Cripplingly lonely - 23 y/o male w/ no companionship

[washingtonbound]

Remember, this is what happens in real life anyway. People naturally try to present their best side, and hide their flaws, when speaking to someone new. With apps, of course, it's easier to hide certain things but it's also harder to show certain things about yourself - there's only so much unique and interesting charm that you can cram into a text message.

Additionally, given that you haven't (I'm assuming from what you've said so far - correct me if I'm wrong) actually met anyone from a dating app in real life, how do you know that they're painting a false picture of themselves? If you had met a bunch of people in real life and been basically catfished every time, well then fair enough, but from the sounds of it you are just writing off people that you've never met based purely on the fact that they're using the same app that you are! Well, sorry to say but if you can write people off so quickly, then you're the one that's superficial.

Far more likely than your assumptions here being an accurate reflection of reality are that your preconceived notions are just a self-defeating belief that you use to protect yourself from failure. If everyone using dating apps is superficial, and not worth bothering with, then it's not worth trying - and you're protected from the pain of rejection. Of course you're not the first one to think like this, and overcoming these psychological blockades that we unconsciously put in the way of our own happiness is far from easy - but the first step is recognising them for what they are.

Yea I would just say my viewpoint on dating apps is based off negative experiences. And all you?re really doing on there is judging people off a picture; there are people who are say 6-7 on the looks scale but have personalities that make them really desirable. People have told me I?m decent looking but I?ve had very limited success with women through dating apps in the past; the few that match with me will be nearly impossible to talk to, on the other hand if I set it on both genders I get loads of interested males that pursue avidly. But I?m not really able to change my sexuality just because hypothetically I could have more partners if I pursued both genders. And I think the problem is probably more me being too aware of my flaws than having a judgement attitude towards others. (Women) are able to smell a lack of confidence a mile away I?ve come to realize, and do not desire being around men who have some degree of discomfort with themselves (my experience).

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

^ It sounds like you need to go on a self-discovery journey then! You need to love yourself FIRST. How can you expect someone to love you if you don't even love yourself?

I would start a journal. Do things you love to do. Do NEW things by yourself. Be with nature. Go on a camping trip by yourself. Go on hikes. Read some books on confidence, mindfulness, self love, worthiness, etc. Exercise. Work out. Cook for yourself. Try new things. Go on adventures. Pretend like you're taking yourself out on dates. Get to know yourself. Experience new things for yourself. A girl nor boy can not help you with what you need to do. Only you can.

Best of luck.