Recovery Getting Clean - Recovery

[freesolo123]

I'm 42 hours in and haven't touched the Sub's, I'm pretty bad my skin is burning hot and cold really just trying to get through this. My issue now is I don't know if I want the Sub's, I might see if I can just get through this, all my emotions have come back online and I feel horrible guilt over my drug use and the people I have hurt, I'm not afraid to admit i've been crying just sobbing really.

Should I try and get through this without Suboxone? If i take it its a huge commitment a year probably and worse withdrawal.

I haven't reached that place in my head where I know I'm broke and need to take something. unless I reach a point that I did when I came off suboxone before which was a 10/10 and im at about a 4/10 now I don't see the point

Thoughts?

 

[Stargazer]

Hey freesolo-

This is only my humble opinion, It seems you need time to get away from using. Rio makes a really good point about taking enough sub for the blocking effect.

It's not only feeling well and stable. From my actions, I know I have been unable to stay away from using.

Do you feel you can stop using? You reached out for help die to realizing how out of hand things have gotten. It's very easy for things to escalate when you're pre-disposed to addiction.

I am unable to use opiates sometimes, just once, etc. Do you think you're ready to stop?

 

[Stargazer]

Hey freesolo,

I hope you're well. I hope you come back to update me on what you decided.

I'm taking things one day at a time. So far, in spite of going through some difficult circumstances, I'm doing well and staying away from dope. Hope to hear from you.

 

[EPL1]

Thinking about you free,


How are things going for you, would love to hear an update from you. We are all here for you.

Here if you need anything,
your friend,
Ash.

I'm 42 hours in and haven't touched the Sub's, I'm pretty bad my skin is burning hot and cold really just trying to get through this. My issue now is I don't know if I want the Sub's, I might see if I can just get through this, all my emotions have come back online and I feel horrible guilt over my drug use and the people I have hurt, I'm not afraid to admit i've been crying just sobbing really.

Should I try and get through this without Suboxone? If i take it its a huge commitment a year probably and worse withdrawal.

I haven't reached that place in my head where I know I'm broke and need to take something. unless I reach a point that I did when I came off suboxone before which was a 10/10 and im at about a 4/10 now I don't see the point

Thoughts?

 

[freesolo123]

Hi, I'm 6 days clean and I haven't used the Suboxone, The physical symptoms have all abated and its the mental side which is the problem now as I have gone into a bit of a depression. Sleeping is still a big issue still waking up 20-30 times a night restless legs and just a general dysphoria.

I'm not sure if not taking the Suboxone is the correct idea but to take it to ease the Physical withdrawal in my case was pointless, I had a really hard time coming of Suboxone last time and the jump off at 400mcg (though probably higher actual body level as I had been snorting since 2mg) was horrific! It was a skin crawling, heart thrashing, no sleep 3 day panic attack that I will never forget and the Heroin withdrawal this time was a 3/10 by comparison

Since the mental side has kicked in I have had real thoughts about using and its the depression that is the battle now. If I took the Suboxone I wouldn't be feeling these cravings but there is nothing I can do about that now so I will move forward. I'm have been going outside for a walk the past 2 days trying to keep active but energy levels are low as to be expected.

The local drug recovery group got in contact and I agreed to go to a support group next week, i'm a bit apprehensive since i'm clean and all my insecurities and anxieties have come back and I don't feel comfortable in my skin yet but I will just have to push through it, getting used to being around people sober is going to take time.

Anyway 6 days sober at 5pm tonight (2hrs) hopefully I can stay clean to the end of the week

 

[jdfisse]

Freesolo123 you are doing a bang up job. Yes, all of the things I "suffer" from came back when I stopped using. The insecurity, the inadequacy, the general misanthropic dislike for humanity and especially myself. The great thing about recovery groups is that most, if not all of the people in the group have gone through those same issues. Some may have forgotten what it was like, but many will still be mindfully aware and they will be gentle with you. Nothing helped me push through and get over the biggest obstacle (myself) more than being around other people on the same journey as me. It likely won't be comfortable, but seeking comfort and avoidance of pain never worked out very well for me anyway...

 

[freesolo123]

Its 6.30am and I am just home from seeing my dealer for 2 bags of Heroin, I can't sleep because my body won't stop moving it like restless leg syndrome but its not just in my legs it is running up my back and in my arms, when I don't sleep my mental health deteriorates and my depression has been too much I just want to smoke this and get some sleep.

How much damage have I done, how far will i have set myself back?

I am not planning on doing this daily again just need some sleep but who am I kidding this is how a habit starts pretty disappointing

 

[aihfl]

There are healthier way to get sleep. There are sedating antidepressants like trazodone or mirtazapine, Z-drugs like zolpidem or zopiclone, or even gabapentin or a benzo. OTC antihistamines can also be surprisingly effective.

 

[freesolo123]

You are right I know this is the wrong way

I have Gabapentin have been taking 600mg ED and its not working also on Mirtazapine and Fluoxetine, I take the Mirtazapine at night 30mg but the last 3 days I can't even take 15mg it makes me super tired but makes the RLS much worse for some reason

You are right about better ways to get sleep but the depression and lack of sleep broke me, for me depression is worse than and physical pain it needs to be dealt with anotherway. I spoke to a friend who recommended Quetiapine has anyone tried this?

