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Detox Brutally detoxing again

Hello my friend aihfl,

How are you doing today, thinking of you. Hang in there okay? Here for you anytime.

your friend,
Ash.
 
Today any better, aihfl? I agree that the ativan prescription sounds like a really good idea. Much easier to control than weening off alcohol, but I'm sure you know that already.
 
Hi Ai,

I hope you are feeling better. Forgive me if I'm coming off as being invasive or if it's none of my business, please just tell me to STFU, but I am curious about something.

You have warned me about going down the alchoholic rabbit hole in the past, as I chronicled my journey and issues and struggles with use, misuse and sobriety. I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. I drink more when I am without my DOC, much more. For example, when I'm not high on my DOC (oxy blues), I drink and use kratom and also xanax. At my worst, I polish off a pint of vodka along with a beers, in a single night. I feel like crap in the middle of the night usually, pop some Advil, and I wake up with only a mildish hangover, I guess due to tolerance.

I don't day drink, only after work -- unless it's a day drinking kind of day, and then I usually need a nap. I just can't hang anymore unless I have cocaine or adderall or something.

Anyway, my question for you, and you can tell me to fuck off, is:

You are suffering from physical WD. Having to detox - shakes, nausea, DTs maybe? I don't know. I am curious -- are you drinking morning, noon and night to reach that point? And at what quantitiies? I ask, because as much as I drink, which is single goddamn day... I have not yet become physically addicted. I don't want to be... I dont even want to be what I am... but I am just curious.

Also I am curious as to what let to this latest relapse. You seemed to be on a good run with the meetings, the trivia nights, the refuge recovery, working...

I'm just someone who cares, and I have questions. And I like you a lot and have the utmost respect for you. Feel better, get better and hang in there.
 
It's complications from my DUI. I drank two liters of wine over the last 24 hours. My ex is picking up my Ativan script for me. This attempt at tapering has been a colossal failure. Yeah the physical withdrawal symptoms are brutal. If I could locate my wallet with my insurance card I would just go to a facility.

Bumped it up to 8mg. I feel a lot better. I'm thinking I'll leave it there tonight I feel as pleasantly mellow as I can under the circumstances. Its high dose.
I'm pretty sure a detox facility would send me to a hospital in my current condition based on past experience. I don't get the idea of having to be sober to be admitted to detox.
 
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Damn brother. 8mf of Ativan just to get reasonably well? You need to be in a hospital not a shitty ass detox
 
hospitals here aren't helpful unless you're sent straight over by the detox in an ambulance. if you just walked into an ER in you're unlikely to be admitted - they just give you some librium, give you some fluids and send you packing. I get nothing from Librium - always thought Ativan is the best wd drug.
 
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The high dose Ativan worked. I feel better than I have for days. Finally got a full nights sleep although with bizarre dreams. I dosed 2mg 5x for a total of 10mg so I'm planning on dropping a 2mg dose/day until Im back to zero

Managing to make my own meals so that's progress and got back on my ADs and vitamins. Also managed to do some light cleaning.
 
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Feel well enough to return to work this morning. Thank you to my ex and thank you Ativan.
 
Hey Aih!

Sorry you're going through this. I'm with you...inducting myself back onto subs after a 10 day run. Was beating myself up about it but as always that was counterproductive.

All we can do is keep walking forward. Fall down, get back up - as many times as we need to. You're in my thoughts Aih. <3
 
Thanks 10, likewise you're in mine. At least I was able to self detox at home with the Ativan this time and not have to mess with the hospital or a detox. I even manage to get a decent amount of sleep although man the dreams are bizarro.

I miss you when you're not around, 10, so keep us posted.
 
Well then I slipped back over to the other side but I think I'll come out of it tomorrow or the day after. I can refill my Ativan script in three days and I think I have three left. Also took a nice long soak in the tub with magnesium salts. That was nice.
 
I feel for you man , us addicts do stupid things and never realize it until the WDs set in . Hang in there and if you don't sober up this go around then remember you will eventually. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and understand the addiction concept .
 
hikfromstik said:
I feel for you man , us addicts do stupid things and never realize it until the WDs set in . Hang in there and if you don't sober up this go around then remember you will eventually. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and understand the addiction concept .
Click to expand...

Keep trying Aihfl.... I'm like you and unfortunately keep falling and having to repeat the process over again but we have to have the hope that persistence will pay off. Do whatever it takes. Even if it means being uncomfortable. I really have nothing to loss(but misery) and everything to gain. Rooting for ya buddy. If you ever make it out to Daytona drop me a line. Ttyl
 
I feel about the same as I did yesterday. Actually I hardly ate anything yesterday and woke up lightheaded and dizzy at around 2am and had to make myself a couple of bowls of oatmeal. I feel foggy and I know a little bit of alcohol could take care of that but I don't want to set myself back two days and I've shown very little ability to just drink a little.

I didn't sleep well last night but I did enjoy having the window open and listening to the rain pour outside. I feel like I slept less than I did the previous night and my dreams were strange although I can't categorize them as nightmares. In one of them I was a musician again and was performing some Hispanic-themed gig in South Florida with Diane Guerrero from Orange is the New Black. But my ex and I were in the Florida Symphony Orchestra, which hasn't existed in 20 plus years.

I have four Ativan and I can refill it in 2 days so I just have to power through this. I'm definitely taking a nice long soak in an Epsom salt bath again today. I don't know why that felt so good compared to a plain water bath but it'll be soothing. If I don't feel too foggy to drive I might even try to make it back to Refuge Recovery. In fact I could drop off my scripts on the way.
 
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aihfl, sounds like you have a good game plan for today. Glad you can refill your rx soon, hang in there, you can do this!!!

Here for you,
Ash.

aihfl said:
I feel about the same as I did yesterday. Actually I hardly ate anything yesterday and woke up lightheaded and dizzy at around 2am and had to make myself a couple of bowls of oatmeal. I feel foggy and I know a little bit of alcohol could take care of that but I don't want to set myself back two days and I've shown very little ability to just drink a little.

I didn't sleep well last night but I did enjoy having the window open and listening to the rain pour outside. I feel like I slept less than I did the previous night and my dreams were strange although I can't categorize them as nightmares. In one of them I was a musician again and was performing some Hispanic-themed gig in South Florida with Diane Guerrero from Orange is the New Black. But my ex and I were in the Florida Symphony Orchestra, which hasn't existed in 20 plus years.

I have four Ativan and I can refill it in 2 days so I just have to power through this. I'm definitely taking a nice long soak in an Epsom salt bath again today. I don't know why that felt so good compared to a plain water bath but it'll be soothing. If I don't feel too foggy to drive I might even try to make it back to Refuge Recovery. In fact I could drop off my scripts on the way.
Click to expand...
 
Ativan has a long half life so that'll help. But if the shakes get bad get your ass to the ER.
 
I'll be around later. I have to go to the VA w my husband - so I have to get my shit together. Hope to catch up w you.

*Sorry for the double- post. If I edit on my phone it will delete the post.
 
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