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Thread: Another Dang Love Thread... Whatcha Think

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    Another Dang Love Thread... Whatcha Think 
    #1
    Well, this is pretty much me asking advice, playing it safe as per usual. So to protect all of our names I'll be using numbers..

    Aright, so I'm bestfriends with this girl named #1, I've been best friends with her for probably 5 years or so. I don't really have any intention on pursuing her, but if something happened and we were able to advance to sex or whatever, then sure why not. But relationship, hell no! haha

    So, #1 has a younger sister, #2. I've been friends with her for maybe 4 years, and in the last year we really hangout a lot. We enjoy hanging out, and we act VERY weird in front of each other, or if were with #1 as well. I've always wondered what #2 would be like, ya know dating, having a sexual relationship etc etc, but never asked or made a move... I feel like the time could be coming, possibly. This is where I need advice!

    So, she always has had a big bubble, and a personal space barrier with ANY ONE. I have never actually hugged her in all of our years talking (well maybe once or twice at a party.) A while back ago, maybe a year ago we were possibly a little flirty over fb. I told her at some point her sister wants us to date, and I think I took it to far to quick and said something like, let's go on a date! blah blah blah, bad move. She said she saw me as a really close friend. It was awkward for about 5 minutes or so, then we went back to talking about regular stuff. I took that as a bad sign and kind of distanced myself for a week. But we still talked.

    So, lately she always asks if we can hangout and go to random places. And like I said, she always wants to hangout, or come over. There was a party with all of her gf's and she specifically asked me to come over. I had to work, and she said she was sad. I don't know, she just likes me being around. Well last night, 4th of July, we had all got together (about 10 of their family members and myself) to go watch fireworks. It down poured so we left. I was getting ready to leave and #2 said, "wait... you aren't coming inside?" I told her I had to go eat real fast and she had seemed bummed out. While I was eating I got a phone call. While I was on the phone #2 was blowing up my phone texting and calling "saying hey, i'm bored! Hey <insert name here> please come get meeee." Those messages kept happening. I called her quickly and she had asked If I wanted to go to this overlook place like 2 hours away, she had said " we can go there and ya know...idk hangout and stuff" I said hell yeah! And she perked up on excitement and said she would pay for gas. So we left...

    She had told me she was excited, and we talked nonstop on the way there, for about an hour. Then we started talking about personal stuff...like stuff we don't really talk about. She had started off by saying she is to secure and tries to look good all the time, because she was in fear of being rejected look wise (which she looks like a goddess) And I told her right after, "well you don't have to try at all, you always are looking good!" And she of course thanked me and said awwww. So after that, the conversation sparked up and went into the personal area. She asked if I ever measured my dick. I told her no, but she asked how big I was, I jokingly told her 12.5 haha. But eventually said idk probably 6". She said reallllly? She started telling me stories of her sex life, as did I with her. She's only been with one guy.. She told me things that turned her on, and I told her things that turned me on. We started telling eachother things that we have NEVER told anyone about. So our level of trust is pretty big, I was a bit off my game when she asked about how big I was, and with other questions, but I got some info to work with now..

    So, we got to this place, and unfortunately it was a BIG party place that night, and the whole place smelled like piss, which killed out vibe, when we got out she had said this, word for word... "Well this would be a good make out spot! ...just kidding! " That face was about the face she made. *EDIT* She didn't look pissed off like that tongue emojii, but she stuck her tongue out. I had NO idea if this was just a joke, or a hint... We stared off into the distance at the fireworks, but the smell of piss and beer made us want to leave early. We were both very tired at this point. We left got lost and an hour drive turned into 4....

    But anyway, I have NO clue how to pursue her. A few months ago she had said she wasn't sure if she wanted a relationship, but she also said she would love a guy that would not get too hooked on her, and kind of be a fwb thing. At this time she said she would love someone like me. So idk, should I try something? Was thinking of maybe taking her somewhere private tonight, and maybe striking up the old truth or dare game... worked before for me for a kiss so maybe it would with her. Was thinking if she said dare early, maybe I could say something like "I dare you to try and kick my ass" she always jokes that even though she is skinny, she could do it. Maybe that could spark some playful touches and such. But who knows, maybe I am looking into this WAY to much, maybe I'm not. What do you guys and gals think?
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    #2
    Bump...kinda...
    Hanging out with her in a few hours after she is off work. She always goes to the club on thursdays, but wants to hangout instead.
    HOWEVER...she called me bestie earlier....sorta... in like a kidding way
    What.To.Do.jpeg
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    #3
    Bluelighter SamanthaB's Avatar
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    Hi Kira,

