August Clean and Sober Thread v. The Leaves are Changing Colors

[hikfromstik]

Hot dog! I’m really impressed with what I’ve been seeing in SL lately.

Thank you to all our new SLers and not so new SLers!!!!

Very positive vibes happening here . I'm so glad I found sober living BL. I just realized how much nicer I am to people since I've stopped methadone. I'm way more outgoing now than a month ago. My friends used to text me mostly, now it's me texting and calling everyone ( including family) . My daughters sweet 16 birthday is this Monday and it'll be her first ever birthday that I've been totally clean. Now that's something to be proud of .

 

[somnilicious]

I appreciate the title of this thread, but I’m not sure I like how the leaves are changing colors right now. Namely because of the heat wave where I live, a lot of leave have just died.

Looking forward to fall cooling off.



Hey old friend. What do you want to know? Or was that just a general invitation to share away on my end?

(Pls quote me again so I don’t forget. Thank you!)

Still clean...day 3 down. The weekends are really tough for me because my roommate leaves to visit his girl and I always get the Friday and Sat. night anticipation excitement but I don't have him to lean on. He's been the best roommate I could ever ask for.

Hey Toothpastedog... Good to see your still around as the staple of sober living. I was just curious about memantines reputed dopamine upregulation and if it had any other effects... Immediate mode of action or side effects. Just your over all experience. I recently started supplement in magnesium and was blown away. I have never had such a calm wash over my entire body. It felt like a benzo. My life changed immediatly. My hand tremors stopped, anxiety gone, 4hr sleep became 7-8 sleep, alot of depression lifted. I am absolutely blown away. I will be sharing this in the PAWS supplement thread. Thanks for being the sober soldier that you are Toothpastedog..

Much love to all -Somni

 

[jasperkent]

Captain Heroin-- I've noticed that when I'm depressed it feels like I've always been that way and it will last forever. Why can't I feel that way when I'm happy?

Everyone-- Enjoying all your posts. Keep up the communication. We addicts gotta stick together. I love y'all!

Peace&Love,
jasper

"If you take in a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." -- Mark Twain

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Interesting point.

I have had moments of happiness that seemed like it would last forever before.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

I'm feeling really frustrated with people needing to pontificate or communicate in recovery-speak. I went to an NA meeting last night and it was 90% people shouting the same contrived lines from the last 1000 meetings and it really bummed me out. I had some woman literally screaming in my ear like I'm some sort of child who can't hear if she doesn't get loud. I appreciate that they're at the meeting and sharing, but goddamn, it was just not what I wanted to hear. I do my best to avoid those types of meetings and interact with those who I feel connected to, but last night I left that place feeling more down than when I got there.

I think it's part of a bigger lesson I'm learning - I'm clean and in recovery to figure out how to live and be myself. I don't need to fit in anywhere, and the more I try, the less like myself I feel. I've spent a good part of my life trying to be someone or belong to something, and inevitably found that it wasn't what I actually wanted once I got inside. I vacillate between wanting to be part of a community and rejecting community completely, which I believe are two sides of the same coin. I just want to be me, however that looks.

I can 100% relate. I spent six months in a 12-step rehab, and I tried so, so hard to make it work. I really honestly tried to reach out to a God, but there was never anything there. It's not for everyone - despite what AA claims, its success rate is a dismal 5%, which is the same as spontaneous remission. Unless you have an inherent belief in God then the 12 steps simply won't work for you, and not everyone can manufacture a religious conversion within themselves. I have often left AA/NA/CA meetings feeling more like using than when I got there. I've recently started attending Smart Recovery instead and I can't recommend it enough - it's the support-group style of NA but based on CBT and science-backed principles rather than 1930s religious dogma. Maybe give it a try if you haven't before.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

Captain Heroin-- I've noticed that when I'm depressed it feels like I've always been that way and it will last forever. Why can't I feel that way when I'm happy?

Everyone-- Enjoying all your posts. Keep up the communication. We addicts gotta stick together. I love y'all!

