• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Where im now..

Man, don't beat yourself up about it. Mistakes happen, it was just one mis-step, it doesn't undo your progress, it'll just set you back slightly. 20 days is awesome! This is just a bump in the road.
 
Hi 3!!

Exactly what Xorkoth said!!

Just a blip on your radar my friend, we all make mistakes, so what, move on, we will all be here to help you. You can do this!!

Here for you anytime,
your friend,
Ash.
Man, don't beat yourself up about it. Mistakes happen, it was just one mis-step, it doesn't undo your progress, it'll just set you back slightly. 20 days is awesome! This is just a bump in the road.
 
Yep withdrawals are strong real again.Almost like day 6.Ash,sorry that i tried to make you support my addiction.It was eye opener when i read it again morning.That was addict in me talking.I mean that much of pills whould make me relapse in second.This was first time i saw how deep and strong my addiction is.Best thing i have done in ten years was to register here.
I can track recovery and see how fast the relapse to drugs happen.One slip and next thing you know im getting more.Ive been reading this thread and i can see what my goal is,getting clean and sobriety.i mean i myself wrote i cant use comf meds..Heatwave is killer.Was chopping logs and got some 2hrs of work done.Im tired,depressed and anxiety tries to put me down.I did get 2hrs sleep/rest in afternoon,woke up and felt like crap.I have cravings but nothing i cant handle.Only thing im woried is those moments when im like other person,like the moment when i wrote that list.In that moment i truly feeled it was the best idea in the whole wide world and door out of this hell,when infact it was door back to hell.i guess coming night will be binge watching netflix and HBO but thats Ok,things could be much worse.
 
Man, opiate addiction is hell, I know this first hand. However, you can get past it, I did and it's been almost 5 years and I don't struggle with it at all anymore. Almost like it never even happened. Stay strong, man. Registering here certainly was a great idea, because it helps so much to talk and get support, and we can help keep you accountable. :)
 
Fuck.Iwas wrong,there not real yet,not at all.They are coming on me so slooooowwww.Sweats,knees starting to hurt,lower back pain,eyes hurt,cant see straight....etc Hope that they go away soon.I can still rest and watch tv,but sleep was not for me last night,1hr from 5am-6am.Woke up and feeled like someone jump on me and used intense violence.I mean mornings,man,how shitty can you feel.Now i know what Do Not Spike When On Subu WD means.Got hardly 30mins worth work time,30mins hike,15mins paper show,thats about it.Just watching more netflix and HBO.And this heatwawe while on wd..not fun at all.Im atheist but almost praying that this is worst this goes.Like i said im starting to be out of reruns..This just takes so long.I have kicked CT almost every other drug like it was nothing..
 
You need some comfort meds . It makes all the difference . Don't feel ashamed about relapse. We've all been there. Just keep trucking forward . It's a good sign if you are motivated enough to hike and do a bit of work . Most opiate Withdrawals have folks in bed for days to weeks. Don't over do yourself though . Keep positive if you can ( I know it's hard )
 
hikfromstik.Thank you for support.Ive been realy thinkin to get Valium 10mg pills for night.I have zero energy until i start to move and do stuff.Then its just that mind game where i say to my self walk there,chop logs,go hike..etc Motivation isnt that much of a problem cos i have to do certain jobs every day,i cant just be in bed.Pain i can take,i have been thru surgeries that realy hurt.Sweats are just annoying,to change bed sheets 2 times day.However depression,anxiety and insomnia,those are the main reason that make me relapse,its that bad.Its mind blowingly annoying how slow the progression is.One day i feel "better" and next its 3 days backwards.
Valium,if i were to get it..My addiction is highest lvl,meaning i abuse everything that is even slightly drug like.How dangerous it would be to someone like me?Ihave abused benzos but never take Valium.What would it do to my cravings.I mean i have come this far and relapsed only once witch is miracle.
And i stop Sub 0,13mg dose today,i want to get this done.Im sick so why the fuck i keep snorting that tiny crumb.I dont whant that tiny piece to control my life....and its done,made the call to flush those tiny fuckers down the drain.
 
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If you have abused benzos before I would be really cautious about valium. I don't know if you have ever been physically addicted to them, but benzo withdrawal is much worse than opiate withdrawal. It can actually be fatal and it lasts a long time. Benzos can help you sleep at night but if you take them daily you will get physically addicted.
 
Hang in there 3.


I agree with hik and xorkoth, be really kind and patient with yourself, you're doing an amazing thing but you need to take it easy on yourself.

And be aware of not taking other meds too often, you don't want to trade 1 addiction for another. Take good care of yourself.

