I'm failing at Suboxone... help.

[Lilmisssomething]

I've been on suboxone for about 3 months, and I really, really want it to work for me. I take 6mg a day, once a day. I was doing great for about a month, but the last 2 months, I've been really struggling to stick to my prescribed daily dose. I find myself getting really agitated later in the day, particularly on the days I have my kids, and I end up taking another 2mg pill here and there. I usually run out a few days before I see my doctor again, and I'll use either poppy seed tea or loperamide to keep withdrawals away. I hate this cycle I've gotten into.

My questions are: has anyone else experienced this? Were you able to get yourself back on track? What do you suggest I do at this point? Any tips?

More than anything I could use some support and guidance. Thanks.

 

[cj]

Talk to your doctor about upping your dose. I don't think he/she will have any objections. In the meantime try splitting the 6mg to 3mg in the morning and 3mg in the afternoon

 

[jdfisse]

If you are currently seeing your doctor for maintenance try the simplest solution: be honest with him or her. Bouncing from partial agonist to full agonist back to partial agonist can be a painful game (literally). Buprenorphine will not teach patience and acceptance so learning how to tolerate your children without being loaded may take something more than a pill that you place under your tongue.

Are you receiving any form of Treatment with your Medication Assistance? Although split dosing sounds like a nice idea I am not sure of the credentials of the person recommending it. It would probably be a sound idea to run a split dosing idea by your medical professional prior to engaging in it. There are benefits and drawbacks to split dosing. There are even more drawbacks to being your own doctor. I didn't get to the point of utter hopelessness and desperation by following a strict regimen prescribed by a professional. I got there by thinking I was smarter than them.

 

[Stargazer]

I don't know how to highlight w/o losing my entire post (embarrassing I know) but 2 things--@jdfisse- what do you mean about not being sure of the credentials of the person recommending split dosing? Do you mean cj? Or me? Or whom? I'm being rhetorical.

We all have information to contribute here. One things for sure, we all have extensive experience w addiction/substance use disorder, mental health, and striving for a better way. Maybe tolerance is the lesson? You are big on everyone being an individual w different needs, different ways of expressing themselves, etc. Live and let live, right?

You really are a very intelligent individual w alot of good information- but the way you can come across at times is off-putting.

By your own admission, you struggle w thinking you are smarter than everyone -glad you at least know that and acknowledge that fact. Maybe some humility is in order? Being a bit more gracious, etc. to others?

And I personally need to split dose. Literally need to.

Lilmiss- I've been struggling w being on subs myself. I started in April. My problem is I have too many subs left over due to not taking them everyday as I should.

The issues I know I'm having are: expecting to "just take subs" yet not be involved in my recovery more And having a husband that continues to use around me.

I cannot control another human being. So I just found out about this center in my town where you can volunteer for events as well as helping in shelters, etc. And they have group meetings, etc. You get the point.

So I'm excited about that. I look forward to meeting like-minded others in recovery (wanting to stop using and make a good life for themselves) and think volunteering at Summer concerts and events will be cool.

Maybe getting more actively involved in the recovery process could help? I'm just trying to put some suggestions out there.

It's a process for sure. And a process that requires action to work. More than just getting a sub script, and putting them in my mouth I have learned lol. I'm 100% honest w my Dr. also. I expect the first few months to be a little bumpy. Despite my mistakes, I'm still tremendously improving.

For instance, I stopped using this month when I still had money left. That's big progress! Small victories. Hope you're well Lilmisssomething.

 

[Lilmisssomething]

If you are currently seeing your doctor for maintenance try the simplest solution: be honest with him or her. Bouncing from partial agonist to full agonist back to partial agonist can be a painful game (literally). Buprenorphine will not teach patience and acceptance so learning how to tolerate your children without being loaded may take something more than a pill that you place under your tongue.

Are you receiving any form of Treatment with your Medication Assistance? Although split dosing sounds like a nice idea I am not sure of the credentials of the person recommending it. It would probably be a sound idea to run a split dosing idea by your medical professional prior to engaging in it. There are benefits and drawbacks to split dosing. There are even more drawbacks to being your own doctor. I didn't get to the point of utter hopelessness and desperation by following a strict regimen prescribed by a professional. I got there by thinking I was smarter than them.

... "learning how to tolerate your children without being loaded may take something more than a pill that you place under your tongue."

I don't really appreciate this comment... I'm never "loaded" around my children. Was this really a necessary thing for you to say? I am talking about maintaining a sense of feeling normal, not getting "loaded".