Peace&Love,
jasper

"If you take in a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." -- Mark Twain

Yes! When I'm depressed then I look back and every time I was happy was a lie or a delusion and depression has always been creeping up on me, waiting under the surface for when my silly illusion of joy faded. When I'm happy I look back and the depression was never that bad, it was just me being confused and silly and if only I'd woken up and seen my situation for what it was then I'd of snapped out of it. Emotions seem to cloud my memory and colour my perceptions of my past, so I'm beginning to learn not to trust my perception when I'm being swayed by strong emotions.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Still clean...day 3 down. The weekends are really tough for me because my roommate leaves to visit his girl and I always get the Friday and Sat. night anticipation excitement but I don't have him to lean on. He's been the best roommate I could ever ask for.

Hey Toothpastedog... Good to see your still around as the staple of sober living. I was just curious about memantines reputed dopamine upregulation and if it had any other effects... Immediate mode of action or side effects. Just your over all experience. I recently started supplement in magnesium and was blown away. I have never had such a calm wash over my entire body. It felt like a benzo. My life changed immediatly. My hand tremors stopped, anxiety gone, 4hr sleep became 7-8 sleep, alot of depression lifted. I am absolutely blown away. I will be sharing this in the PAWS supplement thread. Thanks for being the sober soldier that you are Toothpastedog..

Much love to all -Somni

Hey Somni! I’ve decided I’m going to keep taking it for another week so I can give a real thorough answer to your question. The first week or two have been great, but technically I’m still stabilizing on the new med. I’ll give the what’s what once it’s peaked out with plasma levels and everything.

I do look forward to sharing though sorry for the delay, I just like to be thorough/anal with stuff I really care about like this.

It’s a wonderful med for someone who can tolerate it, but I’ll say more when I have a better vantage point after I get back from a little trip next week

 

[ladyhlove]

I can 100% relate. I spent six months in a 12-step rehab, and I tried so, so hard to make it work. I really honestly tried to reach out to a God, but there was never anything there. It's not for everyone - despite what AA claims, its success rate is a dismal 5%, which is the same as spontaneous remission. Unless you have an inherent belief in God then the 12 steps simply won't work for you, and not everyone can manufacture a religious conversion within themselves. I have often left AA/NA/CA meetings feeling more like using than when I got there. I've recently started attending Smart Recovery instead and I can't recommend it enough - it's the support-group style of NA but based on CBT and science-backed principles rather than 1930s religious dogma. Maybe give it a try if you haven't before.

I'm thinking about attending SMART recovery. Do you mind telling me about it? AA/NA/12 Step blah blah blah is NOT for me but I want to try something so that I can meet some people who's lives don't revolve around substance use (my friends don't do opiates, fortunately, but all are active or at least semi-borderline alcoholics). I'm going to try refuge recovery this week (per aihfl's recommendation) but the local group only meets once a week so I'd like to check out other recovery options as well.

 

[aihfl]

I'm thinking about attending SMART recovery. Do you mind telling me about it? AA/NA/12 Step blah blah blah is NOT for me but I want to try something so that I can meet some people who's lives don't revolve around substance use (my friends don't do opiates, fortunately, but all are active or at least semi-borderline alcoholics). I'm going to try refuge recovery this week (per aihfl's recommendation) but the local group only meets once a week so I'd like to check out other recovery options as well.

We have SMART Recovery here but I've never been. It meets in a far eastern suburb and I live on the northwest side of the city. It would probably entail an hour's drive one-way if traffic is bad. Also, it only meets twice a month, so if you can find a regular meeting I say give it a try and let us know how it goes. A lot of 12 step meetings suck. It took me years to find meetings where I feel accepted and comfortable. I do a lot better with small meetings. I have social anxiety so I don't like those meetings with 50 or more people in the room and I really can't stand the meetings where people have diarrhea of the mouth. You live in a major metropolitan area with a lot of options.

I recently started supplement in magnesium and was blown away. I have never had such a calm wash over my entire body. It felt like a benzo. My life changed immediatly. My hand tremors stopped, anxiety gone, 4hr sleep became 7-8 sleep, alot of depression lifted. I am absolutely blown away. I will be sharing this in the PAWS supplement thread.

