The Caretaker
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2017
- Messages
- 25
Hey guys. Mainly typing this to keep occupied and keep my mind off of this depression, and for anyone it may help as well. I'm not trying to brag but we all know we get somewhat of a thrill out of it. I've been known for insane binges. 8 beans over 4 days, a whole bottle of acid over 1 week which was 100 hits, anyways what this post is about is an MDMA binge. These were pure beans, shipped from Holland, I know it was pure, and definitely why I'm not left with anxiety, just severe depression.
I've done 8 rolls in the last 2 months. 4 days ago, I popped 1100mgs in one night. Not all at once but I spaced them out. I popped the last two at about 6 am that morning. Severe sweating, and VERY BAD urinary problems which have since gone away. It was extremely scary though. I had to urinate but it wouldn't come out. I had to sit or stand for several minutes before the stream would start. Throughout the roll I didn't feel terrible, but I didn't feel great. I would say throughout the roll I felt better than I did worse. As with any other binge, I can't say why I did it. Maybe I have some sort of subconscious death wish. I really can't say why I feel compelled to do this.
Anyway, all of us know that nobody heeds to warnings. We always have to experience it ourselves. "Oh, that won't happen to me." After my 4 day MDMA binge I swore I would never do this again. That time I was left a panic attack straight for about a month, and severe dyspnea and anxiety for months that I thought would never go away. It took me about a year to forget that nightmare. From LSD binges I was left with tinnitus for 2 months, which thankfully has also gone away. Even though I've had bits of crying in the last few days from the depression, I can say the experiences have helped me with this stuff, and bragging aside I would like to offer some advice to anyone who is going decide to completely fuck themselves with MDMA. And we all know some people plan on it. I can already see people here planning to roll consecutive days, we never learn, but I beg you to not do it, but we all know that doesn't work.
So what I have learned is yes, definitely 5HTP or Tryptophan. Even if it works as a placebo for some. What also worked was this stuff called Hypothalamus PMG, Black currant seed oil, folic acid, fish oil. I feel it worked for me, whatever people may say. Also for serotonin I would suggest getting some sunlight, and of course eating healthy.
NOW, the most important advice I would like to offer is keeping a positive mindset, and people hate to hear that. What I have learned throughout all these binges though is that it does work. There is this thing called rewiring the brain, and it does work, and it takes some will power. This was extremely difficult for me in the beginning. Whether or not you believe in the Bible, words do have power, and thought has power. Negative thoughts will lead to more negative. If you are suffering from depression, do not tell yourself that it's not manageable and that you can't make it. Tell yourself it's barely manageable. If you want great evidence, please google search the Buddhist monks who are able to set themselves on fire without screaming at all. It can be done, although it takes some will. There are also people whose brains cannot feel any pain, so my point in saying this is the brain is very strange and little is known about it. And it can be rebuilt.
Anyway, I still have this impending doom but I'm staying positive. I'm hoping I will be back to normal in a month or two, although I have never done 1100mg in one night before, but I'm staying positive. I am honestly counting my blessings that I don't have the tinnitus or anxiety, so that is helping me to stay positive. Although I feel depressed, I feel extremely lucky. MDMA horror stories break my heart, and it's something I would never wish on anybody. Funny thing is though, we do this to ourselves. The world of drugs. We are a strange breed indeed. I'm back to bluelight, and nothings really changed. People still going at it, which is why I am somewhat apathetic about this, but I hope this help to deter some, and if you've really done yourself, I hope my advice will help.
MDMA depression is awful. It's a completely empty feeling. Nothing satisfies you, no words to describe it unless you have felt it before. It's the gloomiest feeling in the world. Please go easy on the ecstasy.
I've done 8 rolls in the last 2 months. 4 days ago, I popped 1100mgs in one night. Not all at once but I spaced them out. I popped the last two at about 6 am that morning. Severe sweating, and VERY BAD urinary problems which have since gone away. It was extremely scary though. I had to urinate but it wouldn't come out. I had to sit or stand for several minutes before the stream would start. Throughout the roll I didn't feel terrible, but I didn't feel great. I would say throughout the roll I felt better than I did worse. As with any other binge, I can't say why I did it. Maybe I have some sort of subconscious death wish. I really can't say why I feel compelled to do this.
Anyway, all of us know that nobody heeds to warnings. We always have to experience it ourselves. "Oh, that won't happen to me." After my 4 day MDMA binge I swore I would never do this again. That time I was left a panic attack straight for about a month, and severe dyspnea and anxiety for months that I thought would never go away. It took me about a year to forget that nightmare. From LSD binges I was left with tinnitus for 2 months, which thankfully has also gone away. Even though I've had bits of crying in the last few days from the depression, I can say the experiences have helped me with this stuff, and bragging aside I would like to offer some advice to anyone who is going decide to completely fuck themselves with MDMA. And we all know some people plan on it. I can already see people here planning to roll consecutive days, we never learn, but I beg you to not do it, but we all know that doesn't work.
So what I have learned is yes, definitely 5HTP or Tryptophan. Even if it works as a placebo for some. What also worked was this stuff called Hypothalamus PMG, Black currant seed oil, folic acid, fish oil. I feel it worked for me, whatever people may say. Also for serotonin I would suggest getting some sunlight, and of course eating healthy.
NOW, the most important advice I would like to offer is keeping a positive mindset, and people hate to hear that. What I have learned throughout all these binges though is that it does work. There is this thing called rewiring the brain, and it does work, and it takes some will power. This was extremely difficult for me in the beginning. Whether or not you believe in the Bible, words do have power, and thought has power. Negative thoughts will lead to more negative. If you are suffering from depression, do not tell yourself that it's not manageable and that you can't make it. Tell yourself it's barely manageable. If you want great evidence, please google search the Buddhist monks who are able to set themselves on fire without screaming at all. It can be done, although it takes some will. There are also people whose brains cannot feel any pain, so my point in saying this is the brain is very strange and little is known about it. And it can be rebuilt.
Anyway, I still have this impending doom but I'm staying positive. I'm hoping I will be back to normal in a month or two, although I have never done 1100mg in one night before, but I'm staying positive. I am honestly counting my blessings that I don't have the tinnitus or anxiety, so that is helping me to stay positive. Although I feel depressed, I feel extremely lucky. MDMA horror stories break my heart, and it's something I would never wish on anybody. Funny thing is though, we do this to ourselves. The world of drugs. We are a strange breed indeed. I'm back to bluelight, and nothings really changed. People still going at it, which is why I am somewhat apathetic about this, but I hope this help to deter some, and if you've really done yourself, I hope my advice will help.
MDMA depression is awful. It's a completely empty feeling. Nothing satisfies you, no words to describe it unless you have felt it before. It's the gloomiest feeling in the world. Please go easy on the ecstasy.