Anyway, yes I agree that I should be honest with my doctor, and I plan to be at my next visit. He is very understanding. I have read that the first few months with Suboxone can be tricky for a lot of people - figuring out the right dose for you and so on. My biggest concern was that if I officially went to taking it twice a day, when I decide to ween off of it in the future, I will have to cut back to one dose before gradually reducing that. I've heard it's easier to ween from one dose than two. But what do I know... I am brand new to this, and just trying to figure it out.

So there is a recovery group that I opted to be a part of. It meets on Fridays, but I've never gotten to participate, because each time I've gone, no one else has been there, so they canceled it. I am a very private person. I do not have friends or family that use, and not a lot of people know about this side of me. Most of the professional people in my community know me well through my job, and I hate the idea of running into any of them at something like an NA meeting.

I definitely don't think I'm smarter than my doctor. I actually really trust him and his advice. More than anything, I was ashamed of myself for not being able to do it right, and I didn't want to disappoint him. But I know that my first step is talking to him. I just really was feeling like a failure and was looking for some support.

10YearGone, I really appreciate your feedback. It is encouraging to see that I am not alone here. What you are doing sounds awesome. I'm glad that you've found such a great outlet!

I think a big part of me feels like I can't just go out and attend meetings and recovery groups, for the reasons mentioned above. I guess by joining this group and reaching out to people like me, I was hoping to make some kind of connection and have some sort of outlet to talk about things with people who just get it. Because I don't have anyone in my life that gets it. Even if it's from behind my computer screen, I just need to feel that connection and find some support and encouragement.

 

[jdfisse]

My apologies. In no way was I suggesting that you were getting loaded on suboxone. I meant that if you had used for any significant period of time that learning new ways to deal with children without the use of drugs would likely be necessary. Now if you were able to actively use and your kids never witnessed or were affected by that congratulations and that is miraculous. 3 months is not a lot of time in the big scope of things so it may take some time to unlearn old "coping" skills and learn new "coping" skills so give yourself a break.

 

[Lilmisssomething]

I'd be lying if I said I've never used any drugs while I had my kids, but they have no idea and have never been affected by it (thank God). But they deserve a mom who is clean and sober. They are still pretty young, so now is the time for me to really get my shit together, before they ever have any idea. I'm a typical case of a mom who had surgeries and consequently became addicted.

I 100% agree with you about needing to find new coping mechanisms though. I have always struggled with anxiety, and I do have a good relationship with my doctor, but I feel I could really benefit from more talk therapy.

I feel like I've gotten to the point where my brain has been so messed up by my addiction, that whenever I try to get clean, the symptom of depression never fades. The suboxone does a good job of keeping it away, but I feel like I'm expecting it to do things it's just not meant to do. I know it's not a cure all. And honestly, I don't even think that that extra pill here and there even really makes much of a difference. It's the addict in me that tries to believe it does. I have to find a way to get past the ritual of taking something. I think that may be the biggest struggle of all.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Having someone to talk to, even a stranger, really has helped me these last couple of days.

 

[jdfisse]

Thank you for sharing your life and current experiences with us. It takes a lot of courage. I can totally identify with the power of addiction. I would feel a level of relief just having a fresh scrip in my hand or a bundle. Early in recovery my brain even went running if I took an ibuprofen. Just the ritual of taking a pill had become a powerful stimulus. Reaching out is the beginning of a process that can set you free. I am glad you have taken this first difficult step.

 

[Lilmisssomething]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. I appreciate it more than you know. I think just even jumping into conversation with people like me will be helpful. I hope everything is going well for you in your life right now.

 

[welob1977]

You know when I started subs I honestly thought that I was doing so great. I wasn't out hustling or hunting or in fear of running out. I was on them legally, through a doctor for 7 years. The problem was, I was spending so much money and one day I just decided that doing more than prescribed would be better. Imagine that.... I found myself running out, sometimes a week before my appointment and it was hell on earth. I wd from subs way harder than any of the other stuff I used. I can't say that I never used while I was with my kids either, hell I had to use to get out of the bed. I don't think I acted as if I were intoxicated around them but when I did not have my fix, they had to know something was wrong. So many regrets, so little time left to grieve them. If I could go back 20 years or so, I would tell myself not to start the dang on drugs in the first place. My advise to anyone wanting to try them, as good as they make you feel when you do them, you feel 100 times worse when you don't.

