Hey all, so im 18 years old, and ive done LSD 4 times, and smoked weed daily until the 23rd of June, i stopped cold turkey, and i dont think im ever gonna do LSD again because of whats going on, even typing this, it made me feel like i was back in the 1st trip i had, thats the problem ive been having is that i feel like im living in a fake reality, and that one day, ill just wake up and go into the 1st trip again, and im scared. ive told my mother about it, but not in full detail, as i dont want to worry her too bad. I feel like everything will blur out and ill wake up in the bad trip.
TL;DR- Took LSD 4 times, had 3 bad trips that all felt connected, in 2 i thought i killed my dogs(dont know why, i absolutely love animals, especially my dogs) now im having severe deja vu, what i believe are delusions (feeling like im still in the bad trip, as if i never woke up from it) and depression and DPDR type stuff
the details: (long read)
I tried LSD for the 1st time around April (was 17 at the time, so was my friend), my friend had picked up some blotter tabs (105-110ug each tab) and i had took 2 because i thought that because of a prior 1g mushroom trip that i would be able to handle it
i was incorrect
We dosed in an RV my friend had on his property, as well as smoked a little bit of weed, it was him, his girlfriend, and i. This was his girlfriends first time trying LSD as well, and she had also taken 2 tabs, and my friend had taken 3, he was pretty experienced with LSD. As were waiting for the trip to start, his dad opens the door (he wasn't supposed to have his girlfriend over, ) but he was cool with the whole situation and brought us inside so we had a better environment, anyways, when we got into his RV, the trip began, and it was glorious, colors were intense, there were fractals on the characters on TV, drifting on paintings, it was beautiful. The trip was going good for about an hour or so, and my friends dad starts to get more and more aggravated and aggressive, i had kept on checking my phone and saying the time like, every 5 or so minutes to which he said "Nobody asked what fucking time it was." (Keep in mind, his dad was experienced with LSD as well, he should've known how to handle the situation) he had, at one point, thought he lost his phone, which prompted him to start throwing shit around looking for it. He had an art easle set up and he took it, and threw it on the ground, now i wasn't really worried about this, but i think it did make for some negative vibes, he then later found his phone in the seat he was sitting in, it fell out of his pocket...
Anyway, we were watching some movie (some John Cusack movie) and his dad came out of the bedroom with a worried sounding voice, and, i swear to god, i thought i heard him say "Somebody tipped them off." which, is usually associated with the police, so i had thought police were coming to arrest us, (Keep in mind, i had no idea what he actually said, but im pretty sure he did say that) this is where the trip went south, and it went south fast, i stood up and started to pace kind of in place saying "Oh man, oh no." i heard my friends girlfriend say "Is he ok?" and other stuff like that, which only made me worry more, because i thought, ok, something wrong with me, and my friend asked me "hey, are you good, do you like, need to get up and be a person tomorrow?" (asked if i had to do shit the next day) and this was when the thought loop started.
Every 5 or so minutes was a repeat of my friend asking me if i had to be a person, to which i would look away confused, and then things started to become hazy, this repeated like, 3 or 4 times before i went into a blackout like state.
What happened next is kind of hazy, this is what i remember seeing.
its almost like it was a lucid dream, I looked at the window next to the door, and i could see the red and blue police lights, and after a moment of fear, i thought i heard someone knock on the rv door, to which my friends dad opened, and the cop that's usually at our school walked in, i thought i could see his badge and everything, the glasses on his forehead, the way he walked into the RV, everything, it was so vivid, then at one point after this (i had tried to go to their bathroom) i was standing in the bathroom, and had accidentally pissed myself out of fear, i had imagined that the cop opened the door and saw me, standing in the bathroom, with piss down my pants, and everyone was just staring at me, and i was staring back, it was awful, they had led me out and sat me down on the steps to the bathroom, there was also a female voice that i thought was the female cop from school as well, they had shown a flashlight in my eyes and were asking me "Do you know where you are?" "How do you feel right now?" "What do you see?" stuff like that, and thats when i had like, another blackout, and i had woken up.
