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Purging.

TheOpposite

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 25, 2017
Messages
280
I have a problem that I think is increasing. A number of years ago, as a teen I started to throw up occasionally. I?ve never been overweight, always had a thin frame. It definitely was and is a control thing for me. I feel in control of my body and the food.

Which brings me to where I?m at now. I am to the point where vomiting feels incredible. I believe I am addicted to the feeling. I don?t do it much for my weight anymore, like I said I?m thin. I do it because it feels so good.

Also I?ll throw this in real quick, till I maybe write a blog. I am six months sober next month.
 
Just curious; how often do you do it? I think you are getting intuitive warning signs now that are telling you that something you are doing will eventually get out of control. Easier said than done; but I would do my best to avoid doing this, and try to find other ways to feel incredible. Vomiting has an adrenaline and endorphin component that things like physical excerise might provide.

Have you been able to discuss this with a therapist? I know its a cliched suggestion, but I've been doing it recently- and it does help, to an extent.

Let us know if you want your thread moved to one of the recovery forums- you may find more likeminded souls.
 
Hey The Opposite.
Well done on your six-month sobriety!

It's good that you've noticed your purging behaviours are getting worse ( I know, it doesn't feel that way but at least you can recognise it).

I've had an ED for aeon's. The behaviours come and go but it is one of the most difficult disorders to wrap your head around - even for those of us who suffer it. It's so easy to disguise, and ruins your health - emotionally, socially and physically.

I would agree with Swillow on therapy - specifically a therapist who specialises in ED and who you can trust.

Having a confident is essential - the nuances of the condition enable a covert, self-distruction that as you know, can be terrifying psychologically, whenever it gets out of control. This is the irony - the one thing that temporarily seems to afford a strong sense of control eventually robs you of it.
I can tell you, with certitude - it is (if not now, later) impossible to deal with on your own.

With regard to the physical side (which affects emotional anyway)Have you got bloods taken, recently?
You need to check your electrolyte balance, and and any other deficiencies.
Can you maintain some kind of plan/log of your nutrition each day - this can help to structure, or feel more in control of your health/recovery ( a good therapist can help you with this, as of course it can provoke anxiety.

Please do continue to persue support, especially after achieving your recovery from other substances. Real healing is more than just achieving though - you deserve a better quality of life. ❤️

Will leave this link here, also.
https://www.montecatinieatingdisorder.com/bulimia/articles/like-drug-addiction/
 
well done on 6 months sober

when i was anorexic i was always relieved not to be bulimic. i would purge if i ate something not allowed but by starving for days and days.

you don't need telling on here you're risking death every time you do it? i wish i could offer you advice ut it seems even in IP the bulimics could carry it on, the toilets always stunk of vomit. those who did so very obviously got sent to Haute Savoie- which was the threat dangled over all of our heads to encourage good behaviour, it was a far more intensive treatment centre that was basically a prison. from the letters i got from people sent there, it didn't stop people purging either.

if you got sober from substances you can get purging but it will be difficult. but the stakes are so high. do it.

i dunno if it offers you any comfort but i honestly wanted to die of my eating disorder and i've maintained a BMI of 18.5 even through drug addictions that make food difficult to eat- so it does get manageable. i'd be lying to say it gets better.
 
^How are you now, mate?

BMI is kind of over-rated when it comes to health tbh. It doesnt take into account bone/ muscle density - fluid etc. etc.

Thing about these disorders is that their nature is calibrated - when often, it is the measure of the qualitative symptoms that get overlooked. I guess both need to be taken into account - it's not a competition for 'wellness', eh?...
 
Purging temporarily raises serotonin in the body, which is why it feels good. It's the mechanism by which the body gets you to vomit... serotonin drops causing the vagus nerve to signal an ominous feeling to the stomach, which we call nausea. When the serontonin drops low enough and the nausea peaks high enough, we vomit... then serotonin release happens, causing elation and relief.

It's why people get addicted to purging. The serotonin release. The only difference is that the purging isn't due to nausea, it's due to a psychological factor.

I don't have much experience treating eating disorders but if there's an addiction to purging then you'd probably treat it like any other addiction. Find a healthy substitute, examine the root cause that started the whole thing, and seek support. Often people with purging addictions (like bulimia) have comorbid depression which indicates that they don't have enough serotonin, which may be why purging relieves them. Also, over time, purging becomes associated with reward, which means there's dopergenic anticipation at work.

But that's only the neurochemical aspect. The behavioural aspect is that purging gives one control over an aspect of one's life that nobody can take away, and because it often happens in private the control is total. The control is satisfying.
 
Wow hello! Thank you all for the support and love!
Sorry I am just now getting back on bluelight. Haven't been on in a while.
I am going to go through and answer everyone's questions. :)
 
Hey The Opposite.
Well done on your six-month sobriety!

It's good that you've noticed your purging behaviours are getting worse ( I know, it doesn't feel that way but at least you can recognise it).

I've had an ED for aeon's. The behaviours come and go but it is one of the most difficult disorders to wrap your head around - even for those of us who suffer it. It's so easy to disguise, and ruins your health - emotionally, socially and physically.

I would agree with Swillow on therapy - specifically a therapist who specialises in ED and who you can trust.

Having a confident is essential - the nuances of the condition enable a covert, self-distruction that as you know, can be terrifying psychologically, whenever it gets out of control. This is the irony - the one thing that temporarily seems to afford a strong sense of control eventually robs you of it.
I can tell you, with certitude - it is (if not now, later) impossible to deal with on your own.