    If I am reading right, woman #1 is just a friend, but the sister of #2, so it appears as if there is no problem with your having a relationship with woman #2 if the two of you both wanted that. Now, in terms of what to do here. You need to come out and ask #2 if she has changed her mind about wanting a relationship with someone because she is acting like she wants to pursue a relationship with you. Be prepared to give her examples if she asks. You will then not have to second guess what she means by all the things she is doing. You cannot read her mind, so just ask!!! I do not know you or her, but she seems very immature and young to me. And, you may be young as well; I don't know about immature. Can't read you on that.
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    #4
    Hey Samantha! Thanks for the reply!! I'm actually getting ready to pick her up shortly! But I am glad I have a girls pov on this. Yes, #1 and#2 are both sisters. #1 has actually said to me before, a few years ago me and #2 would make a good couple. lol #2 is a little immature, but she is only 20. I am 27, but still act as a kid at times. OHHH... speaking of this... last night when we were talking about exes, she had said she has a thing for older guys... So idk. It's either my mind and anxiety tricking me, or she is trying to tell me something. I'll see what tonight brings, hopefully I can find something out!
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    #5
    Would you still be as interested in dating of she looked like she was 27?
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by d1nach View Post
    Would you still be as interested in dating of she looked like she was 27?

    Of course! I mainly go after personality and such before looks. And i love her personality a ton. Idk. Mixed feelings right now. Lots to post later. Probably gonna have some drinks before i post the details
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by ~kira~ View Post
    Of course! I mainly go after personality and such before looks. And i love her personality a ton. Idk. Mixed feelings right now. Lots to post later. Probably gonna have some drinks before i post the details

    Sooo, the details. Not much happened. Basically trying to find details, and hints etc etc all night.I think I need to talk to her..

    So we started out by me picking her up, and driving a little bit. First thing that happened.. we were talking about how working sucks, and she jokingly says if I had a sugar daddy I'd be set, yeah right I couldn't ever do that (which I chimed in and said sure, we could do that! Again jokingly, as we usually joke a LOT) But right after she went on saying a few words and this stumbled out of her mouth "Man I really thought about fuckin you last night" And we umm hung out the night she was referring to.. I said hell yeah, that's be awesome! Not much happened there. She asked if I wanted to see a movie so we bought one from redbox and got some food. We made fun of a few movie titles and made some sexual jokes about them.

    As we were in her room, her brother came in and was picking on her, making fun of her ex, and he said I don't want to embarrass you in front of your friend.

    We watched the movie, which we both agreed sucked. We layed on a bed near eachother, every once in a while if something funny happened she would kind of slap me lightly and laugh at whatever it was, I would do this back. I had made a joke towards her and she lightly slapped me on the chest, so I playfully pushed her. She didn't mind. I had also jokingly said we gonna fight (we always seem to tell eachother to square up and fight) so I very lightly put my fist to her face as if I had actually hit her. She didn't respond.

    At one point our hands were side by side, but I didn't hold hers. It wasn't a romantic movie, and I seriously can't pick up on shit which is why I post here..
    After the movie we returned it, and got one more movie. We had to drive somewhere and we were talking about work. She had said a customer came in and asked what she was doing tonight and she said oh just hanging out with a friend (me) So this is how the conversation went down as she told me... Me= M Her =#2 and Him = H

    #2: Just hanging out with a friend tonight
    H: Oh is he a boyfriend!?
    #2: No! Were just kinda like best friends.
    H: Oh, he doesn't like you? Or you don't like him?
    #2: Well he doesn't like me like that, and we pretty much are on a mutual understanding (which not really, because I do like her, but am fine either way

    I don't know why I added my name before that conversation above...I wasn't there. lmao

    But anyway, after she told me that, I did kind of get quiet. Not knowing what to do or say.

    I want to talk to her, if it is even worth a shot, but I have no idea how to approach her with any of this. I don;t know if I should give up, I mean I don't want to. But man idk.