I was sitting in my friends recliner, all the lights in the RV were off as my friends dad was trying to sleep, at this point i was much more sober than i was 2 hours ago (was 2-3am when all this was happening, was now 5-6am) i had let my friends know that i was awake, and i had realized that i pissed myself, so they had told me to get my clothes off and get in the shower, which was a bad time, i had gone fetal position on the floor of the shower (which was moldy, i was in a terrible set and setting) after the "shower" i got out, and my friend gave me some shorts to put on and a blanket to put over myself, he then guided me back to the recliner, and was trying to talk me through the experience, the whole time he did this, i had thought that i was in a dream world, where him and his girlfriend were 2 of the "acid gods" telling me the truth about what the trip was (i forgot entirely what he told me that night though), i had tried to get my mom to come pick me up (she knew i was gonna try LSD, she was ok with it, but a little apprehensive because it was man made drugs) i had totally forgotten she was already at work so i just tried to stay there, i was outside just walking around with my friend and before i called her i asked him "so, should i call her with this phone, or the real phone?" (still thought i was in the dream world) so he led me back inside, where i just sat on the recliner, and stared out the window at the trees and some bluejays, i had managed to sleep for like, an hour, and when i woke up, i felt the good afterglow that acid has, i just felt good, so i waited for my mom to get off of work, and i went home (i had doused my clothes in Febreeze and cologne so she wouldnt smell piss)
After this trip, i felt pretty good, wasnt having any negative side affects, and i shouldve called off tripping then and there, but, i decided to revisit it a few times, with different friends, and in a different environment, one i trusted. the only LSD ive ever done was voidrealms, so i know its good and potent LSD, except for the 2nd time i tried it, it was LSD but less potent, and on a different blotter.
the 3rd time i tried LSD was at home, i took it at like, 9:40pm, and sat back, relaxed, and waited, it was going good at first, but after about an hour, it started to go negative, i had repeating my actions, just felt really confused for some reason, i tried to take a shower to make myself feel better, and that kind of worked, but i was still feeling bad afterwards, so i went to my other friends house, this friend i trusted completely, and his house, i felt comfortable in (he had a separate building than the actual house) i went over, told him what was going on, and we just chilled out on his boat for a few hours, and i started to calm down, and i felt better, then he offered me a dab of some wax, to which, i stupidly agreed to, it was a harsh ass dab as well, i couldnt breathe for a solid 2 minutes, after i was able to breathe, my vision began to tunnel, and i heard this buzzing noise in my head, and as i tunneled further out, i could hear the buzzing slow down, and deepen in tone, i shook my head to snap out of it, and it felt crazy, the visuals i was having were so surreal and vivid, he had a work light behind him and it turned into like, 2x4 pixels, 2 high, 4 long, it was so weird, so we decided to go back inside, i was sitting on the edge of his bed, leaning against the wall, and i was looking at stuff in his room turn into black swirls, like, an a/c unit he had, just turned into this swirling circle, his ceiling fan did the same as well, this is where, i remembered something, something i had forgotten that i saw during my first trip, i had seen this before, and i had thought the cops were about to come, in what i "saw" before, a few cops came up and my mom was with them because she didnt know where i had gone or where i was, but it was only 2:30am, she doesnt wake up till 3:15am for work, i had asked my friend to check for cops multiple times, and each time, they werent there, so i decided it was a good idea to go home before i trip out any worse, plus my phone was dying and i lost my charger, so i took my moms, lmao.
I decided to run home, and it was just an incredible feeling, i started to hear Nirvana - Breed play in my head, i had gone inside, found my charger, returned my mothers, and tried to go to sleep. I had a dream that, my parents barged into my room, and saw me laying with my dogs body in my lap, as if i had killed her during some psychotic break, it was so scary, i woke up at like, 8am, and i went and checked on her immediately, and, well, she was fine. It was just a dream after all. After this trip, i had a slight feeling of deja vu, it was noticeable, but able to be pushed off, i was able to ignore it.
