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Thread: Julys Getting Sober and staying Clean Thread Vs,Summer time is here!

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    #26
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    ^
    sorry to hear that CH. personally I believe that ticks were fascist dictators in past lives and this is their cosmic comeuppance....I can think of a certain leader who would make a great parasite on someone's crotch.
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    #27
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    Ticks are nasty. I got a bite last year near my groin and did more damage getting it out than if I had just left it in (that's what she said lol).
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    #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain.Heroin View Post
    had a tick bite my nut sac once when I was a young bean sprout

    true story
    Unfortunately, I had the same experience, scaled a peak of a mountain about 10 years ago and did a tic check at the top. It was right in there...

    Anyways, I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much CH. I remember years ago you once gave me some good advice regarding Benzos from what I can remember on another section of this website and I've remembered that since. I seriously wish you the best of luck and hope things can turn around, they always can! They did for me even though it's still a struggle to this day regardless the fact I haven't touched an opiate, amp, or benzo in 3 years. Life for me sober, is a better life when I was addicted to meth and opiates. Way better. It's by no means close to perfect, but going back to the DOC or whatever it is even once, can make everything worse tenfold.
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    #29
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    My hopes are blighted, my heart is broken, my life a burden, everything around me is sad and mournful; earth has become distasteful to me, and human voices distract me. It is mercy to let me die, for if I live I shall lose my reason and become mad.
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    I am glad man.

    Most of my problems are personal/mental health related issues.

    I have some better days than others.
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    #30
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    Too bad it is hard to get proper treatment for co-occurring mental health problems while being addicted and when you are sober you still have your past with you while trying to get treatment and it even affects to the drugs used to treat you.

    Psychiatrists say you need to abstain before they can diagnose or treat you and addiction workers tell you to work on those mental issues...

    Luckily I had my Bipolar diagnosed before substance use disorder and could continue getting treatment while being addicted.

    I am glad that atleast in bigger towns they are starting to put addiction medicine centers under the same roof than mental health care and that some of the smallest places don't have any choice but to incorporate everything to a same place.

    Where I live there are just twelve patients going through ORT and few others who are in counceling and give UAs so there is just a single room without any signs in a normal healthcare center that works as a "clinic".
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    #31
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    My hopes are blighted, my heart is broken, my life a burden, everything around me is sad and mournful; earth has become distasteful to me, and human voices distract me. It is mercy to let me die, for if I live I shall lose my reason and become mad.
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    It’s true though. Drugs effectively mask a lot of mental health disorders. Others cause/spur them on, mimic the symptoms (amp psychosis vs schizophrenia), etc.

    Not impossible to explore your problems when using - but many don’t want to, are actively suppressing etc.
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    #32
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    Feeling pretty good today. I had to deal with some strong cravings the last few days, but I'm feeling better now.

    This guitar building project helps keep me feeling productive and positive. ... I even got two "orders" from people who want me to build guitar for them. If they're serious about this, I'd be really glad... I love building guitars but it's too expensive for me to keep making them for my own use
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    #33
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    My hopes are blighted, my heart is broken, my life a burden, everything around me is sad and mournful; earth has become distasteful to me, and human voices distract me. It is mercy to let me die, for if I live I shall lose my reason and become mad.
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    Quote Originally Posted by simco View Post
    Feeling pretty good today. I had to deal with some strong cravings the last few days, but I'm feeling better now.

    This guitar building project helps keep me feeling productive and positive. ... I even got two "orders" from people who want me to build guitar for them. If they're serious about this, I'd be really glad... I love building guitars but it's too expensive for me to keep making them for my own use
    oh man that's amazing, what a cool business to have.

    you're living the life man
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    #34
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    ^
    ... thanks, CH, but I really shouldn't overstate how legit this guitar stuff is. Definitely still need a day job!
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    #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrRoot View Post
    Anyone who has a opioid habit severe enough to need ORT shouldn't be working in a field that deals with people's health. That is just a simply no.

    It doesn't matter whether you are using on your freetime or at work as your abilities aren't the same as when being sober.

    In my opinion anyone who is decent enough should understand that and either seek help or quit a job that requires clarity of mind.
    Honestly I have to disagree. I?ve met maybe a dozen very professional and highly capable heavy opioid users in medical fields. Granted, these folks dont misuse meds, they don?t steal prescriptions, or do anything else unethical. They have have serious opioid habits. But they take care of themselves, make sure they medicate as necessary, and aren?t any worse off.

