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Julys Getting Sober and staying Clean Thread Vs,Summer time is here!

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I wish you all the best luck with your new try at AA/NA. For what it's worth, I totally empathize with the mixed feelings...I've been on-again/off-again with NA for years now. At this point, I go when I want to and I stay away when I can't deal...not perfect, but it's the best I've been able to arrange. <3
 
My threads keep getting deleted. If you read this Captain Heroin or other mod could you retrieve my PAWS suppliments thread. Anyways day 5. Woke up paralyzed with anxiety and depression. Whole body was tense. Tried to hide under the covers till my roommate needed a ride at 11. Got back took my d,l phenylanine suppliments and immediatly noticed a difference.
 
Yep.. Guess that solves that but I still wants me PAWS suppliments thread back and can't be arsed to type it out again...lol
 
I'd help if I could, alas it's not my section, but I'm sure one of the other mods will oblige.

Congrats on 5 days btw.
 
Went to a Bigbook study earlier in the day, just me and 3 other people. Read the doctors opinion and did a little discussion back and forth. for anyone that has never read that part in the book, or read it in general I highly suggest reading it because it breaks down the disease concept. its what separates the alcoholic from normal drinkers.
I like how it talks about the phenomenon of craving, that 1st drink leads to another, and another. in my case this is true, I cannot just drink 1 beer while having some wings, I keep going, even if I know I am hammered. I cannot stop.
 
D's said:
Went to a Bigbook study earlier in the day, just me and 3 other people. Read the doctors opinion and did a little discussion back and forth. for anyone that has never read that part in the book, or read it in general I highly suggest reading it because it breaks down the disease concept. its what separates the alcoholic from normal drinkers.
I like how it talks about the phenomenon of craving, that 1st drink leads to another, and another. in my case this is true, I cannot just drink 1 beer while having some wings, I keep going, even if I know I am hammered. I cannot stop.
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I can relate. Booze for me was like walking into a black room, you just don't know what the fuck is in there or what is going to happen when you open the door.

I am day 53 sober today and the thought that I can just go to the local store now and buy booze scares me. Unfortunately I cannot tolerate the extreme high and extreme low that comes with being a daily drinker any more. Instead I am in this humble state at the moment waiting for things to improve.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
rough day. hope you all are well <3
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Hope you're doing better Captain... 10 days down. Feeling determined this time. It really feels like things are falling into place. I have been attending some AA meetings every now and then but I have decided to work an NA program this time. Just after doing step 1 I feel that the step working guide is a lot more benificial than my experience with the other fellowship. It is so much more in-depth. I also love how the meetings seem so much more raw and real. I would really like to see a therapist but financially it ain't happening anytime soon but I highly respect my sponsor this time, so hopefully we can untangle and work on my self defeating attitudes and behaviors.

Stay strong in the fight my fellow recovering bluelighters
 
Sorry I've been so absent lately...first week at my new job and I had forgotten how all-consuming it is working 40hrs/week. Not bad, just exhausting. Thinking of you all.

[edited in later]
... oh also, I've been dealing with some uncomfortable (but not horrible) symptoms b/c I've been too busy to make my kratom tea the last few days. As per usual, didn't realize I'd gotten dependent on that damned yard waste again until the WDs came. :|
 
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Glad to hear from you sim, how do you like the new place? Hope your getting on well.
 
bptubbs said:
Glad to hear from you sim, how do you like the new place? Hope your getting on well.
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thanks, man! I'm loving the new area...it's the first time I've lived around close friends for many years, and I hadn't realized how nice it is having friends IRL ;).
 
simco said:
Sorry I've been so absent lately...first week at my new job and I had forgotten how all-consuming it is working 40hrs/week. Not bad, just exhausting. Thinking of you all.

[edited in later]
... oh also, I've been dealing with some uncomfortable (but not horrible) symptoms b/c I've been too busy to make my kratom tea the last few days. As per usual, didn't realize I'd gotten dependent on that damned yard waste again until the WDs came. :|
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If this happens again, it would seem there is some value in the mega dosing vitamin C thing. I wouldn't expect it to do too much with something like heroin withdrawal, but it did seem to help with this.

It's really nice to hear you're doing well dude <3 I'm not too far behind ;)

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/828474-SL-Music-Thread-v-2nd-Take?p=14379794#post14379794

somnilicious said:
Yep.. Guess that solves that but I still wants me PAWS suppliments thread back and can't be arsed to type it out again...lol
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Still need a hand with this?
 
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I made what I consider to be a huge and somewhat difficult step in my ongoing recovery process last week: I decided to get rid of my 30+ year collection of "druggie rock star" biographies (for lack of a better term)!

I had them all: Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Scott Weiland, Layne Staley, Anthony Kiedis, Motley Crue (including "The Heroin Diaries" by Nikki Sixx), Steven Tyler/Aerosmith, Sid Vicious/Sex Pistols... the list goes on!

I thought about donating them to the library but decided to dispose of them in the trash/recycling pickup instead, for the simple reason that I didn't want anybody to be influenced by them the way that I was.

A lot of them were autobiographies written with the intention of warning readers about the dangers of drug addiction. Unfortunately, my warped mind would finish reading 200 pages about how somebody wrecked their lives and think, "Hmm, that sounds like fun."!

I've already found myself reaching for one a few times, then chuckling to myself as I gazed at an empty bookshelf! Now the only books I own are on topics like exercise and nutrition, philosophy, art, etc.

Peace, Love and Faith,
Dreamflyer
 
Been having a rough time lately... don't really see any reason to stay clean, yet I still am... if i came into contact with anything at this point there's zero doubt that I'd relapse.
 
bptubbs said:
Been having a rough time lately... don't really see any reason to stay clean, yet I still am... if i came into contact with anything at this point there's zero doubt that I'd relapse.
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ugh...I HATE that headspace. I still really struggle with motivation for staying quit. One thing I have learned that helps a little (despite being pretty obvious)...it always gets better. That is, I can often convince myself, "OK, you want to get high right now--give it another day or two." If I can hang in, things eventually resolve, though it's certainly true that the wait is awful. Best luck, tubbs <3
 
bptubbs said:
Been having a rough time lately... don't really see any reason to stay clean, yet I still am... if i came into contact with anything at this point there's zero doubt that I'd relapse.
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How are you feeling man? Are you doing ok?

I'm trying to be well myself.
 
Ptsd has been kicking my ass... kinda just losing touch with feelings again.
 
know how you feel broman, was 3 days clean (lol pathetic ik) but relapsed today. since starting dope n opiates havent made it two fuckin weeks without using. just dont see a reason not to. have no goals, aspirations, anything. kinda just wanna use till i eventually OD n die. seems the best way at least i can be high till I die, but have no finances to afford it. don't listen to me though, im fucked in the head, if you can stay clean man and hold on to every moment you have. personally i still have some days I feel OK without using, other days obviously not. but for real this life is a dream man who really cares wtf happens.
 
3 days is nothing to scoff at man, that means you made it through 3 days of withdrawals... it took me 6 months of trying to get off opiates to finally kick the habit.

Picked up a nasty meth habit a couple years later, no withdrawal really... just a lack of any sort of pleasure in life.
 
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