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Thread: does anyone have any experience with becoming gradually "numb"?

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    does anyone have any experience with becoming gradually "numb"? 
    #1
    Bluelighter Lobsterbutch's Avatar
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    Over the past 6-12 months I've been dipping myself in a lot of self designed pain and panic, and the severity of these things have been getting worse and worse (because of me of course). For awhile, my feelings got more and more intense as each thing happened, but a few months ago i noticed that the same intensity of pain occurred but I didn't feel it as much, then I felt less each time it happened.........then I noticed that even when something really really big happens, i under respond by an absurd amount, and now its starting to feel as if im starting to become numb to these things, and my emotions are becoming blunted. Even when I should be really upset I'm not now.

    Does anyone have any experience with this? is it because of a "pain tolerance"? is my brain chemistry changing? or is it a survival mechanism from looooooong ago adapting me to "modern" change?
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    #2
    Bluelighter
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    your brain chemistry can change if you have been under stress for a prolonged period of time
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    #3
    R u on suboxone or any other meds? I have noticed this after long term sub use....
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    #4
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    It's the same thing that happens with physical pain, you get used to it... if someone punches you in the gut every day, eventually it doesn't really hurt anymore and it takes more and more to get back to that original hurt. Same thing happens with emotional pain.
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    #5
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    ^ Yeah and it takes quite a time to get back to the baseline after the constant stress/suffering ceases.

    I did few rotations as a peace keeper in Afghanistan and I eventually get used to seeing people suffer and it took years to have normal emotions back and even now for example seeing pictures of malnourished children in some aid ads won't have an effect for me.

    Emotional distress seems to overwhelm at first and if it continues to exist you'll just get numb to it.
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    #6
    Bluelighter Lobsterbutch's Avatar
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    no, no suboxone, but I have been using opioid based rc's and dumb ass sized doses of loperamide and stuff. Mainly just maintaining, not really getting high. I noticed somthing thinking about myself, I never really used to get fucked up, mainly just to go about a day really mellowed out and good. I dont like loosing control, i mean, I haave, but not in a blackout drinking kind of way.

    And you guys are right, I'm just exposing myself to lots and lots of self designed (or otherwise) stress all the time. I mean, the drugs are probably the first big problem, but thats just the surface stuff i guess.

    It is really overwhelming, you're right, i guess its a survival mechanism to drown out the awful stuff to keep someone "sane" or at least kinda functional
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    #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobsterbutch View Post
    no, no suboxone, but I have been using opioid based rc's and dumb ass sized doses of loperamide and stuff. Mainly just maintaining, not really getting high. I noticed somthing thinking about myself, I never really used to get fucked up, mainly just to go about a day really mellowed out and good. I dont like loosing control, i mean, I haave, but not in a blackout drinking kind of way.

    And you guys are right, I'm just exposing myself to lots and lots of self designed (or otherwise) stress all the time. I mean, the drugs are probably the first big problem, but thats just the surface stuff i guess.

    It is really overwhelming, you're right, i guess its a survival mechanism to drown out the awful stuff to keep someone "sane" or at least kinda functional
    It's a bit of both, and both behaviors feed into each other. It's easier to be cold and heartless when high, and doing heartless things can increase the urge to get high to avoid any feelings of guilt. I think it often has root in wanting to avoid authentic feelings, but not always. For me, it can be difficult to control my emotions but much easier to just shut down and avoid them altogether.

    The drugs are definitely playing a very big role though. That combination, IME, makes it impossible to have authentic feelings and emotions. They'll all come surging back when you get off them. Very intense emotions both positive and negative, lots of mood swings as your brain starts to reacclimate itself to the "new" environment.
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    #8
    Yes, this happened to me after experiencing about a year of emotional agony, after a culmination of mental illnesses sent me over the edge into some kind of breakdown. At the beginning my emotional response was very intense to the level of distress, but after a while I still felt the pain but everything became numb and I lost the ability to care about anything. It's probably the brain's natural way of shutting out emotional distress. It's fucked. It's ruined my life completely.
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