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Thread: Why can't some people be single and instead date anything that walks and talks?

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    Why can't some people be single and instead date anything that walks and talks? 
    #1
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    noonoo's Avatar
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    This has always baffled me as I am a guy and have seen it with some friends.

    They just don't seem to want to be alone and be a bit patient to find someone instead they end up dating whoever is available then end up breaking up, crying or popping out a kid and divorcing / breaking up.

    The one that hurts is they fuck off their friends whilst doing it yet the friend knows it's not going to go well.

    Then the whole process repeats itself.
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    #2
    Bluelighter w01fg4ng's Avatar
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    I think this thread is really about friendship, not about being single.

    I've been put on the back burner and I've completely lost friendships due to them getting into a serious relationship.

    I've also been the one to put friends on the back burner and/or lose friendships due to my own serious relationship.

    I found that time is a real test of friendship and it's not necessary to have more than a couple friends in all reality most of your friends are just acquaintances.
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    #3
    Bluelighter GaryGlisten's Avatar
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    #4
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    Pretty_Diamonds's Avatar
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    Those who can not be alone.. lack confidence and a strong self-image.
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    #5
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    pofacedhoe's Avatar
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    shitty friends

    get better friends

    extend your circles, get new hobbies, move to somewhere new, anything really that involves change can bring in new friends

    otherwise your stuck with what you got

    when i'm not happy with someone in my life i can moan about them and accept them or find better alternatives

    its what i do nowadays which is why i only keep good people in life that i love and remove all the flakes, fakes and inauthentic types. just declutter your social life sometimes mainly by feeding the behaviour i want to see with rewards and avoiding that which i dislike
    Last edited by pofacedhoe; 08-07-2018 at 11:31.
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    #6
    Administrator spacejunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noonoo
    The one that hurts is they fuck off their friends whilst doing it yet the friend knows it's not going to go well.
    I'm very familiar with this one, and over the years i've realised that either;

    - they're not great friends and maybe in the long run, you're better off without em.

    Or

    - it's a friend you love, and they make bad relationship choices, and blow off their friends while doing them - but they come crawling back and you reconnect after their heart gets broken - but you care about them, so it's worth it.

    It's a pretty common thing for people to do when they fall in love - they forget their other relationships - their friendships - need to be tended to also.
    I have one friend in particular that has done this to me a number of times in the ~15 years we've been friends, and i've just learned not to take it personally. It's a shortcoming, for sure - but one that causes him much more grief than me.

    To answer the question as to why people do this? Codependence. Fear of being alone - and what others said too. I agree with pretty_diamonds.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Diamonds View Post
    Those who can not be alone.. lack confidence and a strong self-image.
    Very true. I am not like this but I know people who are. A lot of it has to do with desperation, they can't stand being alone or their own company, and the person is extremely needy.
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    #8
    Bluelighter LucidSDreamr's Avatar
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    ...because they aren't enough into drugs
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    #9
    Bluelighter w01fg4ng's Avatar
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    #10
    some people are ok with casual romantic and or sexual relationships. I sometimes envy that. some people lie to themselves and think they are ok with it but just hate being alone. some people have a phase like that and grow out of it and some never do. I bet it can be a lot if fun.
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    #11
    It's not cool to blow off friends when you're in a relationship, I agree. Even when I was in a relationship, I didn't blow off my best friend. He probably knew all along it was going to be a shitstorm, but I was told all kind of things and women crave love. Anyway, I'm happy being alone now and my friendship is still intact. I was alone a year before I even got into my last relationship.

    Don't sit around waiting for friends in a relationship to come crying to you when it's over. You're better than that. Weed those people out. Time to move on.
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    #12
    Quote Originally Posted by dipitch View Post
    some people are ok with casual romantic and or sexual relationships. I sometimes envy that. some people lie to themselves and think they are ok with it but just hate being alone. some people have a phase like that and grow out of it and some never do. I bet it can be a lot if fun.
    Yeah, I used to do the casual thing years ago and it was fun for a bit, but I need more than a fling or just a hook up. It gets old fast and I want someone who really loves me. It's easy to go out and have sex, but then you just feel used up. It's much better to be alone instead of giving your body away to those who don't love you IMO. Celibacy is calling my name again.
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    #13
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    pofacedhoe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CoastTwoCoast View Post

    Don't sit around waiting for friends in a relationship to come crying to you when it's over. You're better than that. Weed those people out. Time to move on.
    exactly- find new friends
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