My last trip was on Saturday, June 23rd, (18th birthday) about a week and a half ago, i went over to my friend house (same friend from the 3rd trip, i no longer hang out with the 1st friend) cuz he called me and told me to come over, i didnt know why, but i went anyway to see what it was, i went over there and he offered me a sliver of a tab of voidrealm, around 35-40ug id estimate, so i took it, and then we went inside and took a few good sized bong rips, after this we had to drop a friend off, about an hour in, and i started to feel its effects, and, they werent positive. I had felt like i was in the bathroom of the 1st trip again, i even thought i could hear the bathroom door open. I tried my best to shrug this off, but it was persisant. We got home and played some Speedrunner on the PS4 with my friends brother. As we were playing, whenever he'd get me out, he'd say something in victory such as "Booyah!" or "Take that, bitch!" or something else, and, every time he won, whatever it was he said, would be repeated, it would cycle through the things he said, and i started to feel like i was playing against LSD, as if he was LSD and i was me, fighting for my ego or something, every time i'd get ahead of him, he'd start talking normal, and symptathetically almost, idk, just more friendly, and whenever i'd lose, he'd say the same victory things, same pitch, tone, everything, this started to worry me a bit so decided i needed to go home, and go to sleep, it was like, 2:15am when i got back, so i went into my room, and tried to sleep, but i couldnt, i was wide awake, i was tossing and turning, and just moving a bunch in the bed, at like, 3:15am, my laptop screen turned on, when i rolled over to look at it, it immediately turned back off, which made me feel like, there was another reality, one in which my mom came to check on me, and after seeing me sleeping, she turned the light off (i asked her, and she never did) a few minutes later, i was just staring into my dark room, and i saw my bike leaning against the wall, and i could make out the outline of my other dog, Zues, on top of it, like, the bike morphed into him kind of, but he was all, dirty or something, i shrugged it off, and tried to sleep, but then, my laptop screen came back on, and stayed on, which made me thing, ok, somethings happening, i thought my parents walked into my room, and, saw me with my dog zues, bloody and dead, next to me, as if i had another psychotic break and killed another dog after it startled me by jumping on the bed, i was able to discern that from reality though as i knew it wasnt real, i could still see my laptop, no one was in my room, and my main light wasnt on, i had my door blocked off so my dog couldnt have gotten in anyway, i got up, shut my laptop, and tried to lay back down, to no avail, so i went back on it and went to tripsit.me, which helped a bit, and when day broke, i was basically sober, but still not feeling myself.
Ever since that day, ive been having Deja Vu, and it almost as if i can recall what people are saying to me, like ive already lived it, i just feel empty, and depressed, im questioning whether or not i woke up from my 1st trip, or like, i went psychotic after it, and killed my dogs in a different reality, i know its not real, because LSD cant cause a a person to live in a separate reality in such detail, right? It feels like, my brain created this reality as a safe place, where i didnt do any of that, but i know thats not the case, but, i still question it. When my friends dad said "Someone tipped them off" did the cops actually come? Did i just, retreat from that reality and come to this one? i know that cant be the case, so, why does it still feel like that?
its been a week and a half, and im definitely feeling better than i did last week, but now i just feel, empty, hopeless, and depressed, which makes me think of the bad trip, which makes me thing its still happening, does anyone know whats going on? I'd see a professional, but i cant afford it, and the insurance is crap, what can i do to try to make sense of what happened? how can i reground myself? how do i just go back to the way i used to be? thanks in advance, and thanks for reading, im no longer using psychedelics and im taking a long break from weed.
TL;DR- Took LSD 4 times, had 3 bad trips that all felt connected, in 2 i thought i killed my dogs(dont know why, i absolutely love animals, especially my dogs) now im having severe deja vu, what i believe are delusions (feeling like im still in the bad trip, as if i never woke up from it) and depression and DPDR type stuff
the details: (long read)
I tried LSD for the 1st time around April (was 17 at the time, so was my friend), my friend had picked up some blotter tabs (105-110ug each tab) and i had took 2 because i thought that because of a prior 1g mushroom trip that i would be able to handle it
i was incorrect
We dosed in an RV my friend had on his property, as well as smoked a little bit of weed, it was him, his girlfriend, and i. This was his girlfriends first time trying LSD as well, and she had also taken 2 tabs, and my friend had taken 3, he was pretty experienced with LSD. As were waiting for the trip to start, his dad opens the door (he wasn't supposed to have his girlfriend over, ) but he was cool with the whole situation and brought us inside so we had a better environment, anyways, when we got into his RV, the trip began, and it was glorious, colors were intense, there were fractals on the characters on TV, drifting on paintings, it was beautiful. The trip was going good for about an hour or so, and my friends dad starts to get more and more aggravated and aggressive, i had kept on checking my phone and saying the time like, every 5 or so minutes to which he said "Nobody asked what fucking time it was." (Keep in mind, his dad was experienced with LSD as well, he should've known how to handle the situation) he had, at one point, thought he lost his phone, which prompted him to start throwing shit around looking for it. He had an art easle set up and he took it, and threw it on the ground, now i wasn't really worried about this, but i think it did make for some negative vibes, he then later found his phone in the seat he was sitting in, it fell out of his pocket...