With regard to the physical side (which affects emotional anyway)Have you got bloods taken, recently?
You need to check your electrolyte balance, and and any other deficiencies.
Can you maintain some kind of plan/log of your nutrition each day - this can help to structure, or feel more in control of your health/recovery ( a good therapist can help you with this, as of course it can provoke anxiety.

Please do continue to persue support, especially after achieving your recovery from other substances. Real healing is more than just achieving though - you deserve a better quality of life. ❤️

Will leave this link here, also.
https://www.montecatinieatingdisorder.com/bulimia/articles/like-drug-addiction/

Hi there! Thanks for your time. Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. Yes I do need counseling, I live life alone and there is a lot going on right now... I'm worried for myself. My father was my only real "person" and he passed in February. I don't talk to very many people. Just go to work. Come home. I'm just worried. And I still sober off alcohol. Not other substances.

I haven't had my blood drawn in a while, but I have pretty regular low levels of potassium, b12, and magnesium. These are ALL huge. I am going to be starting counseling through LDS family services here soon, it is funded by my work. I employed through the LDS church. That should really help.
I recently started dating a man who is very understanding, but I worry that him wanting me to open up to him more could be a bad thing. I feel I am a pretty introverted person, and tend to just deal with things alone.
Obviously that hasn't really worked out too well, though... amIright?

I replied to your yoga post down below, too. ;)
 
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Purging temporarily raises serotonin in the body, which is why it feels good. It's the mechanism by which the body gets you to vomit... serotonin drops causing the vagus nerve to signal an ominous feeling to the stomach, which we call nausea. When the serontonin drops low enough and the nausea peaks high enough, we vomit... then serotonin release happens, causing elation and relief.

It's why people get addicted to purging. The serotonin release. The only difference is that the purging isn't due to nausea, it's due to a psychological factor.

I don't have much experience treating eating disorders but if there's an addiction to purging then you'd probably treat it like any other addiction. Find a healthy substitute, examine the root cause that started the whole thing, and seek support. Often people with purging addictions (like bulimia) have comorbid depression which indicates that they don't have enough serotonin, which may be why purging relieves them. Also, over time, purging becomes associated with reward, which means there's dopergenic anticipation at work.

But that's only the neurochemical aspect. The behavioural aspect is that purging gives one control over an aspect of one's life that nobody can take away, and because it often happens in private the control is total. The control is satisfying.

All of this makes perfect sense to me. I have suffered from depression my whole life, no surprise there. But I have been on medication also to fix the chemical mishaps in my brain.
I was born severely drug addicted, and have a diagnosis of fetal alcohol syndrome. So the emotional challenges are great, t
here's definitely a lack serotonin.
All though I am incredibly blessed, from the outside I appear perfectly healthy and normal.
I was adopted out, taken by the state at birth because of the drugs. In spite of this, I had an incredibly blessed life with my adoptive parents, very blessed. My father passed in February though, so everything is different. He was somewhat of a "Godfather" in my family. We're all in tatters now.
 
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^How are you now, mate?

BMI is kind of over-rated when it comes to health tbh. It doesnt take into account bone/ muscle density - fluid etc. etc.

Thing about these disorders is that their nature is calibrated - when often, it is the measure of the qualitative symptoms that get overlooked. I guess both need to be taken into account - it's not a competition for 'wellness', eh?...

Hi Asclepius.
Thank you for asking how I am. I really appreciate that.
I am alive. I am still sober off alcohol, so that is really great. But I am on a whole 'nothing ride now.

I agree 100% about BMI not holding much validity. I was worried about some people's responses to something that has so much to do with "body image", it definitely is NOT a competition. In any means.

How is the world for you, bud?
 
...also, for me, I've found Yoga and especially exercises that focus on breathing, the core abdominal muscles, can help immensely when you feel disconnected from your gut - so to speak.

https://drarielleschwartz.com/vagus-nerve-yoga-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.W5GzEnPTU0M

Yoga is an amazing outlet. I love doing it. I personally find a lot of peace in running, and in weight training. But I have all of my own equipment at home. So it is a different experience than being at "the gym". The gym is a terrible place. Amongst all of the judging and in-your-face-cockiness, there is a swamp of germs. I get to really center myself in the comfort of my home, and accomplish what I'd like to.
 
Just curious; how often do you do it? I think you are getting intuitive warning signs now that are telling you that something you are doing will eventually get out of control. Easier said than done; but I would do my best to avoid doing this, and try to find other ways to feel incredible. Vomiting has an adrenaline and endorphin component that things like physical excerise might provide.

Have you been able to discuss this with a therapist? I know its a cliched suggestion, but I've been doing it recently- and it does help, to an extent.

Let us know if you want your thread moved to one of the recovery forums- you may find more likeminded souls.

Hi there. In regards to how often I do it... I don't really plan it. It just happens. If I feel like I am too full, then usually I am throwing it up. Sometimes I throw up just so that I can finish my plate. Other times I just do it for no reason other than it's pleasurable, to me. It's hard putting it to a timeline, when it's pretty sporadic.

I have been in and out of counseling in my life. And I am actually getting free counseling lined up through LDS family services, right now. I am actually employed by the Church.

I think I am okay with this post being where it is. I am still sober off alcohol, but not other substances.
 
Sorry for the confusion in my replies. I went from trying to figure out the mobile site, to my laptop. Desktop is much, much easier. The mobile site is frustrating.
 
Troll

I will reply anyway

I now have to use a toothbrush, which everyone advises is dangerous on the internet because of swallowing it. Well. I have to because the hand doesnt work.

Awful woman almost had me involuntary inpatient for trying to purge outside and they saw me. I just had my hand so it did not work and i lied and i said i changed my mind because getting better but she threatened me.....did not happen....thank god.
 
^Not really following you there but please don't throw the troll label around like that.
 
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