 

[Mizotlangval]

I've been on suboxone for about 3 months, and I really, really want it to work for me. I take 6mg a day, once a day. I was doing great for about a month, but the last 2 months, I've been really struggling to stick to my prescribed daily dose. I find myself getting really agitated later in the day, particularly on the days I have my kids, and I end up taking another 2mg pill here and there. I usually run out a few days before I see my doctor again, and I'll use either poppy seed tea or loperamide to keep withdrawals away. I hate this cycle I've gotten into.

My questions are: has anyone else experienced this? Were you able to get yourself back on track? What do you suggest I do at this point? Any tips?

More than anything I could use some support and guidance. Thanks.

ive been a silent reader for years.. try to get help from a moderator/admin? named "captain hero"

 

[hikfromstik]

Toothpaste dog knows his stuff too . He's commented on some threads here so browse and you will see . He's a mod too. He's experienced subs and methadone use I believe. He's helped me quite a bit.

 

[MrRoot]

6mg seems to me quite a low dose.

I was on 12mg when I was in ORT and my fiancee is currently on 14mg dose.

I would encourage you to discuss about the dose with your Dr. first.

 

[Stargazer]

Hey Lilmisssomething -

Wanted to say hello. I actually had a really stressful sub appt this past Thursday.

If I wasn't already planning to be serious about it --well, Thursday would've forced me to be. The office manager had me in tears saying things that weren't accurate.

But at any rate, it's time to put my all into my recovery. I have been in alot of transition while just starting sub therapy. But, I have always taken my subs seriously.

Sorry if this is confusing. I hope you're still hanging strong with me Lilmisssomething.

 

[Mizotlangval]

hello, miss
i hope things are getting better for you since your last post.though im a male your situation reminds me of my current situation.I switched fro a high h habit ,not the average American H. But after 1 momth im better than i have expected.Parenting alone is hard enough..give it some time..i believe it will work unless you have a poly withdrawal. stay dafe..

 

[Mizotlangval]

Hey Lilmisssomething -

Wanted to say hello. I actually had a really stressful sub appt this past Thursday.

If I wasn't already planning to be serious about it --well, Thursday would've forced me to be. The office manager had me in tears saying things that weren't accurate.

But at any rate, it's time to put my all into my recovery. I have been in alot of transition while just starting sub therapy. But, I have always taken my subs seriously.

Sorry if this is confusing. I hope you're still hanging strong with me Lilmisssomething.

its not confusing..sometimes a simple negative thing can bring us down while in withdrawal..it will get better...look at me..check my threads and posts...ive ben recovering if the will is there.and if you dont have any..this is the place..

 

[Jabberwocky]

I'd be lying if I said I've never used any drugs while I had my kids, but they have no idea and have never been affected by it (thank God). But they deserve a mom who is clean and sober. They are still pretty young, so now is the time for me to really get my shit together, before they ever have any idea. I'm a typical case of a mom who had surgeries and consequently became addicted.

I 100% agree with you about needing to find new coping mechanisms though. I have always struggled with anxiety, and I do have a good relationship with my doctor, but I feel I could really benefit from more talk therapy.

I feel like I've gotten to the point where my brain has been so messed up by my addiction, that whenever I try to get clean, the symptom of depression never fades. The suboxone does a good job of keeping it away, but I feel like I'm expecting it to do things it's just not meant to do. I know it's not a cure all. And honestly, I don't even think that that extra pill here and there even really makes much of a difference. It's the addict in me that tries to believe it does. I have to find a way to get past the ritual of taking something. I think that may be the biggest struggle of all.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Having someone to talk to, even a stranger, really has helped me these last couple of days.

Each post we make in SL is both a testament to our individual recovery AND an opportunity to learn and grow in pursuit of that very same recovery. We might recover in one sense, but there will always be something else to keep working on.

How you've posted in this thread speaks volumes to your process. Despite any obstacles you're faced with, please understand that you're already off to a superb start. Thank you for communicating so skillfully.

Please stick around here. Not despite but because of the current struggles your facing, you clearly make a great role model!

How would you feel about talking to your doctor about upping your dose of buprenorphine so you don't have to deal with the ups and downs of over/under using the medication?

Outside of the buprenorphine pharmacotherapy, would you mind sharing more about your other sources of support IRL (family, friends, therapy, hobbies, community, could be anything - whatever you find strength in to be yourself and accomplish your goals of achieving greater health and wellbeing)?