Somni, what specifically are you taking and how much? I have the same effect from taking Epsom salt baths (magnesium sulfate). The reason I ask is that I think I'm becoming overly reliant on benzos and gabapentin and what you're taking sounds like a homeopathic miracle drug. I have to go drop off a prescription (for gabapentin ironically) at Publix a little later so I'm going to PM you as well.

 

[EPL1]

Hello my dear friend no,

I hope the rest of your day gets better for you. And you deal with your issues the best way you know how. Whatever works and is good for you, this is your life. Sorry to hear your parents aren't supportive that way but a lot of people of their gen are the stuff your feelings and shut up about it kind.

Here for you if you ever need anything, I'm really proud of you.

Hugs,
Ash.

T. It further hurts as my folks aren't supportive of me dealing with mental health issues due to cultural issues etc. They are still very old school in their way of thinking and don't know much about the topic and are worried what other Serbs in the community might think if it gets leaked blah blah. So it is best for me to not address my own issues but pretend they aren't there and move along as if nothing happened. Unfortunately this is not an option for me. Every time I bury things it ends up in a suicide attempt and I lose everything.

I am day 69 sober but still want to use yet I know if I were to use I wouldn't have fun. It feels like purgatory. I am just constantly stuck.

Am hoping I get to bed early tonight and that tomorrow isn't one of those difficult days again.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Well today woke up different. All positive etc...

Still hate these ups and downs that bipolar brings and then being addicted on top and dealing with x and y. The routine has gotten old doing this year after year.

Guess I should enjoy it for what it's worth ?

 

[EPL1]

Hi no,

Good for you, getting paid and not running off to score is huge. Great that you paid some old debts. That will also take some pressure off you.

Sucks that you're not able to get that guy to pay up. If it's a small debt I'd say let it go, its not worth the stress of trying to get it from this piece that's eluding you.

However, if it's a large sum of money, Id lean on them hard, do they have a facebook page you can leave a post on? I had to do that once, it finally forced them to acknowledge me, and I was paid back summarily. ; )

Very proud of you,
Have a good day,
your friend,
Ash.

 

[Stargazer]

I haven't gotten high on numerous occasions that I was able to. That's progress and I'll take it! I'm taking Subutex and putting effort into my recovery.

I miss seeing Sim, Sixxam, POkemama around. I miss you guys being here. I hope you guys are doing great and too busy being happy to post BL isn't the same w/o you

I miss toothpastedog being around more. You give the best, informed and intelligent advice. Thanks for that TPD.

I miss you seeing you more often Somni! But do love to see you check in.

I'm grateful to have aihfl here still. And a moderator! If I haven't told you, you're doing a great job A.

 

[Stargazer]

Is the PAWS supplement thread sticky or one of the running threads on SL?

 

[aihfl]

Is the PAWS supplement thread sticky or one of the running threads on SL?

http://bluelight.org/vb/threads/848126-PAWS-and-recovery-supplement

 

[Stargazer]

^^Thanks aih

 

[EPL1]

I'm great noo,

Had a wicked kidney infection that took 2 rounds of abx to get rid of, but I'm on the mend now. Thank you for asking.

I hope you have a great weekend my friend.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

Thanks for the advice.

How are you going?

 

[aihfl]

I was craving nicotine badly yesterday evening. Stopped and got a pack of cigs on my way to a meeting, smoked one in the car on the way, one in the car on the way back, and one before I went to bed and I felt so sick to my stomach (after not having had a cig in over a month) that I hope I'm done with smoking for a while.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I was craving nicotine badly yesterday evening. Stopped and got a pack of cigs on my way to a meeting, smoked one in the car on the way, one in the car on the way back, and one before I went to bed and I felt so sick to my stomach (after not having had a cig in over a month) that I hope I'm done with smoking for a while.

I'm glad you didn't return to drinking man, I know how awful it was for you.

Hang in there, you can get through this

 

[ladyhlove]

i know if I relapse this is what will happen to me. I will want the high but just won't enjoy it when I am doing it.

I need to create new memories to stop fucken fantasising about this past. I feel as if this is what a lot of addicts suck at doing, myself included.

Yep, that's the idea. I find every time that I relapse, I think to myself "really? THIS is what I've been obsessing over? This isn't even THAT fun or cool!". I wish my mind could remember that..