Thread: Are you capable of being as happy sober as on your drug of choice?

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    Are you capable of being as happy sober as on your drug of choice? 
    So I guess this is kind of a dark thread, but I've been having some problems lately...also for a long time lol.

    I've got what should essentially be a good life, and I've got it way better than most probably and I'm happy for what I have, but I'm also lonely and don't have certain other things other people have or have going for them, and i don't feel like going into what they are, but lets just say there are some key things most people say a person needs in their life to really feel happy and I'm lacking some of them and only partially hopefully about attaining them in the near future and unsure if they'll bring happiness and peace of mind anyway, though they will surely help.

    I have generalized anxiety disorder, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, low energy and poor sleep/poor sleep habits, bad self esteem, definitely poly substance abuse, and generally do not feel happy in my own skin a lot of the time when sober.

    I mean sometimes I can if things are going REALLY well for me, and it's not like I'm always fucked up cause usually I'm not as heavy a substance user as many around here, but there's generally the feeling in life, when sober at least, that I'm always about 10 major steps away from ever achieving enough to truly make myself happy, that I'm not ok the way I am, that my mind won't stop racing, that i don't have the confidence I want or need, and that even if I can make it through the day and be "ok", nothing really ever changes or makes me truly happy.

    But when I take Kratom, it feels like the plant was literally MADE for me personally.

    As soon as I take it, I feel confident, full of energy, optimistic, relaxed, clear headed, and while it may SEEM like an illusion since it's a drug, when on it, I act, talk, think and feel as if everything will always work itself out (and it helps me do things I'd have trouble doing otherwise), that all I need is to keep doing my best, and nothing other than the absolute worst tragedies are anything I'd ever spend time worrying about.

    This is what I imagine it must feel like to be "normal".

    Then it wears off, and I am unwilling to take it more than 3-4 days a week cause I'm afraid of becoming dependent (and I already am a bit) because then I have massive lethargy FOR DAYS and can't do anything without it and need to sleep for like 15 hours and I'd be unemployable and my life would get worse.

    I mean, I take Klonopin but it doesn't work as well, but at least it lasts 12 hours and takes a long time IMO for me to go into WD (I never have personally), but I can't live a life having to dose every FOUR hours on something (Kratom) that may be made illegal, or even if it never is, that's still too strong an immediate dependency for me to be ok with.

    If they told me that it would stay legal forever, and they were coming out with 12 or 24 hour extended release Kratom pills and I could just pay ex-amount of money for a life time supply, I'd probably stock up and spend every day of my life on it forever and I truly feel many of my problems would go away because I would think and act with the confidence necessary to make my life what I want it to be...but that just can't happen.

    Sooner or later, I have to face life sober.

    Does anyone hear ever feel as happy or peaceful sober as when on their drug of choice??

    And to be clear I am NOT REALLY talking about the euphoria side of the drug (though it helps), I just mean it making your mental health symptoms go away, your depression, anxiety, etc.

    I stopped for almost a year and forgot about it for a while, but life got boring and the desire came back.

    Unless I can make some MAJOR changes in my life, I doubt I will ever feel half of as good as I do when I take Kratom.

    Anyone else feel this way about their drug of choice and their mental health problems?
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    Mental Health

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    on planet earth
    It's a whole other league of sorts...until one becomes sober for a long period of time, they don't appreciate how superior it is to getting high regularly.
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    Drugs in the Media
    noonoo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Quote Originally Posted by Ho-Chi-Minh View Post
    It's a whole other league of sorts...until one becomes sober for a long period of time, they don't appreciate how superior it is to getting high regularly.
    Spot on. I am only 47 days in sobriety but already it feels a bit better at times compared to being drunk on my own.
    +++My Sobriety+++
    No Booze = 49 Days / No Coke = 49 Days / No Smoking = 48 Days / No Gambling = 71 Days
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    I doubt it but i dont talk about it if you asked in person id say drugs oo no they dont do anything i get happiness from my morning run. I dont even know what your talking about.
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