If you are currently seeing your doctor for maintenance try the simplest solution: be honest with him or her. Bouncing from partial agonist to full agonist back to partial agonist can be a painful game (literally). Buprenorphine will not teach patience and acceptance so learning how to tolerate your children without being loaded may take something more than a pill that you place under your tongue.

Are you receiving any form of Treatment with your Medication Assistance? Although split dosing sounds like a nice idea I am not sure of the credentials of the person recommending it. It would probably be a sound idea to run a split dosing idea by your medical professional prior to engaging in it. There are benefits and drawbacks to split dosing. There are even more drawbacks to being your own doctor. I didn't get to the point of utter hopelessness and desperation by following a strict regimen prescribed by a professional. I got there by thinking I was smarter than them.

Passive aggressive language like that is beneath you jd. Try not to put your efforts to supporrt another's recovery before your own.

Keeping on top of recovery is something that brings us together in SL, but this forum isn't just about supporting other people. It's also a forum to LIVE our recovery in each and every post.

And yes, I know, I am MORE than capable of making my own mistakes too. Just saying, you're not alone jd. And ftr I also have my own passive aggressive side (and ain?t it a frustrating one... you and I know it!).

 

[cire113]

2mg twice daily is more then enough maintenance for most ... less is more ; higher doses irritate you and bring more antagonist effects the sweet spot is 1mg 4x daily in my opinion I get a full agonist feeling every time ... however YMMV

 

[Lilmisssomething]

Hi Everyone! I'm sorry I completely disappeared after making this post. I am so grateful for all of your responses! I guess I kind of stopped checking in here after I talked to my doctor and got my suboxone dose adjusted. Shortly after I made this initial post, he started me taking 4mg twice daily. A month later he bumped me up to 6mg twice daily. I think I've finally reached my correct dose. I've been doing really well sticking to it. I can't believe 3 months have gone by since this post. I feel like I just made it yesterday. It feels really good to finally feel like I've got a grip on things.

Each post we make in SL is both a testament to our individual recovery AND an opportunity to learn and grow in pursuit of that very same recovery. We might recover in one sense, but there will always be something else to keep working on.

How you've posted in this thread speaks volumes to your process. Despite any obstacles you're faced with, please understand that you're already off to a superb start. Thank you for communicating so skillfully.

Please stick around here. Not despite but because of the current struggles your facing, you clearly make a great role model!

How would you feel about talking to your doctor about upping your dose of buprenorphine so you don't have to deal with the ups and downs of over/under using the medication?

Outside of the buprenorphine pharmacotherapy, would you mind sharing more about your other sources of support IRL (family, friends, therapy, hobbies, community, could be anything - whatever you find strength in to be yourself and accomplish your goals of achieving greater health and wellbeing)?

toothpastedog, I really appreciate your comment. It makes me feel like I could be stronger than I think I am. If that makes sense...
To answer your question, my main support in this is my husband and my dad. Only 3 people in my life know that I take suboxone. I don't like to share my private life with most people. I have a very unique job and I work in a business community where I know almost every "important" person in my city. And I don't want any of them knowing anything about me haha. I don't mess with illegal drugs (or at least I haven't in a very long time), and I don't have any drug addict friends... Sometimes I feel very alone in this because of that. I avoid going to NA meetings or any group therapies as well, because I don't want to run into anyone I may know on a professional level. It sucks sometimes because the people closest to me that know about it don't understand. But they try to be supportive, so I am grateful for that.
You asked about hobbies... I like to play music. I do that sometimes in different pubs and restaurants in my town. I don't do it as often as I used to now that I am sober though. I could play for hours on end when I was using. I had to take a little break for a while, because in the beginning of my sobriety, it was a trigger for me. Just being on stage and not being high felt very wrong. I don't feel that way anymore, and I've learned to enjoy it again for what it is.
As far as my current recovery, I still have cravings sometimes, but I make sure to always be honest about it with my doctor. I am optimistic about staying on track, and have high hopes for myself. I have no intentions of stopping suboxone anytime in the near future, but it is always in the back of my mind that someday I will need to. Right now, I am just learning to live with the feelings of normal. Not every day is a good day, but every day is a manageable day at least.

Hope everyone else is doing well right now!

 

[Stargazer]

Hey Lilmiss!

Wow I'm so glad you checked in! I'm so happy you're doing better and feeling stable. I knew you could do it.

Doing things sober does feel like you're naked at first. Damn does it ever lol. But, as you know, it gets better.

I'm so glad you're well.