I'm here if you need anything,

your friend,
Ash.


hikfromstik.Thank you for support.Ive been realy thinkin to get Valium 10mg pills for night.I have zero energy until i start to move and do stuff.Then its just that mind game where i say to my self walk there,chop logs,go hike..etc Motivation isnt that much of a problem cos i have to do certain jobs every day,i cant just be in bed.Pain i can take,i have been thru surgeries that realy hurt.Sweats are just annoying,to change bed sheets 2 times day.However depression,anxiety and insomnia,those are the main reason that make me relapse,its that bad.Its mind blowingly annoying how slow the progression is.One day i feel "better" and next its 3 days backwards.
Valium,if i were to get it..My addiction is highest lvl,meaning i abuse everything that is even slightly drug like.How dangerous it would be to someone like me?Ihave abused benzos but never take Valium.What would it do to my cravings.I mean i have come this far and relapsed only once witch is miracle.
And i stop Sub 0,13mg dose today,i want to get this done.Im sick so why the fuck i keep snorting that tiny crumb.I dont whant that tiny piece to control my life....and its done,made the call to flush those tiny fuckers down the drain.
 
Sounds like you've weaned the proper way if you have energy . Yeah, if you get a benzo script then only ask for about 30 or less . And try your hardest or let your brother give you 1 at night only . If you cant swing it then don't get anything addictive. Clonidine is good for full blown withdrawal. If your doing as good as it seems , it looks like your gonna be fine except for some insomnia. Trazodone is another non habit forming sleep aid to consider.
 
Hi 3... Just checking in to see how you're doing today.. Hopefully you are being kind to yourself... We are in a heat wave too where I live and it has been so hot and humid all day and pretty much all night too.... Ive been following your journey via this thread and thought Id check in and also let you know that a girl from Canada is rooting for you!
 
Thank you for info and support hikfromstik,EPL1 and Xorkoth.Yea,i dont know if i want to take anything that makes you feel too good,it has always ended up bad.Last night got some sleep,first 1hr around midnight,watched Salem 2 episodes,Listened music..passed out and woke up 5am...feeling like hit by train.Lethargic,zero energy,no motivation,pains and aches...Did some paper work.Drank 1l coffee and ate big breakfast,my apetite has come back full force.Morning aunt called and ask if i wanted to go farmers market with him,i was Very tired but still decided to go.Everything to keep myself busy is best medicine.So we spent couple hours there and ate really tasty steaks there,her expense of course :)
When we left i said i could drive back,it was 45mins drive.I had drived 20mins,something strange happened,i got so tired it was if i had drank half a bottle of booze,i could barely keep a car on road.I said immediatly to her we have to stop Now,i cant drive and stopped the car.Rest of the trip i was nodding like after big dose of H.It was strange.I have never experienced that sober.Got home and crashed immediatly to couch and sleep about 1hr.Woke up and felt like been assaulted by gang of thugs with brass knuckles.Drank more coffee,paper works,chopped logs with chainsaw and split wood with axe 2hrs.After that sauna,swimming and ate so good roasted chicken with fresh salad and vegetables we bought from market.So this day was good and bad.Everything else was really good but these damn wd.Its like my brain is in this sick fog that makes me forgot things and i have to think every word..its strange.Im starting to
get used to it,like this is my new base lvl for rest of my life.
 
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Hi NorthernGirl.
Thank you for your support.Yea,this heatwawe is killer.Normal summer is 17-25c here.I tend to push myself too hard always.That was biggest problem in my drug use,if it wasnt close OD it was not enough.
 
Tired.Eyes are getting worse.Like looking thru bright haze that comes and goes.Pains,aches,sweating.Didnt have energy to go hike let alone do heavy work.Nausea.
No surprise,was expecting more wd cos off jump,and this heat wawe intensifies things.Winter cant come soon enough.
Thats about it.I M Tired.
 
How are you today 3? Hopefully you are hanging in there and trying to be kind to yourself... days can be long - for me too... especially Sundays. Im sending best wishes to you today ..
 
Hello my dear friend 3!!!

Just checking in to see how you're doing and to tell you how proud I am of you!!!

Here if you need me,
your friend,
Ash.
 
Hi,NorthenGirl,hikfromstik and EPL1 and thanks for your support all.
So much happeninng not so nice things.Dads health took worse turn,his left side is paralyzed,phneumonia,went so bad that his Dr called close family members to see him ASAP,they thought he was gone for sure.
Gladly he bounced back..This just takes everything,WD,waiting calls like that,insomnia,depression,anxiety,,,I have to start to be realist. I have way too much going on,eating my brains,give support to everyone. I could get weed or hash but im 100% sure it would give me panic attack now..only other option for me to get is is Xanax 1mg,Rivotril 2mg,Valium 10mg.Other than that Oxy 80mg,Subu 8mg,crystal meth/stims and those are not for me.So those are my choises.I sure as hell wouldnt want to get another addiction besides ones that i have.I cant get thru this,all i have going on now.Any and every advice is More Than Welcome..Im just so tired mentally..And yes i have been clean..and its not easy anymore.
 
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Oh man , I hate to hear that about your father . On top of what your already going through it's gotta be rough . I believe your gonna do this. You don't need those other drugs. Think about what your father and how happy he will be that your cleaning up. Use that as motivation. I'm glad to hear back from you. I hope your father gets better. Good talking my friend.
 
Hello my dear friend 3,

What hik said exactly. Make your dad proud, he will not be here forever. You've already come so far and you never want to have to go back to day 1. Here for you and feel free to pm me. You can do this!!!!


You friend, here for you anytime,
Ash.
 
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