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Thread: What to do when someone close tells me they almost killed themselves

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    What to do when someone close tells me they almost killed themselves 
    #1
    Bluelighter Lobsterbutch's Avatar
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    This is always a difficult thing to talk about and have happen. Someone I'm very close to told me she tried to kill herself. She texted my @~1am to tell me that she almost did it the previous night, then again @~8am that she's going to the BSU. I feel terrible because I either slept straight through the first one, or, when my phone died and I plugged it back in, it wouldn't notify me of any messages until I "unlocked" it, meaning I missed it till I looked at it when I worke up at 8:15am.

    I kinda freaked out and tried really hard to get ahold of her, not knowing what really happened, but she's since contacted me to let me know she is ok.

    I need advice and guidance on how I should proceed?? What should I say, what should I NOT say? How can I "be here" for her in a way that will be helpful?

    What do I need to avoid at all costs? what would make things worse?

    I'm really worried because I really love her, but with suicide........I just have no idea what I would say at all, and I end up not saying enough because I dont want to say something that will make things bad/worse.

    Help?
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    #2
    Bluelighter
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    I don't know if there is one solution that works for all situations like this.. it really all depends on you friend and your dynamic with her.

    Let her decide how much or how little she wants to talk about the event and things related to it. You can ask her, and maybe try to draw it out of her, but don't push her if she doesn't want to talk about it. Talk about talking about it.. let her know you are okay with whatever, that you are there for support whether she wants to talk about it all day or not at all. Just be a friend. Being completely honest with her, and basically telling her exactly what you said here would be a good place to start. With the exception of trained professionals, I don't think anyone really knows how to deal with suicide, even suicidal people. Suicide is generally done as a last resort in desperate or hopeless times.. kind of the answer when there is none.

    Tell her you love her and that you want to be there. You're afraid to say the wrong thing, so you're going to let her guide the conversations. Tell her if you happen to bring something up that she isn't ready or comfortable to talk about, that it is ok to say so, and that you won't push her but you will try to be there when she is ready to talk. I think just knowing that she isn't alone, and that someone else cares will help even if she is never able to fully open up. Ultimately, she should probably be encouraged to talk to a therapist about the feelings driving her to this place, but that is her choice.
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    #3
    Bluelighter Lobsterbutch's Avatar
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    Mafioso. thank you very much for the response. You're right, So far thats exactly what I've done, and I think its been well. She's a person who isolates when she gets really dark, so its hard to get to her when it happens. I asked her that if she feels that way again if she would call me before doing anything. I hope that wasn't a bad thing to say, I don't want to imply that she should never never feel that way again and that her feelings are abnormal, but I want her to know that I'm always here for her. I dont want to make her think im "expecting" for it to happen again. y'know?
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