    Certainly if drug use is interfering with ones work, it?s an issue regardless. But I?d disagree there is any inherent issue with people working in healthcare who need ORT.

    Sort of like the fallacy that if someone needs heavy/high dose opioids (for whatever reason), it doesn?t necessarily mean they aren?t able to adequately care for other people. Actually, I?ve met far more sober assholes who work in healthcare than ones who are open about being on ORT.

    Too bad the ?phile isn?t around anymore. They had more than one user who was a nurse/healthcare professional and on methadone/morphine/etc.

    If the line get crossed into unethical or negligent behavior, then totally they need to reasses their career choice. But properly using ORT does not in any way guarantee negligence. Improper ORT, or using ORT and drugs on the side, yeah that?s definitely an issue. But when used properly there isn?t anything special about ORT meds.

    Quote Originally Posted by hidden_nurseaddict View Post
    Hi,

    I've been on suboxone replacement therapy since May 15th 2018. And, other then the suboxone and alcohol I've been "clean".
    I'm so depressed. Since revealing my addiction I've been on a leave of absence from work. I've sold my house and moved into a small apartment with my sister 6 hours away from where I used to be living.
    I feel like I've lost so much since admitting I needed help. There will be a ton of hoops to jump through to get back to work (I was never caught using at work...in fact when I started my leave of absence the occupational health nurse at my work called me and asked if I had any proof of my addiction)
    I want so badly to just wrap myself up in a cocoon of opiates and just... I don't even know.
    Please tell me it gets better than this. Because this place is so stinking dark right now.
    -E
    If you just keep trying and pushing ahead, you?ll figure it out. What kind of support do you have IRL? It can be hard to find the right support given individual needs, as there isn?t a one size fits all approach to recovery despite what a lot of people like to preach. As a general rule it takes a LOT of trying to figure out what works for the individual.

    But if you just keep trying you will figure it out sooner or later. Otherwise, I?ll just comment that the quality of ones recovery is directly proportional to the quality of the support one can find IRL. And that can be tough to work out sometimes... sort of like therapists, i think it took visiting like 10 different ones just to find one that worked well for me.

    Try and keep you head up.
    Last edited by toothpastedog; 16-07-2018 at 04:36.
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    #36
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    My hopes are blighted, my heart is broken, my life a burden, everything around me is sad and mournful; earth has become distasteful to me, and human voices distract me. It is mercy to let me die, for if I live I shall lose my reason and become mad.
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    Quote Originally Posted by simco View Post
    ^
    ... thanks, CH, but I really shouldn't overstate how legit this guitar stuff is. Definitely still need a day job!
    side businesses are still really cool and are a great addition in one's life. I've found a lot of contentment doing stuff like that.
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    #37
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    Good morning everybody,
    My recovery journal somehow got erased. I have 4 days clean. For those that don't know me or remember I am a long time heroin addict(20yrs) with long stints on benzos and methadone. I went to Daytona for a job, which turned out great. My roommate situation however did not. It culminated in them trying to set me up in a controlled buy and then them trying to plant meth on me twice. I would up kicking dope and a small crack habit on a crack house couch, while working everyday so I could enter this transitional living boarding house I am now living at. I had about 35 days clean from heroin but unfortunately had been playing a little too much with phenibut and wound taking kratom, extract and then heroin this last week. I have decided to drop all substances and I am 4 days in. Life is good. I have a job that allows me to drive up and down the beach and strip in a golf cart all day and I just found out I can go to school for free while living here to complete my almost finished psych degree. Love all my brothers and sisters in the struggle... Somni
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    #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by somnilicious View Post
    Good morning everybody,
    My recovery journal somehow got erased. I have 4 days clean. For those that don't know me or remember I am a long time heroin addict(20yrs) with long stints on benzos and methadone. I went to Daytona for a job, which turned out great. My roommate situation however did not. It culminated in them trying to set me up in a controlled buy and then them trying to plant meth on me twice. I would up kicking dope and a small crack habit on a crack house couch, while working everyday so I could enter this transitional living boarding house I am now living at. I had about 35 days clean from heroin but unfortunately had been playing a little too much with phenibut and wound taking kratom, extract and then heroin this last week. I have decided to drop all substances and I am 4 days in. Life is good. I have a job that allows me to drive up and down the beach and strip in a golf cart all day and I just found out I can go to school for free while living here to complete my almost finished psych degree. Love all my brothers and sisters in the struggle... Somni
    good to hear from you man. wow, those roommates sounds like a disaster. have you ever tried going off of everything before? seems definitely worth trying. good luck!
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    #39
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    My hopes are blighted, my heart is broken, my life a burden, everything around me is sad and mournful; earth has become distasteful to me, and human voices distract me. It is mercy to let me die, for if I live I shall lose my reason and become mad.
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    Quote Originally Posted by somnilicious View Post
    Good morning everybody,
    My recovery journal somehow got erased. I have 4 days clean. For those that don't know me or remember I am a long time heroin addict(20yrs) with long stints on benzos and methadone. I went to Daytona for a job, which turned out great. My roommate situation however did not. It culminated in them trying to set me up in a controlled buy and then them trying to plant meth on me twice. I would up kicking dope and a small crack habit on a crack house couch, while working everyday so I could enter this transitional living boarding house I am now living at. I had about 35 days clean from heroin but unfortunately had been playing a little too much with phenibut and wound taking kratom, extract and then heroin this last week. I have decided to drop all substances and I am 4 days in. Life is good. I have a job that allows me to drive up and down the beach and strip in a golf cart all day and I just found out I can go to school for free while living here to complete my almost finished psych degree. Love all my brothers and sisters in the struggle... Somni
    You personally deleted it, was that something you want me to undo for you?