    EDIT: A few weeks ago I added her one friend on snapchat and started talking to her. A little flirty, but we never hung out. Tonight girl #2 told me she was really mad and upset that I added her friend. She said it was weird, but she was mad I flirted with her, she wouldn't mind if I hung out with her friend as just a friend and nothing more.
    Last edited by ~kira~; 06-07-2018 at 11:41.
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    #8
    Bluelighter SamanthaB's Avatar
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    Hi Again Kira,

    Well, if I was in your place, I would just ask her if she would like to be in a relationship with you that is more than friends or would she just like to stay friends, because she is acting like someone that would like to be more than friends with you. If she asks you if you would like more, you need to be honest and say yes. Then, you will know and can go on with whatever relationship you are going to have. It seems clear that you really like hanging out with her and want to be more than friends, and you don't want to lose her as a friend. Maybe you are afraid if you bring this up, you will lose her altogether. That is understandable. However, right now you are in "limbo land" and can't stay there forever, and it makes no sense to do so. But, if you want to be her boyfriend at this point, it is going to be very hard to just stay friends with her cause you want more, but not impossible since there has been no sexual activity yet. I am afraid if she says she just wants to stay friends, and you try and do that, that you will find your yourself misreading her behavior in future interactions and you will stay in a situation where you will be hoping for more at some point that will probably never come. Not a great place to be. Keep us posted on how things turn out.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by SamanthaB View Post
    Hi Again Kira,

    Well, if I was in your place, I would just ask her if she would like to be in a relationship with you that is more than friends or would she just like to stay friends, because she is acting like someone that would like to be more than friends with you. If she asks you if you would like more, you need to be honest and say yes. Then, you will know and can go on with whatever relationship you are going to have. It seems clear that you really like hanging out with her and want to be more than friends, and you don't want to lose her as a friend. Maybe you are afraid if you bring this up, you will lose her altogether. That is understandable. However, right now you are in "limbo land" and can't stay there forever, and it makes no sense to do so. But, if you want to be her boyfriend at this point, it is going to be very hard to just stay friends with her cause you want more, but not impossible since there has been no sexual activity yet. I am afraid if she says she just wants to stay friends, and you try and do that, that you will find your yourself misreading her behavior in future interactions and you will stay in a situation where you will be hoping for more at some point that will probably never come. Not a great place to be. Keep us posted on how things turn out.
    Hey Samantha..

    Well bad news. And I was afraid this would happen and be the end result..

    Well, I told her we need to talk, and we did. I told her exactly how I feel, and told her I thought she was flirting. She had told me that was her just goofing around with me, which we normally joke and goof around like that out of fun, but I guess anxiety or something got the best of me one night and made me think it was real. She told me she only likes me as a friend, a best friend. What I don't get is that she said that i'm the only guy she has ever clicked so well with, and she doesn't want to lose that. Warning: Language coming up.. I didn't say this to her, but what the fuck!? Does that make any fucking sense to you!? If she clicks so well with me, why wouldn't you want to date that same very fucking person!?!? That's like soul mate movie type stuff.Who knows, maybe she will come along and change her mind.

    And a double whammy... This might make me sound like a bad person, but I swear i'm not. There is one other girl who I was talking to, but took a break from talking to her, once #2 was starting to act the way she did. So I figured while I was telling people how I felt and such, I would message #3 right after #2 told me what she thought. #3 was a girl I have known for about 2 years, we actually went on 3 dates and I kissed her twice. We talk, and have thought about dating, but she has been pretty busy lately, I told her how Ifelt and asked her how she felt (because even though we kissed, I don't know how she felt at this point) and she told me she thinks I';m sweet and loves hanging out and talking to me, but isn't ready for a relationship yhet. Now I would never cheat, or talk to another woman like this if I was in a relationship, but these 2 young ladys are what I would define as perfect (at least to me)