 

[aihfl]

Yeah, I know where you're coming from. I detoxed in a hospital in January and my doctor was sadistic. I slept continuously for three days waking up only for meals and then I was up for the next four almost continuously. I might have caught an hour of sleep here and there but I probably slept five or six hours total in that four days. I begged the doctor to give me something to sleep and she wouldn't and my discharge instructions were to quit taking all my psych meds plus my cholesterol med. I showed that to my regular psychiatrist and he was PISSED. Doubly pissed because he used to work at that hospital. Lack of sleep is a bitch. Any chance of seeing a doctor and getting a short script for a benzo taper?

 

[freesolo123]

I don't think I could ever get a legal script for benzo's ever again had a big problem with them in the past and there is a red warning on any doctor or hospitals computer screen warning them about my misuse, a few days may not be a problem though if I can find the right doctor who can see my situation clearly.

 

[freesolo123]

I slept for 20 hours after smoking a bag and a half, no cravings today hopefully this was a one off slip. Have made a appointment to see my GP for next week see if I can get some form of sleep aid for a short while.

 

[EPL1]

That "doctor" is absolutely shameful to have done that to you.

Ash.

Yeah, I know where you're coming from. I detoxed in a hospital in January and my doctor was sadistic. I slept continuously for three days waking up only for meals and then I was up for the next four almost continuously. I might have caught an hour of sleep here and there but I probably slept five or six hours total in that four days. I begged the doctor to give me something to sleep and she wouldn't and my discharge instructions were to quit taking all my psych meds plus my cholesterol med. I showed that to my regular psychiatrist and he was PISSED. Doubly pissed because he used to work at that hospital. Lack of sleep is a bitch. Any chance of seeing a doctor and getting a short script for a benzo taper?

 

[EPL1]

Good attitude free, just a blip on your radar, keep going, glad to hear you're off to see your gp, a sleep aid will give you the rest you need and you will feel so much better because of that.

Here for you free,
your friend,
Ash.

I slept for 20 hours after smoking a bag and a half, no cravings today hopefully this was a one off slip. Have made a appointment to see my GP for next week see if I can get some form of sleep aid for a short while.

 

[howarethings]

So, my living situation isn't the most ideal for me considering I'm trying to get my shit together... I just re-inducted myself on the suboxone again today. I did it Monday, too, but by Tuesday I was getting high again. Just too easy where I am currently... anyway, curious to know about something...

I took 1.5 strips today, but still have cold chills and sweats. Mostly sweating, but profusely. Trying to see if this is normal, or if I need to take more? I'm prescribed 3 a day, but feel it's excessive, so kind of take it here and there when I feel "sick".

Any suggestions are much appreciated!

 

[aihfl]

Have made a appointment to see my GP for next week see if I can get some form of sleep aid for a short while.

In the meantime there are OTC options you can try like diphenhydramine or doxylamine. Try and avoid the ones with NSAID pain relievers in them like acetaminophen or naproxen.

 

[howarethings]

Hi, I'm 6 days clean and I haven't used the Suboxone, The physical symptoms have all abated and its the mental side which is the problem now as I have gone into a bit of a depression. Sleeping is still a big issue still waking up 20-30 times a night restless legs and just a general dysphoria.

I'm not sure if not taking the Suboxone is the correct idea but to take it to ease the Physical withdrawal in my case was pointless, I had a really hard time coming of Suboxone last time and the jump off at 400mcg (though probably higher actual body level as I had been snorting since 2mg) was horrific! It was a skin crawling, heart thrashing, no sleep 3 day panic attack that I will never forget and the Heroin withdrawal this time was a 3/10 by comparison

Since the mental side has kicked in I have had real thoughts about using and its the depression that is the battle now. If I took the Suboxone I wouldn't be feeling these cravings but there is nothing I can do about that now so I will move forward. I'm have been going outside for a walk the past 2 days trying to keep active but energy levels are low as to be expected.

The local drug recovery group got in contact and I agreed to go to a support group next week, i'm a bit apprehensive since i'm clean and all my insecurities and anxieties have come back and I don't feel comfortable in my skin yet but I will just have to push through it, getting used to being around people sober is going to take time.

Anyway 6 days sober at 5pm tonight (2hrs) hopefully I can stay clean to the end of the week

Whoa, dude! You had that hard of a time coming off subs??

 

[howarethings]

Just an update: I took more subs and now feel better. 3 strips total, so 24mg. Seems like it's too much. I'm still sweating but not as bad... and I get cold chills randomly. Idk what to do guys!! I want to be free of this shit for once in my God forsaken life! Should I continue with sub maint. or go into a detox center and come out with no subs or any other synthetic opiates.

 

[freesolo123]

Just an update: I took more subs and now feel better. 3 strips total, so 24mg. Seems like it's too much. I'm still sweating but not as bad... and I get cold chills randomly. Idk what to do guys!! I want to be free of this shit for once in my God forsaken life! Should I continue with sub maint. or go into a detox center and come out with no subs or any other synthetic opiates.

You are updating the wrong thread think you have confused this with your own recovery journal?

 

[EPL1]

Yes exactly what aihfl said, for me when I need to sleep I take gravol (Dimenhydrinate) it's a combo of the above mentioned diphenhydramine and 8-chlorotheophylline.

You can get it OTC too, it works well for me.

How are you doing today free?

Hugs,
Ash.

In the meantime there are OTC options you can try like diphenhydramine or doxylamine. Try and avoid the ones with NSAID pain relievers in them like acetaminophen or naproxen.