Anyway, we were watching some movie (some John Cusack movie) and his dad came out of the bedroom with a worried sounding voice, and, i swear to god, i thought i heard him say "Somebody tipped them off." which, is usually associated with the police, so i had thought police were coming to arrest us, (Keep in mind, i had no idea what he actually said, but im pretty sure he did say that) this is where the trip went south, and it went south fast, i stood up and started to pace kind of in place saying "Oh man, oh no." i heard my friends girlfriend say "Is he ok?" and other stuff like that, which only made me worry more, because i thought, ok, something wrong with me, and my friend asked me "hey, are you good, do you like, need to get up and be a person tomorrow?" (asked if i had to do shit the next day) and this was when the thought loop started.
Every 5 or so minutes was a repeat of my friend asking me if i had to be a person, to which i would look away confused, and then things started to become hazy, this repeated like, 3 or 4 times before i went into a blackout like state.
What happened next is kind of hazy, this is what i remember seeing.
its almost like it was a lucid dream, I looked at the window next to the door, and i could see the red and blue police lights, and after a moment of fear, i thought i heard someone knock on the rv door, to which my friends dad opened, and the cop that's usually at our school walked in, i thought i could see his badge and everything, the glasses on his forehead, the way he walked into the RV, everything, it was so vivid, then at one point after this (i had tried to go to their bathroom) i was standing in the bathroom, and had accidentally pissed myself out of fear, i had imagined that the cop opened the door and saw me, standing in the bathroom, with piss down my pants, and everyone was just staring at me, and i was staring back, it was awful, they had led me out and sat me down on the steps to the bathroom, there was also a female voice that i thought was the female cop from school as well, they had shown a flashlight in my eyes and were asking me "Do you know where you are?" "How do you feel right now?" "What do you see?" stuff like that, and thats when i had like, another blackout, and i had woken up.
I was sitting in my friends recliner, all the lights in the RV were off as my friends dad was trying to sleep, at this point i was much more sober than i was 2 hours ago (was 2-3am when all this was happening, was now 5-6am) i had let my friends know that i was awake, and i had realized that i pissed myself, so they had told me to get my clothes off and get in the shower, which was a bad time, i had gone fetal position on the floor of the shower (which was moldy, i was in a terrible set and setting) after the "shower" i got out, and my friend gave me some shorts to put on and a blanket to put over myself, he then guided me back to the recliner, and was trying to talk me through the experience, the whole time he did this, i had thought that i was in a dream world, where him and his girlfriend were 2 of the "acid gods" telling me the truth about what the trip was (i forgot entirely what he told me that night though), i had tried to get my mom to come pick me up (she knew i was gonna try LSD, she was ok with it, but a little apprehensive because it was man made drugs) i had totally forgotten she was already at work so i just tried to stay there, i was outside just walking around with my friend and before i called her i asked him "so, should i call her with this phone, or the real phone?" (still thought i was in the dream world) so he led me back inside, where i just sat on the recliner, and stared out the window at the trees and some bluejays, i had managed to sleep for like, an hour, and when i woke up, i felt the good afterglow that acid has, i just felt good, so i waited for my mom to get off of work, and i went home (i had doused my clothes in Febreeze and cologne so she wouldnt smell piss)
After this trip, i felt pretty good, wasnt having any negative side affects, and i shouldve called off tripping then and there, but, i decided to revisit it a few times, with different friends, and in a different environment, one i trusted. the only LSD ive ever done was voidrealms, so i know its good and potent LSD, except for the 2nd time i tried it, it was LSD but less potent, and on a different blotter.
the 3rd time i tried LSD was at home, i took it at like, 9:40pm, and sat back, relaxed, and waited, it was going good at first, but after about an hour, it started to go negative, i had repeating my actions, just felt really confused for some reason, i tried to take a shower to make myself feel better, and that kind of worked, but i was still feeling bad afterwards, so i went to my other friends house, this friend i trusted completely, and his house, i felt comfortable in (he had a separate building than the actual house) i went over, told him what was going on, and we just chilled out on his boat for a few hours, and i started to calm down, and i felt better, then he offered me a dab of some wax, to which, i stupidly agreed to, it was a harsh ass dab as well, i couldnt breathe for a solid 2 minutes, after i was able to breathe, my vision began to tunnel, and i heard this buzzing noise in my head, and as i tunneled further out, i could hear the buzzing slow down, and deepen in tone, i shook my head to snap out of it, and it felt crazy, the visuals i was having were so surreal and vivid, he had a work light behind him and it turned into like, 2x4 pixels, 2 high, 4 long, it was so weird, so we decided to go back inside, i was sitting on the edge of his bed, leaning against the wall, and i was looking at stuff in his room turn into black swirls, like, an a/c unit he had, just turned into this swirling circle, his ceiling fan did the same as well, this is where, i remembered something, something i had forgotten that i saw during my first trip, i had seen this before, and i had thought the cops were about to come, in what i "saw" before, a few cops came up and my mom was with them because she didnt know where i had gone or where i was, but it was only 2:30am, she doesnt wake up till 3:15am for work, i had asked my friend to check for cops multiple times, and each time, they werent there, so i decided it was a good idea to go home before i trip out any worse, plus my phone was dying and i lost my charger, so i took my moms, lmao.