    So here I am, sitting and having some drinks to try and get past this day. It just sucks, I always...ALWAYS get friendzoned or have someone say they don't want a relationship at that time. It's annoying, aggrevating, and I wish I could find a girlfriend. It just sucks. I haven't had a relationship in over 3 years. I just, don;t know what to do. I told myself I didn;t want this part to happen, to get all sad and shit, but it just fuckin sucks. I miss havng a relationship, having someone to care about much more than a friend, to talk to, to have feeling, both with words and physical touch. I love having friends, and love my friends, including best friends, but in all honesty i'm tired of the best friend bullshit. Anyway. Thanks for helping out and listening. You are the only person I have talked to about this, and just to have you listen and type back replies, means a lot to me. I thank you, so much. If you ever need to talk about anything, consider me a friend and you can message me!
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    #10
    Bluelighter SheWasLvL18's Avatar
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    Hey man sorry to hear what you are going through, been there before. I think #2 is pretty typical for girls at that age, not really looking for anything serious and probably looking more for fun than stability (hence the sugar daddy thing). I think you should consider yourself lucky that she has at least been straightforward with you about not wanting a relationship as it would be worse to be lead on only to find out she wasn't serious.

    I had a pretty similar situation with a girl, constantly hanging out, doing everything together, even intimate, but when I told her I wanted a relationship things broke down and we stopped talking. She just wasn't looking for commitment and looking back now I don't blame her, even though at the time I felt really upset.

    I think she's at a point in her life where she doesn't really know what she wants (stability or fun) and it sucks for you, but I hope you find someone who is happy to be with you and is ready for a relationship.
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    #11
    Bluelighter SamanthaB's Avatar
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    Dear Kira ,

    I am sorry you are feeling so bad about the situation with #2 and #3. I wish I had a magic wand to find you someone that you could give your love to and that would return it. Unfortunately, what is happening to you is pretty common. I don't begin to understand what women your age are thinking, but I can say that you will find someone where there is a good fit at some point. You are young, and I have to say, that most people find a match with a partner(s) during their lives. It is very unusual not to ever have a relationship in this life. So, hang in there and it will happen. Be glad you are not a lot older like me, it is REALLY hard to find someone, lol.

    I do not think that what happened to you yesterday was all bad, but I know it feels that way now. You are not in "limbo land" anymore, and while it hurts to know the truth from #2's mouth, as SheWas said above, she was straightforward with you and did not lead you on.

    I admire you for taking the chance to find out what was going on and letting the chips fall where they may. A lot of people would just keep deluding themselves that there was something there when there was not and waste lots of time and energy wishing and hoping. You can now move ahead and get on with your life. If you still want to be a friend with #2 and/or #3 that is your choice, but don't be friends with these two women thinking that things will change. That would be a BIG mistake. Dust yourself off and put your energy into finding another woman for yourself by getting out there and meeting others, online dating, etc.

    I appreciate your thanks, but it is not necessary. We are here on this site and elsewhere in life to help one another. Thank you for reporting back and good luck to you as you move ahead.
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    #12
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    I think you get friendzoned because you wait too long to make a move.

    If you were talking about sex with a girl (like how you were with girl #2), I would KISS HER! Stop by a cute little romantic spot and KISS her.
    But nothing happens...
    Then it's like so so so many opportunities.
    Nothing happens.
    EVEN CUDDLING IN BED??!
    If you don't make a move then... yeah you're just a friend.

    Even talking it's like... girls don't want a guy to "talk to them about their feelings". They want a man to take charge and KISS THEM! That's what girls want for a boyfriend. You want a confident man.. not a scared little boy afraid to make a move.

    The other girl, you kissed-- good job. But why all the talking about relationships? Lol. If you like her.. and she likes you-- it should be like ONE conversation. Or not even a conversation-- MAKEOUT SESSION. Hold her hand afterwards. Walk her home, kiss her on the lips goodbye. Text her, amazing night with the most amazing sexy girl.

    Done. Now you can start to make her your girlfriend.
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    #13
    Quote Originally Posted by SamanthaB View Post
    Dear Kira ,

    I am sorry you are feeling so bad about the situation with #2 and #3. I wish I had a magic wand to find you someone that you could give your love to and that would return it. Unfortunately, what is happening to you is pretty common. I don't begin to understand what women your age are thinking, but I can say that you will find someone where there is a good fit at some point. You are young, and I have to say, that most people find a match with a partner(s) during their lives. It is very unusual not to ever have a relationship in this life. So, hang in there and it will happen. Be glad you are not a lot older like me, it is REALLY hard to find someone, lol.

    I do not think that what happened to you yesterday was all bad, but I know it feels that way now. You are not in "limbo land" anymore, and while it hurts to know the truth from #2's mouth, as SheWas said above, she was straightforward with you and did not lead you on.