    I think I know why you deleted it though.

    Stay strong man. You can do it.
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    #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain.Heroin View Post
    You personally deleted it, was that something you want me to undo for you?

    I think I know why you deleted it though.

    Stay strong man. You can do it.
    Thanks Cap'n and Simco...

    I have tried to go completely sober but it was right after a 10yr methadone and benzo run. I was a nervous, PAWS ridden mess the whole year I was sober. I was in the 12 step program and I kept getting told that I either wasnt working the program vigoursly enough or that I hadn't abadoned old ideas because I was miserable and had trouble sociolizing. It drove me crazy because I was really trying as hard as I could but my brain was just fried and was trying to reconfigure. My energy levels, sleep patterns and ability to focus were all over the place. They just couldn't grasp this concept, so all failings were because I needed to redouble my efforts. I carried a lot resentments for the program for some time after this 1st experience.

    Giving the program another try though. At least to meet sober people. I have actually worked the steps and didn't find the magic that the converts spoke of there in but I am going to give it another try because my brain has recovered alot in the 3.5yrs since that first attempt.

    I find myself really missing pot but unfortunately the place I'm staying at gives random ua's...

    It has really been a struggle this time. I almost used today. Had a dark moment where I thought for a moment that I'd just like to throw it all away, punish myself because I'm worthless and deserve it... That kinda crap... I was staring out past the ocean at the horizen listening to Deftones be quiet and drive and for a moment I thought it would be nice if I could overdose and die. Thank God there was a bunch of people at a meeting on the way home because I was surly going to use. Lots of moments like that so far in this earliest of recoveries.

    I think I would like to have the thread undeleated. Unless you know of some reason it should remain deleted..lol.. was it too revealing??

    Maybe I shouldn't revive it. Would you message me your opinion as to why you thought I deleted it captain heroin. Maybe you are aware of something I overlooked.

    I'd like to be around more but I just hate pecking out text on my phone. I'm going to give it an effort. Love you guys.
    Last edited by somnilicious; 17-07-2018 at 06:02.
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    #41
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    I wish you all the best luck with your new try at AA/NA. For what it's worth, I totally empathize with the mixed feelings...I've been on-again/off-again with NA for years now. At this point, I go when I want to and I stay away when I can't deal...not perfect, but it's the best I've been able to arrange.
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    #42
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    My threads keep getting deleted. If you read this Captain Heroin or other mod could you retrieve my PAWS suppliments thread. Anyways day 5. Woke up paralyzed with anxiety and depression. Whole body was tense. Tried to hide under the covers till my roommate needed a ride at 11. Got back took my d,l phenylanine suppliments and immediatly noticed a difference.
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    #43
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    ^you trying to edit from mobile?
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    #44
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    Yep.. Guess that solves that but I still wants me PAWS suppliments thread back and can't be arsed to type it out again...lol
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    #45
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    I'd help if I could, alas it's not my section, but I'm sure one of the other mods will oblige.

    Congrats on 5 days btw.
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    #46
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    My hopes are blighted, my heart is broken, my life a burden, everything around me is sad and mournful; earth has become distasteful to me, and human voices distract me. It is mercy to let me die, for if I live I shall lose my reason and become mad.
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    rough day. hope you all are well
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