I decided to run home, and it was just an incredible feeling, i started to hear Nirvana - Breed play in my head, i had gone inside, found my charger, returned my mothers, and tried to go to sleep. I had a dream that, my parents barged into my room, and saw me laying with my dogs body in my lap, as if i had killed her during some psychotic break, it was so scary, i woke up at like, 8am, and i went and checked on her immediately, and, well, she was fine. It was just a dream after all. After this trip, i had a slight feeling of deja vu, it was noticeable, but able to be pushed off, i was able to ignore it.
My last trip was on Saturday, June 23rd, (18th birthday) about a week and a half ago, i went over to my friend house (same friend from the 3rd trip, i no longer hang out with the 1st friend) cuz he called me and told me to come over, i didnt know why, but i went anyway to see what it was, i went over there and he offered me a sliver of a tab of voidrealm, around 35-40ug id estimate, so i took it, and then we went inside and took a few good sized bong rips, after this we had to drop a friend off, about an hour in, and i started to feel its effects, and, they werent positive. I had felt like i was in the bathroom of the 1st trip again, i even thought i could hear the bathroom door open. I tried my best to shrug this off, but it was persisant. We got home and played some Speedrunner on the PS4 with my friends brother. As we were playing, whenever he'd get me out, he'd say something in victory such as "Booyah!" or "Take that, bitch!" or something else, and, every time he won, whatever it was he said, would be repeated, it would cycle through the things he said, and i started to feel like i was playing against LSD, as if he was LSD and i was me, fighting for my ego or something, every time i'd get ahead of him, he'd start talking normal, and symptathetically almost, idk, just more friendly, and whenever i'd lose, he'd say the same victory things, same pitch, tone, everything, this started to worry me a bit so decided i needed to go home, and go to sleep, it was like, 2:15am when i got back, so i went into my room, and tried to sleep, but i couldnt, i was wide awake, i was tossing and turning, and just moving a bunch in the bed, at like, 3:15am, my laptop screen turned on, when i rolled over to look at it, it immediately turned back off, which made me feel like, there was another reality, one in which my mom came to check on me, and after seeing me sleeping, she turned the light off (i asked her, and she never did) a few minutes later, i was just staring into my dark room, and i saw my bike leaning against the wall, and i could make out the outline of my other dog, Zues, on top of it, like, the bike morphed into him kind of, but he was all, dirty or something, i shrugged it off, and tried to sleep, but then, my laptop screen came back on, and stayed on, which made me thing, ok, somethings happening, i thought my parents walked into my room, and, saw me with my dog zues, bloody and dead, next to me, as if i had another psychotic break and killed another dog after it startled me by jumping on the bed, i was able to discern that from reality though as i knew it wasnt real, i could still see my laptop, no one was in my room, and my main light wasnt on, i had my door blocked off so my dog couldnt have gotten in anyway, i got up, shut my laptop, and tried to lay back down, to no avail, so i went back on it and went to tripsit.me, which helped a bit, and when day broke, i was basically sober, but still not feeling myself.
Ever since that day, ive been having Deja Vu, and it almost as if i can recall what people are saying to me, like ive already lived it, i just feel empty, and depressed, im questioning whether or not i woke up from my 1st trip, or like, i went psychotic after it, and killed my dogs in a different reality, i know its not real, because LSD cant cause a a person to live in a separate reality in such detail, right? It feels like, my brain created this reality as a safe place, where i didnt do any of that, but i know thats not the case, but, i still question it. When my friends dad said "Someone tipped them off" did the cops actually come? Did i just, retreat from that reality and come to this one? i know that cant be the case, so, why does it still feel like that?
its been a week and a half, and im definitely feeling better than i did last week, but now i just feel, empty, hopeless, and depressed, which makes me think of the bad trip, which makes me thing its still happening, does anyone know whats going on? I'd see a professional, but i cant afford it, and the insurance is crap, what can i do to try to make sense of what happened? how can i reground myself? how do i just go back to the way i used to be? thanks in advance, and thanks for reading, im no longer using psychedelics and im taking a long break from weed.
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