    I admire you for taking the chance to find out what was going on and letting the chips fall where they may. A lot of people would just keep deluding themselves that there was something there when there was not and waste lots of time and energy wishing and hoping. You can now move ahead and get on with your life. If you still want to be a friend with #2 and/or #3 that is your choice, but don't be friends with these two women thinking that things will change. That would be a BIG mistake. Dust yourself off and put your energy into finding another woman for yourself by getting out there and meeting others, online dating, etc.

    I appreciate your thanks, but it is not necessary. We are here on this site and elsewhere in life to help one another. Thank you for reporting back and good luck to you as you move ahead.
    Hello again! I am much better than I was last night, Last night I had mixed stuff together (actually by accident in all honesty) and it threw my emotions around even more than before. haha. I had also talked with a really good friend who went through the same situation years ago, and that had helped as well. I told #2 I'm fine with being friends with her. It's probably for the better, as she is reallly realllllllly pretty and everyone stares at her. I think I would get jealous and a bit annoyed of that over time. #3 I actually think will turn around. I mean she just told me she isn't ready ffor a relationship YET. Mainly because her last relationships were controlled by the boyfriend that she had at the time. I remember the 2nd date her and I had (#3) She dressed very pretty and nice looking. She normally wore t shirts and band shirts, but she dressed up in a nice dress, and at some point snapped a pic of me and posted it to snapchat, saying "how did I ever get so lucky to meet this man " and also after that one "is this what happiness is really like?" So I mean that meant a lot to me. So, I can play the waiting game with her until she is ready. But, no even though
    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Diamonds View Post
    I think you get friendzoned because you wait too long to make a move. But still, even though we all look out for eachother, I want to say thank you.

    If you were talking about sex with a girl (like how you were with girl #2), I would KISS HER! Stop by a cute little romantic spot and KISS her.
    But nothing happens...
    Then it's like so so so many opportunities.
    Nothing happens.
    EVEN CUDDLING IN BED??!
    If you don't make a move then... yeah you're just a friend.

    Even talking it's like... girls don't want a guy to "talk to them about their feelings". They want a man to take charge and KISS THEM! That's what girls want for a boyfriend. You want a confident man.. not a scared little boy afraid to make a move.

    The other girl, you kissed-- good job. But why all the talking about relationships? Lol. If you like her.. and she likes you-- it should be like ONE conversation. Or not even a conversation-- MAKEOUT SESSION. Hold her hand afterwards. Walk her home, kiss her on the lips goodbye. Text her, amazing night with the most amazing sexy girl.

    Done. Now you can start to make her your girlfriend.

    Well the #3 girl, I will work on doing what all you said, the holding hands, makeout etc. Her and I are both pretty socially awkward, so I felt like a few smaller scale kisses would be a good starting point with her. So far, things have worked out well. Just got to keep playing the game. The other girl however, yeah I was too nice, and never made any moves. I'm horrible...HORRIBLE at reading body language and figuring out the right time to make a move. Always have been. Trying to work on it. But like I said, with girl #3 there have been wrong moves made, which is further than I have ever been with no mistakes lol.
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    #14
    Bluelighter SamanthaB's Avatar
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    Dear Kira,

    I am so glad to hear that things are looking up for you. Good for you for being introspective about #2 as well as #3 and for sharing your feeling with a friend about this. Much luck as you go forward with #3 or whomever comes after. Dating is a continual learning experience and you sound like you are on the right path. And, always remember, relationships with people, especially those near and dear to you, are the hardest thing you will ever do in this life!! I wish you nothing but the best!
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    #15
    even though I hate the term friendzone, she seems like to have your attention and all the benefits of someone who hangs around and who would do anything with and for her. must be nice to always have someone coming to you and being entertained.

    my advice to actually make her realise that she likes you more than a friend is to tell her that seeing her is difficult because of your feelings for her (although it might not be the case in real life, but also, are you really really ok with just being friends with her and seeing her having future boyfriends? if so disregard what Im saying)
    and cutting off contact until you feel more comfortable with it.
    and cuting off completely for some time. no light texting. nothing. she then may realise what an important part you play in her life and her happiness and that she actually does think about you in a romantic regard. I mean she kinda wanted to fuck you one night, no?
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