Where im now..

[EPL1]

Hi Painful One!

I sent you a message on the tapering thread a while back but you must not have gotten it.

I just wanted to say I really empathize and relate to you, I also have chronic pain, I have degenerative disc disease, herniated discs and have had spinal fusions.

I hope you're doing okay painful one, I just wanted you to know I am here for you anytime, chronic pain sucks!!!

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

Hello,

I just wanted to stop in and give you some support and let you know how proud I am of you!

Also, you are so not alone. A few of us are going through pretty much the exact same thing in the thread right next to yours here.
I have been following your progress. I have been right there with you a lot of the time. This is so bad. I know.

I'm starting to feel a lot better so just hang in there. Things are getting better. This thing keeps whipping back up on me but I am fighting it to the death.

Sending you lots of love, support, and encouragement.
Best Wishes and I hope you get feeling better real soon!

 

[EPL1]

Hi 3!!!


Oh I'm so happy that you're having a good day!!! I really hope you just relax today and really enjoy your day, it's sounds lovely!!

Very proud of you my friend!!


Here if you need anything,
your friend,
Ash.

Just quick update of my date since im tired.
First,Thank you for support and advices hik and Painful One.

Woke up and when i saw my brother told him,I want do anything today.
Packed some coffee,food and whent hike for couple of hours.
Whent to cabin and was just sitting in terrace and watched ducks and swans gather up get ready to move to warmer climate.In that silence out of nowhere this thought popped in my mind.
It does not matter if you now feel extremely bad or good.Only thing that matters is that you now feel.
I mean how simple is that.After that thought this rollercoaster doesnt feel that bad or extreme..I may have to start spend more time in cabin and in silence and just watch and listen nature and life.
So yea,i had really good day.I hope you all had too.

 

[Painful One]

Hi Painful One!

I sent you a message on the tapering thread a while back but you must not have gotten it.

I just wanted to say I really empathize and relate to you, I also have chronic pain, I have degenerative disc disease, herniated discs and have had spinal fusions.

I hope you're doing okay painful one, I just wanted you to know I am here for you anytime, chronic pain sucks!!!

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

Thank you Ash!

I know you are also struggling with chronic pain and injuries too.
I'm so sorry. It is really super hard.

We are some tough people.
I'm doing the best I can. That is about all I can say.

Sending you lots of love and support.

 

[Painful One]

Just quick update of my date since im tired.
First,Thank you for support and advices hik and Painful One.

Woke up and when i saw my brother told him,I want do anything today.
Packed some coffee,food and whent hike for couple of hours.
Whent to cabin and was just sitting in terrace and watched ducks and swans gather up get ready to move to warmer climate.In that silence out of nowhere this thought popped in my mind.
It does not matter if you now feel extremely bad or good.Only thing that matters is that you now feel.
I mean how simple is that.After that thought this rollercoaster doesnt feel that bad or extreme..I may have to start spend more time in cabin and in silence and just watch and listen nature and life.
So yea,i had really good day.I hope you all had too.

Excellent.
You are on the right track.
Take life at a slower pace for awhile.
Nature soothes and gives peace like nothing else.
That is lovely that you watched the swans and ducks gather up.
I am enjoying the hummingbirds and other birds around me very much.
I have learned a lot by watching nature!

Glad you had a good day!

 

[rollingrainbow]

3m1|
Of course PM anytime. I'd love to answer any questions you might have.
And I'm so happy you've had a nice calm day today. It's really helpful to have days to recharge you so can get through the tough ones. It sounded unbelievably peaceful. And I'm taking a tip from you and have been walking/hiking these last few days, and man it really helps. I do it right before bed time and get more sleep because of it. Yesterday I had bad social anxiety but today is much better. We're all on this roller coaster together!
Becca

 

[3m1l]

