice, one I find it hard to imagine no longer being present. I hope he is more at peace now.

RIP mate <3
 
This sucks. I always empathized with his posts.keep your head up stayfaded
 
Man, I remember seeing him post in the last week or two. I was thinking, like, woah, this guy still visits bl!?!?He was a big friendly presence on the boards about five years ago (and for longer than that I'm sure, that's just the year that sticks out in my mind). Had fun reading his posts and occasionally interacting with the dude.

Damnit. RIP bud.
 
pharmakos said:
<3 stayfaded, i know we've butted heads, but my heart goes out to you. i'm sure you're even more torn up about this than you're showing here. llama was a very troubled soul, i think you did just about all you personally could for him.

i truly hope he's found peace on the on the other side, he deserves it after how obviously troubled his life has been.
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Thank you TNW <3 and yeah, I cried a lot last night... and I'm not the crying type. It's just really weird to me right now. The worst thing about it all is literally around 4am the day his mom called I randomly logged on here. I ended up reading a message he sent to me on July 21st. He gave me his phone number and told me to call him if I needed to talk because I was always there for him and he would be there for me too.

I ended up saving the number and thought it might not hurt to call. Well, then around 9:45am a 717 number called me, but I was asleep. It was his mother... I already knew in my gut, but was feeling sick because we were playing phone tag at the moment.

Then she called.... :( and again, I literally finally saved his number back in my phone. His mom says I did everything I personally could for him too and told me she loves me.

cj said:
This sucks. I always empathized with his posts.keep your head up stayfaded
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Thanks CJ, and I'll try to. I've already have been feeling way down as of lately and just got this news. This year has been horrible.
 
Wow. I know this must be hard for you SF and for the I'm sorry. Good vibes your way and hope your okay.<3

Llama mane....I tried to encourage you to change. I was once very lost and so troubled. Amazed i ever reached 28 let alone 23. Back then I dreamed of someone who was once lost but now found could help me see that even when your lost, your still somewhere, your still able to look around, and figure out where you are. It could be such an eternally lonely feeling that it feels as if it shreds your soul to bits. All I ever wanted was to help. Someone, anyone. I always hoped our PD family could help you slow down and get your barrings. You'll always be one of our crew, our family. I posted alongside you for so long. We as all posters grew. I deeply hoped to continue to grow with you. I sincerely hope you've found the peace I've longed for, for ages, you deserve it brother!<3
 
fucking weird to be updating myself on the PD social thread, reading your paranoid rants, then " oh yah this dude is dead" wtf... we got the same name too. fuck
 
I am so sorry. For everyone concerned. Andrew is free but those that loved him are hurting. SF, you were a good friend. I'm glad you and his mom have a good relationship--that will help you both. <3
 
Damn man we were just talking in PM's and stuff I don't know what to say. RIP Llama. :(
 
herbavore said:
I am so sorry. For everyone concerned. Andrew is free but those that loved him are hurting. SF, you were a good friend. I'm glad you and his mom have a good relationship--that will help you both. <3
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Thank you herbie <3 his mom made me ball my eyes out this morning. She just said some super heartfelt words and I just started crying. She also wrote me in his obituary as one of his best friends...I was not expecting her to do that either. It's sad he passed away so soon. Llama was only 25 and it's weird I'll be turning 25 next month... I remember when we first met as 18 year olds... This is just so unreal.
 
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