Hi all.From the bottom of my heart i would like to thank you all for this support.Its priceless.
This website actually saved my life.And this is first time that i reached out for help and told everyone what i have used..This is.i dont even find words how great this website is when you have to go through something like this alone.
Though my day was...I woke up and was filled with anger and said some nasty things..After that i just whent and chopped firewoods for a 1hr.Did all yard,lawnmoving and other chores.
Then apoligized my behaviour to everyone and tried to explain why i acted like that:tried to explain the dopamine thing and that my brain is messed up.
And i relapsed.To Sugar.Got chilli chicken and desert was strawberries and white chocolate...I just couldnt pass it.Shit do i sound like Trump when he was shooting missiles.
I mean,i act like an asshole and my reward is food that actually knocked me out for an hour..
Another day clean and soon over. I have to stop running away my emotions.I Have to face them.Everything thats going on..It just breaks me everytime to think things happening.
And i have been reading other posts and would like to help other people..I just still feel like im tainted and its contagious..I mean i still feel the shame and guilt of using.
I Truly Hope You All Had A Good Day.

rollingrainbow,sen you pm. Sorry for multipost..i dont know why it left 3 times.

 

[Painful One]

I agree. This is a wonderful website. I have seen it save lives.
You are not in this alone. I have been able to drop the shame and guilt and wow! What a relief that was.
I feel lighter as a person.
Be forgiven and rise above. We are loved.

You sound like you are doing really good considering. Chopping wood, doing the lawn, and apologizing to people and explaining.
You are a great person.
Don't let this get you down. There are some really good coming back to life qualities happening to me.
The food eating is a good sign. I am not passing up dessert right now and I'm not feeling bad about it either. Lol!
Not right now! This is extreme and rough. Hang in there.

You really inspired me with the thought that came into your mind yesterday which you so kindly shared.
The one about " it matters not if you feel extremely good right now or extremely bad. What matters is that you do feel!"
I love it! Wisdom is so simple. That there is a gem. Thank you.

 

[3m1l]

Tired.Work,long day...
Thank You For Support.
I have to get back when i have more energy.Depression and cravings are hitting hard.

 

[Painful One]

Okay. Hang in there.
You are going to be okay.

 

[hikfromstik]

Tired.Work,long day...
Thank You For Support.
I have to get back when i have more energy.Depression and cravings are hitting hard.

Your doing great . Working is probably the only thing keep me sane at this point, but too much can suck ass . Pace yourself and if you get tired take a break or stop for the day . Use the wildlife as a natural tranquilizer . Man , would I love to see a flock of ducks landing in the river behind my house now . We get our big migration about December.

 

[3m1l]

Finally everything done for winter..
Heh..those ducks,biggest flock was around 100 birds.We have small pond side of the lake that was made for ducks and we put 600kg+ oat to it during summer.
And only hunt first and last day of the season.Thats enough.

Man,now i have to find something else to do fast.My mind started allready give me so good reasons to get something..just enough to be wasted one day..no more thats enough.
Other than that im doing good.No physical wd.Mind is still complete opposite.I get still low motivation,low energy and fast exhaust now and then.
Depression,anxiety and cravings are the worst symptoms.I mean i really whant to take something now that important works are over.
Hope things are going good hik. I mean this cant last forever,right?

I Hope You All Have A Great Day.

 

[Painful One]

Nope, it cannot last forever!
I keep saying that to myself too!

Just keep in mind that anything you take at this point- anything- is going to prolong the agony.

Unfortunately I have had a doctor tell me that and I believe it is one hundred percent the truth.

You may not feel as bad as you did before but each time of withdrawal gets exponentially worse.
You don't want to be back in that hell do you? No you don't.

I know this is very difficult. Do the best you can. Enjoy nature.
I am watching the leaves change now and things are just beautiful.
Yesterday was the first day I saw red and gold leaves in places on the mountains.

Distract yourself.

 

[EPL1]

No, don't listen to the 1 more time your mind is telling you 3. You NEVER want to go through all that you've already accomlplished!!!

Try to distract yourself and just stay busy. Like Painful said, it won't last forever, I promise.

I am so proud of you btw!! Here for you,
your friend,
Ash.

 

[Painful One]

How are you doing today my friend?

I hope and pray that the severe depression, mental torture, and cravings do end!
I have not experienced the cravings part (yet). Seems to be only a matter of time. Living in this chronic pain and all.

Ash, can you tell us how you are making it? I hear you saying it gets better but it sounds like chronic pain patients just turn in the physical agony for mental torture. So, what do we do? What are you doing?

 

[3m1l]

Physical wd are over.Low motivation and energy comes and goes..Mentally it is like im stuck,it just wont get better.
I tried mindfulness,body meditation. I was really surprised how good that made me feel.
Im now reading more about it and definetely give it a go.

other than that been hanging with cat and netflix,rainy day...

I do hope you and Ash get better.

 

[Barbalos]

I've been following this thread for a while, rooting for you 3m1l. I can't believe how hard you push yourself with the physical exertion! I'm glad to read that your physical symptoms have subsided, but its smart to keep in mind that the mind needs its own time to recover from drug use. The mental battle is really the hard part isn't it? Anyway, I wish you the best of luck and fortune as you go forward!

 

[Painful One]

That is one huge thing right there that has helped me tremendously is Meditation.

I highly recommend it.

That is one weapon we have in this battle.

 

[EPL1]

You're so sweet 3, I was having a hard day pain wise and that's so nice to hear from you!!

Your day sounds peaceful and nice, I'm very proud of you.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

Physical wd are over.Low motivation and energy comes and goes..Mentally it is like im stuck,it just wont get better.
I tried mindfulness,body meditation. I was really surprised how good that made me feel.
Im now reading more about it and definetely give it a go.

other than that been hanging with cat and netflix,rainy day...

I do hope you and Ash get better.

 

[EPL1]

Painful One,

I hope your day is better than mine, struggling with pain today, I will begrudgingly have to go back to see my dr and discuss things.

How are you today? Are you on long term pain management? Is there an "opiate crisis" where you are making it difficult for chronic pain patients? There is difficulty here for us.

Big hugs to you,
your friend,
Ash.

That is one huge thing right there that has helped me tremendously is Meditation.

I highly recommend it.

That is one weapon we have in this battle.

 

[Painful One]

Painful One,

I hope your day is better than mine, struggling with pain today, I will begrudgingly have to go back to see my dr and discuss things.

How are you today? Are you on long term pain management? Is there an "opiate crisis" where you are making it difficult for chronic pain patients? There is difficulty here for us.

Big hugs to you,
your friend,
Ash.

Struggling here too Ash! I'm sorry to hear that you also are having such an issue with pain. Chronic pain.
I have been in pain management since 2009. I was in a car accident and migraines went out of control, cluster headaches actually and back and neck injuries. I tried to go without medication and I ended up Tylenol liver failure poisoned. I kept taking extra strength excederin and could not keep track of time. I had such a bad concussion. I kept waking up in the night thinking it had been hours and it had only probably been about five minutes and I was in horrific pain and I kept taking the excederin (Tylenol).

I ended up at a pain specialist and he knows what he is doing. He has kept me on the same dosage of MS Contin since 2009.
75 mg a day or MS Contin, 1 mg clonazepam (for sleep disorder), and ambian for sleep.

That combination was a good choice for me. I would not be alive otherwise. I have been pretty alright on that dosage all these years up until about a year and a half ago. I seem to require a little more. My condition has gotten worse. I now have a huge hernia they cannot fix surgically. I have trouble sitting, standing, walking, or laying down for very long so that makes me pretty dang disabled.

Without the pain medication and stuff I can't sleep or eat. It was like a miracle just to be able to do those things again.

I may need to have a talk with my doctor but I really don't want to up the dosage. So I have been fighting it out. I know bad things can happen by just trying to fight it out though. So, I am hesitant on making the right decision.

I was wondering how you are managing? You have nothing?

I think you do need to get to a doctor my friend. Seek out a pain specialist. The patient advocate people at the hospital were extremely helpful I had an appointment by 2:00 that day with this doctor I have now and he is really a great doctor. I just can't thank him enough. He says I do "pretty good" he has told me I am his number one pain patient. No problems. Perfect record.

I am a master in meditation and that has helped more than I could ever describe.

Yes we have an opiate epidemic here too. It has not effected me and hopefully will not!

Feel free to pm me and I can try to advise anytime. Take care Ash. Much love!